Live! From New York!
June 13, 2006
It's me!
Redefining the phrase "OMFG!"
So there I was, in a conference room at ClubMom, with my back to the door, yakking about blogs and bloggers and blawwwgs and out-of-the-box synergistic capstones, and when I finished talking I realized everyone was staring at me. So I thought, "I have enraptured them! I will KEEP TALKING."
So I did, and then I kind of realized that they were actually staring at a point just behind my head. I turned around and BWAH. Andrew Shue was right there.
I SHRIEKED, people. And it was not a cool shriek. It was a spastic, flip-out kind of shriek, like I had just in that very moment realized just how influential Melrose Place was in my young life, and I had to like, TAKE A MOMENT to put my head down on the table to breathe and get my burning red face back to a normal fleshy color.
And then he sat next to me, and we talked about blogs, and...I don't know...stuff, and I kept stealing glances at him because photos will never prepare you for just how good-looking this man is in person, with the smoldering eyes and the cheekbones, and every time I stole a glance at him he was LOOKING AT ME and SMILING, and I would giggle. And then when he asked me questions I couldn't look directly at him, his life force was just too much to bear, so I would answer while looking off in random directions in the room.
Don't you just love the camera phone photo? Don't you just love the fact that I showed up with a camera with no battery? And I stood there for agonizing seconds trying to turn on this camera, while Andrew politely tried to excuse himself to watch World Cup soccer and I tried not to panic and bellow YOU WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT A PHOTO YOU WHO ARE TOO GORGEOUS IN PERSON TO BE REAL, IN FACT, GET BACK TO MADAME TUSSAUDS, AHHHHHHHHHHHH, I WILL CRY NOW.
I did not yell that. I pulled out my camera phone and shoved it at some poor pregnant woman, and tried to console myself with the fact that a camera phone shot would mask my flat, stringy hair, since I left my curling iron and most of my hair products at my parents' house in Pennsylvania after the reunion.
(THE REUNION. OH MY HOLY HELL.)
(And I also consoled myself with the fact that at least today I was actually wearing underwear, UNLIKE THE REUNION.)
(Yes, clearly there is an entry coming about the reunion.)
Anyway. That's what happened when I met Andrew Shue. Let the mocking commence, but at least I did not call anyone a whore and I didn't say the F-word once, which are exactly how I have blown more than one job interview.
I'll be leaving New York tomorrow, a thought that is making me increasingly sad, because hot fucking whores on a platter, I adore this city.
P.S. Noah fell off the bed in our hotel room approximately 15 minutes after we arrived, and he fell on his nose and his nose started BLEEDING and I ran around the hotel hallways looking for the damn ice machine and I couldn't find the ice machine and MY BABY WAS BLEEDING and then we ended up using a Diet Coke from the minibar and did I mention the BLEEDING? It was super awesome.
Even when you are teasing me (underwear? reunion? I cannot wait much longer to find out what THAT'S all about), you crack me up.
The photo is really quite nice, of both of you. And I love that you love my adopted hometown.
(Dare I admit that I NEVER watched Melrose?)
I just laughed aloud, about all of it--because that's totally how i would have reacted, too. And with the whore and f-word at job interviews, and, well, the entire entry.
Pretty please with sugar on top, write about the reunion soon!
I'm confused. Who would want to watch World Cup soccer when there's Amalah to talk to and hang out with?
WOW - he is H-O-T hot. Woof! My hubby is making me watch hour after hour of World Cup "highlights" but I wouldn't even mind if he would just look like that while we were watching. Oh - and you are pretty hot too - love the little bolero sweater. Looking forward to hearing about the reunion - I just had my 20-year last fall. I didn't go to 10 and I won't go to any more, but I'm glad I went to this one - at least I know I'm not chicken! And I got to show off an obnoxious number of beautiful baby pictures, so that alone was worth it. I have to go look at Andrew some more now.........
OMFG!!
