City of Mine
July 21, 2006
Yesterday I had a meeting down in Georgetown -- the part of Georgetown where foot traffic kind of dies and there isn't a beauty product to be purchased for several blocks. I took the bus, because I am Industrious and Independent, and as I was walking (okay, more like tottering gingerly over the cobblestones in my stupidly high heels) towards my destination I passed a man who had just parked his car.
A very nice, newish Acura. With leather interior. And Virginia plates.
He unloaded some milk crates from his trunk onto a little hand truck.
The milk crates were stuffed full of newspapers and plastic grocery bags.
A cardboard sign and a beat-up Big Gulp cup were attached to the crates with a bungee cord.
As he stepped away to feed the meter, I got a better look at the sign.
HOMELESS VET. HUNGRY PLEASE HELP. GOD BLESS.
I stopped and stared at him. He was wearing ripped jeans and several flannel shirts despite the broiling heat and humidity. I watched him swipe a credit card through the high-tech meter, pocket his receipt and then merrily make his way up M St., up to where the sidewalks are a sea of shopping bags and outstretched cups of change, with the hand truck bumping and clattering on the sidewalk behind him. He didn't care at all that I had seen it all and was still standing by his car, staring after him. I think he started whistling.
I didn't know whether to yell at him or call him an asshole or indignantly snap a camera phone picture of him, or his car, or his license plate, or what.
I just walked away instead. It really wasn't anything I didn't already kind of know. It was just concrete evidence for a working theory.
Later, while waiting for the bus home, another man approached me. He was dirty and smelled bad. He asked for a quarter for food, and the fingernails on his extended hand were long and crusty and yellow.
I gave him a dollar. He said God bless and kind of bowed. Then he walked away, whistling.
Wow. What a weird experience. I don't think I'd know how to take that either. Good for you for not becoming too cynical about it - I'm sure there are some homeless people out there who are actually homeless and can use the help.
That is just too weird though.
Holy crap. Take a photo of him!
Prior to living in DC, I once lived in a city where they did an article on someone who made hundreds per week doing this. And they published a photo. In the newspaper.
It'll come back to him one day. Payback is a real bitch.
Forgot to mention -
I do love seeing the occasional:
HOMELESS. NEED MONEY TO BUY BEER. PLEASE HELP.
I'm a sucker for their honesty ;-)
I had a very similar experience once when I was in New Orleans. Like you said, you know that it happens but to see it in action is rather surreal. It makes me sad for those that genuinely need $, because I no longer trust that they do. At least it sounds like it didn't totally jade you!
I carry around granola bars and peanut butter crackers for this exact reason. You can always tell who needs it and who doesn't when you offer food. The ones who are actually hungry are so thankful, and the ones that give you a "look"? Well, at least the granola bar was less than the dollar you would have otherwise given. Plus I know my money isn't going to beer :)
We were once in a Pizza Hut having lunch--during our heady dating days, when eating out for lunch was a regular occurence, before the children came and bled us dry with demands for diapers, formula, and Playmobil toys--and this guy sat in the booth behind us, nursing a cup of coffee.
He started talking about how hungry he was and how the lunch buffet suuuure smelled good. He wasn't really filthy, just slightly unkempt, and he didn't smell horrible.
My then-fiance offered to buy him lunch. The guy said, no, coffee was fine. He could afford coffee. He wished he had money to buy lunch, though, because he sure was hungry.
Again we offered to buy him food, even just a personal pizza, for god's sake.
No, coffee was fine. But he could sure use some money for lunch.
Is this tarnishing your mental image of Virginians? We're not all like that, I promise.
Wow. IT's sad because we don't know who to trust. I sincerely would like to help those in need but because of people like the first guy you described, I feel like NO ONE can be trusted in situations like those. So sad.
Yep. Seen that very sight many times. A few years ago, I was shopping all over Boston for an ungodly amount of time - I'd bought shoes, then returned the shoes, then went to Back Bay to get different shoes, then came back downtown, etc.
When I started in Downtown Crossing, I spied a man asking for money with a cardboard sign who looked so...pitiful. I don't know why, but he tugged my heartstrings with that face and his sign was all weepish. I gave him - brace yourself - $10, as I felt guilty that I was carrying Kate Spade, shopping for shoes, and drinking lattes while he could barely eat! The horror! I forgot about it went on my merry shopping way.
