Gone Beachin'
Let's Go to the Zoo. Let's Go Right Now!

Oh Hell, Please Don't Make Me Write Sentences Yet

Because I cannot DEAL with writing sentences yet. With the verbs and subjects and participles and shit. I may no longer be at the beach, but in my mind, I am still on vacation. Except for the housework and the Advice Smackdown and the Clubbing of Moms and the full-time job of keeping Noah from sucking on various household items, from the dog food to the mail to the business end of a USB cable. Yes. Other than all of that I am still totally on vacation.

(At just barely nine months old, he's standing unassisted now. UN. ASS. ISTED. I could pretty much die from the pride/horror/sunrise/sunset-ness of it all.)

Anyway. Here are photos from the beach. (More will be over at Flickr in a bit.) (Except for the ones Jason took of me walking away from our blanket and down to the water. Those photos are going to be destroyed, right after I stop crying about them and finish this pint of ice cream.)


Noah, sampling the regional delicacy.


Eh. Gritty.


More sand eating. Tracey told me to prepare for Noah eating a lot of sand, and while I laughed and pretended to be all down with the sand-eating knowledge, secretly I was all, "Bwah?" Because it honestly never occurred to me that Noah would eat sand, like repeatedly, all damn day, nor was I expecting him to poop sand for days afterwards, although you have to admit that telling someone to "GO POOP SAND" is a really good child-friendly alternative to "GO FUCK YOURSELF."


In which I amuse Noah by attempting to build some sort of sand hill, which later took on the unfortunate appearance of a giant penis.


Noah loved the ocean at first, until Jason let a huge wave crash over his head. Then he was fairly timid (*cough* screaming maniacally in holy terror *cough*) and I am dumping the lifelong scar SQUARELY at Jason's feet because he made fun of me for refusing to carry my slippery, greased-up infant into the ocean because I was sure I'd drop him and then a shark would eat him and HA HA HA, paranoia pays off sometimes.


Especially for people who get knocked over by waves a lot. Big waves that totally nail you out of nowhere, just to wound your pride and your elbows, and to deposit about three pounds of sand into your bathing suit.


I forgot to apply sunscreen to my right ear, and only my right ear. Hott!


Noah returned home as lily-white as ever, because I am pretty much the world's greatest mother, and also because I kept a spray bottle of Banana Boat Baby SPF 50 tucked into the top of my bathing suit at all times, and I wish I were kidding about that.


Anne Glamore

There's something about sand-- it can stay in the intestinal tract FOREVER. Don't be surprised if you're still seeing it at Christmas. Just to warn you and all.


Sand? Seriously? It wouldn't occur to me either. Once, okay, fine. I would expect the first time to be followed by lots and lots of crying and then, you know, never doing it again, because sand is just...gross.

But that, "Eh...gritty" photo is fabulous. Noah makes the most hilariously grown-up faces. If I were with him in person, I'd fully expect him to bust out with something full of wisdom, like, "The tides. They change us. Bring much sand."


Wuch cute photos! Glad you had a great vacation!

Heather B.


I'm going to cry now.


Obviously there were no crawdaddies to be had.


Sand. Mmmmmm.

Looks like a fabulous vacation!


Maybe it's an evolutionary thing... birds eat rocks, right? Babies have to go through a sand-eating phase before they can be Big Kids. It'll help him get good with the solid foods. Or something...


I fell in love with the ocean at age three when my folks took me for the very first time. May Noah develop the same lifelong love!! :)


Your pictures of Noah in the sand and surf are fabulous. You are a trooper keeping up the blog entries even though you are vacationing. Look here http://speaking-metaphorically.blogspot.com/ for a different view of vacations.


Aw, looks like fun!!!

As for the pooping sand (always with the poop!) has he had raisins yet? Yeah, you might want to skip raisins altogether. Raisins cannot possibly add any nutritional value to a baby becasue? They come out looking EXACTLY how they went in! It's amazing! I think sand might be better than raisins.

