Flush With Pride
God Hates Gymboree

Goddamned Hassle 2.0

So today is Gymboree day, and guess what! My car! Is dead! Again! And I am overusing! Exclamation! Points!

The battery keeps dying blah blah blah new battery or alternator problems blah blaaaah. Whatever. The point is, POOR ME.

So I will once again be relying on public transportation to get me to a spot that is not ultra-convenient for public transportation (See: bus transfers, burning hatred of), which brings out the Crazy Hysterical Traveler in me, which means I will have my ass out at that bus stop no less than three hours before Gymboree starts because what if I miss the first seven connecting buses? WHAT THEN, INTERNET?

(It's a 15-minute car ride, by the way. FIFTEEN MINUTES. And I could so make it in 10 if I had too.)

In the meantime, if any of y'all would have any interest in seeing me make an absolute dithering fool of myself in front of an audience, perhaps you could stop by the SXSW panel picker and, as Sweetney puts it, pick the hell out of the panel "Parent Bloggers 2.0: Diaper Diarists or the New Blogebrities?" under the category "Blogging." You don't even have to be going to the conference to vote, but hey! You should totally go to the conference, what with all these totally awesome panels and all. This one, which you should go vote for omg, would consist of me (duh), Sweetney and Marrit. They will be talking about stuff that is NOT the same boring crap about mommybloggers that we've all heard a million times.

I will be handling the comic relief, who-the-fuck-gave-that-one-a-microphone portion of the program.

Now if you'll excuse me, it is 9:10 am and I only have four-and-a-half hours to get to Gymboree. Shit!



4 1/2 hours! That could be a nice walk and a trip to Starbucks. Or one or two.

Anne Glamore

Maybe you could bring hitchhiking back into style.

Suzy Q

I totally get the need to be excruciatingly early for everything. I have a speed-dating event (gah!) tonight at 7:00, and I'm thinking I should already be on the road.


Speaking of other means of transport. Was that you and Noah walking with a stoller by the VP's house on Mass ave yesterday around 4ish? I was headed to my son's daycare and keep seeing all these police cars around so I was driving very slow and noticed who I thought was you and Noah. Probably not but I did a double take.

Anyway I know nothing of Gymboree but applaud you if you go.

Its a nice day today- maybe go to the Zoo instead? (haha).


I'll vote, but can I just say that I don't know which is worse, "Diaper Diarists" or "Blogebrities"? Okay, it's definitely "Blogebrities". Double UGH.


See, the car gods are tying to tell you something. Skip Gymboree this week, and maybe your car won't have any more problems!

And I agree, definitely Blogebrities.

Hillarie - what WAS going on yesterday? I was stuck on Mass. forever!


I think the Tire is all about the sabotage. If he doesn't get to be in a car, no one does! You should strap Noah to your back, make a "Gymboree or Bust" sign, and be on your way...just to show him who's boss.


Peyton- I think a motorcade went through earlier with some VIP. I just could figure out why ALL the police cars. I heard traffic was awful everywhere.


good luck with the Gymboree dash!


I totally agree with Cara...

after your nice leisurely trip through public transport... you deserve a muffin and a grande from Starbucks! Plan it in!


maybe we should just change the title of the panel to "Mommybloggers: Give Us Money, Bitches!"?


"Hott Or Not?: Mommyblogging For The Benjamins"


the punchy shorthand necessary to panel-titling sort of sucks, honestly.


4 and a half hours. Call yourself a taxi.


Heh. "Titling."

heather b

Bus transfers? Ergh. I just walk 17 blocks to where ever it is I'm going to avoid bus transfers.

well, that, and also I like walking.


Well that post got you added right to my bloglines. lol Maia sent me over when I asked for some new blogs. Fun!


I voted :-) Looks like a cool thing to do, if we claim to know you at the door can we get in free? Because lordy.

And if Laura from PR can, as Project Rungay puts it "take a 5 minute cab ride and bring 10K in luggage" I think you can totally justify taking a cab both ways and saving yourself the hassle.