Until about four hours later when I found myself in Borders, back downtown, and guess who was in line in FRONT OF ME buying six CDs and four martial arts magazines? With MY TEN DOLLARS?
So help me, if he wasn't buying magazines that taught him how to kill me, I'd have throttled him right there. Or at least considered it more seriously.
Ugh. I don't believe a single homeless person anymore. I don't. I know it's wrong, as there are many who are legit, but it was so...violating, in a strange sort of way. But does that stop me from giving them money? Nope. I'm suckered every friggin' time.
Seeing things like that certainly does make it difficult to help those that really need it. While on vacation in Seattle one time my husband and I came across a man sitting on the sidewalk holding a cup out. We gave him a couple of bucks and went on our way. A few blocks over we ran into the same man and watched as he walked into a strip club where I'm sure he spent all of his hard earned money. These days I prefer to buy someone a cheeseburger than hand them money.
My stories would be much the same as the other commentors above. I've known for a fact when someone was lying, it was a sham, or a racket. I've worked in the mental helath industry for years and yes, many people are real homeless, but I won't give out money anymore. If you are hungry I will feed you. If you are looking for shelter I will direct you to the right place. If you are lost or looking for help I will help you, I know all of the places in town. If you are hearing voices I wll tell the voices to calm down, you all need a warm place to sleep, and they can all come. But I will not give out money, becaue 90% of the time? It is fake.
WOW! My jaw just hit the keyboard.
It really disturbs me that people do that, but sadly it doesn't surprise me.
I thought that was you who was staring at me. I've been reading your blog for awhile now. Ever since I bought this bitchin new laptop with all my begging money. You should have said hi. We could have talked about Noah before I went off to my corner. Oh well, maybe next time!
I've always taught my children not to give money to the homeless people we see on the streets (when we go to Chicago, or while we were in Boston last week) for this very reason. Sorry, I just don't know what they will do with that money, and there is a large chance that if they are, in fact, homeless, it's a result of a drug or alcohol addiction. I've told them that if they wanted to, they can offer food, or give a nice donation to a local charity that helps the homeless and unemployed.
I have always had that same suspicion. Especially when I look at the guy's (it's always a guy) shoes. They are almost always new. And then I feel like a real jerk, because what if I'm wrong?
This is why I rarely give money to some homeless. There is a woman who rides the subway (NYC) during evening rush hour who explains that she has two children, no family to help, and recently lost her job. I shake my head when people give her money. She has been telling the same story since 2001 and she is wearing this seasons shoes ($100), etc.
Terrible.
I recently heard a fairly clever answer to the age-old question of panhandlers. Carry gift certificates to fast food joints. If someone is truly hungry, they'll appreciate that. Most shelters and soup kitchens also print cards that you can distribute instead of money.
Good for you for not being jaded by the first man in the fancy car and still offering the dollar to the second. You are a kind soul with a caring heart, Ms. Amalah.
Just last night a neighborhood kid, somewhere around 9 or 10 years old, knocked on my door asking for donations for his uncle who died. I didn't give him anything. I didn't even ask to hear the story. It's sad when there are really those in need yet we have to be so cynical because there are so many who are just out scamming.
i always just imagine that these "homeless" squeegee boys in Toronto that jump in front of my car at traffic lights, desperate to clean my windshield for a buck, are just bored teenagers from wealthy families, out looking for kicks.
I know a lot of them are fake, but I never know which ones, so I tend to give them money (I know, I know- I'm why they do that).
That is sooo way common. There are so many self made millionares that got it by pretending to be homeless. I have once heard that the guys who do this in NY city can make up to 2-3 grand in a day!!! I am very pick and choose with who I will give my money to. Usually I will go down to McD'd and get them a burger. If they accept it graciously then I will give them some change. But I have had a bunch that actually cussed me and threw it over the bridge. What is the world coming too?
Awesome...that sounds like it pays more than the blogging gig on ClubMom. Too bad my scruples aren't low enough to do it.
