In Which I Make a Complete Ass of Myself, Part Four Million and Twelve
TIREWATCH 2006: Day 94

Target is the New IKEA

For several summers in a row, we've had the misfortune (translation: BREATHTAKING STUPIDITY) of going to IKEA on a big back-to-school weekend. Possibly THE back-to-school weekend. You know, the COLLEGE STUDENT back-to-school weekend, when every single college student from every single college in the area descends on IKEA in hopes of transforming their eight-foot cube of a dorm room into a Scandinavian paradise of modular shelving with perfectly-sized wicker baskets and big shaggy rugs, despite 1) having a roommate who is going to get drunk every weekend and dump all the wicker baskets over in attempt to find one to wear as a hat, and also 2) not realizing what a goddamned pain it's going to be vacuuming ramen noodles out of that big shaggy rug with a borrowed Dustbuster.

The good news is: we did not go to IKEA this weekend. (Although in an alternate reality we might have, had we made good on our plans to move out of the city this summer. Which you may have noticed, we most certainly did not. We attached some handles on our kitchen cabinets and Jason CLAIMS to have fixed the toilet that randomly decides not to flush, and by "randomly" I mean "every time you poop in it." But we're kind of paralyzed by fear and doubt and real estate prices that have not gone down as much as we thought, and the realization that we'd probably be the kind of homeowners who forget to mow the lawn and leave toilets on the front curb, and I am basing this on the fact that we have had a SPARE TIRE in our FOYER for THREE MONTHS NOW.)

Img_5140_4

Exhibit A.

Anyway. We did not go to IKEA this weekend. We went to Target instead.

THINGS WE NEEDED AT TARGET:

1) Mouthwash, and
2) an iron.

AMOUNT OF MONEY THESE THINGS WILL COST YOU AT TARGET:

$312.87, not including the mouthwash, which we totally forgot to buy.

You know I love IKEA. You know I loooooove IKEA. In fact, I wish I were at IKEA right now, eating a 99-cent hot dog and purchasing some kind of spare-tire organizer for the foyer.

Yet you may not know that I have similar love for Target. How could I not? Target sells makeup, which you know I need a lot of to hide the black eyes I get after I anger IKEA and he backhands me across the face for daring to expect a full set of wooden dowels, like do I not know how much stress IKEA's under these days over at the factory? IKEA's boss is a total dick, and he just wants to drink some lingonberry wine to take the edge off, and then I have to barge in with my whining about a tilty floor lamp that sparks when I plug it in? Can't I just leave IKEA be for five minutes? Goddammit, woman.

Until this past weekend, I've always thought of Target as my Safe Place. It's big! Bright! Clean! (Did I ever tell you how I almost got peed on at Wal-Mart once? By someone who I did not give birth to, who is pretty much the only person who would make that sentence even remotely less horrifying?  I mean, I'll gladly let IKEA crush my tender spirit for the sake of a cheap TV cabinet but I REALLY DRAW THE LINE AT GETTING PEED ON WHILE TRYING TO BUY A WAFFLE IRON.)

Anyway. Target + Saturday + suburban parking lot + 40 Million College Students Who All Want the Same Damn Minifridge and Are Willing to Fight to the Death Over It = A Very Bad Saturday (Weeping + Gnashing of Teeth)²

You might want to put that equation on a little flashcard. For your wallet maybe.

The good news is that we got a lot of cool stuff that we totally didn't realize we needed until that very moment, although I am trying to think of a single cool thing that we bought and cannot, save for a box of Kix (not because Noah is bored of Cheerios, but because WE are bored of FEEDING him Cheerios) and an 10-pack of bibs for nine damn dollars. That's less than a dollar a bib, y'all. Go on. Do the math yourself. I double-checked it.

The bad news is that Noah yelled at the top of his lungs the entire time -- not cried or fussed, just YELLLLLLLLED -- and at one point I decided the thing to do would be to just YELL BACK, and I did this at the precise moment of an announcement over the store's loudspeaker, which everyone in a five-aisle radius miraculously decided to shut up and listen to, and then Noah -- startled more by the loudspeaker than my yelling, I think -- crumpled into a little bundle of teary tears, much to the tongue-clucking dismay of some nearby tongue-cluckers.

I may also have been holding a box of condoms at the time.

