Are You Ready For Some Real Estate?
Goddamned Hassle 2.0

Flush With Pride

Well, I totally can't move now.


Our toilet paper holder broke ages ago. I think I was still pregnant. We made a couple half-hearted attempts at replacing it, only to find that we needed some kind of specially-sized plastic tubey rod thing that did not exist at Lowe's or Home Depot (Regular AND Expo-Snob Strength). So we gave up and just kept the toilet paper on the back of the toilet, all classy like.

Of course, our realtor kind of pointed out that most of today's discriminating condo buyers are fans of the toilet paper holder, and also enjoy light sockets where you just pull on a chain instead of screwing the lightbulb in and out by hand, which kind of sparks when you touch it and also burns and sears your flesh a little bit. So FINE. We'll try Ace Hardware.

$3.89 later we have a working toilet paper holder. And a new toilet seat, just for the hell of it. Just for the sheer LUXURY of it.

I could sit in there ALL DAY.








On Saturday morning the child just stood the hell up and starting walking all over the place.

Yes, blah, he took his first steps ages ago. Three or four wobbly, hesitant steps into my arms. Aww! Yay! Now sit your diapered butt down.

This is like, walking. Like a person does. Well, like a person who is the motion-capture model for a Godzilla vs. Frankenstein movie, or someone who needs his tongue out for forward balance, but still. He's unstoppable.

And don't even ask me about the "Soooo Big!" game he suddenly knows how to play. Or how he'll pick up a book and turn the pages while babbling to himself. Or how he responds to "Where's Mama?" by smacking me in the face.

And don't ask me about his birthday this Saturday. Don't. Even. Thinkaboutit.

Don't ask me where my baby went, because I sure as hell don't know.


But feel free to ask me how totally awesome this little boy is. Because oh my God, he's so awesome.



What? No Vimeo?

(He is pretty freaking cute).


What, no picures of the toilet seat? You're holding out on us Amalah!

But on to Noah. O.M.G! Is he not so freaking cute, with the hair and the pinchable cheeks and the WALKING!


Walking? That looks like dancing to me! Nice moves, too.


NOAH!! He is so cute, with the walking and getting all grown up and everything!


WHERE'S THE BABY?! I think I'm going to pass out... he magically disappeared. ::sob::


I can't can't CAN'T get over how much he looks like you, Amy. I can't. HE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU. Like, he could be you! COULD BE YOU.

Stephanie A.

Wow, he looks HUGE! What a big boy!

I hear you on where did the baby go- Hugo turned one on Sunday and at his party he was being such a big boy- fully focused on the puppet show and responding with the bababablalalah when asked a question. It's so cute but it really makes me feel like the second part of my life is going to go waaaaaaaaaayyyyy faster than the pre-baby part did.


my husband would change that toilet paper so that the pull side is over not under... a little OCD yessssss... your baby (he will always be your baby) is stinkin' cute... he looks similar to my little boy/man (21 months old)... especially the hair... just wait until he REALLY needs a haircut!

Heather B.

That's my boy.

oh, how I love him.


And a skibum to boot in that sweatshirt... and whatever, all the cool kids stick their tongue's out when they walk. I do, still to this day!


Soooo big - and so cute. I love that walking without bending knees thing that new toddlers do. "Godzilla vs. Frankenstein" captures the image beautifully.

Oh, yeah - congrats on the toilet paper holder. Are you as annoyed as I am about the things we lived with broken, but then fix just so we can sell our houses?


Don't miss the baby - enjoy the person - and look forward to the dancing that is surely soon to come!


I got such a kick out of watching the progression of those photos. To the point I was laughing out loud and getting all teary eyed.

Still weirds me out a little that we are "strangers", because I feel like he's my nephew or something. I'm so proud of that little guy right now!


It's total bliss.

Maxine Dangerous

Look at him go! I also thought he was dancing in the first two pictures. What a cutie. :]


I was very glad for the adorable photos of the mobile Noah delight. They distracted me from the fact that you're Under People. Brighteyes' husband and I are Over People.


The walking! Which is followed by the running! Which is followed by the getting into even more crap than they could before! Which is followed by the Flee Momma Instinct when they are into the crap they shouldn't be in and Momma catches them!

Gotta love them babies.


Frankenbaby Stage is one of my faves! The whole hurtling through time, space, and furniture edges thing...wheeeeee!

He is awesome and you are wonderful to share so much of him with us.


Oh, and you do realize that he will want to WALK EVERYWHERE now and not be content to sit in the stroller happily while you shop? And will only be content to be in your arms while out in public for 4.26 nanoseconds before he will want down to investigate everything?

Just FYI. No need to thank me.


