Into the Smoke
Moving On Up...Or Over...Or Just Slightly Due South. No, North! Fuck.

Steal This Blog

So I'm kicking around an entry about a fairly harrowing weekend the suburbs...where I totally could have been a lawnmower or something like that...but I think I need another day or so to process that one.

And since I spent most of yesterday in a slack-jawed, masochistic haze of watching stuff like this and reading stuff like this, I've really got nothing to write about today.

Except...hmm. Hang on. Let me look around for any spare dead horses I could beat for awhile. I think there might be one out back...


Ah yes! MySpace emailed me back! You know in response to perhaps the sixteen dozen complaints of copyright infringement I submitted? Yes.


Below is a pretty comprehensive overview on blogs presented in a FAQ format.  It should answer all the questions that you should have about blogs.

Questions about...blogs? The hell?

Q: What is a blog?

Oh helllllll no.

A: A 'blog' is an online journal. 'Blog' is short for Weblog. in recent years, 'blogging' or posting an online journal has become very popular. MySpace has incorporated a feature to allow users to post their thoughts, dreams, random internet findings, or anything their heart desires.

Yeah. It went on like that for quite awhile.

Thanks, MySpace. That was some super helpful keywording you did there.

I got that email on September 10th, three days after Claudia's profile was deleted. Which makes sense, since (sense, since, argh, that chafes mine ears and yet I am entirely too lazy to fix it, just ignore it, and DO NOT PLAGIARIZE THIS SENTENCE, IT DIES HERE) today I checked the email account I use for the Advice Smackdown and found that on September 7th, Claudia emailed me.

(Or at least, someone claiming to be Claudia, who I suppose could easily be as fake as a $250,000 freelancing career, but for the purposes of Restoring My Hope in the Youth of America, let's say she really is Claudia.)

She apologized. Profusely. And admitted that she deleted her own account.

Self-Policing Internet Types: 1
MySpace Customer Service: 0
consolation prize, Miss Congeniality of the Plagiarizing Goth Nanny Set
Amy: two bags of Veggie Booty and a lifetime Internet ban on EVER MENTIONING THIS AGAIN





did you pick him up and put him there?
are you purposefully not moving the tire for the sheer entertainment value of it all?


OMG, MySpace SUCKS! But it is good to know that Claudia saw sense and deleted herself. She's gone up in my esteem. Slightly. Hehe.

Wanna hear about the house hunting and scary lawnmower though. Oh amalah, how you tempt us!


I vote that you redneck it up and turn the tire into a planter.


Sooo pleased that the plagiaristic one apologised, that's gotta restore some faith in the 'yoof' of today I guess...!


Good. Grief.


Oy - I am house hunting myself in the same suburbs I imagine you are searching.

It. Sucks.


I love how Noah has become something of a big brother to Tire. Is Tire invited to anything on Sept. 30th? (I'm not sure if we are allowed to speak of it yet)

Also, thankfully, I have never seen the Wiggles and have absolutely no intention. Hope the nightmares go away soon!!


GAH. That tire is so big. Like a tractor tire. I don't believe that it is actually for a normal-size car that I imagine you might drive in DC.


you know, i'm still pretty sad that i didn't get my picture taken with the tire. BECAUSE I'M INSANE.


That tire could be a real selling point for your condo.


I resisted jumping on the 'let's string Claudia up by her tender bits' bandwagon, but I have to say, it takes COUS (cajones of unusual size) to write you and apologize.

I am now willing to jump on the 'Aww, she's just a mixed-up kid in a crazy topsy-turvy world' bandwagon.

Oh, and lawnmowers aren't inherently bad, but you cannot let them smell your fear.



I've found little to amuse me of late. But that? Made me lose it. LOLocaust.

Heather B.

I'm going to sit on the tire and tell it what I want for Christmas. Or; how upset would you be if you came home to your child being rolled around in the tire?


Contrary: Exactly. Color me impressed.


You truly have mastered the appropriate placement of "bitches." I am still struggling with when it is appropriate.

ali had me at the $250,000 freelancing career...ah, a girl can dream...


May I just say how adorable it is that Noah is supporting the tire's presence by both his outfit and his own mini tire? I think he wants it to stay.


