God Hates Gymboree

365 Days

There are days when I look at his face and wrinkle my brow. My God, how he's changed. What happened to my baby?  When he was born, he had brown hair and an impossibly round face. I never remember how dark his hair once was, or how delicate his body once seemed. Sometimes I feel so sad at how quickly it all went by, and I pledge to remember more, to videotape more, and then I clench my fists and close my eyes and try to forcibly burn this moment into my brain: how he looks and sounds and smells in this very moment, even though I know the memory will morph into a thousand tomorrows, and I will one day look at photos of his downy blond head and chubby thighs in surprise, because they are long gone.

There are days when I look at his face and see glimpses of the little boy...the big boy...the teenager...the man he'll become. And the enormity of my task as his mother takes my breath away. My task is more than providing love and sustenance and dry diapers -- I am raising a man, a human being, who may one day change the world, who may one day love and complete the life of someone else. One day my arms won't be enough to comfort him, one day my applause will no longer be enough to satisfy his ambition. And that's as it should be. His potential is limitless -- far greater than my own. I am raising a man who can make the world a better place simply by his continued presence in it.

There are days when I look at his face and see his father. And I smile, because his father is a good man -- a wonderfully loving, kind man -- who loves his child more than anything on earth; who knits his brow in confusion and hurt while relating a story of a friend's ex-husband who no longer cares to see his children much anymore (does.not.compute); who sits in a darkened room long after his child has fallen asleep in his arms, just to spend a few more minutes together. I see the little family I've made and I fall in love with him all over again.

There are days when I look at his face and see myself.  And I worry. What faults will he inherit? What fears and neuroses will I unwittingly pass along? Will he be relentlessly hard on himself? Will he be anxious and timid and crumble under the slightest criticism? No. No, he will not. Because I will no longer be those things. I will be better, for him. I have taken to motherhood like a duck to water -- even on the worst of days (and oh, those days can be frustrating and alienating) I always know that my life is so much better because he is a part of it. I can be the mother he needs me to be. We are all meant to go together, like a jigsaw puzzle, each complimenting each other to make a beautiful picture.

There are days when I look at his face and see the unborn baby we saw on the 3D ultrasound, back before he had a name, before the reality of how our lives would change. He was wanted and planned and prayed for, yet his birth still felt like a car crash -- so sudden and violent, with no way to truly prepare for it. We were two. And then we were three. And we will always be three. And thank God (thank God!) for that.

365 days down. So many, many more to go. Happy birthday, my sweet son.

Noah's Birthday on Vimeo
Music: So Damn Lucky by Dave Matthews
Professional portraits by Kaileen Galhouse Photography



Happy Birthday little man!


So Damn Sweet. Happy Birthday Noah!


Oh my gosh... that was the most beautiful tribute to a child's first year I have ever seen...
AND thanks a lot, now my wanting a baby is even STRONGER of a feeling... Happy Birthday to your son Noah and congratulations to your family, you made it through the first year...
Best Wishes.


Happy Birthday Noah!
What gorgeous portraits of Noah and your family. And what a precious video. Between you and Sundry all I do is get teary eyed at work!

Silly Hily

Happy birthday Noah.
And Amy, once again, a beautiful post.
I think it's fabulous that you want to be a better person for him. I'm working on that also.


So precious! You three are blessed! Happy Birthday, Little Man!


How did this happen? How did he become a boy? How do I know him without knowing him? It's beautiful and fabulous. Happy Birthday, Noah.


Absolutely precious!! Happy Birthday sweet Noah!!


You know what gets me? In the newborn bits, he looks like lots of other babies. And then KAPOW, he's NOAH.

So sweet, and now I'm teary at my desk. Happy Birthday, Noah!


Delurking to say...thanks for making me cry! I don't even have kids but this is so precious.

Have a wonderful weekend.


So beautiful! Happy birthday, Noah!


I had tears. Beautiful.


Beautiful! Happy Birthday Noah!

The video is so wonderful, what program did you use?

Emma from Amsterdam

That was really really really sweet! Have a great second year together!


Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday Dear Noah!
Happy Birthday To YOU!!!!


i've always been sure that i'd never come across something in a blog that would reduce me to tears.

you totally messed that one up.

that was the most precious, sweet, touching video i've ever seen. the music was a perfect choice.

really, amy--that was awesome.

happy b-day, noah.

Silly Hily

Oh, and thank you so much for sharing him and that video with us. It looks like you've done great on taking pics and videos of him.


Oh My God woman you made me cry at work! Happy Happy Birthday Noah, kiss your mommy for us. And thank her for letting us have a peek into your life.


Aaaaand... now I'm bawling.
That was gorgeous and amazing. Congratulations on your beautiful baby and happy birthday to Noah!

Heather B.

Ok, I'm crying.

Y'all did good. Really fucking good. He's a pleasure to be around and wonderful, wonderful little person.

I adore him.

So! Have a very Happy Birthday, Noah.


That was beautiful... I don't have kids... and I have never met Noah, but it was precious - and made me cry :)

Happy birthday little man!


Am crying here at work. Amy, that was so beautiful. Each day will just get better.
Happy Birthday Noah!


