I spent the majority of last night in Noah's room, curled up with him in a creaky rocker while he snorted and gasped and a non-stop river of snot oozed down my chest. I felt the pestilence filling up my own nasal cavities and chafing my throat while we rocked. And I remembered all the times when my own mother rocked me all night in the same chair, and how I always felt so much better when she held me. And I wondered if she felt the same way: filled with love for the little germbucket in her arms, both weirdly enjoying the sweet, rare cuddling time and cursing it, because she felt sick or grossed out or just plain exhausted.
So things have gone mightily downhill around here since yesterday, when I chalked Noah's congestion up to typical teething woes and hauled him to Gymboree. (Dear Everybody Else There: I am so sorry. Feel free to pelt me with those weird little wiffle-type balls next week. Or rocks.) He's really, really sick, and I'm at my wit's end.
We've tried vapor baths, Baby Vick's and humidifiers. He won't eat or drink anything. I've started writing down when I give him a dose of fever medicine because I'm in such a fog and don't trust myself to remember when four to six hours have passed. I feel so freaking dumb because I have no idea if it's still just a cold or if I should take him to the doctor and how the hell am I supposed to get all these snot trails off the couch? Why is this so hard? Why isn't anyone around to help me?
We're on our last box of tissues so I'm blowing my nose with toilet paper so Noah can have the remaining Puffs with aloe. He threw my mug of tea on the couch and won't stop throwing tantrums unless I keep a non-stop Blue's Clues marathon going on the TV.
He's so miserable. I can't make it better. I just want to make it all better.
And yet I also kind of want him to go away for a while so I can take some Nyquil and go back to bed.
Look. He's fallen asleep.
I'll take some Nyquil now, and go back to bed. But I think I'll bring him with me, just in case he wakes up and needs me to hold him and make it all better.