So It's Come to This

Life, Version 3.0

Well. Here I am. New and improved! Now with 98% more boring!

First order of business: Yes, the Wednesday Advice Smackdown is back with a vengeance, baby. A for-profit vengeance! A legal-disclaimer-required vengeance!

(It was posted last night at 11:55 pm, which makes me oddly happy to know I'm not the only one who has a terrible time getting the damned thing up on time.)

I'm both thrilled and baffled, honestly, that some little jokey thing I started over two years ago would now be an Actual Thing. I mean, look: I have a box! Two boxes over from a Dooce box! HOLY SHIT IN A BOX, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

What happened is this: Isabel Kallman, who was put through the royal wringer by many of us blogger types just last year, is a Bigger Person than us all and I will not lie, I have a total girlcrush on her now and may actually be outside her office RIGHT THIS MINUTE with flowers and a gift basket from Lush. She reads this site and made things happen. Holy shit again.

So. Obviously this means I'm reopening the question queue. Because the questions I have? Oh my heck, they are old. And there's just something a little...pointless? is the word?...about writing advice for six-month-old questions. ("Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" "Um...okay, I'd help you, but I am guessing your cats have probably eaten your corpse by now, did you know they start with the nose? Oh. Right. You probably do.")

For legalish reasons, will provide a form for submitting questions (coming later today, along with a comments section because the Advice Smackdown wouldn't be the Advice Smackdown without a place for people to tell me that I suck). If you currently have a question in the queue that is still vaguely relevant, please resubmit it, as I'm leveling things out here and starting from scratch. (Mention that it's a resubmit and get a coupon for a free frozen yogurt [child's size], expiry date 8/23/05.) (No, but I will bump it to the front of the line.) I can't guarantee I'll get to every question -- particularly since some of y'all ask stuff that I just don't know jack shit about -- but I promise to do my best.

Second order of business: Yesterday was a draining, draining day that drained away much of my soul. The reality of what I am doing hit me like a ton of bricks at 5:30 pm when I walked about of my empty office, IKEA lamp and stolen Post-its in hand, for the very last time. The goodbyes at daycare pretty much fucking killed me, as did the handmade card Noah's teachers made for him, complete with fingerpainted handprints of all his classmates and construction paper hearts and the words "We love you and miss you" written out no less than seven times.

On a lighter note, however, I will point out that I was wearing my MONDAY days-of-the-week underwear, because I thought that was hilariously ironic. "Ha! No one will know except me and the Internet!" I thought, because I am dumb.

This morning I woke up, fed Noah, cuddled with Noah, took a nap with Noah, took a shower with Noah, fed Noah bananas and peaches and talked with my sister in New York for ages because she has a baby now too and is also my cover story for going up to the city regularly to stalk Isabel Kallman. Then Noah took a nap and I ate some lunch and wrote this post. I have a babysitter coming for a couple hours this afternoon so I can take care of The One I Am Not Allowed to Curse On and maybe play some Tetris.

Working From Home: good for me, bad for you, unless you are in need of a non-prescription sleep aid.


It's awake! Save yourselves! The drool will destroy us all!



omg i love that onsie!

i miss the days of onsies!!!


and, um, no i'm not really stalking your blog

Vaguely Urban

He totally knows that change is in the air. He has that "It's Thursday and I'm not at daycare" look on his face.

Happy first day of your new life!


Glad to hear the Advice Smackdown is back! Now about that diaper bag....


I work at home too, and I puffy pink heart it. What I don't puffy pink heart is all those people who think that you must get so much done at home because, GOD, you're probably just sitting around in your pajamas and eating candy and getting paid for it. Jerks.

Anyway! So the new Smackdown, is it only for mom-sort of things? Because I neeeeeed to know if there is a sunscreen for hair. Which sounds weird, but I'll ask weird questions if it keeps my hair from turning orange in the sun.


&%$#! and *@#&! How the heck do you get to be a writer on Alpha Mom!

Amy please mail me your karma because MAN!!!!

That is all I have to say.

But I still love you and your blog.



Yeah for the Wednesday Advice Smackdown, and a big Yeah for staying home with Noah!!! Enjoy every moment of it...


Here's to new beginings!

(and also to the perfect baby)


Congratulations on your latest gig! It was a little weird reading the Smackdown on a site other than your own, but the banner is awesome you'll be sure to gain lots of new fans. I'm already preparing to submit my next Great question.

Also, must you refrain from cursing on that blog, too?

Bozoette Mary

That is the Smile of Smiles, I think. (And by the way, are you not Amy CorBIN Storch? Because AlphaMom has you listed as Amy CorBETT Storch. Just so's you know. Or I'm wrong, which is always likely.)