Heh, the same sort of thing happened to me as a teenager. Our school (French Immersion) took a trip to Quebec City in grade 8. While we were waiting to go to another destination, this guy walked up to us and handed us a card that said he was deaf and needed some money for food. We were broke grade 8 students, so we said no, sorry and he walked away.
A little while later we were still waiting on our classmates and we saw the guy again walking around - and he had earphones and a walkman on! DUDE!
I am not at all surprised, but I still find this depressing.
So I will change the subject: Amalah, I finally ordered something from Zappos.com, which I promptly returned. I ordered new shows Tuesday and got them Thursday. I am in LOVE. THANK YOU.
Oh, and I am totally addicted addicted to Hexic. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
And I can't spell shoes. I blame you for that too.
Once in a McDonalds in NY I witnessed the following conversation between a seemingly homeless person and a kind-hearted yet jaded person who seemed to be running late for something:
"Mr, could you spare some change for food?"
"Sorry bro, I just have a five and I don't have time to wait in line to get you something to eat"
"Ohh come on, I promise it's for something to eat"
"Well...promise you'll use it for food?"
"Yeah dude, I promise."
So the nice man hands him the money and runs off to catch a cab. The homeless man waits till he's out of earshot to say loud enough for all to hear:
"Whatever bitch, I'll do what I want with the money!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or what. People are amazing.
Hmmmmm...
Next time I'm in Georgetown I'm going to be on the look out.
I can't remember the exact quote but the gist is:
C.S.Lewis once said he'd rather be a sucker for giving to 99 shysters than miss giving to the 1 who really needed it . .
When I lived in Little Rock, one of the local news stations did an undercover story on the men who stand at the intersections of the major roads begging.
The reporter would stop and offer them food, or if their sign said, "Will work for food," would offer them some yard work for $50. Not a one took the offer. They only wanted cash.
That was the last time I gave anyone my hard-earned money. Except, of course, for Zappos.
See, that just makes me want to make sure I always have a stash of Canadian coins to give them. Cheaterheads.
It is very sad that ppl take advantage of other people's kindness. I guess all i can say is be very careful about who you give to, and never put yourself in a tight spot to help someone you are unsure of. Just be careful.
The homeless in dallas are scary. You never know when one might hurl himself at your car and attach with a force of a thousand suction cups.
That's what I loved about the homeless in Boston: they're so friendly.
I have no idea about their disposition in DC, though.
Maria! The woman from the NYC subways is Carlene. She drives me CRAZY! She has this whiny voice and comes through the car, shoving her way along during rush hour, and she is always so clean with nice shoes and a designer back pack. Give me a break! I heard her get in an argument with someone once who told her to get a job.
I completely agree with Becki: C.S.Lewis once said he'd rather be a sucker for giving to 99 shysters than miss giving to the 1 who really needed it . ."
By never helping anyone for fear that they are a fake as many commenters have admitted they do then you will never help the one who needs those mere coins to live. Yes, buying them food and drink is one way of doing it, and not a bad way but all people are homeless are not bad. The look of gratitude on someone's face for a small amount of change is enough to convince me that it's the right thing to do.
Thanks for that quote Becki. I think I'd agree wtih that. And the guilt factor - carrying the expensive bag, shopping, lattes, and not a dollar or two to give to someone can make me feel guilty too.
If it helps - my friend and I were on our way to the store and pulled up next to a man who wasn't horrible dressed, but he had a backpack on and a sign. (will work for food or something like that) and so we stopped and I gave him $5. When I did, he asked if I knew where there is a temp agency for laborers.
So, while we were at the store - I pulled out the yellow pages and wrote down the 1-800 numbers and addresses for him. We found him walking down the street and he thanked us and headed straight to the phone at the gas station. That felt pretty darn good.
It must be something in the water! When I lived in DC, we went to the big war protest at the Mall in 2003. There, a woman approached us with a long, involved story about her car getting towed, and how she needed $ to get it back--and of course, she lived too far for the Metro to reach, etc., etc. My poor dear husband felt bad, and gave her $10, and we didn't think about it again...until several months later, when we were at another Mall event, and she approached some friends of ours with the same exact tale. It took all I had not to kick her!
'kay. I'm slow today. Took me a few rereads to figure it out.
But now I get it. I think.
Ew.
