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April 2006
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June 2006

Everything to Everyone

So. It's been almost two whole weeks since I set foot in an office. I still haven't unpacked any of the crap I dragged home with me and there are still three picture frames and two desk lamps in the trunk of my car. I still check my work email every day. I still haven't taken the dog to the vet for a way-overdue checkup and I haven't mailed the boxes of baby clothes to my sister. I haven't taken Noah to the park once and haven't even started looking for a playgroup. I still don't get enough sleep or... Read more →

Urban Babies Have Lawyers

First, I wish someone had alerted me to this Mother's Day business earlier. It's like a whole other birthday! Or Christmas, without having to buy anything for somebody else, which is such a drag. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. Jason said Noah tried to lick this one in the store, so he guessed that meant he liked it. He has lovely penmanship for a seven-and-a-half-month old. And looks aside, I can now prove that he is indeed my child by the red ink on his nose. I've been there, baby. At least no one... Read more →


My whole life, I wanted a baby with hair. Hair I could play with. My Little Pony habits die hard, apparently. The dream of braids and ribbons and wee plastic combs took a bit of a hit when I found out I was having a boy, but was revived with the thought of having a little hippie baby with long flowing hair -- hair that would drive his grandparents nuts because I should cut it off, he looks like a girl, and instead I would dress him in organic cotton tie-dye and teach him to pluck a single daisy from... Read more →

My Moment of Triumph

Or more accurately, My Moment of Dork. A film crew from some kind of Internet news channel Internet television Internet thing (on the Internet) came to my house today for a piece about ClubMom. I think I did okay. I think my bangs did that stupid thing they do sometimes. Noah only threw up on camera once but they said they could edit that out. Look at me! I am typing on my blog! My blawwwwwg. Oh dear, this is very very awkward-like typing and I keep hitting the backspace key. Can they tell that I am hitting the backspace... Read more →

I Love You Too. Now Please Go Elsewhere.

1) It's the Wednesday Advice Smackdown, bitch! 2) Hello, I am a Survey. Would you please take me? Please? I am a Very Important Survey, because I will help make Amy a goddamned millionaire. Or at least a hundredaire. Okay, how about a nickelaire? Nickels are shiny. (Yes, it's a survey for advertising. The idea is better ads, however, not more. Targeted! High CPM! Web-based strategic synergy with out-of-the-box initiatives! PLEASE TAKE THE SURVEY. I WILL WITHHOLD BABY PICTURES IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE SURVEY, SO HELP ME GOD.) (Survey!) 3) Durrr...Flickr? Read more →

Because I Needed Both Hands to Type & Was Tired of Picking Up the Damn Plastic Keys

First and foremost, Internet People, I really owe you an apology. The stuff I've been posting the past week has been shameful. Horrible. It's the kind of stuff I get tempted to sneakily delete from the archives after a couple months go by and I think no one is looking. It's the kind of stuff that makes me deeply embarrassed by the number of comments I get, because eeesh. There is hella better stuff out there. I had all these grand plans for once I became a real-live "writer" (or writeur, to be said in a snooty accent while pinching... Read more →

OMG Flickr!

Baby's First Ballgame Uploaded by Amalah on 8 May '06, 12.00pm EDT. And with that, I relinguish my status as Last Blogger Standing, or perhaps Last Blogger Who Was Too Damn Lazy and Possibly Too Embarrassed To Admit That She Just Didn't Really Understand How Flickr Worked Because She Is A Big Stupid Dumbass Moron. Read more →

So It's Come to This

Lists! Am writing lists! Oh my hell. Highlights from my first day home included: 1) The babysitter never showing up. Awesome. 2) A creamed spinach raspberry blown square in my face, hitting my eye, which taught me the REAL reason they tell you not to add seasonings like onion powder to baby food. 3) A business call where the person on the other end asked, "Could you turn down the Baby Einstein? It's kind of making my teeth rattle." 4) Meeting a lead for MORE freelance work while walking the dog. Honestly, if I knew paid writing jobs were being... Read more →