I am getting so jealous reading about all of you super-cool bloggers getting gigs with Alpha Mom and ClubMom and getting paid to blog. I must investigate this. Anyway, congrats on the second new gig and bringing back the advice smackdown!


Very cute indeed.


Never boring, always funny.


Jenn - No! Not just for moms! I mean, yes, sort of, but no, not at all. Get it?

Heh. As always, questions about anything and everything are accepted. The "theme" of the column is lifestyle/fashion/beauty/health. Plus anything else I feel like writing about.

And Bozoette - My maiden name is Corbett. It's Irish, and Corbin is the Latin version, so that's how Noah got his middle name. Also: the Fifth Element, because I married a huge nerd.

But he's got damn fine genes, obviously.


I'm not a mom, but I'm definitely submitting a question about hair to your AlphaMom Advice Smackdown, because moms have hair issues too!!

On the days that I work from home (and it has nothing to do with children, unless dogs count, but they're not the reason I'm home...), I wear pajamas and eat candy. But, I suppose that can get old too. I also dread walking aforementioned dogs, answering the door for the UPS guy, or running into that cute guy from around the corner in said pajamas.


Yay, then I will be stalking the Smackdown site and waiting for the question submission box, because the hair, it doesn't want to spend another summer looking like something that Bozo the Clown would reject.


I just never get tired of seeing pictures of that kid.


I can't think of a better way to spend the morning. I'm looking forward to reading all of you new stuff.

Those eyes look so mischeviously cute. I'd totally let him get away with murder.


You must just be stoked about all of these great, new events happening in your, and your family's life. Lucky for us we get to passively partake in the adventure. Thanks for sharing and spreading the joy (in a non-herpes-like way!).

It is inspirational and refreshing to hear such positivity and excitement for the future. Spring is (finally) in the air!

Nothing but luck to you in all of your endeavors.


Raising my glass to you.


I almost fell out of my chair when I saw YOUR BOX on Alpha Mom - go, Amalah! It is wonderful stuff, this and the ClubMom gig. I just want to say congratulations one more time for all this good stuff.

And Noah is looking distinctly OLDER and needs to


I think your day sounds like a dream come true...

And I saw you! Not like in person you because that would be weird since I am in Georgia and you are, well, not in Georgia. But on the AlphaMom site! With your little box with the dancing girl in it! And I said! LOOK! It's Amy! And she's DANCING!

And then I told myself to get a fucking life already.


Glad to see you are already enjoying the "little moments" of being at home -- regardless if you are just Staying, like I am OR Working, like you are :-)


Yay! I love it!!! Thank you for reviving the W.A.S.!


THRILLED for you!!!! And Holy Damn and Shit in a Onesie that Noah is CUTE! As our friend Kathy would say - I could just eat him up with a spoon!


Dang, I'm going to have the hardest time keeping up with you!! You have sites and links everywhere. But, fear not for I love them all and will hunt down all Amalah posts like the addict I am.


Saw your box on AlphaMom this morning - right there so close to Dooce's box!! So exciting for you (and us), and yay for the return of the Smackdown!

Y from the internet

If they ever start a website for Moms Who Are Obsessed With Aerobic Dancing and Who Think Teaching Their Baby Girls To Fart On Command, I'm SO getting a job writing for them.

I mean, I'm so dumb, I don't even know what an "Alpha Mom" is, but I bet they don't have a Meat Club at Alpha Mom.

Speaking of Meat Club, Vons is having a MEAT SALE and I can't stop laughing about it.

Congrats on the gig, mamacita, you know I love you, even if you do think you invented Tetris.

Y from the internet

(haha, I left out "is funny" after "farting on command.")

Y from the internet

Ok! One more!

OMG! I just saw "your box"

(HA! "BOX") That's insane and so totally awesome.


I saw, I read, I was so proud! Yay Wednesday Smackdown...2 boxes over from the Godmother of all blogs - Dooce herself! YAY! My two favorite people on one page.


I'm just so very excited for you! :D


Love it, every single post. I am so excited for you. These last few posts have been so convey your feelings so well.

Drool + crawling= OMG, so cute.




You're paving the way to so many good things. Congrats, Amy.


So happy for the return of the Smackdown!!

Isn't it nice to make money doing something that would do for free anyway?? Ah, the life of the freelancer.


Are those your feet on Alpha Mom? Or did they get a special foot model to impersonate you?


AlphaMom. ClubMom. Amalah. Damn, girl! I've been working all morning to add your new links to my site. Because, you know, that's how everyone found you!



