The Nanny Bloggeries
Recycled

Bah

Stupid TypePad was down for most of the day yesterday, leaving me unable to post or even to comment that I couldn't post. Trust me, I was just as sick of that nanny entry as you were. Oh, she has a nahhhhny now, a nahhhny for her one whole child, ain't life just grahhhhnd for her, the stupid spoiled whore.

(No, I don't know why I imagine y'all with bad British accents either, but I kind of do.)

(You are also prone to pinching imaginary monocles when you talk.)

Hi. Yeah, I may still be drunk. Because I was last night, obviously, because when I woke up this morning I found the following typed up in a Word document:

TypePad hass been down for hours an hours an OUR. ERS. now. Want to write a durnk post about about Soyouthinkyoucan (beat) DANCE! Boom chicka wow! Exspecially about what's her name the judge with the face that DOESN'T MOVE and you can ALWAYS SEE HER BOTTOM TEETH and when she tallks it's like her actual vocal cords are the ONLY thing not Botoxed all to hell. Can you imagine being known as the middle judge on a Simon Cowell produced show that makes Paula Abdul seem totally grounded and sober? Duddes.

Hmm. On second thought, maybe it was a good thing that TypePad was down.

Although you also missed out on the THRILLING news that Noah has an ear infection -- ear infection number two, and I can't even blame daycare this time. I will blame the pool. Or his crappy ear-related genetics. Or maybe I will rock it old school and blame my boobs.

However, Noah's infection is a pretty mild one, so we're skipping the antibiotics (thankGodthankGodthankGod) and and hoping he'll fight it on his own (pleaseGodpleaseGodpleaseGod), with some help from Motrin and Hyland's earache tablets.

And whiskey, of course. Which is how I came to be documenting my deep thoughts about Mary Murphy's teeth.

Oh my God. Ear infections are boring. This entry is boring! Why am I still typing ? I am boring!

QUICK! CUT TO THE PHOTO ESSAY.

TODAY'S THEME: "DOOMED"

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Standing unassisted.

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Opening doors.

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Various, sundry plotting.

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Oh, crap.

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Crap. Crap!

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10 whole seconds later.

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Deadly, dangerous levels of cute.

Comments

Jess

And for his next trick . . .

He will take over the world one small step and cute facial expression at a time.

Nicole P

That's the cutest Doom ever!

Frema

I watched a bit of So You Think You Can Dance yesterday for the first time, and I could not look away. Even though it was horrificly awful. Those kids are way too smiley.

Noah is getting so freakin' big! It seems like only yesterday I was bawling over his Internet birth announcement.

sarah

and now i have to watch SYTYKD to see this botox'd, strung-out judge. damn...it had better not interfere with my big brother watching.

so noah's taking over the house, now, huh? on a side-note, fabulous staircase...

Claire

"Deadly, dangerous levels of cute."

I'd have to agree with you on that one.

RachelS

Next he'll be using the phone to order a pizza.

Melissa F.

Haven't watched last night's SYTYCD...love the Tivo. But the picture of Mary Murphy on the link is so frightening, I won't want to look at her ever again!! :)
And Noah is so magically delicious!

PaintingChef

Your boy? Oh he is painfully and dangerously cute. And probably two small steps away from world domination...

Also? I've not seen that show but I will definitely not watch now because this Mary Murphy scares me to know end. She is almost bulldog looking. And scaring. And overly botoxed and hair-poufed. Its as though Aqua Net went to her house to die.

PaintingChef

wow...am embarrassed by wrong word usage and the grammar and spelling Nazi in me is beating me to a slow and painful death. I, of course, meant that she scares me to NO end.

jonniker

Basically, I want to come to your house, pick up Noah, smooch him until he wriggles away, hand him back to you, then come home and get pregnant.

Thanks a lot.

Jessica

Thing the first, CUTE BABY! Thing the second, in the 4th picture, is that cat hovering above the trim? Or am I seeing things? What other tricks does the great Amalah have in her house??

Jessie

Great photo essay. The last picture especially. But, yes, it does appear that you are doomed.

