Catching Up On My Correspondence
June 08, 2006
Dear Project Fang, the Sequel:
You, sir, are an ASSHOLE.
So here I am, all happy and joyful that Project Fang, the Original, was through the gums of my preshus baby la la laaaaaa, when I notice that lo, THERE IS ANOTHER TOOTH. TWO TOP TEETH, coming in within MINUTES of each other, both causing ire and misery and woe.
Besides the fact that you are refusing to cut all the way through, just to drag out the drama, your appearance now means that I am a mother to a child with two front teeth. Two! Like a grown-up human person! THE FUCKING TEETH HAVE EATEN MY BABY.
Hate. That is all.
Amy
P.S. Tell your neighbor, that damned lateral incisor, that I see him skulking around under Noah's gums and I am just not going to stand for it.
Dear Household Swear Mug,
*shakes fist*
<redacted> off,
Amy
Dear Broken Coffee Maker,
I hate you. I hate you so very, very much.
Undercaffeinatedly yours,
Amy
Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU. COME GIVE US A CUDDLE.
Love forever and ever, until you give me cancer or something,
Amy
Dear Noah,
Dancing? You dance now? Who taught you to dance?
We bought you one of those activity tables
I know about five of the songs, and then there are four that I don't know, and I make up nonsense lyrics for these. Like this: "I don't know this song at all and yet I sing aloooong. I really have no effing clue so let's go hit the boooong."
(Pls. reference above letter to swear jar. I am trying, but you try accompanying a plastic frog with a banjo for eight hours a day.)
Anyway. You started doing this thing where you'd spin the spinny thing and then immediately look at me, waiting for me to sing. And then you started...swaying to the music when I sang.
And now you dance! You sway and shake and even headbang a litle bit. I put on our Sesame Beginnings DVD
Johnny Cash
I've never liked singing. And your Daddy has never liked dancing. But now that's all we do for you. And there's always music playing in our house. Always. For you. And we love it.
Love,
Mama
P.S. If you need me, I will be over at the Swear Mug, unloading a roll of nickels.
Cute cute cute pic!!
I might have been FIRST if the stupid remember me button would REMEMBER ME, damn it! Oops-- a quarter to the swear jar (I have one too).
Noah is adorable as always and I'm so sorry about the teefers! At least he is getting those two buggers out of the way all at once instead of dragging it out! My tot cut all 4 front at the same time! Yeesh- I have the ulcer and gray hairs to prove it, Amy!
I love the dancing!!! We have the same table, and I sing like an idiot to my daughter too. Wait for the molars to come in, you'll probably be able to live off the swearing jar contents for a month.
Please contribute $0.50 to the swear jar for what I said when I read that Noah was dancing. Or is it more for the "F" word?
If I had started a swear jar when the kids were babies, I'd probably have my Visa card paid off by now. No lie.
the dancing is amazing, i love to watch eamon dance. enjoy it as i am sure that by the time they are ten they will be too embarrased to dance!
"Diapered tailfeathers" made me laugh so hard. And now you have me craving Diet Dr Pepper. That's the good stuff, isn't it?
As for teething...our first kid got his teeth all in by the age of 1. He started at three months. He'd pop a whole set of canines, incisors, bicuspids, all at the same time. Hylands' teething tablets were our bestest friends, and they worked, OMG how they worked for naps and bedtime. And i didn't feel like i was drugging the kid, since they're homeopathic! Natural! Whee! Bring on the extracts!
When i had my second, and he had no teeth by the time he was four months, I asked the pediatrician if there was a problem, that he was behind. The ped looked at me like i was insane and said, "Noooo....most babies don't get teeth till they're five months, at least."
Oh.
Delurking to say love your blog! Noah is such a cutie!
I am dreading the teeth, even though I know they're coming soon.
I, too, make a complete ass of myself to make my 4-month-old smile or giggle. (Oops, *plunk* in the jar - never realized how much I swear until I had my son!)
I love the dancing!
Also? I was extremely pissed at my coworker, until I came here, and read about Noah. Thank You for saving me from strangling someone today.
hey, man, whatever way you save for college is aces in my book. i gotta start one of those mugs.
Most. Adorable. Turtle. EVAH.
Dear sweet Jesus, THE TEETH. NikkiZ's top two are coming through at the same time too - one is just a wee faster but they are making her SO FUCKING EVIL that I may have handed her to her brother at one point yesterday and said "You wanted her so bad - TAKE HER."
But I may not have done that either. You'll never know.
Patchie: We LOVE the Hyland's tablets. Best thing ever.
Nothing's better than a little deadly nightshade right before bedtime.
Oh goody! Teeth! Now Noah can sit at the table with you guys and eat hot dogs!
Diet Dr. Pepper eh? Been meaning to try that for a while. Will give it a go due to your endorsement.
...and the dancing brings back so many memories! My little Zeenee (now 14) hanging on to the electric keyboard, rocking out to some pre-recorded synthesizer jam. Thanks for that!
OK, I'm telling you now... just wait until the "eye" teeth try to come in. It's 1000x worse! Sorry!
Teeth! Won't be long before he'll eat whatever you've got, and you won't worry about him choking on it. Atleast try to think of it that way. We won't discuss molars right now.