Tracey, thanks for the phrase "punchy shorthand." That's exactly what I was going for. It's Our SXSW Jazz Hands! Spirit fingers, everyone! It could be the generic Nyquil and the low-grade fever, or I could actually be turning into a four-year-old: "I wonder if it's good or bad to say 'monetize'?" I offer "diaper diarists" as one conception of parenting bloggers (a la David Hochman and New York Magazine's "mommies everywhere seem to relate" dismissive view); I offer "the new blogebrities" as another ("Omigod, have you read Blah-Blah today?!?"). I've been covering SXSW-Interactive for the Austin Chronicle for several years, and I'm just curious if this trend in personal narrative about parenting is leading to an economic bubble, or a creative one. I'm not going to actually call someone a "blogebrity" unless they want me to. And technically, if people ask me nicely enough, I'll call them anything they want me to, even if I don't necessarily believe it. ("Here's your iced tea, Sheena of the Jungle.")

Silly Hily

I can't wait to hear how today's Gymboree trip goes down.
Your paid off car, dead again. Pft.


Amy, Dude, see you if you can hail one of those renegade rickshaws. I hear they're popular.


I agree. I think that the Universe is trying to tell you something about Gymboree.


Anyone else devote entirely too much time trying to figure out how to pronounce "blogebrities?"

Be-log-a-brit-ees? Blog-a-brights?

Blowge-brities? Blogging-hot-britches?

Oh, hell. I'll just go vote now.


I feel ya...used to live in the DC area, and never ventured too far from anything that wasn't convenient to a Metro station...I wouldn't even deal with the busses. Bah.


Ah, public transportation. This weekend I am finally (finally!) going to move my car to the city. It has been sitting back in my home state in my parents' drive way (love you, mom!) for THREE MONTHS since I moved. Though I am more of a master of public transportation than I ever expected to be by now...

Lori McF

Damnit, I overused exclamation points just about five minutes ago on my blog and now I feel like a copycat - even though I read your overused exclamation points after I published. Still. Grr.


People always look at me funny when I tell them that as far as I'm concerned, Metro might as well not exist. If you don't live, work, shop, live your ENTIRE life around metro stations, it's completely useless.

It would cost more and take longer to deal with busses and trains than it does for me to just drive to work.


Maybe get a bike. The kind with the little kid seat attached behind you.

And then you can avoid the part involving bus transfers AND walking.

Mrs. CPA

But Jes, that would require helmet wearing, and I may be talking out of my ass here, but I bet that Amy would not be putting a helmet on her head of perfectly coifed hair and then letting it get sweaty on the way to gymboree. Because Washington heat+sweaty bike ride=frizzy hair And what would that do to her image? And street cred as the Advice Smacker-downer?


I feel your pain. We have a Chevy they is constantly dead, so we are getting it fixed and selling it ASAP before it dies for the bazillionth time.

Blogebrities = like "celebrities" but with "blog" at the front? At least that is how I pronounce it.

Y from the internet

OK, maybe it's too early in the morning, but I totally don't get that SXSW thing.



I wish you much luck in your mission. Maybe you'll even find some other mommys to bond with this time!


First off I'll be cliche and tell you how much I loooovvveeee your blogs and couldn't LIVE without them.....

And then I'll be even more cliche, and link to my blog here, because.. you say that is one way to get people to read them.

....This isn't one of those catchy comments you spoke of in the Advice Smackdown, is it?...



Here's what I foresee as the next Gymboree Post: Again, car battery dead. With MacGyver like skill, I stepped inside the house and grabbed all the batteries out of the remote controls. With one hand full of stored energy I used my free hand to snag a paperclip, thumb tack and a tube sock. Using improvisation skills I care not to discuss here I rigged up a battery booster that was able to turn the engine over and start the car. Gymboree on time, and public transportation free.

If this sounds beyond your present abilities, dial up Tivo to start recording MacGyver today.