You made this pregnant woman bawl bawl bawl.

Happy birthday to your beautiful sweet boy. I can't believe that little dot on the ultrasound turned into this wonderful creature, it makes me so hopeful for my little ultrasound dot.

Big hugs on your first anniversary of becoming a mother!

Kelly M.

Happiest of Birthdays to Noah!!!

That was beautiful, your son is beautiful and so is the family you guys have created. I have read here scince you were pregnant and I am very happy for you guys!!


That was awesome! Just beautiful, Amy.


That was so beautiful. Noah is lucky to have a mom like you.


Happy Birthday Big Boy!!

That was the sweetest video. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.

Every single word you wrote is exactly how I feel about my son (17 months) except we will be four this spring.

Friend of Mermaid

Happy B-day Noah. You are truly blessed.


You are amazing. If I had a baby right now I'd run and squeeze it and shower it with kisses. Instead, I'll pat my belly and tell the baby growing inside me how much I love it already and can't wait to see it in 6 months. What a tribute you've given Noah—absolutely beautiful.

Happy Birthday Noah!


Oh, that made me cry! My lil guy's 13 months now, and I've been through all the first year milestones, but I still held my breath waiting for Noah to walk while he was creeping along the wall! I was proud of him, and I don't even know him! Thank you for making us all feel like family. :) Happy Birthday Noah!


Happy First Birthday Noah!


Happy birthday, Noah!

(Tears running down my face. At work. And, my ovaries exploded.)


so damn bawling over here...


First of all - Noah and I share a birthday - which makes both of us very cool... ;-)

Secondly, that post might have put a wedge in the crack of the case that surrounds my cold, shrivelled up heart, that is 3 sizes to small...


Happy Birthday Noah! How lucky he is to have a mother like you. I have tears filling my eyes.


Happy Birthday Noah!


Happy birthdqy, Noah!

Beautifully written.

The video had me in tears.


You know what makes me so happy? When I see people being so aware of the wonderfulness of the gifts in their lives and really APPRECIATING everything.
You have a couple of things that I don't have in my life and would like to someday, but the fact that you are cognizant of your good luck and in awe of it makes me less inclined to be envious and more inclined to just be very happy for you.
It makes it all so much better somehow!


Holy crap I have tears in my eyes...and I'm sure people here at work think I'm crazy. But that was the most beautiful video I have ever seen! A very happy birthday to your son!


I don't normally comment, but I have to say that that video was incredible and gorgeous and perfect in every way. Happy birthday, Noah!


Beautiful. Happy Birthday Noah!


I am bawling here. My baby is 4 months on Sunday and I feel like I haven't captured enough of his life. His smiles, his laughs, his smell, the touch of his skin. One day he'll be crawling, walking and I'm just not ready.

A big happy birthday to Noah.


that was simply beautiful. i'm so happy for you and your family! i'm sure noah will grow up to be just as wonderful as his mom and dad :)

thanks for sharing that video, it was wonderful and made me question my decision to never have kids, haha


Beautiful boy indeed. Happy Birthday Noah! Also congratulations to you for being a great mom for the first 365 days! Remember the days are long but the years are short. Also, the hi-light of the video is Noah totally wiping out with the, is that a lawn mower?


gorgeous video.
what an amazing little family you have.
happy birthday!


So glad I watched that BEFORE I put my makeup on.

He's so delicious! And, I am downloading that song from iTunes right now.


sob! That was so beautiful. Happy, happy 1st birthday Noah. It's been fun watching your first year.


Whether you meant it to or not, I think your and your husband's devotion to Noah stood out to me more in this video than Noah turning a year-old.
He's a lucky baby boy.

Happy first!


Happy birthday Noah! And happy one year mom-anniversary to you! Beautiful tribute.


That was just beautiful. I'm verklempt over here.

Happy birthday, Noah!


What a FABULOUS video!

Congrats to Noah and to both you and Jason for a wonderful 365 days!

(Now I'll go and blow my nose because I am crying like a damn fool)



Happy Birthday, lovely Noah.


That was so beautiful. I feel like I know that little man. I have been reading your blog since I lived in DC...and I guess, it has been a year now. :) I absolutely can't wait until my baby girl (due in January) is here, so I can meet her and enjoy her first year of life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Crying... How am I ever going to teach students now????


Happy birthday, little Noahmonster.


I am such a sucker for Noah videos! This one about made me cry! Beautiful!


That is a great video! Happy Birthday Noah!!


we made it, didn't we?


Head. to. toe. goosebumps.

Thank you for sharing with us, Amy.


What a beautiful entry - makes me all misty :-)

Happy birthday Noah - I hope your family has a lovely time this weekend!!


Happy Birthday Noah Cutiehead!


Absolutely beautiful. Tears in my eyes. Congrats on a wonderful first year!


i remember the weekend you had him--i had to work a lot, and i kept calling my roommate to have her check your blog and see if anything happened. at first she thought i was insane--like, 'who is this girl and why does tiffany care about her baby.'
but, now?
i know she'll probably cry too, when she comes home and sees your beautiful video.

happy birthday, noah!


How beautiful.