Rock on Noah! Won't be long before you're driving mama crazy running from room to room while eating a sucker.
awww, this post makes me remember all the music my parents played when I was a child - and how when my mother wasn't home, my dad would let me dance on the coffee table. IN MY LITTLE COWBOY BOOTS.
Noah is my favorite tiny dancer.
Try dollars instead of nickels - we've found that's a little bit more of an incentive. (We buy Ella books with the money). Although I think my husband owes the cup about $20.
I'm impressed that it's only a swear MUG. In our house, we would need one of those giant jars that you can get pickles in.
About the Diet Dr. Pepper.
I am addicted to that shit.
Drink at least 3 or 4 a day.
Caffeine and chemical heaven.
He loves your singing now - but I warn you when he is 13 he will beg you to please just stop the (swear mug) singing.
Actually the begging might start at 4 if you're a really good singer like I am.
After you have that Diet Dr. Pepper, go have a Berries & Cream Diet Dr. Pepper. You know, for dessert. Oh. My. Gawd.
Delurking to say that Noah's eyes are a really cool color!
Diet Dr. Pepper is awesome, second only to Fresca, my personal nectar of the gods.
Gah! The dancing! I bought that same leapfrog table for my nephew and that is when he learned to dance too. So adorable. I have to add that the singing voice on said table is the best i have heard as far as obnixious baby toys that talk/sing go.
Love that child of yours, good luck with the teeth!
motherfucking swear mug.
C loves to dance. She used to just bop her head up and down, now she shakes her whole body. So cute!
(She even dances to the sound of the folding machine at work!)
Ah the teeth. We are at the same stage as Noah. E is 13 months old and just getting her top two and bottom four. We LOVE night-time Orajel. At all times of the day of course.
Eek! More teeth already? I think he is growing up way to fast (although I'm sure you already knew that and agree). I also think you may need a bigger swear mug. That one is looking mighty full. What happens to the money in there once you've collected enough?
the swear jar makes for a nice college fund...
I remember singing and dancing with my mom and little sister, and I'm sure my parents did it with me when I was little (my mom swears it turns out smarter kids). Some of the best times when I was little. We still do a little kitchen quartet when we're all home together. Oh, and my mom's a retired opera singer so that would make it really interesting when she'd break out with the "Queen of the Night" aria and my baby sis would try to sing along. Like someone was strangling a cat backstage at the Met.
ps: you clearly have yet to try diet mountain dew code red (aka: CHERRY CRACK).
What did Noah think of REM's Shiny, Happy Monsters?
Little Dude's version of dancing was bopping up and down bending his baby knees. It's still as cute at 6 as it was at 1
My two-year old niece dances up a storm everywhere she goes- clapping, stomping, all of it. Then we get to her first dance recital the other night and watch her stand still as a stone for the full 5 minute performance.
And the bong lyrics? Priceless.
What with the front teeth and the dancing, Noah's got all that he needs to work up a nice White Man's Overbite. :)
And don't forget to add Jimmy Buffet into that repertoire. There is nothing funnier than a wee one singing "Cheezbugger in Pawadise".
Except maybe "Why don't we get drunk and screw."
I'd need a fucking swear SHED.
I think the boy is cutting the top 2 monsters as well. he has been super cranky today and woke up in the middle of the night last night - not gis usual nighttime behavior. So cranky baby and cranky mommy over here. Fun.
Ha! We have that same table and Max loves that rolling thing that plays the songs, too.
Check out Mary Had a Little Amp, it's pretty bitchin': http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00049QM18/sr=8-1/qid=1149792686/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0035324-8849548?%5Fencoding=UTF8
We have one of those activity tables and IT ROCKS. Until the day one of the dogs bumped into it at like 3 a.m. and it scared the shit out of everyone.
Ugh. Not swearing is one of the things I fear most.
I, too, would need a separate housing structure to host my swear penance.
I'd start a swear jar, but then I'd never have any money.
Sly and the Family Stone -- greatest hits. Yes, yes, yes. "Get up! and dance to the music!" ps cute baby.
He looks a little nervous about his incoming teeth!
For the first 12 teeth, my daughter got 4 at a time. After the first two times, she started to get used to it and really it's good to get it over with instead of having it drag on. At least that's what I tell myself; almost every time, she got an ear infection which is just fun! And she's still grooving on the teething tablets, as she's getting the last of her 2nd molars. Awesome picture, by the way.
No comment on the swear mug. It's just unfortunate.
Thankfully though, I'm obsessed with At Folsom Prison and know all the words to Bubbletoes.
Looks like you may need a bigger swear jar.
Have you tried Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper?
Because you should.
That is all.
(the berry one is also very yummy)
We have a swear jar. It's paying for our vacation home this year.
Pathetic. We had good itentions. Now we're just trying to fill it up so we can have extra spending money.
When my son was a baby is used to sing to him. If we were in the car and he was fussing, singing would settle him down, not to mention reciting "Hand Hand Fingers Thumb" since that was the only book he liked.
When my daughter was born (her name is Carley, but my husband felt Cryley was much more appropriate) I realized just how poor a singer I am. Her screams would turn into wails after just 3 words of "You are my Sunshine". Apparently my singing sucks so bad that she preferred to have my then 2-year old sing the same song to her rather than listen to me.