PLAAAAAAAYDAAAAAAAATE!!!1!!1
November 10, 2006
But first, an aside.* You people CRACK MY ASS UP. Over 220 comments about toilet paper, with the vast majority of you copping to major "over" OCD and a tendency to flip (AND FOLD) other people's rolls. Seriously, I had NO idea there was a "right" way to hang toilet paper. NO IDEA. It's like that time I read how when you make the bed, any pattern on your flat sheet is actually supposed to face the mattress, so you can "see" the pattern when you fold the covers back or something, and I just couldn't wrap my mind around that AT ALL, and still to this day make the bed wrong ON PURPOSE because I am a REBEL. I don't need your RULES, man. Our toilet paper hangs free and easy and in WHICHEVER DIRECTION IT CHOOSES.
And God help me, Flippy McOverNuts, I'll set up a webcam in there if I have to.
*Can it be an aside if I haven't actually said anything yet?
ANYWAY. The five of you who read the Quaalude Blog over at ClubMom already know my super-fun-exciting news from yesterday. As do the rest of you, I suppose, if you read the title of this post.
Yes, it's true. After many months of being, essentially, a friendless pathetic shut-in who was regularly scared off the neighborhood playground by insular groups of Spanish-speaking nannies, I finally got myself invited to a playdate.
Noah, clearly quite distressed about being forced to share his oxygen with another child.
Delicious chaos.
I was so damn jazzed about this damn playdate that it was all I could do to like, not show up with flowers and a big heart-shaped box of chocolate. Instead, I choose to show up 1) late, 2) bearing the World's Crankiest Baby Who Was Suddenly Ultra-Aware of His Personal Space, and 3) a baggie of not-very-gummable crackers that I absent-mindedly fed to a baby who is not mine and only has two teeth.
GO ME.
Julie (who will henceforth be referred to as "Bunny" because she came up with that nickname after a Corona or two and I AM HOLDING HER TO IT) and her son Max (Baby X, whom I have full permission to exploit here on this website, despite not offering a single cent of ad revenue, HA HA SUCKAHS) were both very gracious hosts, providing hummus and pita chips and community sippy cups and the most demented plastic farm animals I have ever seen, Jesus Christ, they had RED EYES and a GOAT SATAN and at least I'm not the only mother who thinks pretty much everything brown and plastic is a rogue piece of escaped poop.
There was one case of Suspected Biting, but was later determined to be nothing more than Confirmed Drama Queening.
We listened to top 40 radio instead of Noggin and were both highly alarmed by some of the songs getting the dance remix treatment (James Blunt? Wot?).
There was a LOT OF FARTING.
The doorbell rang at some point and we both promptly freaked out because WHO IS THERE? I DON'T KNOW. OMG. SHOULD I COME WITH YOU TO ANSWER IT? DOES MAX HAVE A WIFFLE BAT? WHO IS COMING TO KILL THE HELPLESS MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN?
It was the phone company. We're jackasses. But now we are jackasses TOGETHER.
Bunny: So you work from home? What do you do?
Amy: So I have...this...blog. And another blog. And...then two more blogs and I'm kind of a huge dork and...
Bunny: Are you going to tell the Internet about how I spilled my beer just now?
Amy: No! I mean. Yes. Probably. I'm just so thrilled that I didn't spill anything. *weeps*
You know it's been a good playdate when nobody is wearing pants by the end.
On Monday we are going shopping. If I can manage to stay cool and collected and not set anyting on fire? I do believe I might actually have a new friend.
*claps hand over mouth, goes all bug-eyed with internalized squee-ing*
*counts to 10*
*punches self in face*
Amy!
Congrats on your new friend. You two sound like you had a smashing time! :)
So was there hair braiding?
Congrats Amy!! SOunds like you and Noah had a blast!!!!
I am so with you on the squeeing. i love the beginning part of a friendship where you are all nervous and aren't sure if you'll be seen as overbearing and stalkerish. Pretty soon you'll be following each other into the bathroom and not bothering to blame farts on the dog.
or is it just that my friends and I are just gross and no one else's friendship is overly familiar like that? Oh, whoops.
I am SO excited for you and your new forays into the world of play-dates.
You must keep us posted. Will she call you? Or will you feel too desperate if you call her?
The two boys together are adorible!
First, another aside*. Did you know there is a proper way to fold towels? It's true. I try to teach my husband, but he just won't learn.
A Plllaaaayyyyyddaaaattteee... Good gracious girl, you've needed it.
Hallelujah for you!