Aw, I love The Fifth Element.

(And I also wanted to plug my own little blog as a fellow infertile mom, she said sheepishly.)


heh, Y saw your box.

And, I am pretty sure that is the most "Jasonliest-looking" picture of Noah you've posted yet. I think it's the raised eyebrow.


Congrats on the new Advice Smackdown format. And for-profit too - you can't beat that. Sounds like you had a wonderful day and I am quite jealous.


Oh my gosh... Noah is the PERFECT amalgam of both you and Jason. I swear, I can't often "see" these things but this time it's pretty obvious and GOSH is it ever cute. :)

Yay for another Amalah outlet! I may have to think up a question just on principle! :)

Just Linda

Three, three, three times the Amalah! Now with Retsin!

(Does anyone really know what Retsin is?? and yet, it's like some big PERK according to the Certs people... do they even still make Certs anymore?)

Good stuff, chicka.


Still adjusting from last year's anti-Kallman movement to this year's pro-Kallman movement. The ripstop pace of the mommyblogging world -- ach, i can't keep up.


Well, you earned it!!


awesome and yay! mmm community.

Big Gay Sam

Ha! I have a title for your book!

The Adventures of Drool Boy

If it sells? I want royalties. :p


Man, in that last picture, Noah looks just like a mini-Amalah!! And if it's okay for you to stalk Isabel Kallman, can I admit I kind of want to stalk you when I come to DC in three weeks? Except not really, because then you'd be scared of me. This is just my long-winded way of saying congratulations!!

Her Bad Mother

The story of Corbin? Awesome. AWESOME.

Nerds rule.


Robin - noted, fixed and thanks.

Lisa Ann

Hey Amy,
If you need a babysitter in NYC while you're stalking let me know. Yeah, it would be cool to hang with you but to hang with Noah? That would fucking ROCK.


I've got 4 words for you, looking at that Leetle Deevil in his bed:


I am not kidding. He will be up and at 'em, gnawing on the side rail, in no time. And from there, it's Leg Over WHEEEEEEEEEE Here I come. And you will die 1,000 deaths when he crawls down the hall to greet you, after you Just Put Him Down For A Nap.

As you were.

Heather B.

I've said it before, but I had to tell you once again that photos do not do that child justice.


Hey- congrats on all the amazing gigs you have going! every blogger out there (well, this blogger, anyway) is green with envy. Today's Noah shot is adorable. He looks exactly like you!


The quote inside my wedding ring is eerily similar to a quote from Backdraft.

YAY for nerd husbands.

And YAY for Amalah's many new pursuits.


Good for you!

What a wonderful chance for you to do what you want to do.

I am glad this means that $$$ will make you write more often... I love to read your stuff - cussing or not!


Oh no, wait! Now I remember the alpha mom article on Isabel Kallman in the New York Magazine! Yikes! I was too slow to catch on with the alphamom name on the website. Good luck, but I cannot stand that woman.


I am so happy for you. I think I've said that like 5 bazillion times, but I am truly truly happy for you and your little family.


There he goes again with the looking like Jason.


Yay Amy! It feels very scandalous to say that I was excited when I (heh heh) saw your box but - I WAS! Congrats on the Alpha Mom gig, that is awesome! Hope your first day as a WAHM was a great one.


lolismum - That article was full of shit. Seriously.

Also, whatever you may think of her, she's a real person. Reading this site and your comments. Let's not forget that.


Just Linda, I *do* happen to know what Retsyn is. It's vegetable oil. I shit you not.


Oooh, I love the banner. It's so official looking. Way to go, Amy! I'm totally loving all of this for you. Continued success to you and yours!


Hey, coming out of lurkerdom to say good luck to you on all your new writing adventures!

Also, since I am neither a mommy nor a blogger (my livejournal doesn't count), I didn't really participate in the online discussion about Isabel Kallman last year. But can I just say? Re-reading over the comments here (linked in the suburbanbliss link you provided) actually made me physically ill. I can't imagine the grace it takes to forgive so many people for accusing you/your husband/your child of past, present, and future psychosis and other random hateful things, but I'm glad that Ms. Kallman has able to do it. Best of luck to her, too, in this venture.


Okay I am totally learning something new every day about the world of mommy blogs. I saw this morning that Dooce had a new gig and I thought, wow just like Amy! I didn't go to the website b/c I was trying to save some stuff for tonight while proctoring a FINAL EXAM moo-ooh-ah-ah-ah! Now I have multiple things to look at and my students are giving me the stink-eye for typing while they are trying to write essays. Ha! This so makes grad school worth it! In other news congrats and I will start brainstorming WAS questions.