I'm loving the continuous spray sunscreens, even if they eat through the ozone or something. I just spray them every time they walk by me. It works great. A few times, I've sprayed kids that aren't even mine. I'm a mother-freak.


At least you were brave enough to take a baby to the beach. I never did that with my kids, I let fear get in the way of fun. So glad you had a nice vacation, it's tough to transition back to reality though!

Lisa Ann

I want to see more baby butt (minus the sandy poop!)


Adorable post!

The babalah is too cute!

I was just wondering what that contraption is that Noah is sitting in. Help a sistah out? It looks light-weight and convenient.


Noah is too cute. I had fun with him and with you and Jason, who can't tell Jamie Foxx and Jamie Kennedy apart, which still makes me giggle.


Sand? Really? Like Jonniker, I would have thought it would be a one time thing--eat sand, make face, refrain from eating sand in future.
Your poor ear, by the way. It looks terribly burny.


What the heck is he sitting in!?!? That is so cool! I am an uber pale redhead and sometimes SPF 80 just isn't enough. I would totally go to the beach if I could curl up like a kid under that thing! Tell us! Tell us! Come on - share your secrets, Oh Wise Amy!


OK you're totally getting me excited for vacation. I forgot about the sand poop. Elle (now 4) did that! Anna Sofia hasn't yet because she was too little the first time she went to the ocean. But next month? Oh, yeah. She'll have what he's having. LOL


Sand poop!!! We are going on vacation next week and now I have something new to contend with. Will puts anything in his mouth regardless of how gross it is... I am so glad I got the heads up. Also standing unassisted... So sorry!


i also refused to let anybody carry my greased-up little man into the ocean for fear that he would slide out of the grip of whoever-the-hell was carrying him (hell if i'm getting in that water), only to be eaten by a shark. seriously, every mother has that fear, right?


Love the Noah Beefcake.

Ouch on the sunburned ear and scrapped elbow.

Enjoy the rest of your sort of vacation ;-)


Ahhh yes the sand eating - I remember my little sister sitting on the sand and literally shoveling it into her mouth. Good for you on the SPF 1million - Noah will have the same beautiful skin (no cancer!) in future that he has now. Don't worry about the trauma of Noahs' first 'dunking' - I went to the beach at 3 days (yes, DAYS) old in the end of November. I've been a water baby ever since.

Vaguely Urban

Eating sand sounds like of appealling, actually. Get that nice scouring action through your intestines - like a colonic, but without shoving a hose up your bum.


OK -- so where did you get that cabana, and how does it stay up and even better, does it stay up in wind? Did you have wind? I bought a sand-base cabana for my son, which sort of collapsed ONTO him at the first hint of a sea breeze (although in New Hampshire, not down in your neck of the woods).


The tent thingie is just a little pop-up sun hut I grabbed at Babies R Us at the very last minute. I can't seem to find a link to it online though. They had a stack of them next to the Little Swimmers diapers and it seemed like a good idea.

Turns out it was pretty much the greatest idea EVER.


My Noah has sandy poop too! But what I can't figure out is where it came from. We haven't even been to the beach.


Oh honey, your ear. I am cringeing with the pain.

This post made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Your child? How many more ways can I call him adorable? I need to branch out into other languages.

Wacky Mommy

"...rolling down the sandhills/ooh/aah/wheeeeeeeeeeee!" -- The Wiggles

(sorry it was stuck in my head and I had to get it OUT.)

Cute baby.


I got washed over by a wave at about a year old too. Don't worry - it didn't scar me for life! I'm a regular sea otter in the water now. But my mom said I had sand coming out of every orafice for weeks.

Love the pictures! Thank you for sharing.

Nicole P

What a preshus sand-eating little guy! Seriously, does the kid take a bad photo ever? Not. Possible. How long before the video of him *gasp* walking around the house trying to find the dog to chew on?