Crying my eyes out, our first baby is due in December and I've followed your whole first year as a new family, looking forward to ours.

Happy Birthday to Noah, and hooray for you and Jason for everything you're doing to give that sweet little boy the best possible start in the world. He is so loved, and it shows!


Lovely video.


Happy Birthday Noah & congratulations you have a wonderful family! Now where is that Kleenex?


What a beautiful post.

Happy Birthday Noah!

And Happy Birthday Storch family, party of three.


I'm not supposed to cry at work!

What a beautiful birthday tribute, Mamalah.

Happy birthday, Babalah! You are really and truly blessed.


Damn, you're making all of us slacker moms with empty baby books look bad, with that video. Stop it. ;)


you made this new mommy cry and make a fool of myself at work - but that's probably no worse than having shown up here with milk spit-up all over my shirt because we were running late this morning... :)

my little one is four months old and your video made me realize how much has gone by already (omg, the little newborn noises he's making on the boppy at the beginning just broke my heart) - and at the same time got me all excited about what there is to come.

your post is incredible, and thank you for sharing it with us.

New Jan Brady

Amy: I remember about two and a half years ago you shared with me that you had had a dream of a little boy walking to your side of the bed while you were sleeping. Do you remember that? It's happened, and I couldn't be happier for you. Much love!


*sob* happy *sniffle* birthday, noah.

thank you amy. you always are able to say so much, so well.


Gorgeous, the whole thing. I love those potraits you had done, they are amazing.


Happy Birthday Noah!


Seriously woman - why'd you have to go and make me cry like that?

Happy birthday Noah!


Happy birthday little Noah boy!

Mama Amalah - you and Jason have "done good"!!


My littlest guy just turned one year a month ago - how time flies. The video; the song; you three…..are all perfect. Just perfect. Thanks for sharing the first years, and for making me appreciate my family just a little bit more. So damn lucky! Happy Birthday Noah!


The video is adorable and moving. Thanks so much for letting us all in on Noah's first year. Happy Birthday, beautiful boy, indeed. And congrats to the great mom who made it through so beautifully:)


GOD!! Why must you make me cry?

Happy Birthday Noah.


I can't believe I'm so enchanted with a child I never had the chance to hug.

Have a smashing party. :)


What a great post, beautiful video and gorgeous little boy. Happy Birthday Noah!


OK, am BAWLING at work now. Must.close.office.door. That was absolutely beautiful, Amy. Happy Birthday to Noah!


Awwww, what a sweet idea! I'm sure he's going to treasure that when he's older. I wish my parents had as much footage of me and them together. :)


I join the ranks of those who had tears in their eyes. What a beautiful tribute. What a good mommy you are.

Happy Birthday, Noah.

Happy first year, Amalah.


That was so beautiful. You're such a beautiful family.


Happy Birthday Noah!

Nicole P.

Ok, I'm nearly in tears and I haven't even seen the video yet (might save that for when I'm not at work).

Happy Birthday, Little Man. You are loved.


oh dear. i would've cried at that before i had a child of my own (also a noah! good name), but now? NOW? i'm completely destroyed. "beautiful" and "sweet" and "touching" all apply, but seem somehow lacking. i'll just say thanks for sharing and happy birthday, since i can't come up with a single adjective that appropriately describes how that video made me feel.


I'm all teary too! It was the clip of Noah tottering from mom to dad that got me. And then the lovely portraits of Noah with each parent, and then the three of you together.


Happy happy birthday to you Noah!


That was amazing. I feel like I have been watching Noah grow up along side of you. I sat and cried as I watched it for all his changes and the emotion you captured in the film. It also makes me think of my little girl getting bigger. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

Happy Birthday Noah! You are a beautiful boy!

Y from the internet

Aw, Amy. That was incredible to watch. Amazing, even.

I love you and even though I've never met Noah, I love him too and I wish him a very happy birthday.



That was the most beautiful happy birthday post I think I've ever read. And the sweetest video. Now I'm bummed that I don't have my little guy's first two years all on film. (Lots of pictures, but I want to remember the sound of his voice and the way he moves, and pictures don't do that.)

Anyway, Happy Birthday sweet boy!


God Bless and Shine on all 3 of you - now and forever.....


Damnit Amy! The tears! I got all choked up and I don't even have any children!

Truly beautiful post. Your son is a lucky boy to have such loving parents.

Only, now my boss thinks I'm some crazy girl who cries in her cube all day, because he walked by just as I was reading "who sits in a darkened room long after his child has fallen asleep in his arms, just to spend a few more minutes together. I see the little family I've made and I fall in love with him all over again." and starting to get all sniffly.


Happy B-day Noah!!!

Amy-what a beautiful post, it summed up perfectly how I feel, how I'm sure every mom feels. It was amazing!


Happy Birthday, Noah! It has been an honor & a whole hell of a lot of fun to watch you grow during your first year!



That was absolutely amazing.

Happy 1st Birthday Noah!


That. Was. Fucking. Awesome.

Amy, you guys are the most gorgeous family I have ever seen.

Happy birthday Noah!


I am also in the crying and exploding ovaries camp.
What an amazing boy with great parents!

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