I had no idea there were so many places on the internet for me to get my daily dose(s) of Amalah!! Fabulous!!

Congrats on all the quality bonding-with-Noah time!


Oh, and I'll be giving birth any day now, so I plan on stuffing your advice box full of hysterical cries for help!...get used to my name! LOL

Bozoette Mary

Whew! I'm glad I was wrong. Actually, that's quite cool about your name!


I SO LOVE being right! (although it's not a character trait of which I'm especially proud). Did I not say in my comment to your April 28th post that I suspected your announcement had something to do with the Advice Smackdown?? (I did.) Am SOOOOO glad I was right, because I really do love the Smackdown. It has taught me so much. My local Sephora thanks you, as well, for the increased business. ;-)

kerri anne

I can totally see Jason in his face in this picture. Ok, that sentence is sort of lame and makes it seem as if Jason is you know, grrr!, in his face!, but I'm too lazy to think of a better way to say it, and you are a super smart AlphaMom! (so cool, by way!) so I know you know what I mean. : )

Isabel Kallman

Thank you, Amy. I heart you, too. Please come stalk me soon.

Quirkybook, thank you.


I just want to tell you that I am still so excited for you! You have inspired me! i also wanted to tell you that when I try to post on your Wed. Smackdown on Alpha Mom it won;t let me. It says that you are nit signed up for comments. Are you not going to?

Isabel Kallman

You know I'm still with my eyes-crossed over here, hoping that it would get fixed today. We're still figuring it out. So, please bear with us. THANK YOU!


I love you and am so happy for you!!!!! Cheers and welcome to your new life.


I found your box today when Dooce posted it and was SO HAPPY FOR YOU! you! Amy Storch! ARE COOL!

And nice. For all of your faux snarkiness, you are a nice, genuine person, and that comes across more than anything, even in something like the Advice Smackdown. You do it more gracefully than anyone else out there, and for that, you will be rewarded.


Haha! The joy of baby drool. =D Glad to see Smackdown coming back.. classic Amalah at its best!

P.S. However do you resist the urge to cuss on your brand spanking new blog? I wouldn't last a day :(


Exiled to Canada

I just submitted a comment over on the Advice Smackdown and had to self edit it like 4 times to remove the cursing. SO I thought I'd come over her and get it out of my system...damn, hell, ass! Phew, much better.
Great new space over there, congratulations!
And also, very cute drooly guy!


well done corbett!


Noah has such the Jason face in that picture. Oh, and Congratulations! You are truly remarkable and I am so excited that the Smackdown is Back!


Advice! And a box near Dooce! You're TOTALLY famous.

Also, advice about what? Anything? Or only mom-related stuff?

I don't have kiddos, but I swear I'll TOTALLY make something up to ask, just to test your full knowledge of all things motherhood.


jes - ANYTHING. Because I know EVERYTHING.

(Hi! Sarcasm. I don't know much at all.)

(But still, questions about anything at all will be accepted.)


That part about the card from daycare did me in. Gulp.


AWWWW! Cute pic and love the little sports romper! That's all mine wear in the summer.


The drool never ends! Cute photo and congrats again on your new gig.

I have been out with terrible daycare induced illness thanks to dear toddler son. Has anyone seen this?

It runs down how much taking care of the family pays.


Again, with the hearting of The Noah.

Love The Noah.

The Noah is adorable.

Please contact me regarding an arranged marriage between The Noah and my Princess Ali-bug.

That is all.


I love reading all the comments. But my most favorite commenter? Always--Yvonne. I heart her. I sure wish I could meet her in person.

Stalker of all things "The Monkey" and Aerobic Dancing


Well, maybe I'll realize my WAHM dreams too when I get FIRED for reading 97 blogs by Amalah every day. I can only dream...

Real Girl

Congratulations to you, and I can't wait to see what stunning, sage, and downhome advice trickles through the webnet! Also, damn that boy is cute. Smile away, little fella, Mommy's home.

Dear Amalah: Recently, I have been made aware of a troupe of tiny aliens that live in my hair folicles. This is okay, because sometimes I get lonely, so their wee voices can be comforting. But my question is: Do tiny aliens prefer coffee or tea? Because I'd like to keep them happy. My hair's kind of my thing.

Donna P

AIM-ah-lah. Aha!

All this time I've been pronouncing it


So glad we cleared that up!


To be sharing box space with Dooce is pretty fucking cool.

I'll try to come up with something light like "Amy, what happens to us when we die?" for your initiation. ;0)

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