The worst news, however, is that I killed a woman in line for writing a personal check, realizing that she had a actually had a coupon for Goldfish crackers, then realizing it was an EXPIRED coupon, and then deciding that she didn't actually want a box of Goldfish crackers after all. I killed her, and I am writing this entry from jail.

It's not bad, actually. Although a nice shaggy throw rug and a minifridge would really brighten things up.

Img_5048

Next time, I will pee on Goldfish Cracker Coupon Lady.

Comments

shy me

Wait.. wait... you almost got peed on? At Wal-Mart?

Bwa?

lindsay

o dear - getting peed on in public, while in your safe haven is just plain disturbing...

Spencer

Hello!

Good to see your still having adventures in retail!

cursingmama

Just wait until you LIVE in the Suburbs and you stop at Target almost daily for Milk & Bread and you realize that you might need an extra income to support your Target habit.

Not that I would know about things like that....

Kathryn

HA! I feel the same about the whole Walmart/Ikea thing...the level of abuse I'm willing to take. But Target may have lost its status as my safe place ever since a certifiably (I assume) crazy guy deliberately rammed his cart into me there last year. gah...scary! Deliberately, people! I had to run between clothing racks to keep him from doing it again!

Jenn

Target is a bad place for us and our checkbook. I go in for nail polish and slip into a fugue state and only regain consciousness after I have a receipt in my hand for over $100.

Nancy

Target's really nice on a Sunday morning around 10:00 AM. You can almost hear the crickets chirping in the aisles -- it's that quiet.

I think your jail cell would look totally great with a lava lamp. And did you see those great deals in the $1 bins? Great prison decor.

Emily

Amen sister, I don't go to church on Sunday mornings, I go to Target. It is so my happy place. Once in birth prep class when the teacher said to picture your calm place, I pictured Target. Ahh I wish I was there now.

j!!

We call it the Red Circle Boutique in my 'hood.

Mother

I was behind 3 people at the coffee shop this am and they ALL paid for their decaf add splenda with A CHECK.

I love the South.

Nancy

p.s. -- could I possibly say "great" one more time? Great!

Liberal Banana

I was at Target yesterday and it frickin' sucked. I happen to have written about it in TWO places on my blog today (the main post and in my Random Thought in the sidebar). There were SO many people there. SO. MANY. And the bra area was a damn mess. (The one on Rt. 1 in Arlington.) Grrr.

ktbug

I am relieved to read that it is not just me. There are others who share my love of Target and the inability to leave there without spending at least $100.
Also - I think maybe Noah will be the one emptying out his roommate's wicker baskets looking for the perfect one to wear as a hat. I'm just sayin'...

TamarisKim

Did you ever hear the one about the woman who almost stole a child from Wal-Mart because the mother had precariously balanced the 2-month-old neck of the baby on the metal back of the child seat part of the cart and then strapped the poor thing in by hoisting the seatbelt around said 2-month-old's armpits? No? That's probably good.

During the same trip I warned a mother about her child's bare feet and the shattered pickle jar in the aisle and the woman said to me "She'll learn!" as if I was the crazy one.

I don't go to Walmart alone anymore. It's too hard to keep from stealing other people's children.

Nicoleberry83

Long-time lurker, first-time writer. But I had too similar a Target experience this weekend to keep silent. My intention was the leave my apartment to buy a lime. We ended up at Target, where I proceeded to buy a waffle iron, hand mixer, popcorn popper, detergent, metal mixing bowls, and some other assorted crap. The one thing I did NOT buy? A lime.

Starbuck

I'm not a tongue clucker, never have been and don't hang with people who are. But I have been know to roll the eyes in my brain at people.

Maybe the tire is an exercise/plaything for Noah. Like a hamster wheel or something. At least that's what you can tell people when they wonder why you have a spare tire in the foyer.

jessica

The best thing about my house? 10 minutes from IKEA and I don't even have to get on 95. We do have neighbors with a four big tent things and 6 cars though.... It's a tradeoff.

Amytoo

I thought it was great when we bought our house. You can see Target from it. OK, in the winter when there aren't any leaves on the trees, but still.

Target is like a siren. It's a dangerous, dangerous place. I don't think living so close is quite as great at this point.

Cost Plus World Market is like that too. *shudders*

Amy M

Target is a dangerous place for my wallet as well.

But you almost got peed on at Walmart? I'm hoping the story involves some sort of baby or dog and not an adult human...

erika

Oooh, thanks for the reminder about back-to-school craziness. I was thinking about going to Target this weekend. Yikes, and in a college town, too! Maybe I will take the wise advice above and go first thing on Sunday morning. None of them thar college students will be awake yet.

kalisah

I love Target, too.