The minute I saw the photo I couldn't stop smiling. I thought, "Damn, Andrew Shue probably gave Amalah a shouldergasm." Also, Andrew has a very long face.
Was his life force so great you were unable to look at even the camera? :)
You ROCK.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Andrew Shue!
Wait, what were you saying again?
Is Noah okay now?
I'm really glad you like New York. Can't wait to hear the Reunion entry. Has to be good, since NO PANTIES! ;-)
You SO rock! Love it..and you kow, when he reads this he will love it too.
Woot-Woooh, Amalah and Andrew, sitting in a tree.
Just took a closer look and realized you ARE looking at the camera. Shadows, how they play the tricks!
I'm a tool. Carry on with the rocking.
Hah, I so didnt mean to call you a Kow, that was kNOw, okay?
OMG!!!! I would have totally peed my pants. I heart him sooooooo much! (I'm totally making a 'squeeeeee' noise right now, ya know!)
Lucky you!
Oh. My. God. HOW did you not ask him about Melrose? and a MELROSE REUNION? And if it's true about Heather and David Spade? and...OMG.
Also, reunion? hello? we are all sitting on the edge of our seats! And that's not such a great place to be without underwear on.
Okay so you didn't wear underwear to your reunion, the real question is did you wear it to high school? Becausse that might have a direct effect on how popular you were.
Cold beer also works on a owie. A margarita? Not so much. Your kid ends up smelling like a cheap Mexican bar when the drink dribbles out of the glass (no matter how careful you hold it) and on to the t-shirt.
Thank god you had underwear on! All that staring and smiling and grinning would have had me needing a liner!
Whoa, he's so freakin' hot!
Oh, he's fine. As is our fair city. And you didn't even have horrible humid weather!
Am I the only one who's still wondering how Andrew Shue's involved with Club Mom?
OMFG!! Andrew Shue and Amalah!!
And, um, no underwear??
"...hot fucking whores on a platter..."ranks right up there for me with "...freak the righteous fuck out..."
He's a hottie alright.
BTW - I can appreciate how non-spastic you've become (as all mom's do) about the inevitable spills, bruises, cuts, scrapes and other boo-boos our kids will endure. I'm sure Noah is fine or this post would have been about the trip to the ER in NY and the pediatric ENT nightmare! Kiss that beautiful baby boy for us all!
"...but at least I did not call anyone a whore and I didn't say the F-word once, which are exactly how I have blown more than one job interview."
Thanks for the advice, pally. I have a job interview this afternoon -- will keep in mind. Also, the no underwear situation and how you tease? As my writing coach told me, "You're fucking with me here, but I like it."
PS -- Sorry about the Noah bleeding incident. Is he bruised?
Oooh, he has aged WELL! YUM-E!!! I love Billy! Melrose Place--come back!! Awesome!! Wow, I am coveting your life right now!! Yay to you for not calling him a whore or dropping the f-bomb! Although, since he is a reader, I am sure he was preparing himself for it! :-)
Can't wait to hear about the reunion and sorry to hear about Noah's bloody little nose! Ouch!
Cute photo!
I never watched "Melrose Place," but I still think Andrew Shue is kinda hot. And here's a useless but related factoid: my husband used to live next door to Grant Show. I never saw him, though.
I had to check out the "About ClubMom" page to figure out A.S.'s relationship to the whole thing (I was baffled by it last year, too, when Dooce wrote about hanging out with him, but didn't investigate til now). It's cool that he's involved in the whole mom community/support/blogging scene. Kind of random, but cool nonetheless.
I also have to admit I never watched "Melrose Place."
But I also have to admit that when the page loaded, I gasped. GASPED.
And the fact that he is (apparently) a devoted husband and father? Makes him EVEN HOTTER.
are you trying to get me fired? Because there is nothing laugh-out-loud funny about my job. So when I am staring at a computer screen laughing until tears come to my eyes...people start to wonder.
geesh.
You crack me up!!
