Testing the Limits of Unconditional Love
August 30, 2006
Noah broke the TiVo.
No, that's not fair. I cannot even use the word "the" when talking about TiVo. TiVo is not a "the." TiVo is a member of the family. And Noah BROKE HIM.
So Noah pushed TiVo off our carefully-arranged Pile o' Electronic Crap, along with our printer, and there was a tremendous crash that roused me from my gin-soaked reverie on the couch, where I spend my days in a powder-blue kimono, plotting to seduce various millionaires while Noah scrubs the stairs, and then I perfected the Miss Hannigan tableau by shrieking at the top of my lungs because TIVO! TIIIIIVOOOOOOOOO! and then I dove over the entertainment unit to pull TiVo up into my loving arms, where I gently cradled him as I watched his green light flicker a few times before dying. In the end, it was peaceful. I like to think he didn't suffer.
(By the way, the extent of my coping skills involve emailing everybody I know in all caps and then calling Jason and demanding that he COME HOME, THIS INSTANT, OR WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.)
We called a few repair places and were told that TiVos just aren't worth fixing unless you can do it yourself. 17 different screwdrivers and one rant about the wasteful, throwaway society we live in later, we figured that we either needed to go buy a new screwdriver or a new TiVo.
The hardware store was closed. So.
(Ooooh. Ahhhh!)
The fact that I can now record TWO SHOWS AT ONCE does help soothe the pain of losing an entire season of Project Runway and about 17 reruns of House.
(WE'VE STILL GOT OUR PRIORITIES, PEOPLE.)
Noah is thinking about what he's done.
It's the urban equivalent to having a car up on cinderblocks on your front lawn, I think.
This, however, is just pure country, no matter where you live.
i'm SO jealous of your two shows at once.. we're still "old school" and one a time piece of crap tivo.
LUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKY.
(let me get my daughter to push ours over...here's hopin'!)
oh my god, that was motherfucking horrifying.
but WHEW! thank christ it had a happy ending.
Maybe Noah thought recording only one show at a time sucks. Maybe he knew if he killed Tivo a new and improved Tivo would soon follow.
Yay Noah!
Maybe?
i so HEART my tivo as well. when i first got it, i was like...OMG this is the best invention ever! why didn't i buy this earlier?!?! but the new Tivo rules!!!!! glad you got it!
i feel for you. we just got comcast dvr to replace tivo b/c, even though i love our fantastic new hdtv, we could not afford the fancy HD tivo. i cry a little when i dont hear the "bloop bloop bloop" sound of tivo fast-forwarding.
Losing the House reruns would be enough to make me throw the gin away and head straight for the morphine drip! I have to get myself one. Then I wouldn't have to drug my child every tues night!
I am weeping for your loss. I am. That is AWFUL. At least he that broke the TiVo is the cutest damn thing I've ever laid my eyes on.
Also? One tire? Indoors? Country? Please. I live in GEORGIA.
My most sincere condolences. Although I do find it a little heartless that you were able to so quickly find a replacement. You didn't even give yourself time to mourn.
a while ago, my TiVo hard drive completely fizzled out on me and i was devastated. my fiance got online, did some research, bought a new 80 gig hard drive and installed it for me. it sounds easier than it really was, as there were other things involved (such as hunting down some special program you have to install ON the hard drive to make a TiVo hard drive, and so on). But he came to my rescue and doubled the amount of space i had. but now that i see yours...i'm really wanting the dual system. i think i may die if i don't get it.
I adore my TiVo as well. It used to be in the basement and I wanted it moved upstairs. After harassing my cousin, our former in-house techie, he moved it upstairs for me.. but it lost one tuner and could only record one show at a time! Luckily I called DirecTv and they fixed it and I am so, so happy. As expected, everyone else in my family thinks that my TiVo love borders on insane.
Poor TIVO! My husband and I have become ridiculously addicted to our DVR and would simply not know what to do without it. (Set the VCR? Are you CRAZY? It's so much easier to tell the TV to tape the show every week and then forget about it.) Thank goodness you were able to replace your TIVO so quickly.
Why, why, WHY is Noah a BIG BOY?
That is just....distressing!
HA HA HA That last picture! Too funny.
i feel so left out. i have never had a TiVO. :-(
The tire needs to be crazy glued to the floor and made permanent. It's that time, don't you think?
I would have died.
That is all.
Noah looks so big! And strong! Like, pushing TiVo over strong!
My DVR is filled up with Project Runway and House reruns too. Also? The two BEST reality programs that I've perhaps EVER seen. "Meerkat Manor" and "Who Wants To Be a Superhero?" Honestly, Who Wants To Be a Superhero had me bawling in tears I was so moved.
God, I wish I could have said that ironically.
Last summer, I grew very very angry at TiVo and did something horrible with his appendage (i.e., the remote). TiVo was never the same after that, so I had to get a replacement. I mean, I loved him, but come on - I have needs.
Not only did I replace him - I changed teams. Yes, I forsaked (forsook?) TiVo for a Comcast DVR, all shiny and chromey. But her luster wore off quickly, and now I find myself coveting my friend's TiVo.