I live out in the suburbs, and not 5 minutes from my house is a huge Super Target right next door to a huge....Super Walmart.

So far, I've managed not to rant about the difference in the clientelle, but seriously? Where do these Wal Mart shoppers come from? Because most of them don't even have all their teeth and I'm pretty sure they don't live in my neighborhood. They must bus them in from somewhere out in the hills of Tennessee.

Maria

He looks entirely too angelic to have misbehaved in Target ;-)

Wal-Mart pee story, please.

Jessie

The Walmart Pee Story does sound interesting, and exactly what I'd expect to happen at Walmart, because sheesh, the people there.

Anyway, I almost killed someone this weekend too, although it was not over check writing, but if after I almost killed this person someone had slowed me down by pulling that kind of check-writing stunt? There would have been no almost about it. I would have killed her. Good for you for having a modicum more patience than me.

Heather

Target = Nirvana.

As a gift, I once got a gift card for Target for $56. Because every one of my friends think its hilarious that I always seem to spend 56 damn dollars there, even if I only went in for toothpaste.

Do you get all giggly when you see those red-bar sale/clearance tags on the end of the shelves, like me? It's a sickness.

jonniker

Peed on in a Wal-Mart? Dear God (I did get peed on at the DMV, but I think that's sort of a requirement for walking in the door).

Also, we have limited our Target trips because we just can't afford them. We walk out of their with $500 worth of merchandise every time, even though we only needed cotton balls, including herb gardens and hose hiders and all kinds of shit NO ONE NEEDS and yet, there we are, buying them with glee.

Y from the internet

Dude, WTF IS UP WITH THE TIRE?

HAHAHHAHA.

Do you ever climb in it and let Jason push you around the house in it? God, that would be so awesome.

katie

i think they diffuse some sort of mind-altering substance in the air at target, convincing people that they NEED to buy everything because it's such a good deal! and sparkly purses! and the shooooes! and maybe even a fancy shirt for my cat...

yeah. i love target but it's dangerous territory for my budget.

Boozie

Um, can you please post tomorrow about almost getting peed on at Wal-Mart? I *did* get peed on while waiting in line at a bar in Richmond, once. Also, thank you for this post because I was going to go to Target tonight and now I will wait until October. Except we need a garden hose, to water the garden, which will be dead by October. But, next year, the garden will be lush and not dead!

Amalah

The Wal-Mart Pee Story is actually much less interesting in the full telling, which is why I usually leave it at, "I almost totally got peed on at Wal-Mart once."

I was standing there innocently in the small appliance aisle when I glanced down and saw a small girl in a dress kind of squatting next to me. Then I glanced down again and noticed the puddle. That I had ONE WHOLE FOOT in.

She'd just...peed. Right there next to my feet. Her mom grabbed her and hauled ass towards the bathroom while I stared at the impressive yellow puddle, wiped my shoe on the tile floor a couple times and hauled ass out of there.

supa

I loved this post so much I just married it. I'll send photos from the honeymoon.

Sarah

Ahh! I couldn't agree more! WalMart: hate!! (Except, woo, cheap fabric! For I am crafty! But cheap!) Target: loooovee. Ikea: loooovee. Went there yesterday, actually, for the 2nd time in a week (and it's 45 minutes away). I now have 11 boxes of Ikea goodness to assemble. 4 boxes done last night with no drama or missing pieces. So far so good!

natalie

This morning at Dunkin' Donuts in downtown Bethesda (where everyone has money to buy donuts & coffe), I was behind a lady using a coupon for every one of her donuts & smoothies (she was buying for a whole gang of kids), and she yelled at the poor girl behind the counter and put back donuts and made a royal ass out of herself. All for saving what? $1 maybe?

Michelle

HAAAAAAAAAAAAllelujah!

I've been living in Wal-Mart City, Arkansas since June - so dubbed (by me) because this is the town of the original Wal-Mart. The Wal-Mart MUSEUM is here, y'all. I hate Wal-Mart. Every Wal-Mart I ever went to in my home state was absolutely ghetto. So I'm a bit unenthusiastic about the situation in my new town, where everything is Wal-Mart. Although to be fair, the Wal-Mart here is NOT ghetto, I just don't like going there on principle.