I have to admit, I have not watched So You Think You Can Dance. Not at all. And usually I am a sucker for shows like that. But! We have instituted a limited television watching rule for the summer, so that's my excuse. So therefore, I am glad you posted the drunken almost-post about it. Now I am curious and may have to break our rule for at least one night.

Kristy

Mary Murphy's voice makes me want to die. And her overly dramatic comments about the last couple especially was hor-i-fying.

dcfullest

Did you manage to stay awake for the best show ever? Otherwise known as the premier of Project Runway.

bad penguin

Damn, that is one cute little boy you've got there!

Maria

Lethal cuteness!

He looks so very tall.

jes

Oh, the dimples! My heart just burst into flames of white, hot fiery explosions.

Lori

Jessica, did you forget the mad painting skilz of Amalah's mother-in-law? That is not Max, that is a more-than-reasonable facsimile of Max.
What a beautiful boy.

nicole

OMG I love this blog.. It is my new fav! You are hilarious, and Noah is adorable!!!!
Thanks, for the entertainment.
Nicole

melissaS

I hated the 'blame' thing for the ear infections. Hated it. I stayed at home BUT I didn't breastfeed! Voila! No wonder my son has had an ear infection for 4 months straight.

But, wait! I stayed at home and didn't breastfeed my daughter and she has had ONE ear infection in 7.5 years.

Another friend stayed at home, breastfed (like a maniac) and at 9mos her son had tubes put in because of a three month long ear infection.

Take that Mother Guilt.

Amy

I have to de-lurk and tell you that your son is the cutest baby ever (next to my 4-month old daughter, of course)!

And I love your blog - hilarious!

Liz

I am also wondering about the hovering cat. Now THAT is something to worry about.

htretn

can't. stand. the. cuteness. sooooo adorable!

for Joke!

Wait! Is that MAX or a PAINTING OF MAX on the orange wall by the stairs? If it's the real Max what the heck is he sitting on? Is freaking me out.

Nicole P

I know it's a painting of Max, but if that were me in my house, I'd be all "Max, get away from the damn stairs before you trip someone!! Oh wait, that's not the real Max. Where's the wine?"

Silly Hily

The cat threw me at first too.
I luuuurve So You Think You Can Dance! That is one horrific picture of Mary Murphy indeed. For some reason though, I don't hate her. I think I chalk it up to her being a part of the ballroom dance world and don't all of those women have really "tight" faces? As weird as it is, she reminds me of Rosie O'Donnell. And why in the hell am I talking so much about Mary Murphy. Shut it!

As for Noah, yeah, you and Tessa are both doomed!

Jennifer

I was also wondering about how Max became strangely 2-dimensional and able to sit comfortably on the 1/18in edge of trim. So the consensus is it's a painting? A PORTRAIT of your cat?

I think I may be in love with whoever painted that on your wall. And you, for having them put it there. I want to put one of those on my wall so my cats can freak out trying to fight off the strange invader cat (which is what they do when they see another cat outside... a cat on TV... their own reflection in the dishwasher...)

Heather B.

Is it odd that your child standing and practically walking, makes me want to cry?

So, when are you getting baby gates?

And I don't care how big and tough he thinks he is with his walking; I'm still going to eat him up.

Amalah

Yes, yes. I should probably have some standard boilerplate disclaimer every time I post a picture of that wall. It is just a painting. Jason's mom painted it, back in the day when we were childless and dogless people who lived and breathed for our brilliant, gorgeous, gifted cat.

Bonus seekrit is that it's actually painted on WALLPAPER, then attached to the wall with removable glue, so it shall come with us to the wild Virginia suburbs.

Kristin Pohaski

"TODAY'S THEME: DOOMED"

Bwah!

Also, somewhere along the way he went from baby to boy. And awww. But sniff, as well.

Starbuck

Those pictures are so ADORABLE!!! I also noticed how talented Max was to be sitting on the moulding because I am that smart. (Yeah I remembered -- just shows how good Mom's work is!!)

