But If I Weren't Leaving You
July 24, 2006
So. I leave for California on Thursday, to attend this little bloggy-type shindig conference thing. (You may have heard about it? I don't know. It seems like it may have been discussed recently on a blog or two or four thousand, yawn.)
I leave on Thursday, but would just like to point out that Noah does not leave on Thursday.
In what seemed like a super swell idea a few months ago, Jason proposed taking a mini-vacation post-BlogHer. I leave on Thursday. He leaves on Saturday, after dropping Noah off with his grandparents. Then we return on Wednesday, refreshed and invigorated from a few blissful days of sleeping in and champagne for breakfast and also sleeping in. (Jason: Also sex! Amy: Okay, but only if it doesn't impose on the sleeping in.)
Now that the trip and the reality of non-refundable airline tickets are upon us, this does not seem like such a super swell idea. It seems like a HORRIBLE IDEA. THE WORST IDEA WE EVER HAD, AND PEOPLE, WE PAINTED OUR LIVING ROOM ORANGE.
So I have lately been dealing with this absolutely horrible, terrible idea of ours (we also painted our front door purple. PURPLE!) by pretending that I am not actually going anywhere. I have not packed, or even considered packing. When I get excited emails from blogging friends about BLOGHER! BLOGHER!, I smile wanly and talk about how great it will be to finally meet everybody in person, and then I go drink some tequila.
Yesterday I decided to give myself a little pre-BlogHer pedicure, and then put my shoes on before the polish was completely dry. So judging by my feet, I've actually done NEGATIVE preparation for the trip. I found a suitcase at TJ Maxx to replace the one I kind of broke in New York when it got stuck in an elevator door and I decided that brute force is waaaay better than pressing the "Door Open" button, but then I didn't actually buy the suitcase. I don't know.
I did type out a very detailed schedule for Noah, working from the assumption that Jason and our parents are complete idiots who would feed him a buckets of raw KFC if I did not specify that Noah can eat "SMALL cooked pieces of chicken."
So. Things I Must Do Before Thursday:
1) Teach Noah to express his needs verbally, lest no one remember to clip his fingernails.
2) Illustrate the concept of "sometimes Mama says bye-bye and it's for a little while, but Mama will alway come back because Mama loves you more than anybody on earth, even Daddy, who by the way doesn't feel guilty about leaving you AT ALL, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT, so perhaps you could knock off the delighted screams of delight whenever you see him, or at least try to not KICK MAMA IN THE FACE in your attempts to get to Daddy, but actually, never mind, kick me all you want if it means you won't forget about me, ME, MEEE, I LOVE YOU BAYBEEEEE, WAAAH."
(I'm not sure how to best illustrate that one. I am thinking finger puppets?)
3) Actually purchase suitcase or simply start tossing clothing into a large plastic trash bag, claim it's performance blog art.
4) Locate various batteries and chargers for about four dozen different pieces of electronic equipment, including my brand-new webcam, purchased just so I can watch Noah and pretend that he totally can see me and won't forget about me! And that he cares! See! NOAH! See Mama? Hi! Hi! I am in the computer Noah! Noah! Over here! Over...okay, that's fine! Grandma is great, isn't she! We LOVE Grandma! What? Oh, um. Yeah, hang on. (turns around) People? Could you please stop flashing my webcam? My mother-in-law is not impressed. Thanks.
5) Re-do pedicure.
Anyway, due to the unrelenting march of time, it appears that Thursday will come, ready or not. And I will leave. And I can only hope that the actual leaving will not feel like the actual severing of limbs with a chainsaw.
He'll be just fine Amy & you'll get your fill of booze!
You will miss him like crazy, have a wonderful time, and think of how great it will be to hug and squeeze on him when you return!
Also- think of all the hate mail from PETA and Pam Anderson for the KFC comment...
Why don't men have the same guilt? It's so unfair. Go boldly forth, and relax and recharge. Noah will be with his loving Grandma, who raised your wonderful husband. He's in good hands.
Yeah, don't I sound like a pro. My son is two and I barely go out to dinner without him without that severed arm feeling.
Wah!!!!!!!!
Lisa
The first time we left our children was a joke... we checked in, had the required hotel room sex, ate the complimentary cookies, and checked out. My husband (once he had gotten the hotel room sex) became convinced that our nanny, of 8 months, was going to SELL THE CHILDREN...
I am trusting you will have a more successful vacation.
It sucks missing them but the reunions kick ass. I have to go out of town for work, nothing as exciting as BlogHer (so I have to live vicariously through you, mmm'kay?) and I have to be gone for a WEEK! I think I might just start crying now in preparation for missing my son. 'Scuse me.