So imagine my utter GLEE when we were on our way to Best Buy one day and found a Target. I grabbed my boyfriend's arm, driver of our vehicle, and gasped "OOOOHHH!" quite loudly, causing him to start and cry out "WHAT?!?!" in alarm. "TARGET! I! AM!! SAVED!!!" (Yes, I did indeed say everyone one of those exclamation points, you had to be there.)

Boyfriend commenced eye rolling and told me NOT to do that again unless we were about to be run over by a mac truck or abducted by aliens.

Jess

I swear by Target, I swear at my bank account after being at Target and I swear I will not go in that store for the rest of the month because MY LORD COULD I HAVE SPENT MONEY THERE ON SATURDAY? As I perused around the aisles, I looked down to find that yes, my shirt, shorts, underwear, watch, earrings and purse were all from Target. I promptly left the store and drove to a rehab clinic and I write you from my hospital room. And it sure would be nice to have those Thomas O'Brien curtains I wanted to help give this white washed room some flavor.

Jamie

I heart Tarjay. I hate Wally World (aka as the entrance to hell.) You must write about the urine Walmart thingy. And honestly I think they pipe in extra oxygen into the air filtration system at Target because I always buy tons of random shit I don't need.

Y from the internet

Ok, seriously, am I the only one who even cares about the FUCKING TIRE IN YOUR FOYER? Am I the only one who is like "THE HELL? A tire? In the foyer? BUT WHY? And also hahahha A tire! In her foyer! I want to take a ride in it! A put a BEEFLOG in it! And spray paint flowers on it!"

I guess I am.

Amalah

What can I say, Y? We're just country.

Shiz

I think hot dogs are 2 for .99 at our IKEA.

Sorry, gal.

Hmm, that'd be niiice right now. IKEA-dogs. And frozen yogurt. And Diet Pepsi, which for some reason I only want when I'm at IKEA.

Emily

Last time I was in Target I was paged by the pharmacy. Except they prounounced my last name completely wrong, and even though EVERYONE pronounces my last name wrong and I should be FAMILIAR with this wrong pronunciation, it didn't even occur to me that it was ME they were calling. Until they called me a second time. And my husband looked at me and said, "You know? I think that's YOU they're calling."

It was kind of embarrassing and there is no point to my comment, really.

Although we had a tire delivered through the mail a few weeks ago. I thought it was too redneck of us to leave it outside, but then we brought it inside and UGH the rubbery smell made me want to vomit so back outside it went and we were right back to redneck status again.


Y from the internet

It's just so random, that I am in love with it. Seriously. I love random-ness.

Coun.
Tray.

mizburd

Honey, the next time someone like the goldfish cracker lady is in front of you in line, call me and I'll come over and pee on her my ownself.

Bozoette Mary

So... do they allow conjugal visits at the girl jail in Jessup? Because I would have killed her, too, and I need to get my ducks in a row just in case.

Sarcomical

target has gotten all The O.C. on me while i was away. did you notice this? have you seen the school supplies there? i'm just saying. everything was funky and hip and fabric-covered and made me curse the options i had in school of kitty folders and clear plastic pencil cases.

Heather B.

My mother still writes checks. I need to physically restrain myself from ripping the checkbook from her hands so that she might use a piece of plastic like all normal people. I've developed a Pavolvian type tick everytime I see the damn checkbook.

sue

Am down with the Target. I can sympathize with the tire in the foyer. I have a weed eater in the "eat in" part of the kitchen. When I asked husband why - he said he "might" be using it that night. That was over a week and a foot of weeds ago. oy.

Frema

My husband and I live a stone's throw from Super Target and buy ninety percent of our groceries there. Ben and Jerry's for $2.69. Cereal for $2.50. Plus, they have a candy section that features Jelly Belly jelly beans.

Good thing they sell Weight Watchers frozen dinners, too, for a buck seventy-seven.

IHF

Having just returned from the madness of Ikea -- oh, sweet cafe with your meetballs in lingonberry sauce and your atmosphere of mismatched furniture reminicent of an airport! -- you were all timely and stuff. Also, you just explained the Hell that was Bed, Bath and Beyond this weekend. Thank you.