I voted! And I live in Austin! So if you come to SXSW I might just have to attend for the first time since I became a Texan.

Friend of Mermaid

Voted :)


Have you driven your car since last gymboree????


You definitely DO NOT overuse exclamation points...I've got a woman in a Yahoo! group that puts 2, 3, sometimes 4 at the end of EVERY DAMN SENTENCE! And since we're talking about kids with diabetes, and she's talking about their endocrinologist appointment, it doesn't really seem to warrant 40 exclamation points in a post.

Did you make it to Gymboree?!?


If the battery tends to die when the weather's been colder (I also live in Virginia and we've definitely had cold nights lately) ... then it's most likely the battery needs to be replaced. I don't know the why behind it but cold weather makes it harder for a dying battery to start. I had the same problem about 2 yrs ago.


Exclamation points are fine if that is what the occasion calls for, I have a friend who instead of using .... like such will use,,,,,,,,, like that. It makes my retinas bleed and fills me full of crazy.

Am I the only one that couldn't work out how to vote?


I totally hate using public transportation...and I am a bus driver for a local public transit agency. Well, at least I get to use it for free heh.


LaLa, I voted by choosing the category: blogging then scrolling down to Parent Bloggers, Diaper Diarists. It seemed to work.

Adam's Eve

More scary than the car is the looming spectre of Spanish-lessoned 1-yr olds and their parent/caretaker/au-pair/whatever.
If you ask me, that is.
What is it with that? What happened to mudcakes and eating sand, and singing along to the Wiggles?

Spanish lessons?? *blink*


I certainly hope the Gymboree Lords know all that you're going through to make it to their sessions.

The least they could do is send fifteen Gymbos in a Volkswagon over to get you.


While I love the bus, I hate transfers. So I totally understand where you're coming from.

I hope you made it okay and that you had a fun time.


I wake up at 5 to get to work by 8 and I always skid into the lobby with raspberry jam in my hair and dog shit on my heels, at a little after 9:30 or so.


Maybe it is a sign....


Hope you made it to Gymboree, though I do wonder if it is worth the hassle when you're carless. Put your feet up, Noah can climb all over the sofa, it'll be just as fun.

I sniggered at 'titling' too. Hehe.


You don't happen to live in Glover Park do you??? I use to..... regardless you are giving me flash backs!


Wow, that SXSW voting site is confusing as shit. But I have voted. Amen.


So did you make it to Gymboree?


1) buy a set of jumper cables, keep them in the trunk. jump-start the car, drive to gymboree. jump-start the car, drive home. no buses needed. a little more money will get you a device that plugs into your lighter socket and jumps your car.

2) get thee to auto-zone. the guy there will test your electrical system and tell you if it is the battery or the alternator. and then willingly sell you one or the other. if it's a battery, they will install it free.


Amy, another option if you don't have time to get the car fixed or just find yourself in a pinch is FlexCar. www.flexcar.com They have locationas all over DC and allow you to rent cars by the hour or the day. I have not personally use but have city-living friends who swear by it. They are in neighborhoods all over the city. Check out the site for more info.

Hope you made it to Gymboree without much stress and that in the week since you've been there they installed a martini bar next to the tumbling mats!

Real Girl

I've been a bit crazy busy, so only just saw the Noah walking pictures. Which are SUPERB.

Now, is it just me, or is it hard to remember this blog before Noah? I'm kind of surprised it's only been a year.

You know, *almost.*



Lindsay B

I live in Austin and just voted for you! Pre-baby, I was all over SXSW. Now, not so much. But, I will definitely come and see your panel, baby in tow of course... :)


Does this mean you will be coming to Austin???

News Mom V.

Delurking to let you know I truly enjoy reading in. Love your writing style and sense of humor.

(Note: While you may exclamate too much -- and yes, I know that's not a word -- I use ellipsis too often and incorrectly...but inappropriately placed punctuation does help to get the point across, doesn't it?)

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