In case you haven't, you should bolt that cabinet to the wall so it doesn't fall on Noah. We didn't and the only thing that saved my youngest from a vicious roving dresser was that it hit the bed first. That was scary!

Sorry about the ear infection. Our youngest was plagued with them (got one every 4-6 weeks in the winters) for 2 years.

Also, glad your back.

Robyn

Will your mother in law (or your mom, sorry I can't remember which is the artsy fartsy one) be painting some neat things on the walls at the new house too? I hope so, because that is just too cool!

Robyn

P.S. I was SO not prepared for that picture of Mary Murphy! I haven't even had coffee yet!

Sparkles Anon!

I had to turn off SYTYCD last night because (a) Mary Murphy is goddamn annoying, (b) and so is the stupid blonde hostess, and (c) STOP SCREAMING, PEOPLE.

rebecca

Unassisted? That's too much. Love the dimples.

JustLinda

I think "silent" ear infections are pretty common. Doctors often want to throw antibiotics at the child - OH NO, EAR INFECTION!! Bathe that child in amoxicilian!!!! HURRY! But what I've found is that these silent infections (the ones that are found passively, like at a check up or something) clear up on their own. I always turn down the meds.

Besides, ear infections aren't always bacterial anyway. Right? Welcome back.

Bozoette Mary

Be afraid, for tomorrow he will be running and sliding down the bannister.

Wacky Mommy

Looks like Noah has become a young man with many places to go. Isn't it a bit soon for this wild streak of independence, lighting for the territory and all? (said in British accent. Yes, I knew Typepad was down, duh. Didn't work for me, either.)

Is there even a way for you guys to install a gate there at the bottom of the steps? Because it doesn't look like it from here. Fwaaa. We tried those pressure gates (that expand to fit? you know what I mean) and they didn't work so well for us. Good luck with that.

Teeny

Wow that lady is SCAREEE!

I don't understand people's obsession with the Botox, I was watching Patsy Kensit last night (she's currently in a soap called Emmerdale in the UK), and her upper lip DOES NOT MOVE. Sure, her chin ain't sagging down to her collar-bone, but she looks like she's been cryogenically frozen.

Noah is awesome BTW.

Janel

Noah is just so cute. And that painting of Max is very cool and very life-like. I semi-freaked out when I first saw it thinking that he was just levitating there. That said Mary Murphy just about makes me throw up every single show. My husband hates the show but loves to listen to the weird crap that comes out of that woman's mouth. She haunts me.

Linda

Sigh - he's just so cute! How do they learn how to crawl up the stairs, anyway?

Hard to believe he's almost 10 months old.

Theresa

Floating Max strikes again! And that tongue is so cute.

Nancy

boy = adorable & so, so smooshable

cat painting = gorgeous (not to mention the awesome creativity of making it removable!) -- does 3D-Max ever look at 2D-Max and sniff him?

Alexl

Aw, I actually like Mary Murphy--she has a great laugh. And the talent on SYTYCD is outta control. I didn't watch it last season, but have been quite entertained this go around.

Ali

Aaaaah!!! The cuteness!!! It's blinding meee!!!

Also, I'll be sitting Shiva for the dishes you seem to keep in that cabinet Noah was groping...
for surely, they are doomed.

Kirsten

HI Amy,
Sorry to hear that poor Noah has an earache. I give my kids a dose of childrens Tylenol, and it pretty much stops the pain.
P.S i think you have an absolutley adorable little monster on your hands.

Katie Kat

Okay, MY baby can't do all those nifty tricks yet... WTH???? She's 9 mos. old and is just learning Army Guy Crawl Tactics! He's not just cute, he's "CUUUUUUUUUUUDE!" (ref. Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

One more kitty cat question... I get that in the one pic the cat is just painted on the wall, but in the next pic, his ears seem to be mysteriously floating at the bottom of the frame. Does this painted cat sometimes come to life???

Sarcomical

oh no. now it's going to ALL be about the stairs. lovely.

is it just me or does noah's ass look HUGE in that diaper? you might want to think of a huggies thong. you know, like on SNL. all the hotttt babies are wearing them.