I can't believe I am coming out of my lurker closet for this. There really IS something terribly wrong with me. But um...please could you turn your roll of toilet paper over so that the loose side goes over instead of under? It's kind of making me twitch a little. What? We all have our "things".

Also, your child is so cute that I think I would like to eat him for lunch today.


He is so awesome! I love the stop motion images—the third one is my favorite with that serious look of determination. Awe.some.indeed.


my little belle-zilla did the exact same thing this weekend :)


just wait! my 'baby' just turned four and i am suddenly filled with dread about the idea of kindergarten. ONE FULL YEAR AWAY!

RockStar Mommy

Love me some Noah.

But woman, life is so over for you now. Trust me on this. I'd give you a shoulder to cry on, but I'm too busy chasing around after my rabid monkey...


He looks so much older than the baby I met on Memorial Day! How did that happen!!!


First time commentor-

Oh hell naw, Tell me it aint been no damn year!!!


Max and Ceiba are in trouble now!


I am *so glad* I'm not the only one to feel a need to comment on the "under" TP needing to be changed to "over". Heh.

What a handsome little boy. :)


My baby turned 18 months old on friday-I hear you!

This is a "little boy" in the swim class before mine that looks identical to Noah and is always taken by his Dad. I keep starring at the man thinking, is that Jason, could that be Jason? so fess up, is Noah taking a water babies class in Montgomery County on Sundays? It's eitheir that, or I'm going to start yelling Noah whenever I see this kid!


Okay...and I won't mention how much his face has changed in the last couple of weeks. He doesn't look more like a little boy and less like a baby at all. No, no.

God if I wasn't jealous of you before, now you had to go and get a toilet paper holder? Do you know how long we've been reaching behind us to retrieve the roll off the tank? My bathroom has been "in renovations" for 14 months now....with no end in sight. You lucky, spoiled girl you!


I was trying to figure out what has changed recently that makes him look so much more grown-up... it's the hair! Look at that little blondie. So cute.


That is absolutely amazing!


Amalah...I think you are totally completely awesome and all... but you're toilet paper's on the holder backwards. :-) (No, I'm not OCD or anything)


That's so exciting!! And the pictures are awesome! But please, tell us how awesome Noah is.

Look out Max. Look out Ceiba. Babystein is coming to get you!!

Bozoette Mary

Definitely a toddler now! Beware!! ;-)


He's a punkin' eater, alright.


Okay people - obviously none of you has a toddler with a toilet paper fixation. My DS (21 1/2 months) will spin the paper if it is over. So we put ours on the roll under - even though it caused great mental anguish for my DH - because that way DS wont spin the paper.

Even though my DS is pretty I think Noah might be his biggest competition. I love reading about your adventures, so glad I found your site.


I hope my above comment doesn't sound snarky - I was attempting to be funny but I just don't have the "amalah knack" : )


You "over" people are crazy and wrong.

That is all.


OMG, he's changed so much since the last time you posted pictures!

It's like they change overnight.


Aw. Aw. Aw! He is so cute! I love the tongue sticking out!


That is simply not Noah, Noah is a baby. That kid in the pictures is a toddler, those must be stock photos that came with the blog that you put up to confuse us.


Awwww...go, Noah, go! So sweet.


I like the TP "over," The Husband claims not to care. But if that is the case, why is it "under" every single time he changes it? Why can't he just put it "over" because I like it better that way? Why must he torture me so?


I'm assuming that the baby is moving in that series of photos, and not the camera shooter? Don't you just love how cute they look marching around on their little Muppet legs?


oh crap, i'm not even going to mention the fact that your toilet paper is facing the WRONG DIRECTION, because that would mean i have some weird thing with toilet paper hangage, which...i totally don't.

also, wow he is like a little man now! i can't believe the changes he's made in the past few months. awww,'ll be okay. *pat-pat* ;)


I dunno, Jonniker...I am commenting for the sole purpose of telling Amy that her baby is looking more and more like Jason! Fourth picture down. It's all in the brow. Dang near the cutest little boy EVA.

Wacky Mommy

He is high-stepping it. So cute.

Miss W

So cute! He looks like such a little man!


I still stick my tongue out to assist in balance while ambulating. Don't knock it till you've tried it!


YAY! Good boy Noah! What a big boy!!! =:0) Watch out now Amalah...he's gonna be allllllll over the place. I'm glad you got such good pics of his walking, those are cool!


Dude, can't wait for mine to get that big.

That's what he said.


When did his hair get so much lighter? He looks exactly like Jason in the 4th picture. =)


He's so big! Wow! And he even LOOKS older every time you post new pictures! Yay, Noah!


My husband and I are both OCD. And we like our toilet paper OVER. So much, in fact, that when I go over to friend's houses and the TP is headed the wrong direction? I fix it for them.

And I think I'm doing them a favor.