Well, I hope the whole trip is so wonderful that it makes up for the apparent guilt you are feeling now. I'm sure you'll have a great time, and only do the drunk and crying because you're missing the baby thing just once. Hopefully less than once, actually. I'm sure it will be just fine.
When you come back he will be so excited to see you that he will kick grandma in the face to get to you...um, I'm not sure if that makes you feel better, but I'm a petty person and it would make ME feel better...
Long time lurker.
The real sad part of your story is that you have to trek into San Jose, CA. Icky.
Lived there all of my life, and happy to have gotten out.
Noah is a doll!
Amy, you'll be fine! You'll have a wonderful time, and then, you'll come home and be all "look at me! I had a vacation from my son, met lots of neat people, and had a great time with the Spouse!"
I just hope you don't get any of those hysterical posts - "OMG, how could you leave your Pwecious for days so you can have some fun on your own?!?"
OMG how can you LEAVE yur preshus BABY while you go on vacayshun???!!!!! U r a horrible MOM and yur baby should be takin AWAY from u!!
I betcha he'll remember you when you get back. Especially if you bring him another stuffed Blue. Have fun for me at BlogHer, 'k?
Last night I made a list of things to do before BlogHer. It went something like this:
1. Um, pack. Clothes. For body. Try to match.
2. Don't forget razor.
3. And maybe bring some flip-flops.
4. Ooh! And the swimsuit.
5. Hmph. And maybe the computer, or something.
6. Driver's License, showing I am of drinking age. As if this isn't already obvious, but you know, just in case.
7.
8.
(I added 7 and 8 for future additions to the list, because I know I'll forget something, and it will make me feel better to know that I at least left a space for it on my list.
Actually, the worst part of coming to California right now is the dreaded heat and (gasp!) humidity we're experiencing. I realize the humidity doesn't compare to the rest of the country by a long shot, but for those of us who have forgotten how summer in DC feels, I've been convinced I'm melting every time I sit in my living room.
It's hard being away from the kiddo for the first time, but it's so good for you and your husband to have that break! The fact that you're traveling farther (rather than within driving range) may even inspire you to enjoy yourselves a little more. I always miss my daughter like crazy when we go away, but she seems to do really well every time she stays at her grandparents' houses. All those two-year-old boundaries she feels compelled to push at home go right out the window, and they tell us she's been a delight. (Makes me feel much better about going away!)
By the way, I used to write crazily-detailed do/don't do lists, too... now I just kind of assume if they raised my husband and me, they can handle our daughter for a couple of days!
Enjoy your trip and the amazing people you're going to see!
Thankfully none of my 3 cube-mates are here today, because I am crying and laughing out loud over #2. Same goes at our house too (with two kids! Two. You'd think one would at least know better.)
You're going to have a great time, and miss Noah tons. But you'll still have a great time.
Promise.
This must be real depression folks, she is none too thrilled with getting a pedicure and resisted shopping! Alert the authorities!!
You will go, he will stay with his grandparents and they will spoil him rotten. You will have a blast, think of him 108597493579 times the first day and perhaps 108597493578 times the next but you will have sex, drink and play because you deserve this.
Besides it could be worse, he could be leaving for college!
It's hard leaving a kid at such a cute age. Now in the future, when he farts and has stinky feet, you'll pack a week in advance.
Those first few trips away are really hard, but ironically refreshing after you get where you are going. Wish I were going. Lucky you to have grandparents to take over.
We are going to go and drink and have fun damn it!
And by purple, like bright purple? Whatever I'm sure it looks cool.
When my son was about 14 months, my husband's tour or duty was up in Iceland and I still had 6 weeks left. He took our son back with him to the states and I was stuck on that forlorn piece of moonrock for 6 weeks. I thought I was going to DIE. And then? My son did the whole "cling to daddy" thing when they met me at the airport. My heart just broke.
But now? I can't get my son to STOP CLINGING to me and he's 13. I'm thinking about another 6 week stint in Iceland. (enjoy! your time away together...babies never forget their mommy.)
You are going to BlogHer! Get yourself a professional pedicure and buy that baggage. And take lots of picture when you go, so those of us left at home can live vicariously through your recollection of events.
Oh Amy... I feel for ya. I have my own reservations about BlogHer (and I've been way excited to go for MONTHS now)... mostly having to do with traveling with a three week old midget baby. But then again, I guess it's good because I'm not leaving him behind? Because that WOULD be TORTURE so I definitely feel for you and want you to know that. It also makes you extra deserving of lots of alcohol while you're there.
And as much as fun as you'll have (and I know you'll have tons of fun), you will be SPRINTING back to your baby when it's all said and done and will not let go of him for an instant for at least a full 24 hours.
See ya Friday!
Will there be a drunken packing post? I liked the last couple.