But crap, am I the only one panicking that now Amy has a IRL friend and she won't care about us anymore? OMG- what if she stops posting on here because all she does is sit around and drink and have real adventures instead of ones on teh internet...
oh crap oh crap oh crap
I mean, congrats on yours and Noah's new friends! I'm so happy for you (picture a big fake side hug and air kisses, ok?)
I forgot my asterisk.
*It's totally okay to have an aside before you've actually said anything.
I love your description of how women spend time together... there's not a single time I spend with my girlfriends (with or without kids) that I am not in fear of having a "potty" accident from laughing so hard my ribs hurt.
CONGRATS... I wish you a long and happy friendship.
Since I am unable to make friends either and live vicariously through others' blogs, I now feel I have a new friend too. Thank you.
I'm so happy for you! Bunny and Baby X sound like some awesome new friends. Have fun.
Yay for new friends! Love the cute pics of the boys playing.
"You know it's been a good playdate when nobody is wearing pants by the end."
Well, good dates in general end that way...
Max is awesome. Doesn't he look like a 90210-star in training, with his casual glance and arm thrown rakishly over the armrest?
This was so sweet. I'm happy for both you and Noah. I don't think there is a reader out there, though, Amy, who wouldn't want to be your friend.
"Dat goat has devil eyes!"
Sheesh...guess I am a super-ultra friendless pathetic shut-in (okay...maybe not a shut-in) because my son is ALMOST 4 and we have yet to be invited to a 'playdate.'
Course it doesn't help that in those 4 years we have lived in 5 states.
*whimper* I am so pathetic.
If I was closer I would totally offer to come over and smother both babies with kisses while you and your new friend go shopping. But, alas, the commute would be a bit too long as I'm in Minnesota. Damn.
Sounds like a great afternoon, despite the drama-queening and farting. (Which kind of made me laugh because I am, apparently, a 12-year-old who thinks farts are funny.)
Even boys start the drama queen shit EARLY. And it DOESN'T STOP!
Ooooh, I want to have playdates with cocktails!
Um, is it absolutely mandatory to have a kid? I could always borrow one of my nieces. How does Noah feel about older women? I know a cute 2-year-old in Pennsylvania that would love to share hummus with him. Please, please let us join in the fun! We would gladly drive 5 hours to come visit!
ps - that doesn't sound desperate, does it?
Oh, I am so glad you had a good time! That first yearish before play-dates can get pretty lonely. I mean WTF, everyone you used to know doesn't also have a tiny dictator at home. Then you find the land of dictators and their mommy slaves.
It's so funny you are talking about those creepy toys. A little while ago after a two drink bender (because, ha! Am mommy now. Sigh) I posted some of the creepy-ass toys my children have gotten over the years:
http://annenahm.com/?p=206
I mean, who gives a kid a stuffed puppy that is also a purse? And I won't even get started on the clowns except to say, straight off of Satan's playground.
Anyway, glad you had a good time!
I, too, measure the success of a soiree by how many clothing items were shed.
That's beautiful. Good for you!
Wait. So . . . uh . . . NO one was wearing pants by the end? No one? No one at all?
Huh.
Congratulations on the playdate! I have a 21-month-old (aka "The Emperor"). There just aren't any little kids around, and we live in a tee-tiny town, so there aren't many options. The Emperor does have a stay-at-home dad, though, so I guess it's not all bad.
He's still more of a "shut-in" than I'd like, though. We're going to try to remedy that.
Sniff, sniff...If only we had Gymboree here! Hell, I'd settle for a park! A clean drainage ditch! ANYTHING!
Okay, I'm going to go have a martini now.
*another aside - there is also a proper way of folding a fitted sheet and all forms of towels (kitchen variety are folded differently then the bath variety)
I love successful playdates and all things in life should be measured by the amount of clothing left on at the end of it.
You said " nobody was wearing pants" does that included you and the "bunny" ?hehehe
Sounds like a really fun day and playdates where the mommies have just as much fun (or more) ROCK!
it's after reading posts like this that i think you are the funniest freaking blogger on the interweb. seriously.
Great post - ultra funny. Hoorah for new friends that drink and have babies! Hoorah for Noah's new friend!
*had* a friend. because now she knows you don't roll your toilet paper the right way AND are all wrong in the bed making department. oh well. fun while it lasted.
Sounds like fun -- I'm still attempting to make those friends that do not annoy me with children who I do not think are dirty and disease-ridden (and to stop the one I think that of from showing up at my place all the damn time!). My little man and I have a potential playdate in the works for next week with a mom from the NICU and another mom we both met at Gymboree. Hoping it goes as well as your playdate went -- my hair could use some braiding!