I have given out food twice... because I really felt like the people needed it. i gave money too, but in a foreign country.
In Jordan, thre are a huge number of homeless people and those living on the verge (on the verge probably accounts for about 50% of the population). But the real professional beggers are so interesting. They always have children with them.. who sleep at least 90% of the day. When they wake up, you will watch them feed their children something to drink, and the kids will go back to sleep. I want to know what is in that bottle.
As others have said, I knew it happened. I just didn't realize they drove nicer cars than the people they are begging from.
I never give money to the sign-holders because of scams like that. My husband directs them to our church who in turn will give them a gas voucher or food voucher -- after they have done some minor work at the church, such as trimming hedges. It is quite effective in weeding out those who are looking for a handout and those who are really desperate. It sounds odd saying that my church makes them work, but giving out meals to whoever walks in asking is a bit much. And the really needy ones are even thankful for the work because it boosts their esteem by having to earn it.
Hmmm, I live in the middle of a very large city, so there are homeless and schizophrenic (sp?) people that regularly stand outside the gas station by my house and ask people coming and going for change. I used to give them what I could, but now I don't. Why? My hubby's aunt bought a homeless guy a chicken dinner from KFC. When she drove off, she watched him in the rearview mirror as he threw it in the garbage. Since hearing that, I have a hard time being generous. I know it wasn't my experience, but as you said, it confirmed what I already believed and gave me all the reason I needed to keep my money in my own pocket.
Wow, that is crazy. How does someone decide that they're going to spend their life that way? It's just absurd! How the hell does he make enough to live in Georgetown and drive an Acura? (Or maybe he doesn't live there, he just "works" there, right?) Maybe it's his side job. Like he works AWS and then on his day off, he is a bum. Hmmm. I have a second job on my AWS day, but it involves filing and data entry. Perhaps I've got it all wrong...
I had a man accost me in Hollywood after I'd just eaten. He was sooo hungry, couldn't I just spare a couple dollars for food?
I had 1/2 of a pizza from California Pizza Kitchen leftover. I tried to give it to him. He refused because he was "lactose intolerant".
I usually do only give food, and gave a lot of pizza to a man last week who was holding a sign saying "homeless, please give money or food." he was so polite & gracious & appreciative. and apparently NOT lactose intolerant.
I'll give money to any homeless person with a dog. No arms, no legs, blind, deaf, or wheelchair-bound? Forget it. But a mutt wearing a bandana? Tell me how much you need.
Delurking to say that I want to hug you for giving that second man a dollar. And karma will kick the Acura dude in the ass in due time.
A few years ago I was living in Denver, and was leaving a strip mall/parking lot area. As I pulled up to the stop light, I noticed a guy sitting in the median asking for money, but I was a little preoccupied, and didn't pay any attention. Then he started bitching at me because I wasn't acknowleding him or giving him anything. "Wow, it must be so nice having mommy and daddy to fall back on. I wish I had someone to help me out now. Can't even spare anything, can you?" etc. etc. etc. I was like, the gall of this guy. Like that will make me more likely to give him something as opposed to piss me off? I wanted to say, "Hey, mommy's dead, daddy's in another state, and when I was broke I got a second job!" (All of which were true at that time.) On the other hand, I am known to be give to those who at least attempt to do something for money, such as the guy in San Francisco playing his trumpet in the subway. That I'll support.
In some countries, begging is actually a profession.
Thank you, Amalah, for still giving a dollar to the next one. I know that this happens but I still cry every time I see a homeless person or a person with a cardboard sign. It leaves me feeling so guilty for everything I take for granted that I have a knot in my stomache.
Being compassionate and not letting this world turn you into another callus cynic is a beautiful thing. I give freely to anyone that even looks like they need it. Once on my way to pay my car payment I saw a woman with a small child on the side of the highway, I stopped and asked them if they needed a ride. She told me no because they had no where to go. I gave her half of my car payment money and figured I would make it up on the next payment. My boyfriend did not understand why I would so such a thing as "They were probably scamming you!".
I knew they might be but I didn't care in the least. I felt that it was the right thing to do. For the ones who are lying to profit, well I think that there is a special place in hell just for them and I wont let them effect my outlook on the world.