(We bought cool dragon sheets for Moon's big girl bed at Ikea -- bet you wish you went there now!)

http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?topcategoryId=15567&catalogId=10103&storeId=12&productId=52992&langId=-1&categoryId=16178&chosenPartNumber=50078690

deirdre

Target is my secret garden as well, and I have NEVER gotten out of there for less than $100.00, not one time, ever!
I have to say though that I absolutely detest Wal-Mart, I hate it, hate it, hate it! I used to have to go there to get Boudreaux's Butt Balm for my little ones diaper rash (the best stuff ever for the butt, and smells good enough to eat!), but luckily Target has it now, so I never have to go back to the tacky, gross, breeding ground for the lowest forms of life known as Wal-Mart. I would rather shop in gas station mini-marts, as I feel they are palaces compared to Wal-Mart.
The tire slays me, and I can relate as I have two gigantic boxes in my dining room, that have been there for a year, and yet, I still have no idea what is in them!

Megan

I love Target, too, and cringe whenever I pass a Wal-Mart. As another poster said - where the hell do these customers come from? I live in Chicago, and there's one in the 'burbs near me. I swear, every.single.customer is missing their teeth, dirty, etc. Where are they from?!?

Cara

I LOOOOVVVVEEEE Target, too! It is my most favorite place to shop...ever. However, I do not share your same affection of IKEA. I so hate that place. Maybe it's because my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend was scandanavian and I hated her. Perhaps I have unfairly judged IKEA...

Anyway, I am a first time commenter... linked to your site for the first time a few days ago from RSM. I really enjoyed reading your archives and plan to visit daily! My most favorite archive I came accross was "Nobody tells you" on 6-6-06. I have so had this moment (more than a few times) and have never had the balls to admit it. You rock!

Your son Noah is adorable! I have a lovely 19 month old son that likes to yell EVERYTIME I go to Target.

Exiled to Canada

God, I have had that exact same day! Except it was a coupon for cat food, and I nearly had an aneurysm....It's a real wonder I haven't been arrested....

jen

I love tire.

*pixie*

OMG. This post totally took me 20 minutes to read with all the linky love that I HAD to read, and pictures to click on and see bigger. That coupled with the fact that I was eating delicious homemade Key Lime Pie made this a very enjoyable 20 minutes.

phoeby

1. This might be the funniest thing you ever wrote: and by "randomly" I mean "every time you poop in it."

2. until: "purchasing some kind of spare-tire organizer for the foyer". Genius. Am in tears.

3. Prior to homeownership, I had a screwdriver sticking out of a hole in my kitchen wall for 2 months. Not even as big a tire! And yet it was there! For TWO MONTHS! Fortunately, we've managed to escape the toilet-on-curb since we've purchased a house.

4. Also just switched to Kix after a cheerios boycott. Love that Noah!

SprengBlingBling

Dude. Have you SEEN the new furniture Target is stocking? Seriously. It's like a Crate and Barrel truck got lost and unloaded in there by mistake. We got this gorgeous armoire that looks like it definitely did not come from Target.

I heart it.

I also got all my nursey furniture there and you wouldn't know it wasn't from Pottery Barn Kids if if I didn't tell you. Crib at Pottery Barn $799. Same crib at Target, $299.

Jerusalem

I made the same mistake on Sunday. Target and Shoe Carnival.Apparently, Sunday was the last day EVER to buy shoes. They will never have another chance, shoes are no longer being sold anwywhere as of today.

Cessa


Also, my weaknes is Target's Clearance racks. I used to go and browse after a bad day at work. And then sneak the new sweater in and pretend it wasn't new

Oh My Goodness!!! Noah totally looks JUST like you in that last picture!!

laura

I've always said that when I go to prison, I'd like a miniature kitchen to make my cell a little homier. So I'm going to send you one of these: http://www.avantiproducts.com/mini/mini.html. I've been looking for a good excuse to buy one. Thanks!

liz

Yep, it's student infestation week. I live in the same town as a very large Big 10 University and we can't go anywhere. I need groceries and don't want to fight the crowds. Hopefully they will be settled in soon. The bad news is that our Chipotle is in Campustown and there is no parking so I can't get my fix.

Chi

You kill me, woman. Spare tire organizer indeed. :)

GM

In Minnesota, the birthplace of Target, they have 2-story Targets! With special escalators for your cart to ride upstairs. Because what would you do if your cart couldn't go upstairs with you?

Missie

Laughing so hard I may have peed on myself.

While eating Goldfish crackers.

That were bought without a coupon.

At Wal-Mart.

Terri

Your house is always so clean ... even the tire in your foyer looks cleaner than the tire in my foyer.

