Recycled
City of Mine

The Kind of Thing I Should Probably Keep to Myself

I just watched Blue's Clues. By myself. While Noah was napping.

And yeah. I knew exactly where the remote was.

Today's question: What does Blue want to buy at the store?

Today's clues: Numbers, lines and a block of wood.

Oakred_2



So I was thinking, okay, obviously the lines go on the wood, although I was a little thrown by the lack of a mirror, but the continuity errors on this show do kind of drive me nuts sometimes (how many doors to the backyard ARE THERE, especially since the front of the house is approximately six feet wide, and also, on the "Bedtime Business" episode they made a huge fricking deal about the special notebook that was soft and puffy like a pillow, yet everytime we saw Joe draw a clue it was OBVIOUSLY just the regular old paper notebook, and yeah, I did write a letter, like, what are we supposed to believe it's some kind of "magic notebook" or something? Jesus.), so um. I was willing to overlook the lack of a mirror.

The numbers kind of confused me, unless they were a measurement for just how much blow Blue wanted to buy, or possibly she didn't want to buy cocaine at all, but was planning to barter with a crack whore for the monetary equivalent in sexual favors, and the block of wood was just there in case an agreement couldn't be reached and Joe needed to smack that bitch up.

OR maybe the numbers were a symbol of a mysterious universal force that has brought all these strange animated household items together in this tiny little house, from whence no one escapes, except Steve, who went to "college," despite having the mental acuity of an ironing board and regulary needing guidance from preschoolers to make it through his day. That would possibly explain why the salt and pepper shakers came from France, but doesn't further the storyline about why a fucking sidetable drawer can talk but Blue can't, unless she's in her weird little hatbox playroom, which, DUDES.

Bluedharma

It also doesn't explain why the plastic shovel doesn't wear clothes yet still requires pyjamas, but maybe next season will get around to that. My pet theory is that Joe is actually in a coma following a bicycle accident and will awake to find himself in a home for mentally disabled adults, where "Blue" is actually his deaf-mute roommate who thinks he's a cross-dressing police detective, and then they'll all teach us an important lesson about bike helmet safety.

Anyway. Turns out Blue wanted a ruler. I was pretty close though.

God, I love this show.

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Sing Along Blue, who was only vaguely purchased for Noah.

Comments

abqchunk

Hello! That was supposed to read,"I put my kids to BED early..."
I guess I need to lay off the coffee and chocolate creamer!

DeannaBanana

Some seriously funny stuff Amalah! As always, fun reading.

JoyLynn

Heh, I have a singing Blue, and have for a few years now. And my son? Only 5 months, so yeah...I love me some Blue's Clues! : )

Robbi

Okay, kid's shows these days are just so fun. My personal favorite is Lazy Town on Nick Jr. HILARIOUS. I could watch it all freakin day. We also bought the soundtrack "for our daughter" and even as I'm driving away from her daycare, it takes me a while to realize that I am STILL listening to the damn cd. ALONE! Also not sure if you watch Elmo's World at all, but that show has tons of adult humor in it!

BabsieD

You don't think that's actually SALT that Mrs. Salt is holding, do you?

Hopefully they'll do a special episode of Steve in college (okay, rehab), and Blue can help him find out where he hid his reefer.

(3 Footer + Couch Cushion + Laurie Berkner DVD)

The one that REALLY freaks me out is the damn star that is now co-hosting the Goodnight Show. I finally had to let it out and blogged about it yesterday, as I'm convinced he's a no-good hoodlum. He scares the crap out of me.

Katie Kat

Okay, you officially rock my world with your hilarity! I am of the opinion that Barney is the Antichrist, so this Blue's Clues gem was one I can totally agree with the subtle reference to Twin Peaks!

You are the best... PLEASE move to my town (and bring Heather [dooce]) and be my best friend... PWEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!

Katie Kat

Sorry about the complete lack of a middle section to that post... I broke my hand and have a cast, so typing is a challenge!

Anyway, what I INTENDED to say was:

"I am of the opinion that Barney is the Antichrist, so this Blue's Clues gem was one I can totally agree with. Also, I LOVE the subtle reference to Twin Peaks!"

P.S., I'm still laughing!

Isabel

I know this is going to be me in a few short weeks. My 3 month old can't get enough of TV. Right now he's really into Project Runway and Entourage.

He's going to grow up and think he deserves his OWN entourage. We're not doing him any favors.