I vote for turning the tire into a planter!


Those are some snazzy pants little man has on. And you absolutely MUST decorate the tire for the party.


Househunting is better with booze.

Trust me. I know.


Have you thought about Noah going trickrtreating as the Michelin Man? You might need to get another tire to complete the look.


That's it. I'm putting a tire in my house and moving it around.

But I think only you can make that funny.

For me, it would just be a tire in my house you idiot why don't you move that fucking thing out of the way or your kid will fall into it.

Yeah. Good times.


We love the tire. I love the tire. Keep the tire, for us, ok?

The tire needs to post, damn.


That tire is going to go to Noah's high school graduation as part of the family. You can dress him up in a respected set of snow chains or something.

Vaguely Urban

I love the recurring tire theme in that photo.

The ever-persistent auto tire. The colorful, stack-em-up toy ring tires. And the tires on Noah-man's shirt!

Wacky Mommy

Dude. I think Noah has fully bonded with the tire now.


The last sentence made me lauuuugh! What's up with that tire anyway??? Should we all email your husband and get him to take it out of the house already??!! We could totally do it!


I wish I could get over the Claudia thing, but I guess I can't quite get over plagiarism, which makes me grumpy, old and pissy. I know. I'm no fun.

I mean, it's not like I wanted her strung up and murdered or anything, but gah! Claudia! The fake life was what freaked me out.

Oh my god, this is the second Internet thing that didn't even happen to me that I can't get over in the last ten minutes. I need therapy. THERAPY.


Keep the tire and please share where you bought Noah's outfit??? I am constantly in search of cute baby boy clothes (somewhat of an oxymoron - sp???)


I heart Veggie Booty.


You won't mention it again but, well, I did:


Have you just given up and accepted the tire to point that Noah's outfits must coordinate with it?


Can't wait to hear your Tales From the Darkside!

I have to admit I was a little relieved when we sold our townhouse out there last year because I just never felt at home in the VA 'burbs.

Y from the internet

If I send you a BEEFLOG, will you duct tape it to the top of the tire and take a picture of it for me?

Don't ask, just say yes.




In fact, DUDE. What an awesome idea for a contest or something. Send shit to my PO Box to be photographed with The Tire.

Oh my God, iss brillaint an am not just saying that cuz i am durnk.


Well thank goodness. I had been wondering what a blog was for the longest time.


I think you ought to plant flowers in the tire... create a window box-esk effect :) Although, if it makes you feel better, there is a trailer (ie mobile home) in the middle of my road ("road" being used loosely as I live in redneck hell and it's actually a dirt/clay/sand road) and it's been there for almost 3 weeks. Fun times we have here in the last remaining areas of "rural" Florida. HA!

Perhaps you have taught "Claudia" an invaluable lesson and you can chalk this one up as being an incredible mom to Noah and mom figure to miss-lead children everywhere?


So it would be


When you move to the burbs the tire, it will multiply. If you move far enough out of D.C. it will become a '72 Chevelle up on blocks in the front yard.


Stuff On My Tire is the BEST IDEA EVAH!!!!

shy me

Tire! TIRE! I missed you! Look at you training Noah to carry around little baby tires.

I wish I had a tire.


Actually, I think you should get a pet turtle and he could LIVE in the tire. Country Folks do that, ya know.

One of the unknown bennies from living in Kansas, ya'll.


OMG! Am actually considering sending something to be photographed on the tyre. Even though it would probably cost 10 billion pounds because of the overseas shipping.

But what you ask? Ah, that would be telling (<- means I have no idea as yet, but it will be flippin brilliant when I think of it!)


There's something about the orange against the black can't go before Halloween. A little bit of that cobweb stuff...although, by then, if left untouched, it should have its own...a couple of plastic spiders...or maybe you add some suspenders and Noah can wear it for Halloween!


My money is on Noah getting that tire upstairs before your husband does! Glad you have some closure with Claudia. I eagerly await the suburb story!


*sigh* I'm breaking my own ban on Amalah, oddly enough because someone yet again linked me to something she said. Ggrrr, but I'm still pissed. Just for the record.

But I'm personally voting on the spare tire being made into a coffee table extraordinaire. That on top of a milk crate, topped with a $10 glass rounder from Walmart? Sounds like a hillbilly "Trading Trailers" decorating tip to me!