Y from the internet

Can you please bring that pop up tent thingy to BlogHer so that I can hide from all of You Skinny People while we're at the pool?



oh, sand in the diaper. That's great. Almost as good as the day I changed my charge's diaper (I'm a nanny to a one year old) and it was blue. BLUE - like Willy Wonka blue. Turns out he had lots of blueberries for snack that day. Good times.


So cute! I love the one of him with his tongue out. :)


Once again, such awesome story telling I felt like I was there with you!

But eating sand? Never would have occurred to me. Maybe Noah's diet is lacking a void filled only by sand.

Also looking forward to seeing "go poop sand" in an upcoming entry.


My younger son walked at nine months.


At nine months.

Yeah, I cried too.


Hey - I remembered to bring the Banana Boat spray thingy too - and the Coppertone and something else too, but was later reminded as my red flesh was being poked (it's fun to see it turn all white and then red again) that I forgot to put ON the SCUMSCREEN. It was a little too late for me, but afterwards I got lots of help with the scumscreen.
(Scumscreen! It was worth the burning pain just for the word!)


Yeah, gotta love the sand. I wish I could say my Noah wasn't still eating it occasionally, at you know, 3 years of age, but well, I can't, cause he does. I can't seem to get him to understand that when I'm wiping his ass afterwards and he complains it hurts, because, well you know, SANDPAPER?, that if he didn't eat it, it wouldn't come back out!


How is Noah 9 months old already? How? I swear you just had him like three weeks ago.


he gets cuter every damn day, woman!!! And way to have a super genius baby, what with the standing up and all!


Here's the thing. Even though the sharks in Nemo are friendly (mostly) my 3 year old is now deathly afraid of sharks.

We have no ocean around us, but he is CONVINCED that sharks live in the big people pool where we went on vacation. He could have lived in the kiddie pool, though.

Which meant Mom got to dangle her feet in the little pool while gazing longingly at the big pool with it's cool depths and at least 80% less pee.

He also came home as lily white as ever. I, however, came home with the chicken pox, because I know how to have a good time!

Yeah, it's two weeks later and I'm still on vacation, Damnit.


Uh oh. Photo number 2? That look is very much "yo, whaddaya lookin' at?"

I hope the sun was in his eyes. Otherwise, he is turning into a REAL BOY.


We were at the beach a few weeks back and a HUGE wave knocked my almost-four-year-old on his ass. He came up coughing and spluttering and ready to scream, but my smart smart brother said, "Charlie! You've gone UNDER the water! That means you're a REAL PIRATE now!" He was totally psyched and never cried once.

Also, I find that the Banana Boat SPF 50 bottle does nice double duty filling out the top of my swimsuit. You know, where the cleavage should be.

Exiled to Canada

Our little guy ate sand until just a few months ago (he's 3) and he really loved the delightfully horrifying sound it made when he ground it between his teeth. It sent every adult within earshot running and screaming.
He also got dunked (slipped under at swimming lessons) a few weeks ago but we just kept taking him to the pool/ocean until he was fine with it again. Don't worry about scarring, everyone has one of those stories from childhood and few of them end with "And I never went in the water again."
As for sunscreen, we put him in a one piece swimsuit that had an spf of 50 and coated anything that poked out of it in SPF 50. We found a spray at the local healthfood place that took care of bugs (he is all about hating the nature right now and screams if a bug comes near him) and sun and didn't have any weird chemicals. Seemed to work very well and he smelled like lavender and herbs-yummy.


Those are some awesome photos. And I laughed old sand out my nose reading about the sand penis and the pooping sand. I myself hate sand crotch--it's just not a good lubricant.

What a cute kid!


Sand. *gags* The reason I dislike the beach so much.

Amalah, I have to agree with Y. How the hell does Noah always look so photogenic? So jealous. But loving every second of it.

Off to read Smackdown.



Oh. The cuteness. Noah is in the adorable business!


