More than words
January 18, 2007
Noah doesn't smell like a baby anymore.
I don't know when it happened -- but at some point, despite using the same old lavendar soap and powder and Desitin, he lost that baby smell. His head smells like hair, and his skin has taken on a new scent -- one I can't describe, because it's just his smell now, a combination of lotion and detergent and body chemistry. In a way it's even better than that baby smell, because it's Noah, the fully-formed little person version. It's like the way I can sort of smell Jason just by thinking about him, and the way I remember what my mom and dad smell like, and exactly three of my ex-boyfriends.
He doesn't look like a baby anymore either.
He's still got a round little belly and dimples on his fingers and elbows, but everything else is lean and undeniably boyish. His little bow legs have straightened out and the chubby thighs have vanished into muscle, and a thin coat of blond hair is growing in. I look at photos from just a few months ago and am floored by how different he looks now.
I want to dress him in feetie pajamas and onesies with teddy bears on him, but the only things that fit him have monster trucks and dinosaurs on them. So I let him run around naked instead, just so I can be reminded that his butt still has dimples on it.
He points at everything, and talks non-stop, but I never know whether he's trying to tell me if he wants something or if he just wants me to help label his world. "Mmmmeh! Eeennnneh!" he shrieks, pointing at some vague spot above my head, as I flip through the possibilities: You want up? You want to go over there? Upstairs? Ceiling? Light? Crown molding?
I don't think I ever get it right. He'll stand before me and talk very emphatically, with hand gestures and everything, and I hand him some juice and hope I was close. He'll sigh and accept it, while his eyes remain fixed on the refrigerator, envisioning the thing he really wanted instead.
I've never been good at understanding little kids -- to me even the Bilingual Sign Language Genius Child at Gymboree sounds like "Be ba be uh," and everyone around me shrieks and translates it as "Bye bye baby," and then I wonder if I'm missing words in all of Noah's chatter. I've heard mothers brag that they're the only ones who can understand their toddler's speech, and I always hoped it was one of those things that you just instinctually figure out, so in a way it's comforting to tell myself that he's just not talking yet.
The other night he woke up around midnight. I went into his room expecting some cranky crocodile tears but found the real thing. His face was wet and his shoulders shook while he sobbed. As usual, I didn't have a clue and flipped through the possibilities -- bad dream? teeth? fever? -- until I just gave up on the whys and took him back to bed with me.
He curled up next to me and sniffled and sighed for a bit. He didn't want me to sing or speak, but after a few minutes of spooning together he went back to sleep. I smelled his hair and fell asleep.
One day, very soon, it will take a lot more than that. I'll have to explain why we have bad dreams and why we get sick; why people are cruel and why people we love sometimes die. I'll have to explain why we don't say certain words and figure out what to tell him about the book of Bible stories on his shelf.
I don't what I'm going to say when that day comes, so in a way it's comforting to tell myself that he's just not talking yet.
Gorgeous boy, as always.
:)
So cute...those months are the sweetest!!! Thanks for sharing. Could you please hide the cord hanging down in the footage. I WORRY!
PS I am 32 and still have my round belly TOO!!! I kept it all this time! Why does no one think this cute?
The end of your post teared me up! I completely understand. That day of explaining and hugs and cuddling won;t work scares me. I want to keep daughter the baby she was, but at the same time I love her toddler changes. it is all so mind boggling! Great post! I hear ya!
Could he BE any cuter? I don't think so.
You are such an awesome writer. When you write entries like today's, you remind me why I read everyday. So many times when I am reading, I think, wow, it's like she's writing for every mother out there. You are able to so eloquently express in words things that the rest of us mothers feel, but can't quite find the right words to express the enormity of it.
And, don't worry about the talking thing. My son did that constant jabbering right about the same age. He would get so frustrated trying to communicate with me through pointing and nonsense chatter. I worried I was not understanding him. Then, in what seems like an instant, he started making sense. I am the only one who can understand him 100% of the time. Everyone else gets it about 50% of the time, including his father. You will be shocked the progress he will make in the next 3 or 4 months! Enjoy the chatter while you can. Before you know it, you will be missing the cute little baby banter.
I trek 40 miles to the Carter's outlet to buy matching footed pajamas for my 18 month old and 4 year old. They have them up to size 5T.
And yes, they grow way too fast so we all have to savor every moment. That's why I don't mind the occasional midnight Mommy call. They won't always want our comfort.