Wheeeeeeeee Crusher! I love his outfit!! Good lord what a heartbreaker he is. I personally like your tire. It makes me feel a lot better about things like Dusty Crate, Unused Multi-picture Plastic Frame, and my favorite, Beat-up Cardboard Box Full of Styrofoam Peanuts... A tire is so edgy.


I like to see the tires........
And definitely LOVE Noah's OUTFIT!

Umm... 18 days to go before his birthday, Amy.... Can't wait to get to know what you're planning for this big day ;).



see. aren't y'all so proud of yourselves now for not linking to claudia?

keepin it clean instead of mean, bitches. that's where it's at.

AND we still get the tire!


I have a pet tire of my own, somehow it doesn't look as good as yours. I've got to get a Noah to go with it.


Hey... I just realized that we have the SAME hardwood floors. I guess the tire is nice too... Anyway, you need a myspace. I totally came over to your amalah site to see if you had mentioned one and my god... that was the day the claudia story broke. I'm convinced I'm psychic.


Maybe you could make the tire into a tire swing when you move to the 'burbs?

Y from the internet


I think I said that once before, that you should take requests for things to be photographed with the tire, but I am too lazy to check your archives to be sure.

(I'm seriously sending you a BEEFLOG!! Charge the camera batteries!)


Well Noah is adorable as always and atleast someone apologized about the whole debacle. I suppose it could have been worse.


Stuff on my Tire. That is brilliant!

Glad "Claudia" apologized. At least she did one nice thing.


I must say, that is one cute baby boy. And tire. Maybe if you put some candles, or an autumn flower arrangement in it, it would blend in better.

I throughly enjoy your blog. Thanks!


The tire moved from in front of the stairs. I guess it sin't going into storage anytime soon.

Luvre the contest idea and how coordinated adorable Noah is with the tire. Where did you get his outfit, please?


Stuff on My Tire. Awesome. I'm still waiting for the picture wherein Ceiba will be lounging inside the tire and all we'll be able to see is her pointy little ears, cuz she's so itty bitty. How is Ceiba by the way? Haven't seen pics or heard about her since she planted herself by the door when Jason left on that trip. And can't forget to ask about the kitty.

Good for Claudia, apologizing. That's a very standup thing to do. My opinion of her just went up a smidge, and I feel a bit bad that I was part of the lynch mob wanting to string her up. Maybe she just didn't know any better. Plus, it's good to know that even the goth crowd likes Amalah. Appeals to all walks of life.

Heather B

i would like some supercool race car pants!


Noah eats Veggie Booty?????My 18 month old loves this stuff, he would eat whole bags if I'd let him. The stuff is vile and disgusting, but every baby or toddler I kow loves it. Have you tried it?


Such a great post, so many excellent comments. Sarah's "stuff on my tire" is GENIUS, Emily's idea to put those fake cobwebs and spiders in the tire for Halloween is funny and you should totally do it, and Y-what can you say about Y? BEEFLOG!!!

P.S. Noah is scrumptious in that outfit.


I am so excited about the BEEFLOG + Tire picture I can hardly stand it. Brilliant idea, Y. Brilliant.

Real Girl

Noah is totally a Crusher.

Karen Rani

You GOTTA put Troll Baby in the tire. I will mail him to you today.

May the force be with you.


House hunting does suck. Royally. And it will suck right up until your perfect house reaches out and grabs you. Good luck!

Silly Hily

When you said you were putting a ban on ever mentioning "this" again and then had a picture of Noah, my heart dropped b/c I thought you were talking about him. Never mentioning him again for fear that someone would steal it and pretend he belonged to them.
But then I realized you were talking about the whole Claudia thing.
I was so scared.


Am I the only one that thinks the tire has this forlorn look about it, clearly feeling fenced off, like a slinky stuck at the bottom of the stairs?

I really shouldn't stop taking my meds when I'm feeling "better".


Oh! Oh! and you could string lights on Tire for Xmas! The pretty rainbow blinky kind! That would look so "special..."


If a stray stayed at your house this long, it would have become a pet by now. So. The tire? It must be named. Any ideas?

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