Remember to BRING UNDERWEAR and not leave them at home because lo the blogher chicks may love you but you need to be proper my dear, lest pictures of lyou dariningly sporting while linen pants after being playfully tossed in a pool sans undies makes the blogging rounds. Sufficiently scared? Throw a pair or two in your purse just so you don't forget them this time.
Sex. Bah. Doesn't Jason understand the wonderous power of sleep. S L E E P? So much better.
Um, when I went on vacation last year, I left a list very similar to yours... for my cat. "Max needs his pill twice a day, and you can mix it in SMALL AMOUNT of wet food, but then you need to watch and make sure that he eats it, because he is very good at eating around..." It was about 10 pages long. I resisted the urge to call and ask the petsitter if he was OK, but only because we were in Canada and my cell phone wasn't working.
cannot spell:
while= white linen pants
lyou= you
Seriously? I am now thinking I am going to just bring the baby to Blogher! No joke! In the Bjorn! So trust me, I feel your pain.
Oooh, I hear you. My husband and I are taking a long-overdue "adult" vacation to Napa in two weeks, and the guilt is already setting in. In fact, the guilt is coming on so quickly that the following week, I am doing the 8-hour drive to my mother's house by myself with my almost-two-year-old so I can spend five whole days with my two-year-old and my mother. Because nothing assuages a mother's guilt like the self-induced torture of toddler-in-the-car whining.
Have a fabulous time! I agree with the person who said the reunions are out of this world.
I also must be an exceptionally selfish mama, because I would LOVE to leave mine at Nana's for a week. And I may also be the kind of person who always has the kids' bags packed and ready, just in case anyone offers me a surprise weekend, overnight babysitting session...
You are brave! And, lucky! But, mostly brave. Just this morning I thought about how nice it would be for my husband and I to have one, ONE, night away and I started hyperventilating. Partly because I've never left our daughter overnight with anyone. Partly because how exciting would that be...to be alone, with my husband? Man, I changed my mind. You're LUCKY!
Aww Amalah, it will be both wonderful and terrifying while you're away from him - but it'll be good for you and Jason, and I'm sure your parents are dying to spend more time with that gorgeous grandson of theirs.
*sends well wishes*
-Aly
Please leave him on Thursday and have a good time. The first time my son was away from my husband and I, he was 4 YEARS OLD! Yep, 4. He loved it... Me, I sunk to the floor and cried as the car pulled away. Not good, not good at all.
Have a great time!
Well, I won't say you will be fine, because maybe you will be really sad. But Noah will be fine and you and Jason will get some time alone which is always good. And if you are sad enough, I am sure he will buy you a lovely expensive Coach bag or some shoes.
I think I am the opposite of many moms and I LOOK FORWARD to time away. It does help having someone who loves your kids, such as grandparents or Aunts and Uncles. We have been fortunate in that way and have a lot of family around who always wanted to help -- even asked to keep the kids for a weekend.
I made the most of my time away -- sleeping in, going to the bathroom alone, sleeping more and watching any TV show I wanted to!! And of course shopping. Then you find cute toys and lavish them with gifts while they look at you like, "Were you gone? I hadn't noticed." because they had so much fun with grandma and grandpa.
I left detailed instructions for our dog sitter when we went to Vegas for 5 days...in total - it was 3 pages...typed. But I did resist the urge to also attach a copy of "how to do CPR on an animal" that I found on the internet.
The first time i left my precious (firstborn) for a trip, he stayed home with Daddy, who fed him buttered pasta and chocolate chip pancakes for nearly every damn meal. "Sometimes i think he had some canned fruit," said Daddy.
The second time i left my precious, he was joined by a second precious, the five month old baby, and they stayed home with Daddy while Mommy went off for a weekend. Daddy had to call in reinforcements (grandparents) to help with the oldest while Daddy baby-wrangled.
This fall I'm going away for a week, approximately two months before our third is born, and I will not feel a smidgen of guilt. Well, maybe a little. A twinge. I will certainly be wondering what the hell Precious #1 and #2 are eating while i'm gone.
Noahlah will be fine. He will miss you, but love you still the same.
Noah, tell your grandma that KFC has popcorn chicken, which is bite-sized for wee little ones. Also, tell her you want extra gravy for your mashed taters. From one dude to another, trust me on this, bro. You'll thank me later.
(P.S. -- Your mommy's writing is even better than KFC gravy.)
It's damn hard.
For complicated reasons, my son went to Grandma's for 10 days last week, and here I am readying for Blogher. I am definitely in denial-slash-panic mode.
The good thing is that Noah will rebound quickly. The sucky part is feeling like nobody else on earth can take care of him while you're gone.
He'll be fine, I promise. Pack extra tequila, though, 'kay? You might need it.
