Flush With Pride
September 26, 2006
Well, I totally can't move now.
Our toilet paper holder broke ages ago. I think I was still pregnant. We made a couple half-hearted attempts at replacing it, only to find that we needed some kind of specially-sized plastic tubey rod thing that did not exist at Lowe's or Home Depot (Regular AND Expo-Snob Strength). So we gave up and just kept the toilet paper on the back of the toilet, all classy like.
Of course, our realtor kind of pointed out that most of today's discriminating condo buyers are fans of the toilet paper holder, and also enjoy light sockets where you just pull on a chain instead of screwing the lightbulb in and out by hand, which kind of sparks when you touch it and also burns and sears your flesh a little bit. So FINE. We'll try Ace Hardware.
$3.89 later we have a working toilet paper holder. And a new toilet seat, just for the hell of it. Just for the sheer LUXURY of it.
I could sit in there ALL DAY.
ALSO: CHECK OUT THIS INSANITY...
On Saturday morning the child just stood the hell up and starting walking all over the place.
Yes, blah, he took his first steps ages ago. Three or four wobbly, hesitant steps into my arms. Aww! Yay! Now sit your diapered butt down.
This is like, walking. Like a person does. Well, like a person who is the motion-capture model for a Godzilla vs. Frankenstein movie, or someone who needs his tongue out for forward balance, but still. He's unstoppable.
And don't even ask me about the "Soooo Big!" game he suddenly knows how to play. Or how he'll pick up a book and turn the pages while babbling to himself. Or how he responds to "Where's Mama?" by smacking me in the face.
And don't ask me about his birthday this Saturday. Don't. Even. Thinkaboutit.
Don't ask me where my baby went, because I sure as hell don't know.
But feel free to ask me how totally awesome this little boy is. Because oh my God, he's so awesome.