Can I just say that the mere thought of sleeping under an upside-down sheet makes my ass twitch? (Okay, I might be more Type A than I realized.) That said, I tend to wake up in the morning under just my comforter with the flat sheet on the floor next to the bed. Perhaps Martha Stewart's spirit comes to visit me at night and rips the sheet out from between me and the comforter because I have, *gasp*, not situated said sheet pattern-down.
I don't have a baby, so can I go on a play date with my cats? Really? Why not? I like beer.
That sounds like a great time! Congrats on the friend finding... and those two look SO cute together :)
Yay to new friends!
Man, Noah and Max are gonna be ladykillers in about 3 years. Just wait. And have a wiffle bat handy.
Pantless playdate and further child exploitation? ROCK THE FUCK ON.
I'm jealous, but only because of all the farting.
Why can't I hang out with people who aren't afraid to just let it rip?
It's quite possible that you meant farting FROM THE BABIES, in that case, totally not jealous.
I'm so rebellious I skip the flat sheet altogether.
Love the chair pic. I Have no friends that live near me. Did a playdate once for my stepson. THAT was uncomfortable. It's so hard to find crazy writers to hang out with ... Have a *dink* for me...
Ha! When my mom was teaching me how to make a bed, she used to tell me that the pretty side goes next to the pretty girl. So whenever I make a bed, I always recite that in my head and flip the sheet over.
Oh, and I always have the toilet paper come up from underneath. I would probably freak right out if someone flipped it.
Congrats on the play date.
I'm pumping in the mother's room at work right now. And the thing is, it isn't really appropriate to let out a big laugh while doing that. The mothers in the other stalls usually frown upon that because they don't know what kind of perv thing you are doing in there that is so funny. I think I have to officially avoid reading your blog while I pump before I start getting dirty looks from the other gals.
wiffle ball bat...so funny!
Ok, first of all...I can SO relate to being a friendless loser. My husband made me move TWO HOURS away from my friends and family! Something about "school" and "job". Whatever. Soap Operas and Internet were my only friends for like...oh...4 friggin' years. Now I have one friend and I cling to her for dear life and stalk her religiously.
Secondly...the bed thing. I heard about that from Martha Stewart. I was completely discombobulated by the craziness of it all. But if Martha says so...it must be TRUE...because she is MARTHA FREAKING STEWART for crying out loud! I tried it once, and I decided that I just couldn't deal with having a bed that looked like it was inside out. But if Martha ever shows up for tea and crumpets....I am so remaking my bed! Just in case she decides to check for dust bunnies or wants to critque the color scheme of my 15 thread-count sheets from a Bed-in-a-Bag bought on clearance (and not from Kmart).
It sounds like you won't need to stay cool and collected. I think you have a new friend even if you DO spaz out. She sounds cool.
First of all, who on earth folds fitted sheets? I bundle them into a big ball and hide them right at the back of the linen cupboard, behind the towels. Then when I run out of towels I know it's time to change the sheets. Yeah? No? I'm sending that idea to Lifehackers.
Congrats on the playdate -- it's so great to have another mother to vent with and also maybe fart and probably drink. I've been friends with a group of mothers whose kids are exactly the same age as my wee boy and we've been meeting up weekly or more for almost four years and despite the fact that our husbands have never met, we regularly go out for long, hilarious dinners and confess all our darkest thoughts and then braid each others' hair. It's great. You'll LOVE it.
OMG, too funny! Noah and Max are SO cute, cute, CUTE!!
Oh, and BTW, I agree: There is only ONE correct way to fold a towel. You fold it in half long-ways, end-to-end, then fold it in half again the same way. Then fold it in thirds.
Thank you, Jules. You're absolutely right.
(About folding the towel.)
SQUEEE!!!! I was literally sitting here smiling like a crazy person reading your post. I am so happy you both had a good time... Can't wait to hear about the next adventure :)
Did you at least trip over the satanic goat? Otherwise I will be worried about you. Thanks for bringing back the pics.
I've tried posting at least three times and I'm somehow incapable today... Let's see if THIS one works.
Previous post was:
So glad Noah is back on the internet! I missed him!
I'm JEALOUS!!! Playdate? A good playdate?!? She lets you call her Bunny?!? And you drink alcohol together?!? Is there a sign up sheet for this type of friendship? Because I want IN!
SQUEE!! I am so excited for you...and glad to see you decided to go with the alcohol ;-)
I hope the two of you have many more successful playdates in the future...oh and the boys too.