I literally just returned from a business trip where I had to leave my 2 girls. It was fun but it was not all at the same time. Let's just say that I took the first (6am EST- note I do not live in EST) to get back as soon as possible. So I spent the weekend in a semi-sleep zombie, probably not fit to CARE for the girls but hey I was back and I was here and if they said I want mama- I was HERE!!! But you do survive but you do miss your babies!
You know, I am the worst mother in the world, because my beatiful baby girl is not quite 5 months old and has spent a total of 6 nights away from mommy. 6! whole! nights!, the first of which was when she was 2 months old.
She's still alive, though, and she still seems to like me.
It'll be ok. And, if it isn't, I'll send you some brownies.
I've never left my 22-month old overnight, either. I'll be crying over my drink at BlogHer -- I'll wave through my tears.
We left Jack with Grandma and Grandpa last month when he 5 months old to go to Vegas.
I was grooving on the idea, but my husband kept saying he thought I would freak out. When we were gone, I missed him, but not enough to want to come home.
When I did come home three days later, I have never been so excited to see someone in my whole life. And his reaction was awesome -- he heard my voice and started kicking his legs and smiling like crazy.
It'll be OK. The alcohol helps. :)
dude, just think of all the parents who miss their kids because they got cancer and died. or their kids got cancer and died. or just had their faces blown off in iraq/lebanon/wherever or maybe starved and flies ate all the wet parts of their body (eyes! yum!) in n.korea or somewhere in that vast africa place. puts it all in perspective. also, are you and dooce, like, rivals? friends? lovers?
The first trip is the hardest, although I can't say it ever gets easier. I went away for a girl's weekend last week and actually changed my ticket so that I'd only be gone 3 nights instead of the orignally planned 4. But the crazy thing was once I got there, I was kicking myself for thinking it was a good idea to leave early!
Enjoy your trip. Enjoy the drinks. Enjoy the sex. And most of all, enjoy the sleeping in. You'll be glad you did when you get back to the preshious baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, who will have had a blast with grandma and won't hold the time away against you at all.
Leaving will be hard and you may shed a few (thousand) tears, but you will have a wonderful time and be a much better mother for it!
ah the guilt that mommies live with that daddies neither experience or understand ..
trust that Noah will be safe and loved
enjoy your adult time and know that a happy refreshed mommy is a better mommy
enjoy your time with hubby because privacy is a sacred thing that vanishes with wee ones
have a wonderful time
have a safe trip
cant wait to hear stories and see pics
mama kelly
ps hoping to gleefully (ok not gleefully Ill hate myself for it) abandon my 2 children to attend BlogHer next year
Was going to go get pedicure today while out getting haircut (yes), until I realized that my feet looked TOO HIDEOUS to expose to judgmental pedicurists. So I will be attempting at-home jobbie tonight. What this means? DO NOT look at my feet during BlogHer (like you were going to, but still.)
Leaving baby; limbs being cut off. Yes. Or, more accurately, heart yanked, beating, from chest. Am fully expecting to wander around San Jose Hyatt feeling the sucking of air through the gaping hole right beneath my boobs.
Hope that filling the hole with alcohol helps... (oh, and the company of fascinating women, etc. etc.)
I know how you feel! I left my son with my husband for a work convention, and b/c of flight times he didn't even know I'd gone until the next morning.
And...then he didn't seem to care.
[sound of my heart breaking in 4000000 pieces]
But when I got back, he cried every time I left, even if I just went out to the laundry room.
Which made me feel better about the trip, but made it hard to pee.
At least without someone banging on the bathroom door and sobbing hysterically.
Have fun! He'll be all right and will probably enjoy being spoiled by the grandparents.
I've only been away from Kaitlyn overnight once, when she had RSV and was in the hospital, and I had an ear infection at the same time and was forbidden by my Doctor to spend the night in the germ-infested Children's Ward.
So I will be in serious withdrawal at BlogHer, from the lack of soft baby cheeks to nuzzle and smooch, and may end up slobbering all over strangers. That's okay with you, right?
Oh, and Raleigh? Sheesh, I hope that was a joke.
I'm excited for you to go to BlogHer. Take a shot for me, k? Maybe next year... (Sniff, sniff)
Have fun!
And this is the MOST IMPORTANT thing you need to tell Jason and his parents:
If Noah just happens to start walking while you are away, they are to knock his feet out from under him relentlessly and never tell you.
This child will wait for MAMA to see his first real trot across the room. Or has he already done this? Did I miss something?
In that case, nevermind.
It will. Feel like the severing of limbs, that is.
But, then you'll come back and you'll realize that going away is just for a little while Amalah and you always come back and Noah will be fine without you and...
Here, let me get my finger puppets.
How is it that my to-do list is similar to yours and yet, not nearly as interesting to read?
The webcam? Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. You will love it.