Meg

Okay there girlie, I'm starting to get a little worried about you :)

phoeby

You're not really in trouble until Jason starts singing the "mail time" song. Which definitely didn't happen at my house yesterday. No, no it didn't.

Maniacal

I watched blue way before I had kids. And even now my husband is always saying to my daughter

"I think Mommy likes this show better than you little girl"

To which I reply...huh? Shhhh I can't hear!!!

Pendullum

God...
Joe seems a hell of a lot better than Steve... when my kid was watching Blues Clues...
But of course there was the rumour that Steve was a junkie living in New York... and was looking to have a hipper life without Blue and Miss Parikia or whatever the hell those characters were...
They only come back to me in flashback nightmares of past life and having to endure said show...

Kirsten

"And how do salt & pepper give birth to paprika? It is not even kind of possible. They would totally give birth to that mixture they use at Subways."

Holy shit. I just snorted on my computer monitor. Again. Y'all are frickin brilliant. Briliiant.

Kristie

OMG my kids used to watch that show eight years ago...back when Steve was still there. We had the sing-a-long Blue and we had a Handy Dandy Notebook.

I do not miss those days at all.

Adrienne

I feel really bad,but, whoever said Joe was hot needs glasses. Its Steve,baby, ALLLL Steve. My daughter loved him so much that she stole a bunch of money from our family friend (Out of his POCKET, none the less) and fed it to the vcr, so Steve had enough money to buy stuff. Now thats love!!!

MamaKaren

Steve Burns guest starred on an episode of "Homocide: Life on the Street" as a killer high school kid. It was very hard to watch him on "Blue's Clues" from that point onward.

Amalah

Steve vs. Joe could very well be the next hot-button topic in the Mommy Wars.

warcrygirl

I was going to ask who you thought was hotter, Steve or Joe but I see that's already been taken care of. Not only is Joe NOT attractive he's boring as hell. The first time Hubby watched an episdoe with Joe, when it was over he said "I liked the old guy better". Even heterosexual men prefer Steve over Joe 2 to 1.

rabbit

My sister and I were watching the featured blues clues episode that was on OnDemand while babysitting my nephew, and my boyfriend managed to get sucked into it. The clues were a traffic cone, a truck, and circles. My boyfriend's guess? Blue wants to go get his commercial driver's license. Of course. (It turned out to be 'wants to get ice cream from the ice cream truck'...which got us all started on the unfairness of using a 'traffic cone' instead of an ice cream cone and totally tricking us, I mean small children. Very unfair. To the children.)

erin rae

I didn't even realize Blue was a girl dog the first couple of times I watched the show. I figured it was all 1950s-ish: Blue is the boy and Magenta is the girl.

This was definitely your funniest post in a long time. LOVE IT!


Gurukarm

I bow to your greater wisdom in all things Lost - obviously I am not the fan I thought I was. Sigh. since I didn't catch the number thing until I got to the comment that pointed it out. But (go me!) I did recognize the Dharma symbol of course :-)

And, DD is 18 and DS is 12 1/2 - long outgrown BC, unfortunately. Although that means I get to miss the nasty Joe, apparently. Steve was definitely the bomb. We're now almost past Degrassi, and into Gilmore Girls reruns and I'm not sure what all else...

Wacky Mommy

re: J's comment: "Then there's my favorite. Nanalan. Nanalan is all puppets..."

J, please tell me now! is Nanalan the "rowing the princess" show? See, I even blogged about it a long time ago...

Rowing the Princess

kat

Well, Blue's Clues must have gotten some new writers or something, because, DUDE, 10 years ago (can it really be that long?) I would shudder as my young son clapped and cheered along. I weep for your sanity, dear amalah.

Amalah

ILOVR JOE. ALL YOU STEVE PEPLE CAN BITE ME BECUZ NOAH LOVES JOE AND WONT EVEN WQTCH STEVE EPS AND OM GOD I AM DRUUUUUUNK. HI.

Nic

I don't know if anyone mentioned this but last I heard Steve was touring with Flaming Lips.

Fo reelz.

Myranda

OMG! ROFLMFAO!!! That was awsome. I have had the worse week, that make up for it all. Everyone talks about some other show, my to talk about will be Barney. He is NOT ALLOWED in our house. NO toys, movies, cartoons, clothes....NOTHING. "He is big and purple and NOT everyones best friend" There is only ONE big and purple thing allowed in my house! :)

ttfn

Aly

Teehee! Drunk Amalah posts make my day!

-Aly

Wacky Mommy

ps -- Miss Amy, your hair is looking good.

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