But If I Weren't Leaving You
July 24, 2006
So. I leave for California on Thursday, to attend this little bloggy-type shindig conference thing. (You may have heard about it? I don't know. It seems like it may have been discussed recently on a blog or two or four thousand, yawn.)
I leave on Thursday, but would just like to point out that Noah does not leave on Thursday.
In what seemed like a super swell idea a few months ago, Jason proposed taking a mini-vacation post-BlogHer. I leave on Thursday. He leaves on Saturday, after dropping Noah off with his grandparents. Then we return on Wednesday, refreshed and invigorated from a few blissful days of sleeping in and champagne for breakfast and also sleeping in. (Jason: Also sex! Amy: Okay, but only if it doesn't impose on the sleeping in.)
Now that the trip and the reality of non-refundable airline tickets are upon us, this does not seem like such a super swell idea. It seems like a HORRIBLE IDEA. THE WORST IDEA WE EVER HAD, AND PEOPLE, WE PAINTED OUR LIVING ROOM ORANGE.
So I have lately been dealing with this absolutely horrible, terrible idea of ours (we also painted our front door purple. PURPLE!) by pretending that I am not actually going anywhere. I have not packed, or even considered packing. When I get excited emails from blogging friends about BLOGHER! BLOGHER!, I smile wanly and talk about how great it will be to finally meet everybody in person, and then I go drink some tequila.
Yesterday I decided to give myself a little pre-BlogHer pedicure, and then put my shoes on before the polish was completely dry. So judging by my feet, I've actually done NEGATIVE preparation for the trip. I found a suitcase at TJ Maxx to replace the one I kind of broke in New York when it got stuck in an elevator door and I decided that brute force is waaaay better than pressing the "Door Open" button, but then I didn't actually buy the suitcase. I don't know.
I did type out a very detailed schedule for Noah, working from the assumption that Jason and our parents are complete idiots who would feed him a buckets of raw KFC if I did not specify that Noah can eat "SMALL cooked pieces of chicken."
So. Things I Must Do Before Thursday:
1) Teach Noah to express his needs verbally, lest no one remember to clip his fingernails.
2) Illustrate the concept of "sometimes Mama says bye-bye and it's for a little while, but Mama will alway come back because Mama loves you more than anybody on earth, even Daddy, who by the way doesn't feel guilty about leaving you AT ALL, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT, so perhaps you could knock off the delighted screams of delight whenever you see him, or at least try to not KICK MAMA IN THE FACE in your attempts to get to Daddy, but actually, never mind, kick me all you want if it means you won't forget about me, ME, MEEE, I LOVE YOU BAYBEEEEE, WAAAH."
(I'm not sure how to best illustrate that one. I am thinking finger puppets?)
3) Actually purchase suitcase or simply start tossing clothing into a large plastic trash bag, claim it's performance blog art.
4) Locate various batteries and chargers for about four dozen different pieces of electronic equipment, including my brand-new webcam, purchased just so I can watch Noah and pretend that he totally can see me and won't forget about me! And that he cares! See! NOAH! See Mama? Hi! Hi! I am in the computer Noah! Noah! Over here! Over...okay, that's fine! Grandma is great, isn't she! We LOVE Grandma! What? Oh, um. Yeah, hang on. (turns around) People? Could you please stop flashing my webcam? My mother-in-law is not impressed. Thanks.
5) Re-do pedicure.
Anyway, due to the unrelenting march of time, it appears that Thursday will come, ready or not. And I will leave. And I can only hope that the actual leaving will not feel like the actual severing of limbs with a chainsaw.
Definitely need a packing post!
I'm sure the baby (and you) will survive the separation!
Definitely need a packing post!
I'm sure the baby (and you) will survive the separation!
You may have painted your living room orange, but every time I see the walls in pictures, I get all slobbery because I love the color and finish so very, very much.
Also, I go through this phase before we go anywhere, I walk around going "Why do we have to go? I want to stay home. Can't I stay home? I don't want to go, don't make me go." So every time I pack, I end up doing exactly what you're doing now. I can only imagine that with kids, it would be worse.
Dude! I SO have the finger puppets that you need. Let me know how many you want.
Men do not feel the same things because they do not pass giant baby heads through their penis(peni?).
I just took one to sleep away camp -
From my experience (which is a very limited one time away.) The actual leaving is not nearly as bad as the anticipation of leaving. He will be fine and you will get some much needed rest. Enjoy you trip!! And you'll enjoy Noah that much more when you get home.
As someone who IS taking their kid to BlogHer, I can attest to the fact that the whole thing is a double-edged sword. Yeah, you are going to miss Noah like mad, BUT you are going to be able to really concentrate on the conference. I suspect I will be using the precious break times for nursing/catching up with the kid. This means I will miss out on meeting people and networking.