I'm soon to be vacationing on the jersey shore, and my redheaded babies will be with me. Please to tell me where you are finding this wonderous sun shade contraption. Must save the baby skin from the cancer!!


My 8-month-old daughter just got finished pooping peas. Whole. Peas. Looks like it's back to the mushy stuff for a while. We haven't experienced sand yet...might wait a while on that one.


I noted in the first picture that Noah is playing with a Fisher Price stacking rings set. That just happens to be my daughter's favorite toy. It goes in the stroller, it goes to the changing table, it goes in the bath.

It goes down as her favorite toy of all time, for now.

Bozoette Mary

The first time My Son The Cop went to the beach (6 mos old), the first thing he did was bury his face in the sand and come up with a huge mouthful of the stuff. So yeah. Yummy! And he was also walking at nine months -- as my mom would say, "Push him down!" Kidding. (Mostly.)

Marie in Kourou

Sun tents (in child and adult sizes).

My father bought one a few years ago. It's truly wonderful for a person as paranoid about the sun as I am. I stayed under it, reading, every day. I only wish he had gotten a bigger one so I could stretch my legs in the shade.

The irony of this is that now I live on the Equator. I just had a friend in the US send me Banana Boat kids' sunscreen.

Melissa T.

Yeah, I took my daughter to Florida when she was Noah's age. Guess what - she feasted on sand too! Needless to day, with her expelling that sand the next day, ours was not a fun trip back to SC.

We used Bullfrog sunscreen, and my little red-head got not one sunburn. Which is more than I can say for her father and me. He did have a white square on his back where I only put the sunscreen. (Um, why did I not remember that if you don't APPLY it to all of your skin it doesn't PROTECT all of your skin?)

Dr. Johnny Fever

I know that red ear thing. My wife gets it when she's been on the phone for three hours. As I like to tell her, "A little screwin' should clear that right up."

Real Girl

Baby sun tent! Who knew? It's like baby's own travel cabana.

Noah building a sand penis is so very, very cute.


I am delurking, aided by a bottle of Pinot Noir and your Clubmom post, to say that Noah makes me want one. One = baby. He's perfect.

Occidental Girl

Sunrise/sunset was so funny it is killing me!

Now I have that damn song stuck in my head.

It's not so bad, as songs go. Welcome back from vacation!


De-lurking in honor of your ClubMom post to say hello and to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. I don't have one of my own but am seriously considering it. Too bad never have anything cool to say!!

Silly Hily

Those are some fabulous pictures. I must say I was thrown off by the ear thing. I was all, don't you mean your left ear...that's your left ear. And then my lightbulb finally flickered and I took into account the whole mirror thing. Yeah, so while I'm not on vacation, my brian very well might be.


I've been afraid to take Kaitlyn to the beach for fear of her tissue-paper-thin skin turning into hot red blistered skin. Bullfrog sunscreen-check.

That photo of you and Noah making the sand castle should be framed and hung in your living room because you are both SO. DARN. CUTE!
And thanks Marie for the link to the Sun Tent.


The pictures of Noah rock! Just wait until he starts eating blueberries. Blueberry poop is an amazing substance sure to disgust you and baffle your nose with its pungent aroma.


although you have to admit that telling someone to "GO POOP SAND" is a really good child-friendly alternative to "GO FUCK YOURSELF."

Hysterically brilliant!


If a bottle of Banana Boat Baby SPF 50 made my chest look larger, I'd TOTALLY be down with shoving a few bottles in my bathing suit top.

I mean, for protection from the sun's evil rays and all.


SPF 50 leaves you whiter than when you put it on. It somehow sucks out any color you've acquired. Or maybe it's just me.


Okay - for all of you who were so interested in the pop up tent! A great site/catalog for those kinds of wonderful thingys is:


Oh boy! If Noah is already sucking on your USB cables, watch out! That's how my newly minted 1 yr old started.

And I wish I was kidding about this but I gotta run because he just started the dishwasher...AGAIN.

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