Project Sweet-Ass Revealed!

Confessions of a Gymboreeaholic

This week's Insurmountable Odds Standing Between Amy & Gymboree:

1) No car. Still. We've had zero time to take it in for repairs, so just to let the poor useless thing know we haven't abandoned it entirely, I like to go outside and kick it occasionally.

2) No stroller. In Jason's car, despite the three separate reminders this morning to put it in my car, plus the way I chanted "stroller stroller stroller" as he walked out the door. He rolled his eyes and got all kinds of testy with me, because OKAY. GOD. And then he walked outside and was promptly distracted by "some kind of crazy pothole-filling machine" and forgot to move the stroller.

3) No house key. Realtor has it. Jason forgot to get a copy made; I forgot to steal his off his keychain.

4) No morning nap. Self-explanatory, although I do wish I was technically proficient enough to upload an MP3 of Noah's EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYEEEHHHHHHEEEEAAAAHHH shriek-fest, just to really give you the full multimedia experience of this one.

So obviously, I called Gymboree and scheduled a makeup class, because really. I can take a hint. Right?

Ha! No, I totally did not do that. I called Jason instead, and tearfully told him that I just HAD to get out of the house today, I just HAD to. So he came home at lunchtime and drove us to Gymboree.

Yes, I am nuts.

To be fair, somebody needed to be home this afternoon to meet the realtor and sign some other thing in the endless stream of things that need signed (we're officially on the market TOMORROW. somebody come buy our place. bring money.), so Jason got to work from home all afternoon, which is fun and I think makes up for the fact that I never really told him I can schedule makeup classes anytime I need to.

Here's the really scary thing: I kind of love Gymboree. It's...actually pretty fun, which I guess proves I've gone as low on the mommyscale as one can sink. The nanny-to-mother ratio has balanced out over the last few weeks and I've met some really cool women. Almost all of us work part-time-ish at home, and we all kind of eye each other with the same hungry, will-you-be-my-friend-wanna-go-to-Starbucks-circle-yes-or-no kind of look. I love being around all the other babies and I love the way everybody treats every kid like their own: we praise and cheer and cuddle and kiss boo-boos indiscriminately.

There's one little girl who has been kind of lagging developmentally (she wouldn't crawl or walk). Today she WALKED into class, and we all burst into applause while her nanny teared up in relief. I love looking around the room at all the women -- mothers and nannies alike -- who all seem to be finding such joy in raising these hilarious little people, even while we roll our eyes at singing the same stupid songs AGAIN, God.

But I love that Max and Hannah and Anya give me hugs every week. I love watching Mia come out of her reserved little shell a little more every week. And I love -- LOVE -- watching Noah shriek with delight over each new activity and watching him master a new skill with every class. I love it so much that after our class I take him out for lunch and then return an hour later for the "open gym" playtime so I can watch him crawl through tunnels and up ramps to his heart's delight.

There. Whew. That felt good to confess. It's not cool to like stupid parenting shit like Gymboree, I know. It's probably a sign that I need to Get Out More and Find An Identity Outside Of The C-H-I-L-D before my brain turns into mushy stay-at-home-mom mush, but there it is.

Gymbo the Clown can still bite my ass though.



I feel that way about other babies, and I'm just a babysitter. It's a wonderful feeling.

Carli Jaye

You have just made me realize that I NEED TO BECOME THAT mushy-mush-ew-icky-mush-slush sorta mom... You brought tears to my eyes because I am not the one that GETS TO DO those fun things with my son, unless I get 'er done on the weekend.

You are absolutely NOT crazy for loving watching your, OH SO DAMN CUTE son, btw, have a WONDERFUL fun filled afternoon. At least you atempt to TAKE HIM out in public. Some mom's are just plain to afraid. Who cares, let your child have their melt down at Target at 1:33 pm when they should be napping, let them all (moms who ditch their kids at the daycare to shop..LOSERS) STARE! Who cares! The point is your letting YOU do what YOU like with YOUR son and throwing the stereo types the finger, which I'm really good at and I've learned, SO ARE YOU :)


gymboree is just the first step to finding mommy friends. Your open and that is what counts. screw that dam clown.


There are bubbles way up hiiiiigh. There are bubbles in your eyyyyyye.


Am I the only one that is dying for some pictures of Noah? Hello? I don't think you have posted a picture since he turned O-N-E.



What's not to love about a place that gives you the opportunity to simultaneously revel in your child's joy and make friends with other people who unabashedly do the same? It's a honker-ducky-dinger GYMboree!