You'll be fine. :-)
We painted our living room orange six years ago. I wasn't so fond of it, but people seem to love it. I'm so over it though and it's going away soon. (You know how much of a pain in the ass it is to paint over orange? Ugh. Maybe it would be easier if you just moved.)
If you're at TJ Maxx again, buy the Ricardo brand suitcase. I've been through millions - I travel all the time - and this is by far the best with lots of handy pockets and fancy dodads that you actually will use.
Noah will be fine! And survive! And the time will pass so quickly, and you will know to never schedule this kind of event again until Noah is at least 9. Also? Maybe you can make a small replacement for Noah while you are there, and then you won't miss him as much :) (I know, you still will, and there is no such thing as a replacement, and all of that, just GO with it!)
My boys are 7 & 9 and I haven't left them for more than 1 night. It's probably a good thing you're doing it now, otherwise you might find yourself at the point of no return like I am.
Maybe you need a flat Noah, kinda like Flat Stanley. That would make for some funny pictures.
I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but I know that Noah will be fine, and you will be too. I'm glad for you that you're getting this time away, but I'm sorry I won't be at BH to say hello and give you a quick, happy hug before I leave you to your minions. :)
Can't blame ya Amy. I'd find it hard to leave that little fuzz head too.:) But try to have fun anyway..it's freakin blogeHer man!
So.. blogher huh? Without the Chubby Cheeks of goodness? I'm sure they'll be just as chubby when you return and of course NO chubbier, because you do not miss the growth of chub.. it's too important! Also... totally living vicariously through you. MUST schmooze LOTS of gorgeous, intelligent totally hilarious women types just like yourself. Sniff... maybe next year.
And I can only hope that the actual leaving will not feel like the actual severing of limbs with a chainsaw.
It will. In my experience, my girls cried and wailed until I was out of sight, then they were fine and happily set about playing. Meanwhile, I was a total wreck. I did eventually learn to enjoy -- OK tolerate-- the vacations without them.
He'll survive, and so will you. Good luck with that sleeping in thing.
I had an orange bathroom in our last house and everyone loved that room the best. I trust your taste.
I never brought up BlogHer at our house thinking it wasn't an option for me. I finally mentioned it this weekend and my husband was all "that sounds like a great idea. You should totally go!". Um...TOO LATE NOW. Boo-hoo.
I am anxious to hear all the reports back on all the fun (and the learning new tricks).
Enjoy for the rest of us.
The Husband and I are currently in Maui whie The Boy (one day younger than Noah) is with Grandma. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't cry when we left. That I didn't panic multiple times on the plane that the plane might crash and then our poor baby would be left with no parents and we would miss his first step and his first day of kindergarten and his first, well, EVERYTHING! But I'd also be lying if I said that I am not enjoying EVERY MINUTE of this completely selfish, selfish, selfish vacation. AND THE SLEEPING. Oh, THE SLEEPING. I LOVE THE SLEEPING. Probably as much as my husband enjoys the sex.
Oh, I am so with you on the sleeping in over sex...especially with two kids!
Hope to meet you at Blogher! You can drink for the two of us, and I'll live vicariously through you.
I firmly believe that whatever you do, you're damned either way. Mine are 13 and 10 and two nights so far has been my maximum, but it does get slightly easier - so by the time university beckons....? Some deep selfish psychological thing about being needed?
I was forced to go to NYC when my soon to be 14 year old daughter was almost 2. I was a nervous wreck; she was fine. Turns out we had a lovely time with my husband and his brother; I mean, it was autumn in New York!!!!!Restaurants, wine, Windows on the World...
This year during Spring Break, she gets to go. Life is amazing and watching it through their eyes makes it even more so. Just wait.
Be prepared for the extra bucket of guilt you'll feel when you see him after those few days away and discover that he's two inches taller, that his face has got 'older' and he's learned ten new things. Behind your back. TO SPITE YOU!!!
My work travel means I miss two breakfasts and two bedtimes every week - it always amazes me how much my daughter can change in that time.
OK, for about a week now, I've been all "woe is me" because I'm not going to BlogHer, but I know that if I WERE going, I'd be a mess.
Instead, Al started daycare this week, so I'm a mess anyway, but without the cool bloggers and alcohol and California.
You can do this. It will suck but you can do this. I went on a seven day work trip in May. I left my son with his dad- my husband. They did fine. I had one break down in the press room at work and sobbed when I saw them (really my baby boy) again at the airport. I was glad I did it. I know that I could do it again. But have no plans to do it in the future!
Noah will be fine- great even. I really don't think they get time like we do. The time will go so fast- really it will.