Your loss was a tragic accident - perhaps an accident based in Oedipal fantasies, but an accident nonetheless. I killed my TiVo in cold blood.
Noah has long, prehensile-looking toes. Monkey toes, if you will. Watch out, he'll soon be terrorizing other electronics with his grasping monkey feet.
And to Heather B--yes, Yes, and YES! I had forgotten about the Idol/LOST dilemma. :)
Since we've been staying with friends while we wait to close on our house we haven't had TIVO in over a month. a MONTH. I miss my TIVO's more than I can say....
You just tell him he can come over to our place and break whatever he wants because he is That Cute.
a eulogy.
oh, tivo. how you were loved. how you were caressed, albeit through the tentacle of your remote, but, still; loved. how your repeated "ding" echoed through the heads of those who loved you, sometimes to the point of *almost* not loving you quite as much, because that dinging shit can drive a person a little batty, if said person has spent an ungodly amount of time running through the now-playing list in hopes that one of the items will pop out and say, I'm Priority, Watch Me Now!, rather than forcing that person to have to actually make a choice for once in her sad, sweaty life.
um. yes. tivo, may you rest in peace.
p.s. I heart tire.
Wait. You LOST Project Runway?! So no more going back to see the basket hat?? Oh, Amy, you poor, sweet thing!!! *pat pat*
These may be my favorite comments ever. You people be the funny.
Captain Destructo loved shoving pennies and shit into our VCR and our tape rewinder. Fun times. We don't have a Tivo or a DVR either; my computer geek hubby had better get on the ball.
Why not put Noah in a pair of denim overalls (sans shirt) and sit him inside the tire? Now THAT would make a country picture!
Thanks, Amalah, for bringing this devotion (addiction?) to light. I'm just glad to know there are so many others who take their TV seriously! My sistahs! I have,(like Starbuck), DirecTV (no dvr) and can only tape what I'm watching--important, though, as children still seem to need things even though 'Project Runway' is on!Even with that, it is so difficult to leave the room when Jeffrey is smirking as Angela quakes. My birthday wish is for Tivo!
We have three Tivo's. Yeah, THREE and they are all members of our family. I am sorry for your loss, however will tell you that recording two shows at once does rock.
HOW DID WE EVER LIVE WITHOUT TIVO?!
Malia
i'm going to apall everyone here and say "i actually don't own a tivo." please don't hate me.
Mom-101 is right about the tire. But you should paint it - Confederate flag, maybe - and stick beer cans in it first.
Bloop Bloop
But now the tire has a friend!
I was Googling around looking for the "Give Peas a Chance" sleeper that I used to see in a store in Santa Cruz, and I discovered that you had posted picture of Noah in it last year. Where did you find it? It is just the kind of punny humor that appeals to my husband and me.
Also: Is it bad that I'm only 5 months pregnant and already planning silly outfits for my baby?
Oy Vey!!! I can't imagine TIVO being broken!! How would we survive? How would I placate my kids with an episode of Wonder Pets that they ahve already seen 20 times? I have to go take an asprin. The thought of no TIVO is making my head hurt...
I purposely haven't purchased TiVo yet because I know how addicted we'd become.
Noah is so. cute. I can't ever get over it.
We would die without TIVO. I think it has kept DH and I from getting a divorce. *lol* We'd kill each other without it. :) Its what parents need to receive at baby showers. Who needs a baby swing? GIVE US TIVO! *lol*
NOT THE TIVO!!!! NOOOOO!!! NOT THE PROJECT RUNWAY!!!! NOOOO!!!!
I totally feel your pain-got it for Christmas and CAN NOT live without it. WILL NOT live without it.
I love Tire Watch 2006.
And if they do not! eliminate Vincent, like say, three episodes ago, I just might tackle Heidi.
Not that this will be a true replacement, but Project Runway is on ITunes (thank goodness as I am currently living overseas).
Jeffrey is such a pill, and I'm starting to like "Bad Mommy." Thank goodness Angela's gone! She should've been booted a long time ago, at least before Alison! I am rooting for Michael Knight -- seems like such a good guy and such a good designer too. Love me some PR!
Best,
S.
I adore your blog and so in turn I had to include it in my blog day 2006 post. I hope you get a ton of new readers!
I almost crapped my pants when we did the budget and put CABLE instead of DISH because we have a dish DVR. Then I found the joy of TIVO and the DVD recorder.
And now I can sleep at night.
Im a big lurker, been reading for over a year but the hilarity of your post made it almost impossible not to post. top effort, your tivo is up with others in little tivo heaven <3
I never got into the whole TiVo thing. Really, isn't it just a VCR?
Maybe Noah was trying to explain.
You need to send that picture to Jeff Foxworthy...they show the "redneck yard of the week", so maybe they'd create an urban version??
I started reading and lurking then I read all the archives. Noah is so friggin cute I cant stand it! Your writing is so hilarious.
Canada.
No TiVo.