I so wish that I was able to work a way in work schedule that we could do Gymboree. I secretly think I would enjoy it. Esecially after ready your experience. I spend alot of my lunches at my daughters school and have built bonds with the other kids, so I can only imagine how this would be. Maybe I will have to look into more and see if I can find a way to make it work!

I am so glad that you are having fun and that Noah is haveing a ball! i can only imagine what it is like to see him. Are you allowed to tape him? and post it?

Anne Glamore

Aw, that was cute.

Next thing you know, you'll be such a cool mom you'll be Jazzercising like me.

Or not.

Good luck on the sale!


We don't have Gymboree here in Podunksville. We just got a Starbucks, for God's sake, anything more progressive is a SIN.

Anyway, it actually sounds like a lot of fun. When we go the mall and my own little guy plays with the other kids in the play area (and runs up to me every five seconds to tell me 'Watch me, Mama, watch me!), I get to talk to other mommies and compare kids and commiserate over our kids who are only mostly potty trained.

Then, we have pizza.

It just doesn't get any better than that.


Amalah, my boyfriend JUST decided to move to NYC instead of me moving to DC area, otherwise we s-o-o-o would have been on the market for your place. Damn! However, I would have requested a replacement pet-wallpaper-sticker.


I'm glad you like it. Oh and that Noah likes it, too. Whose husband doesn't get all testy and eye-rolly and then forget what they were suppose to do? Just the other day my husband walked past our garbage can with a huge, smelly garbage bag into the detached garage and opened his car door before realizing he was about to head to work with the garbage.


OMG you made me want to sign up for Gymboree but I don't think we have them up here - GAH! (I've gotta do research!). I loved reading this post because even though it was bleedin' obvious that some power didn't want you to get out this afternoon, you proved it wrong and kicked it's butt. Noah sounds like he is having a blast and so do you.


I was wondering if the Starbucks in your area also DO NOT have high chairs? Is this a corporate thing or more likely, just a backward Kentucky Thang? While my 13 month old loves to run roam freely through Starbucks on the rare occasion we go, this does not make for a very relaxing coffee experience for me.

reluctant housewife

But, isn't adorable when they get all excited about getting kisses from Gymbo?

Soon, very soon, you will be going out on "mommydates" - I'm so excited for you! Here's to hoping you find some flesh and blood kindred spirits (they make this mothering thing so much better!)

Teacher Jane

Sometimes I look at the students sitting in front of me in class and I think to myself that I can't wait to be a mother. Other times, like several days in the past week, I look at the students sitting in front of me and think, "MASS STERILIZATION PLEASE."

And on those days, I'm so glad to have entries like these to remind me that, hey, kids are pretty great. Even if they do force us to sing stupid songs and pretend that clowns aren't fucking scary which we ALL KNOW IS A LIE. So thank you for loving Gymboree, and also for reminding me of the potential in my students.

Sending good real estate thoughts your way...

Lisa V

When my oldest was a baby, the group of moms I hung out with made me sane. Okay almost sane. I would have rather had a root canal than miss my friday group of moms and babies at the Y.

My daughter will be 15 next month, two of those women are still my best friends and our kids hang out together. How cool is that? We are already trying to arrange marriages and shit so we can all be one big happy family.


Your husband is nicer than mine. We have one car. He gets it. I am therefore stuck in the apartment with the baby. I wonder if I can find friends that will come to me?!

Amy H.

now see, that is more like it. I love logging on and going to your page and seeing a NEW entry. Thanks for that!!!
BUT (yes, there is a but even though I complained that you weren't writing enough to help me get through my day...sorry, needy I guess) is my 3rd day to have Avery in daycare. Someone else is raising my daughter. This entry does not make me feel better about that. ugh. And I don't have a cool blog that thousands of people read that will eventually allow me to stay home with her. no hope.
but thanks for the new entry. the laughs do help!


I actually think this is pretty fucking awesome, and I'm not even a mom. Gives me hope that there is normalishness out there, and dude, it's nice to see women and moms all hepped up for each other and each other's kids.

Feh to cool, I say.


There's nothing wrong with enjoying these things, silly! It's a blessing to get to do these things with Noah, and I'm happy for you that it is such a joy!


I did have to schedule a makeup class today due to 1) severe headache and 2) no nap (thanks to the mother fucking fire trucks that have to be dispatched to every little thing around here).

I'm also hesitant to admit, but I do love Gymboree for all the same reasons.


Amy H. -- Noah loved daycare as much as he loves Gymboree, and I was consumed with guilt when I pulled him out, because he was thriving there. We just. can't. win.

No one else is "raising" your daughter. You're raising her, and part of that process includes giving her more wonderful people to love and be loved by, and doing what's best for your family.