I just went through this exact spiraling emotional frenzy at the beginning of the month. There was a week of pre-trip craziness and angst. Then we were on vacation, away from the kids, and it was amazing - sleep AND sex! - and I never wanted to leave. Then it was time to come home, and we did, and everybody was fine. The end.
This may horrify you, but it does get easier. In fact, at some point you'll plot ways to escape, I mean, get away, I mean, take a break.
i just had to say that picture is freaking adorable.
and? he looks JUST like you. except that i don't really know you...but from pictures i have seen...JUST like you.
he's so cute, i can totally understand not wanting to leave...but i hope you have a great time! :)
You will be fine and Noah will be fine. Take a deep breath and don't forget to enjoy yourself... and yes, it's ok to check in with the grandparents every hour! (Don't forget the time difference!)
I understand. I will have to travel for work later this year--at least a week--and I'm already having panic attacks. I know my son will be with his daddy, which is good--no fears of nanny child-stealing or grandparents over-spoiling him--BUT he already worships his daddy, so I fear he won't even recognize me when I come home.
Wah.
A week of being able to knit, read & drink when I want to (outside of work hours, of course) can't compare with being with my boy. At least, right now I don't think it can. I might feel completely different afterwards, and might just volunteer to travel 50% of my work time.
Anyway. . . good luck, and have fun at BlogHer! You deserve it!
hmm, the woes of leaving your child for the first time. People can say whatever they want to, but you still will be who you are no matter what. Don't worry, Noah will not latch on to some other woman's boobs, he will not think that you have abandoned him. He will no9t have a blast Thursday and Friday with dad, he is too young for Hooters wings.
Yes, you will call thursday and friday nd drive Jason crazy by asking what Noah is doing every 5 seconds, making sure that all the toilets seats are down.. no naked girls are walking the dog etc!!!
You will have fun, but me thinks that it will take a few trips before you can have a real good time... just dont call Noah during sex LMAO!!!
Since you didn't have enough to worry about, Amy - now there's a chance that flies could eat all the "wet parts" of Noah's body (eyes! yum!) if he is left unattended in any war-torn countries while you're gone. God, u R a bad MOM!
Finger puppets will work everytime.
Aaaaw - broke my heart a little, but made me smile, too. You are clearly a *wonderful* mother. I hope you enjoy your getaway! Thank goodness for caregivers (i.e. grandparents) we trust. I know Noah will be fine, I'm sure he will miss you, and I suspect there's going to be a bit of angst after you get back when you dare to leave him for a bit. As the other posters ahve said, not to worry, all will survive the experience!
For #2, I think you should paint your face white and add little black marks and mime for Noah. Kids love a clown. Well, most kids love a clown. Hmmm, actually no one loves a clown but other clowns.
Number 2 hurts me to even look at it.
Yeah, I totally need to send my kids to my mom's for just one night so my husband and I can go on a date and get drunk and go home and do 'something' and then sleep in the next day. I know I need to, I just can't bring myself to leave them yet. I leave them everyday to go to work and that's hard enough. Hope your parting ways isn't too painful.
Also, can't WAIT to hear all about BlogHer!
Meh. It'll get done. And my living room is also orange... it's a great color :)
I think he's going to be alright but I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to leave.
Also? Sad. Will not be at BlogHer. Hopefully next year. As this year will be in Chicago getting blindingly drunk with parents. And sister. And brother-in-law. Oh, and husband too.
Amalah dear, please post a lot so that the video with pictures of Noah gets knocked off the front page, where it plays automaticly and makes my computer run the way I imagine it would if I poured molasses into it, and then stuck it in the freezer.
thanks!
have fun. noah will be fine. I know because in good movies nothing bad ever happens to the cute little kid.
Awww. Would it be worth it just to eat the cost of the tickets so you can stay with your precious? No? Then have fun and shower Noah with gifts when you get back.
And don't forget about us either.
I've found that I do much better on trips sans kids if I stay mildly drunk the entire time.
You'll have a blast! And probably a tiny crying spell every day because you miss your precious boy, so keep the wine nearby.
Noah can come stay with us while you abandon him (just kidding!) I promise to only feed him raw fish, not raw chicken.
Oh my! I am doing the same exact thing. I convinced my husband to come to blogher too and we're supposed to have—for the first time in 4 years—a few nights to ourselves but preschoolblogger and babyblogger don't know it yet. I'm all conflicted and all I can do, when I tell them tonight is promise they can go to the toy store. OY the guilt!
Maybe Noah will adopt the nanny as his new mommy.
Maybe he will grow inches while you are away and you won't recognize him.
Or maybe - the most likely of all - he will miss you terribly and beg you not to leave ever again!
(The last option is made possible by the fact that he learned to talk during your absence. Not to worry, it happens to tons of parents).