Every time I read your longing-to-be-updated sidebar, I read 'project Toddalah' and think you guys are preggers with a second son named Todd.
Just sayin..
I was just talking about explaining things with Cagey and Goofy Girl yesterday. I've had to explain death to the little angel twice already, even though she's not three yet, because it has affected the nuclear families of two of her daycare teachers. It's impossible for her to grasp, except sad, which she totally gets.
I was just talking about explaining things with Cagey and Goofy Girl yesterday. I've had to explain death to the little angel twice already, even though she's not three yet, because it has affected the nuclear families of two of her daycare teachers. It's impossible for her to grasp, except sad, which she totally gets.
It is impossible to be unhappy after watching that.
You made me cry. At work. (but it's still a good thing.)
I loved this post. It reminded me of something I was told when my 6 year old was just a baby --- the nights are long but the days and years are short. So true. And I think that when the time comes to explain the bad things in life, the good things, like spooning with your baby all night long, will help make it that much easier. You will just know what he needs because, hey, you're the mama and mama knows.
Man, you are SUCH a great writer!!!
That's all I have to say.
That was so damn cute, my baby is 9 now, 9! How did that happen!
I'm so having another one, in about 2 minutes I'm gonna chase my husband up the stairs and he's gonna think it's Christmas.
(You sound all American, like I knew you were and everything, but you just sound soooo American!)
You are making me snivel. My 3rd-and-last child, my only son, is just over the age of 2 and not speaking much at all. I think if he were my first, I'd be freaking out, but I love this last bit of 'baby-ness'. Oh, and the smell of his head.
Noah is a-flipping-dorable.
I once saw an infomercial in which a bunch of girls were sitting around in silk jammies talking about the perils of body hair removal. A magic pot of goo appeared on the set. Got hair? No problem. This stuff will remove it. And without harsh chemicals! In fact, the product is so all-natural, reported one girl, that you can even eat it.
The girls proceeded to pass around the hair removal cream. Each took a finger full and sucked it into her perfectly pink bee stung mouth.
Those chicks would NOT understand the sentence "Noah does not smell like a baby anymore," but I sure as hell do.
my son Drew is all grown now, but it seems only yesterday he resembled your little guy. You started my day of with some sweet sentiment!
I love how he sticks his thumb in his mouth, and then in his ear :) He's a cutie... I'll have one of my own *some day*.
oh i miss those days. nevermind the moms trying to get their 10 month olds into harvard, enjoy little itty bitty boy time. because there's like NO chance he's gonna be a kid who never talks. the talking comes.
and he was clearly saying night night. and pulling on his ear a little. which is classic for i'm sleepy.
Cute video. But you know what was weird? I've been reading your blog for a year and have never had a voice to go with the faces. I've never heard your voice! It's so strange to put those together now.
Absolutely beautiful post.
Kind of sounds like he is saying "die die die" which makes me think he is fondly remembering when you taped that toy falling to its death from the edge of his playpen over and over. :)
You've got a little man! Cuuute!
Just wait until they develop morning breath. It blows. Okay, that was bad. But seriously, remember when your child virtually had no breath smell, you know, as a newborn? Then, right around 1 and a half, they develop what my dad calls moose breath. I call it ass breath, but whatev. It's up to you what disgusting stank you wish to compare it to. Savor the non flavor while you can.
I thought it was amazing that when you said said "night night", he turns to look outside and must be thinking "It's not night night time. The sun is still shiny and bright. Nope, definately not night night time."
You got yourself a very smart child. I was about to say very smart baby, but you are right, no longer a baby.
Well, you are in for some FUN now.
Prepare for the roller coaster of "what a child wants".
"Nigh nigh", Love it! Best baby ever!
This is the most beautiful post. So poignant. Thank you for this window into being a parent. You have the ability to convey emotion and meaning so beautifully. Noah is very lucky to have such a thoughtful mother who expresses herself so well. Thank you for sharing this.
Dude, did he just give himself a wet willie? That is too adorable; I remember those days. Now I get to listen to my boys call each other buttheads.
That was a beautiful piece of writing.
Lovely post.
I bought my son the same pajamas as Noah has on in this video last week. He had grown out of all of his footie ones. I put these one and my heart ached. He looked like such a little boy in the pajamas and not my sweet baby. He also crawled for the first time tonight.
We know they are all going to grow up. But it's still hard for us Moms.
Here's hoping that they always love us and that they don't ask us too many of the "hard" questions.