Missie

I love the tongue sticking out, thereby helping in his concentration while he plots world domination. My girl sticks her tongue out when she's planning on trying something she maybe probably shouldn't.

Also, it's against my religion to watch SYTYCD and Idol...Because my religion prohibits purposely doing things that would make you want to poke long pointy sticks into your eyeballs until you can touch your brain and swirl it around. But I am IN NO WAY judging those of you who haven't found my religion yet.

rachel

mary murphy is freaky, but i like it when she gets cranky at the other judges. i actually hate the main judge-guy the most. i'm waiting for the judges to start talking about how the dancers have taken "america" on a "journey". i do love the actual dancing, though.

Liberal Banana

I knew Mary Murphy was weird, but I thought it was just that she always acts like she's drunk...You're absolutely right - it's Botox overload! (It's nice to hear that someone else watches that show, too. I loooooove it.)

Tirzah

I love that last picture! He's such a cute little man!

Moose

What are the chances? I -do- have a bad British accent. And a monocle! Which I use to stare at the computer monitor in a disbelieving and condescending fashion while exclaiming about "kids these days" and muttering "get off my damn lawn". Until my accent morphs into East Indian or maybe Irish. Cause I'm a fraud like that.

Hooray for blogging while drunk!

dyllenne

Guess it's time for a purchase of a baby gate for the stairs!

Babies look so cute climbing up the stairs - and Noah is right up there with the cutest :)

Those are such great pictures - I'm so glad you're home with him to catch these moments.

*pixie*

You are fabulous. I don't even have children yet and I love coming here and reading your posts. Your sense of humor is wonderful. Oh, and of course, Noah is delicious (but you already know that).

earlyduckie

Agh - things to "look forward to". Will is only 7 1/2 months and he is trying to walk and stand... Doomed is right.

Also have never seen SYTYCD because the husband has cut off the number of shows I am allowed to tivo - cutting into his shows, but that picture may make me start watching.

Finally in the last picture of Noah his eyes look just like Will's - a very dark greenish, brownish, greyish color.

Nikki

oh my god, those pics are fabulas! i heart the one with noah sticking out his tongue! and coming from a mother of a 2 year old boy whose been tubed twice, i hope the ear infection goes away fast!

Krista

So cute! The pics of him climbing the stairs in only a diaper just cracked me up. And that Mary Murphy lady is quite freaky.

Black Belt Mama

Over here in karate land, we are also "doomed" as you so appropriately put it. My daughter likes to stand near things that could hurt her, a lot: entertainment center with glass door and cabinet doors that can not be babyproofed, marble fireplace, etc. etc. etc. The worst part? When she knows she's going something she's not supposed to, she bounces and giggles which makes her more likely to fall. . . etc. etc. etc. Does Noah do that too? This age is so much cute, but so terrifying as well.

Patchie

Haaaa. Time to get the baby gates installed. Both my kids have been very nervous about stairs, the first because he's naturally cautious (good thing sometimes, bad thing when trying to teach him how to swim), the second because he was very brave before he turned one and did a backwards fall off the bottom step onto his noggin. After that he gave the stairs terrified looks for a few months. Now he's climbing, though.

Love the pic of him next to the painting of Max. It looks like he and Max are plotting together.

Jenny

I kind of like Mary but my husband and I agreed after last night that she is definitely the Paula of the show (but with actual talent to back her up). The thing that has disturbed me most this year is Mia's lack of a make-up artist and her ugly butt-enlarging pants. Why wasn't she on the panel last night instead of Mary? Ain't they s'posed to switch, yo? I want to look like Cat Deeley in my next life but with a different name. Sounds like a surgical tool for a bad vet. "Hand me that cat deeley so I can neuter Fluffy here."

sherry

My almost-8-month-old is crawling, pulling up to standing, and starting to cruise. This was cute for 30 seconds and then I remembered that my almost-4-year-old has a LOT OF UNSAFE CRAP and now I am terrified. Seeing that Noah is showing no signs of stopping is giving me a heart attack because I know what's coming.