And maybe tomorrow's entry will be about the pendulum swing BACK to wanting to claw my SAHM face off from boredom, since tomorrow is not a Gymboree day when I get! to! talk! to! grown-ups!


Holy shit, my computer goes down for FOUR DAYS that's right FOUR FRICKIN', MIND-NUMBING, TORTUROUS DAYS of no Amalah...can you sense the hysteria rising up like a fiendish bubble? And look at all the awesome stuff I missed!! I love the new blog!!! Too funny!!

The house looks FABULOUS!! Mine NEVER looks like that,am totally jealous! Good luck selling, I hope it goes fast!!

I would absolutely go to Gymboree,but am not sure if I have one!! I am also too lazy/forgetful to look it up on the web!!


I feel exactly the same way except with me it's PlayTime Gym. It's the poorman's Gymboree.


Where Oh Where Oh Where is Gymbo? Where Oh Where Oh Where is Gymbo? Where Oh Where Oh Where is Gymbo? Where can he be?

You know you love Gymbo, give in to the love.

I, too, loved Gymboree when my son was younger. He's 4 now and since he's in Pre-School we stopped Gymboree, but it was fun while it lasted.

Mrs. Chicky

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a husband who gets sidetracked by shiny objects and heavy machinery and forgets to leave the stroller behind. I would have called him at work too. With much tears and screaming.


Sending many, many good wishes your way for a speedy sale!

Mine has been on the market since April 1 (not in the DC market)and now I have two sweet, sweet mortgages.

E-mail me if you ever need sympathy - I've got lots!


Huh, Gymboree sounds pretty kick-ass. I have no idea how I grew up with out it. Oh, that's right, I haven't grown up. Where can I sign up?


Know what you mean. I am so there.


That's awesome that Jason came all the way home to take you and Noah to Gymboree.

Don't feel too bad about the not cool Gymboree stuff. It sounds like a lot of fun to me. And all too soon Noah will be to old for it and you will look back with happy memories at the time you guys had there.

Besides, even with Gymboree you are totally cool.


Ame, haven't you heard? It's hip to be square! If you and Noah are loving it, then that's the place to be!! I think being around all the happiness and cuteness is awesome. Last night my neighbors came down with their four-month old Connor. While I was holding him he spit up on me and I didn't even flinch. I'm proud of this because it means I'm building the skills to be a real mom someday! And I'll go to Gymboree!


is it expensive? i'm glad you found a great way to meet friends and play with noah. will you trek back to the same gymboree after you move to the 'burbs?


Ohhh you are all the most evil and ANTI-BIRTH CONTROL. EVER.

Yes I may be drunk, and yes I may be a creepy lurker who only comes out in an alcohol-induced stage, BUT C'MON WOMAN.

Are you TRYING to get the whole interweb pregnant because that post made me so close to crying and telling my boyfriend to knock me up. Now.

In any case, Noah's the cutest thing EVER and here's to "coming out," drunk.

Y from the internet

Why isn't it cool to like Gymboree? I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.


I'm with Y. Why isn't Gymboree cool? Back when my kids were babies, like 8 years ago, Gymboree was the place to be. All the cool babies hung out there.

Yay for new mommy friends. I know how important that is to a SAHM-ish type of person. They help keep you sane.

Lady M

After overcoming so many obstacles, I'm glad that Gymboree was worth it!

Good luck with selling the house. I don't want to think about moving, but it's probably about time to start clearing out closets, just in case.


Ditto what Y said.

May we see some pics of Noah in his Gymboree induced happiness?


Hoorah for Gymboree! Especially now that it's not a burden. I feel all giddy/clucky/happy when I'm with my class (SOMETIMES, that word is important) - it's so exciting when they master something.

One of the best things about kids is watching them soak up experiences.

Yay Noah! Yay Momma!


Just a quick "thank you for acknowledging the nannies" comment. I don't have children of my own (yet) but have raised/loved/cared for/taught enough children to be considered a mommy, to some degree anyway.


I'm so glad you're happy. :-)


I'm so glad you're loving Gymboree. You make it sound so tempting, except that I would have to a)spend money, b)buy clothes that are fit to be seen in public and c)risk acting like an idiot in an overenthusiastic attempt to make new friends.

FINE. I'll look on their website and see if there's a Gymboree here, you don't have to twist my arm.


It sounds like Gymboree is good for both of you. I say embrace it, even if you think it's lame, because it actually sounds wonderful.


When is it ever cool to be a parent? And I'm jealous that you have Gymboree; all we have here is Kindermusik and I'm telling you there are NO tunnels in Kindermusik.