Niki

YAY for Target! I can't think of the last time I actually wrote a check for anything (other than a bill). Thank God for the debit/Mastercard thingy!

Chase

I've never been to IKEA!! But, guess what? I'm moving to Frisco, TX soon and they JUST built one there!! I'm soooooooooo thrilled!!!

I think I shall move into the IKEA. You can come visit.

Adrienne

I love Target. I could spend a fortune there. I hate Wal-Mart. I was in Puerto Rico once, and the Wal-Mart had a GUARD TOWER in the middle of the parking lot with an armed guard in it. Crazy shit.

Wacky Mommy

Now that was a tremendous post.

Chris

All this talk about Ikea is making me hungry for the meatball meal with hockey puck rolls!

rosalicious

Do you know how much I miss that damn Potomac Mills IKEA???!!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOO much!

There is no IKEA in Denver.

(And really, that still doesn't stop me. My new IKEA kitchen table set arrives tomorrow. The set? $119. The shipping? $238. Yeah, I know. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS FOR A LOCAL IKEA!)

CourtneyP

Oh Target, how I love thee...

Hmmm, I thought the only people who still write checks in this world were here in Illinois in front of me in every line, of course. Did I mention how my four small kids LOVE waiting in line? ;)

wordgirl

Target is my new church.

earlyduckie

Target is the best ever! My big weakness is their clearance clothing racks. Tank tops for just $3.11. My brain sees that and immediatly I think I need an ill-fitting tank in every color.

Also ditto on the Walmart thing. I live in a very nice area of Cincinnati, and everytime (which is not very often) I am amazed by the people who look straight out of a casting for "country people."

Ok, I am going to go think about what I should buy next at Target :)

desiree

This may be one of my favoritest posts ever! Carry that equation in my wallet! Hah!

Tippy

you know why CP IKEA sucks balls? i'll tell you why. because if you go in there with another person, it's a guarantee one of you will wander off the path, dazzled by some sparkling glassware for $1 a stem, or perhaps an OOLAJ pillow for only $2.50 and get lost and there is NO DAMNED CELL SERVICE IN THAT PLACE. i once wandered around for an hour looking for my friend i went in with. i was very sad.

ps i'm reading your archives - totally not stalking or anything.

Heather

I forgot to tell you - the BEST part! The two (THAT'S RIGHT - TWO!) Targets near me have a Starbucks....inside!!!

Jennifer

I have lived in Hawaii for 3 & 1/2 years and we have NO TARGET. It was like I had lost my best friend when I got here and found that out. So last May, I went to Las Vegas to meet my family (from Texas) and #1 on my to do list was to go shop at Target. It was everything I thought it would be. 3+ years w/out just doesn't cut it. Kmart and Walmart suck.

FreeCyprus

I once walked over to the nearby Target in Vegas...but I didn't realize how far it was and I was due back to the hotel for a seminar. At the Target I realized that I would never make it back on time unless I found a cab quick.

There was a Canadian family that heard me talking to the cashier and the dad said "hey, you said Canadian..." We chatted for a while then the family offered me a ride back to the hotel and I made the seminar in time.

I really don't know where this story is going but it's my one and only Target experience.
:-)

blackbird

sheesh.

I'd love to comment.
But,all the way down here in the 70's of comments?
Justforgetit.

jomama

I hope that spare tire is not a 205/50 17, because I really could have used it Tuesday when I was buying new tires in your neck of the woods. I'm just saying.

And Target is a bad place that makes me feel sooo good. I think it's the color scheme.

Amalah

Well, blackbird, I'M still reading, if that's any consolation.

Leah

I can totally feel your pain! Last night I went to Target. I will NEVER EVER again go to Target on the night before school starts. Ever. Never. The person in front of me needed prices checked. On every. Last. THING. Oh, and then she was VERY MAD because she wanted her minifridge in PINK. I bet she was worse than Coupon Lady. :)

Dr. Johnny Fever

Somehow, the juxtaposition of Wal-Mart and pee just work for me.

Natalie

That was one funny post.

Sarey

Targets that are two-stories? My kids already hate me because I go to Target at least 2 or 3 times a week, and can spend a few hours in there. At least when school starts next week, I can go in private (and no one will know how much time I will spend in the beloved Target, drinking a Starbucks, and scanning every aisle for those red clearance tags).

Walmart --- NO! NO! NO!

