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April 2006
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June 2006

Life, Version 3.0

Well. Here I am. New and improved! Now with 98% more boring! First order of business: Yes, the Wednesday Advice Smackdown is back with a vengeance, baby. A for-profit vengeance! A legal-disclaimer-required vengeance! (It was posted last night at 11:55 pm, which makes me oddly happy to know I'm not the only one who has a terrible time getting the damned thing up on time.) I'm both thrilled and baffled, honestly, that some little jokey thing I started over two years ago would now be an Actual Thing. I mean, look: I have a box! Two boxes over from a Dooce box! HOLY SHIT IN A BOX, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? What happened is this: Isabel Kallman, who was put through the royal wringer by many of us blogger types just last year, is a Bigger Person than us all and I will not lie, I have a total girlcrush on her now and may actually be outside her office RIGHT THIS MINUTE with flowers and a gift basket from Lush. She reads this site and made things happen. Holy shit again. So. Obviously this means I'm reopening the question queue. Because the questions I have? Oh my heck, they... Read more →

if u loved that preshus baby u would leave him in DAYCARE u negligent monster OMG

Okay, enough with the job quitting talk (today is my second-to-last day!). Enough with the freelancing talk (if I were getting paid for this I'd have said it's my penultimate day!). Enough with the camera phone pictures and the conversations with inanimate objects and ENOUGH with the goddamned mommy war jealous bitter comment fighting bullshit. Instead, let's all talk about how royally and utterly screwed I am: STOP THAT. STOPPPPP THAT RIGHT NOW. I don't have outlet covers. I don't have corner guards. I don't have locks on the cabinets and our toilet is just a big old unsecured porcelain menace. We do have a baby gate that we bought for the dog, but...well, it doesn't actually lock anymore, which I am guessing is kind of a problem? The dog crate still locks. So there is that. Read more →

Things I Will Miss, Part 3

I am actually tearing up a little bit about this, although it will be nice to save all those quarters. We can probably afford to buy a house now. And I blame the whole 9 pound, 15 ounce baby thing on those fucking powdered donettes. But! Noah is very smart, and those smarts totally came from all the fruit I ate while I was pregnant, and by "fruit" you know I mean "fake raspberry-like goo-substance on processed shortbread cookies." (Okay! Now I actually have to go write something for money. Something that is not totally stupid. And something without any bad words.) (We're gonna need more HoHos.) P.S. Well, despite feeling really really really really stupid about posting a link to a blog that is just like this blog know...more selloutaceous...and is also so brand new that there's only one damn post so far, I hereby present the ClubMom blog that I've affectionately nicknamed the Quaalude Blog: The One I Am Not Allowed to Curse On. (It officially "launches" on Thursday, which is why you won't find a link to it anywhere at (Unless I am lying! And I'm just going to ridiculous lengths to pretend to freelance!... Read more →