Elizabeth

I totally forgot about your MIL's painting skills, and I was squinting and peering at the screen trying to figure out what Max was standing on. Damn, that's a good painting. What about the one in his room, is that going to Virginia too?

Mary Murphy must have paid a LOT of money for those porcelain veneers, because those can not be real teeth.

Sorry about Noah's ear, I hope it clears up without the drugs-that-make-the-babies-poop.

Ray's the Steaks Fangirl

>>>(No, I don't know why I imagine y'all with bad British accents either, but I kind of do.)<<<

I was thinking you now imagine us all as frizzy-haired blondes whose husbands can't handle the seasonings at any restaurant nicer than Applebee's.

Have fun with the upward mobility! It's not just for real estate anymore.

Chad

(while holding me monocle like a delicate cup o' tea)

Yes, well no. P'raps rather not ever see Mary Murphy, and her teeth verily agin. Do I think she looks like a toothpaste commercial morphed into some type of nuclear experiment? Righto then.

(taking me monocle off)

Delurking, as some others seem to be, or maybe I've delurked once before, I dunno, whiskey does some odd things to the brain synapses ya know. Anyhoo, I'm sure ear infections are not boring (especially for the parent), and neither are you. Noah has muy mucho levels of cuteness rockin'; however, I have a three month old daughter who has built up my ability to handle many levels of adorable without overload.

Ta Ta

Dayngr

Deadly, dayngrous and cute.. sounds like me! LOL

Heather

It's a good thing that there's all the cuteness of Noah to counteract how very frightened I am after seeing Mary murphy. She and Kenny Rogers should get together or something. Yeesh.

Susan

Noah's not plotting your doom, he's just looking for his pants.

Jezer

Al's limited mobility is already kicking my ass. For handling the stand-up tricks? I'm just going to watch what you do and copy.

Ky

You watch So You Think You Can Dance?
I knew I liked you.
Also...Dimitry is really really hot. And sometimes shirtless. Yum.

KellyF

*sigh* I love you so much Amy, but I just can't deal with your criticism of So You Think You Can Dance.

I love that show! My hubz and I do our ouwn dance moves while we watch! It's our geekish manner of foreplay. TMI, I know.

desiree

I don't know about your other commenters but what do you mean by "imaginary" monocles? Speak for yourself. I also say those things with elbow length gloves on and a long ciggarette holder. Someone has to class up this place.

layzeesusan

Check out the photo of Mia Michaels. Did someone steal her eyes?!!?!!

Jen

What about "Pants Off Dance Off"? Does anyone watch that? No? Just me? Ummm ... well, it's really, really crazy ... I'm sure it's a British show ... Basically, people dance to music as they take off their clothes. Yep, that's it. Check it out.

Amy

I don't give mommy advice often, but I'm feeling compelled to do it now. You are not going to be able to avoid stairs all the time. So, if you teach Noah to always crawl down them backwards (feet first - tummy pointing to the stairs), you will save yourself a lot of bumps on the head.

Stair climbing and descending lessons are fun too. He'll be thrilled to have you crawling up and down the stairs with him.

honestyrain

but you love SYTYCD, right? because i need someone to love it with me. LOVE IT WITH ME AMY! we can love it together. because did you see ivan and alison? and how lovely they were? benji and donyelle are my faves. wheeeeeeeeee.

sincerely yours, your SYTYCD buddy

hey, buddy! BUHDDY!!!

Luise

AGHG those teeth! (MM's) jeez. makes my jaw hurt. And you are NOT boring, nor is this entry! You are the funniest blogger of them all. really!! (sincerely) (on ANY topic)

mama kelly

my older daughter got a lot of ear infections when she was little ... never to the point of tubes but certainly to the point of loud screaming, ear tugging, etc.

i am glad that your evil little man's ears aren't causing him significant pain

but he does seem ready to take over the word any day now ... but at least we'd have a cute dictator!!

wordnerd

Ok, so I've never wanted to reach into my computer and kidnap a child so much in my life.