But, Oh Target, how I love thee...

As for IKEA - I am one of the few people left on the planet who have never been to an IKEA. I knoW!!! I don't know why - Columbus (OH) has everything else. I keep looking at it online, but it's just not the same. Maybe it's time to take a trip to Pittsburgh... there must be some reason why I need to visit Pittsburgh (and I'll add a day for IKEA).

Sarey

P.S. My cousin kept a set of 4 tires in her bedroom for about 6 months. WTF?

Lisa

Ok first time poster here. I was forced to go to Wally World today because I have $130.00 worth of gift cards that 1) I have had for over 7 years (Christmas presents from my brothers) and that 2)cannot be used online. UGGHH... I complained to my husband all day yesterday in anticipation of my trip about how much I hate Walmart. But, alas, my digital camera needed replacing and I did have those damn gift cards that CANNOT BE USED ONLINE!! So, today we packed up our 2 kids and made a fun family trip to Walmart. I need to go shower now.

I love your site. I look forward to reading it every day.

starrynite

We don't have Target over here :( Clearly sympathy is due. Still, on holiday in Greece last week I found a Sephora!! Yes! Sephora!!! Because since the one closed down at Bluewater, there is no more Sephora here...in fact, when you go to the Sephora website, there isn't even a UK option when you select your country....*sigh*. But Greek Sephora is very expensive, so none of us bought anything, we just wandered around in awe for a while, whilst the guys went elsewhere to look at more "manly" things haha.

William

Ikea is from the devil.

Marie

If you find that spare tire organizer for your foyer, could you pick one up for me too? Not that we have a tire in-house at the moment, but things like that come in and stay way too long here. Like years.

I understand your passion for all things IKEA. Why the hell they don't put one in upstate NY is beyond me. We have to cross the border to Canada to get to the nearest one. It's worth it though.

Ashley

For some reason I can allow myself to buy clothes at Target and cannot at Wal-Mart.

Just a little introspective thought.

sarah

I cannot stop laughing...

Fraulein N

I heart Target so much. I'm going to settle down and have its babies, and then I'll stay home with them ... unless Target wants to stay home with them, in which case I'll go back to work but on my way home I will stop at Target and shop shop shop and OMG it is going to be so AWESOME. The wedding's in November, and I'm sure you can guess where we're registered.

LynnElizabeth

You know what's great about IKEA? Free babysitting for children over age 3. When my husband is out of town for his job and I am left alone with my offspring for entire weeks at a time, I go and check them into the IKEA kiddie jail so I can go to the IKEA cafeteria and be by myself for a blissful 45 minutes with one of their delightful cinnamon rolls. Just me and the cinnamon roll.

Lori Gammon

Target RULES! My 2 sons (4yrs. and 2yrs.) call it "The Circle Store". Love your blog! And your son is A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!

Ms. Huis Herself

I used to live just down the road from Target #1. Yup, the first Target store ever. It was a little small (being the first one and all), so now they're turning it into a SuperTarget. While it was closed for remodeling, I moved far away to Ireland, where there are no Targets, and I miss them terribly.

Cara

My Mom has been known to yell back at my younger sister and belligerent, unreasonable mothers of ex-boyfriends. Well, it worked. Then again, she also took the toilet that was removed during a bathroom remodel and set it up in the yard as a planter. Bromeliads are growing in it as we speak. (The only thing that keeps my sister and I from claiming never to have met her - it's in the backyard, behind a wood fence, under a huge philodendron. Not that any of those stop everyone who walks in to the yard from commenting on how 'unique' it is.)

CourtneyP

I had to comment again because: (1) I'm a nerd, (2) I'm a slacker mom and I'm putting off changing a nasty diaper and (3)mmmmmmm IKEA cinnamon rolls...

RSM

I was going to defend the Goldfish Cracker lady because, c'mon, they're GOLDFISH!... can't blame her! Until I saw that she PUT THEM BACK. Apparently, a Goldfish enthusiast she is not. So yes, shoulda peed on her.

Heather

I loooooove Target! I hate Wal-Mart with an absolute passion. I find the majority of them to be noisy, dirty, understocked and understaffed.

xtine

I live in the part of Orlando surrounding its college, UCF. Our SuperTarget is the equivalent of IKEA... except worse, because it also has the grocery side. I typically visit Target pretty regularly but for the two weeks surrounding the start of the fall semester, I avoid it as much as possible.

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