I literally had butterflies in my tummy when you said he walked into the room...ay yi yi!!!
Hotness!
All I can think as I'm looking at this is "OMG. I HAVE TO CALL HER RIGHT NOW TO ASK HER IF SHE TALKED TO ANDREW ABOUT ME BECAUSE HAHAH SHE'S STANDING NEXT TO ANDREW SHUE."
But seriously, did you ask him if he liked me?
p.s. you're way hotter than Andrew. Seriously.
hilarious :P
well, except for the bleeding baby part. but still :)
Andrew Shue=HOTT, but more importantly, were you wearing a skirt with the no underwear? Did you at least keep your kness closed?
Someone from your high school is reading your blog right now and praying for you, probably.
Melrose Place totally shaped my life, scary.
You ROCK! I know if I ever met one of my fave celebs, I'd never make it out alive! I'd simply cease to exist!
I need to go back and find your entries about the f-word and calling someone a whore at job interviews... that must be one of the funniest stories ever! If you haven't posted them - PLEASE DO!
And, by the way, thanks for the laughs. As a stay at home mom I need all the giggles I can get! :)
You held yourself together much better than I would have been able to! I would never have remembered the camer and most likely would have lost the ability to speak at all.
Congratulations!!
I can't wait for the reunion post - no underwear?
I'm so glad someone as official as you is giving credence to my theory that life is just better sans underpants.
Are you really tall, or wearing skyscraper heels, or is Andrew Shue shorter than I imagined?
What is the deal with Andrew Shue being a co-founder of Club Mom?
What is the deal with 2 out of the 3 founders of Club Mom being men?
Sadie- Skyscraper heels, totally.
Yeah. Didn't watch Melrose place.
*sigh* Andrew Shue! One of the greatest disappointments of my life was having to miss the season finale of Melrose Place because my son decided he wanted to BE BORN during tha hour. I'm still bitter about it.
HAHAHA! You are SUCH a groupie! (And I mean that in only the very nicest way.)
OH dear Lord. I'm SO impressed that you kept it together in the presence of such hotness. I would have peeeeeeed myself. Or gotten big stupid grin that dried my teeth and then my top lip would've stuck to the teeth and ... not pretty.
I hope little Noah is ok after the fall. No Diet Dr. Pepper to soothe him? I would have thought you'd never leave DC without it. :)
The shriek was awesome. And I think I would have resembled Marcia Brady when she fell in love with her dentist and had that glazed over look. I too would not have been able to gaze upon his beauty, at least not while he was conversing with me. OMG!!! You conversed with Andrew Shue!
Is it just me or it Andrew Shue's head weirdly large in proportion to his body?
Anyone?
No?
Just me then
Thank God you posted that picture because the one on my phone (that I'm saving FOREVER) is so very tiny.
The phrase hot fucking whores on a platter just might have to be something I start working into everyday conversation.
Ha. HA!
"I have enraptured them. I will KEEP TALKING."
OMFG. That line, right there, is priceless and totally captures that horrible moment we've all been in when we're talking and...everyone just keeps looking at us expectantly, like they want more, when really, they just want to go to the bathroom. Or talk to Andrew Shue.
Sometimes your entries are so perfectly perfect and utterly hysterical that they make me giddy. This is one of them. That's a great picture for a camera phone pic. I wish I could FIGURE OUT how to get the pictures off of my damn camera phone.
I just found your site and now I am addicted! I have never laughed so hard, at work, in my life! I have literally told all my friends to check it out. No pressure, we are easy to please.
I saw the picture. . . and then there were a lot of words. . . i'm so jealous! The most famous person I ever met and got my picture taken with was the little crazy dude from Das Efx. So jealous. The picture of you two is fabulous!
It is a bad thing that I have no idea who that dude is?
Yes...Andrew Shue is sex-on-a-stick for sure. No underwear at the reunion?? Can't wait for that story.
With all due respect to Jason, you and Andrew Shue make a stunning couple. ;)