And I don't mean that in a scary, internet sort of way.

I mean it in the best possible way.

Really.

I do.

You're contacting my ISP as we speak, aren't you?

Shiz

A British accent? That's what that was?

The boy: He. Is. Cuuuuute.

Stepherz

Oh My Goshness! You can tell he's spent some time in the sun. He's just like his momma, such a blond babe!

Pope President Meghan

De-lurking to share my plans for baby gates:
http://www.onestepahead.com/product/85217/677/117.html. I have a friend (a doctor, if that lends any extra credence) who loves hers. It's very easy to use, and can be adjusted to fit iron railings and baseboards and stuff. Hope you don't mind the ass-vice!

Amanda

It never ceases to amaze me how much Noah reminds me of Alex (who took his first step at nine months and was walking EVERYWHERE at nine months, 3 days.)

And I thought I was the only one with a secret addition to So You Think You Can Dance. Can you believe I actually Tivo that shit?

Aly

Haha, would would be even funnier is if we all DID have British accents., darling.

-Aly

Amy

I do not like children. They worry me and frighten me. I do not want to have children.

But goddammit, I keep coming to this site and loving the photo essays. Damn, that kid is so cute.

Maybe I could just have your kid? Or, next time you're in Portland, I could baby-sit him for you?

Why? Why do I have this Noah-addition?

Robbi

okay so i am a total dork for noticing this, but in the first picture, i have those EXACT SAME candles that are on your windowsill. hee!

Kara

AMY! QUICK!

YOU, yes YOU are the ad on dooce. Right. this. second. You're all pink and blue and flashy in her sidebar w/ Club Mom.

Cool!

and the crawling thing? you're screwed. Congrats!

Darcy

Mary Murphy looks a lot like the scary, skinny, leathery professor at my college. She was so thin I was sure she had anorexia (because back off, man, I'm a scientist), she wore too much makeup, she was way overtanned, and she wore her hair in the exact same weird black beehive that Ms. Murphy is sporting.

She was a professor in the PSYCHOLOGY Dept. Freak.

And Ms. Murphy looks more like she is baring her teeth than smiling. Or else it's the final rictus of a fatal case of lockjaw? TETNUS shots, Ms. Murphy. They're our friends.

Melanie

Amy, you could write about nannies or even motor oil. But as long as you keep posting pictures of that little bundle of gorgeousness, the world is good. You're a lucky couple. :) And I'm excited for your move.

cate

oh my gosh, the tongue!

congrats (and I'm sorry) about Noah's latest developmental landmark!

Real Girl

Doomed indeed is how I feel that I knew who Mary Murphy was without clicking the link, and my first thought was: "I love that show!"

Ouch.

But I'm seriously adoring that little tushy climbing up the stairs.

kerri

I see Everest in this stair-mastering kiddo's future. : )

Lisa/Womenhavingitall

Oh, don't blame anything for the ear infections other than his teeny tiny ear structure that makes him all babies so vulnerable to collecting fluid/bacteria.

Hang in there.

Lisa

brighton

For your sanity the next house should probably be a one story. Way less stress there.
Love the pics, cute as always!!

Ellen

My little boy has that same seersucker outfit! (You know, if you leave the bottom snaps unbuttoned, it kind of looks like a cute little dress that you can live out all your baby girl fantasies.) (Not that I have ever done that, of course.) (Never.)

Miriam

I get creeped out by the hosts of SYTYCD. Last year I didn't notice Mary much because I couldn't stop staring at the wierd neck as wide as my head guy. It was like he had a head transplant that didn't fit. Like a trainwreck, I couldn't look away. Now Mary makes me feel violated. Her picture looks like with one eye she's like "Hey look up here! I'm making eye contact!" While the other one is looking down my shirt.

Kristen

Oh, man. That kid is adorable.

Carrie

I LOVE MARY MURPHY!!!!

Jenny

Oh! You are so screwed. He's adorable!

Karen

I love your nanny. I love your kid. And anyone who can make me laugh as much as you can is fucking awesome.

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