Who cares what's cool? If YOU don't do what your kid enjoys, then who will??
I LOVE your blog, but just for the record hon, NO ONE thrives in daycare! That baby is right where he needs to be, with his momma. You're doing a great job as a mom!

Woman with Kids

Geez. Can I go too?


"Almost all of us work part-time-ish at home, and we all kind of eye each other with the same hungry, will-you-be-my-friend-wanna-go-to-Starbucks-circle-yes-or-no kind of look."

Ha! I love that.

I'm a sap, because this post made me all teary-eyed.

And Mary, yikes, don't even know how to respond to that bit of daycare bashing...


As long as you don't embrace Barney as a parenting guru you're fine. The minute you start heading in that direction I'm sure the internet will stop you in your tracks.


My week is full of these "mushy stay-at-home-mom mush" type activities. Here's the run down:

- Mommy & Me Monday's at The Arboretum

-Story Time Tuesday at B&N's then playtime at Chik Fil A or Tiny Tot Tuesday's at the Arboretum
(you know, in case it rained on Monday and we had to miss it - OH MY GAWD, I can't believe I'm admitting this)

-Thursday is lunch with big sister at her school
Wed. & Fri. the kids go to Mother's Day Out (that's when I got to lunch with ADULTS -- lunches that do not at all involve chicken nuggets, like at all! -- painting class and therapy - he he he)

I have to get out and do something EVERY. SINGLE. MOTHERFUCKING. DAY. or I would be certifiably insane. I'm darned close as it is (hence, the aforementioned therapy).

I know that "hungry will-you-be-my-friend" look very, very well.

Welcome to the Club.


I've never been to Gymboree, and I've sort of wished that I'd taken E when she was smaller.

Now you've solidified it.

Wacky Mommy

That look you're describing, "the same hungry, will-you-be-my-friend-wanna-go-to-Starbucks-circle-yes-or-no kind of look" yeah, I know that look. Dang, it gets lonely flying solo sometimes, y'know? We did Music Together when Wacky Boy was smaller, and it was NOT my trip, but we had so much fun and both ended up loving it.


Amalah, thanks for your response to Amy H. I'm glad you aren't going to participate in a SAHM vs. WOHM diatribe. Shame on you, Mary.


Gymboree has the BEST bubbles EVER!!!! I remember making a special trip to the mall to buy them from the retail store. So tiny and shiny...and they last FOREVER!!! Thanks for the trip down memory lane with Gymboree.
It is especially needed as I glance at the calendar and realize my baby will be 17 next week. 17!!! Oy.


But he goes up and down AND side to side.

Who could hate a clown that does that??


i think I am supposed to say I have lost all respect for you, what with the loving gymboree and all.... but but , oh it's true. I love gymboree too!



Where is Gymbo? Where is Gymbo?
There he is. There he is.
He's hiding under your bed ready to pounce!

When I started to make up evil Gymbo stories and songs, I knew I had to get out of Gymboree.

On the other hand, my husband was able to make up entire songs about Gymbo's X-rated life outside of class.

We knew then that we had to get back to adult life.


I just got finished reading Stephen King's "It" (Because, yes, I do enjoy being 20 years behind everyone else. That Wham! breakup is hitting me pretty hard.) It's pretty clear to me after reading this entry that, when the time comes, I can have nothing to do with Gymboree.

And I'm totally never going back to McDonalds.

I'm glad you and Noah are enjoying it, though!

mama speak

I loved gymboree w/my oldest daughter, and we too have gone the route of the x-rated gymbo songs.

Of course, this is just your warm up to the Wiggles. (Wait till you go to your first concet w/Noah & realize that ALL the parents’ know the hand gestures to the songs.) It's sort of like become part of the Borg or something, “just assimilate, resistance is futile.” (Christ on a cracker! I just mentioned Gymbo, The Wiggles & Star Trek in one post, shouldn't I get a prize or something? Or maybe just commit me?)

Just stay away from the Teletubies & Barney--pure evil I tell you.


I have an idea....How about a PICTURE of Noah shrieking with delight at Gymboree. HUMM??? Im having withdraws here.


methinks gymboree broke you just a little bit. your acting...well...mushy!!!

(i kid. i love gymboree too!)


Dude. Post a pic of Noah, STAT!

And quit making me cry at work.


I just signed Monkey up for Gymboree through our parks and rec department. I'm sure it will be a little different than going to the "actual" Gymboree place, but I hope that she enjoys it. I am a little intimidated by the other parents that might be going, so I hope it's enjoyable.

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