Such a big boy! Congradulations on the little walker. It is a whole new world from here on out sister! Just wait till all the walking melts away the baby fat, then he will realy look like a little boy!
Happy almost b-day Noah!


So even though I have no idea what Noah is doing, it is still adorable as all get out. Seriously, what is that? Walking? Dancing? Tae-bo?


Awww, what a cutie!


Oh and I am with you Amlah, it is UNDER! It just looks better.


Duh duh duh ... its a TODDLER!

But seriously, my "baby" started kindergarten earlier this month, and when I look back at the pictures of him at 12-13 months, I can't believe how much he still looked like a baby despite the fact that we were convinced otherwise at the time. In other words, don't pack Noah off to college just yet.

(Oh, and about the awesomeness? I just keeps getting better and better. 5 year olds are terrific!)

Amy M

Yup, another OCD commenter with the toilet paper fixation. That's the first thing I noticed about your post! I know, I'll get some help.

Adorable Noah is "sooo big"! My son isn't walking yet, and the dog is already getting harassed by a very quick crawler. Not sure what we're going to do when that happens!


Even though we have a working toilet spindle in every bathroom (save for the basement half-bath, where MY classy husband leaves the toilet paper ON THE FLOOR, WHERE THE CAT SCATTERS LITTER, WHICH IS WHY I NEVER USE THAT TOILET), we often have a half-used roll on the back of the toilet, because my six year old's job is to replace toilet paper and he gets a little gung ho about it.

Noah is awesome. I love the early walking stage. And can I just say that he looks exactly like you, Amy? It's like you created him all by yourself. He's adorable.


Sooo cute. My 14 month old still walks all frankinsteinish.
I am going on vacation so wanted to get my birthday wishes in. Happy Birthday Noah. Time for the cake.


Yes! Toilet paper so does not CARE which way it is hanging! And I am glad you don't care about the "over thing" like some people do. Is it just me, or are the "over people" almost a little violent about it, whereas the "unders" are all "no big deal."

And I am trying to divert your attention from the whole walking and 1 year thing...working?

BTW, does Noah have a Halloween Costume yet, because I saw some doozies on

heather b

i'm ancient and I still walk all frankenstein like. and also, i think I make that super cereal strain face from picture three while i'm at the gym pumping iron and getting buff.


People will be lining up to buy the place now!

I don't think Noah could be any cuter. I don't think it is humanly possible. Wow. So cute. Look at that walking! :)


Gabby: Oh no! I see Amy! Granted, I do not know either of them, so I fully acknowledge arguing about this is, well, it's a little creepy. But in the vein of creepiness, may I present evidence of the Flickr variety?

Compare this photo to the last photo of Noah:

(Sorry Amy. God, sorry. But it's a cute photo!)

Silly Hily

What the hell is up with all of the internet babies starting to walk at the same time? I can't handle it.
And when in the hell did Noah grow that hair? You didn't say anything about asking that.
I am curious (and have been for months now) about how you are handling the thing that happens in 4 days.


holy jeebus i love it.

he looks like he's walking like the stay-puf marshmallow man in ghostbusters! i want to snuggle him and eat him.

i'd buy your house without a toilet paper holder.


OMG he is such a little man now! Especially in the third picture down. I used to think "they grow up so fast!" was just something the stoopid smug grown-up parents said to make childless people feel left-out. But, waahhhh, it's true!! I keep thinking that it's just temporary and that once I've acknowledged that my DD is a toddler, she can go back to being a teeny baby again so I can squish her some more.

You know this is how people end up having more than one kid, right? I can feel my hormones revving up as I type.

And, all of you "over the roll" people? Are wack.


Those action shots are so cute. It looks like he's snapping his fingers and doing the Kid N Play dance (please tell me you know what I'm talking about).

And I have nothing to say about the tp. Nothing *cough*over*cough* at all.


I know everyone is saying this, but he is so cute. That tongue is priceless. Man.

God, it all goes by so. very. fast.


What did you do with the baby? Seriously where did he go? And where did that huge gorgeous toddler come from?


-Another member of the 'over' camp.


I'm such a loser. I got tears in my eyes when I read this, and it wasn't because of the toilet roll thingy either. I guess I'm thinking about my own kid and my own nephew who are only a few weeks behind Noah . . . (*HINT* - WE COULD BE EACH OTHER'S PLAYDATES - WE'RE LOCAL AND I GOT NO JOB!!!).


How big of a freak am I? Not only is the TP orientation the first thing I noticed about the post, but as a former editor, I was reaching for the red pen to circle it! My fingers are still twitching.

And now that you have the TP holder and a toddler on your hands, may I make a small suggestion that you might want to keep the door to the bathroom shut when it is not in use? Otherwise, you just may find either A) all the tp pulled out and run down the hall/all over the condo, or B) all the tp in the toilet. Don't ask how many times I've forgotten this.

What a cutie.

Fraulein N

Wow, he's like an actual little miniature sized person now, all walking around and whatnot.

Also? Over. Oooooooover.



But, I'll add that I realize the decision to go "over" or "under" is obviously a very personal one. A while back, Ann Landers printed letters from her readers about this issue -- and it went on for months and months. Be careful, Amalah. The "over" "under" issue may divide your readers!

Anne Glamore

If he's walking, AND you have a toilet paper holder, he's old enough to learn to change the toilet paper.

Better buy a plunger and lots of rolls of tp for him to practice on, though.


Hey, did you notice that all your Google ads in the sidebar are for toilet paper now? I particularly like:

All the Toilet Paper Savings Find Local Toilet Paper Here!

I think it's the exclamation point that's so amusing to me.


My hearty yet solemn congratulations on the toilet paper holder and new toilet seat. I was moved to tears by your story. Truly.

It's crazy how that kid looks just like his Daddy in one picture and then just like you in the next. It's a good thing y'all are both good looking people. This way it's cute/cute, which is way better than cute/horrid any day.


Eeek! Noah's bipedal!

He IS awesome :D


wow i cant belive how serious some people are about their toilet paper! i just stick it on, and if its over its over, if its under its under.
but i do agree with every other person on here that NOAH IS HUGE. and looks different since the last pictures we saw. crazy how they grow in spurts like that.


I agree that we "Under People" are way more laid back. Plus, it keeps the damn cats from destroying the damn thing every night.

Topic? That is one adorable little man!


He's definitely looking more like a little boy, and much less "baby" lately. But still, he's one of the cutest little boys I've ever seen.


How totally awesome is that Noah??

I'm all proud sitting over here, which is rather frightening, really.

He's gorgeous - and so is the toilet roll dispenser. Heee.


Y from the internet

You know, you'll never stop feeling that way on his birthday. Every year, I ask "What happened to my baby" and I cry.

Or maybe I'm just a psycho.

P.S. I've always thought he looks just like you, but in the 4th picture down? He looks exactly like Jason to me.

P.S.S. Like, who cares who I think he looks like, huh? Seriously.


I had to finally de-lurk, to tell you how much I enjoy your blog! You are freakin hysterical. And your kid, pretty damn cute! I am due in December (it's a girl) and I sooo love reading your accounts of first-time mommyhood. Thanks for making me laugh!

Adam's Eve

Totally awesome :-)

What's also totally awesome is I was ABOUT to comment but my 7-month woke up and I quickly ran upstairs to check on him, came back down, and the comments had leaped from 15 to 74 in 3 minutes.

I think there's some kind of metaphor there. You know, time flying, etc etc...


And also kind of ridiculously blonde all of a sudden! Seriously, his hair has lightened like three shades in two weeks.


He is so cute! Yeah on the walking thing!

On the great TP debate I vote for under personally. It is easier to unravel in the dark when you have to pee in the middle of the night. You know because of gravity and stuff.... I put way too much thought into this.

So what is on the agenda for the big boys BD?


The baby isn't gone. He never will be. My baby moved in with his girlfriend and is a sophmore in college, but by freaking love of all that is crazy, he is still my baby.

I won't tell you that I stood in the basement and cried all alone when he packed up his room. I won't mention that part.


Awwwwwwwwwww. And he totally looks like you in that last photo.


Why do they have to grow up so damned fast? I know, I know...people told us time would fly, but I guess it's another one of those things that we have to experience before we truly understand.

Happy Birthday Week, Noah.

Salsa Queen

Delurking to say...

I think the tire has found a home as the
new toilet seat.

Noah...what a babe magnet!

TP. Over. Not under. Ever.


Little boys are SO MUCH FUN. Mine will be 3 in a couple weeks, and I swear he was just a baby yesterday. Now he is an almost-three-year-old who wants a SKATEBOARD for his birthday!

Noah is a little boy already... wow. And SO CUTE.


Look at him go! Noah is seriously the cutest.

I'm also guessing that the tire now resides on the toilet. Good luck selling your house! We are in the DC area and it's crazy out there.


bwahahahahahah extra snob strength home depot expo. that made laugh a little too hard. dude, noah is so freakin cute. i want to come party with him.


He is growing up into a fabulous young man. Savor every moment, because time continues to race by at a breakneck speed.

He looks so special, and you are so lucky.


Is that...a cowlick?


Ok, I totally completely have decided that Noah is the cutest most adorable child ever, my ovaries throb everytime you post a video or pic of him. THE most precious shild EVER!!!! I drag my husband in to watch every video as I giddily squeak, ok, i'm not nutty really.....

The comments to this entry are closed.