Hello! I have been sick as a dog since...oh, Wednesday night or so. And contemplating that great mystery of motherhood, the way your child gets a slight runny nose -- an almost poetic runny nose, like a single tear on the cheek of a romance novel heroine, dampening the shoulder of her star-crossed lover like it slimes your shirt and upholstered furniture -- but then 24 hours later you're the one hacking up a damn lung.
I'm feeling better today, except for having absolutely no voice left. And laryngitis plus a toddler? Boy fucking howdy, let me tell you what an awesome combination that is.
Amy: Noah! Stop climbing on that! Sit down! Bottom down! No! No no no!
Phonetic version: Noaacch! Steeehhdat! It! Ot! Naaeeegh *fit of coughing*
I've taken to pelting Fisher Price Little People at his butt to get his attention, and don't you fucking judge me. I will come to your house and lick your telephone, swear to God.
Anyway! Absolutely nothing of interest has happened to me in days, except for my triumphant achievement of playing Trivial Pursuit with other adults on Friday night and remaining relatively low-key throughout the entire affair. (I am disgustingly competitive, in case you didn't know, and when I called Jason and told him we'd been invited to a Game Night he asked if I'd disclosed my little problem to the hostess, and even when I said yes he made me hand the phone to her so he could make sure she understood just how unhinged I get.) But I did great! And my team lost! And Jason's team won! And yet I did not throw vodka in anyone's face or threaten divorce or ANYTHING.
Jason thinks it was the cold meds. He is probably right.
(Am withholding sex anyway, but at least I can pretend it's out of concern for his health.)
Okay, so besides that, nothing has happened. Oh! Except that I got tagged for the Six Weird Things About Me meme by Her Bad Mother. And I kind of had the feeling I did it already, but since my site is a mammoth testament to Why You Should Always Use Categories And Have A Search Function, it took me forever to determine that yes! I did do this one already. And yet it has come back to me again. I'm going to try to not read into that too much, but instead am going to take it as a compliment, or perhaps a sign that I am the CHAMPION OF THIS MEME, AND IN FACT, I WIN THE INTERNET.
So...uh. Six MORE weird things about me!
1) I enjoy showtunes. I have occasionally been known to buy a Broadway soundtrack or seven. Although once I got married I mostly stopped, because everybody knows the REAL joy in listening to Broadway soundtracks comes from lip-synching along in front of your bathroom mirror or maybe -- just maybe -- re-enacting Eponine's death from Les Miserables dramatically in your living room. This gets much harder to do when you live with someone else, particularly someone else who is under the impression that you are sane and not the sort of person who still fantasizes about playing Little Orphan Annie and knows all the choreography to Hard Knock Life.
2) I have, however, performed the occasional song-and-dance number for Noah.
3) It should also be noted that I have a terrible, terrible voice.
4) I also enjoy those cake-decorating competitions on the Food Network. Sometimes I wonder if I missed my calling simply because it never occurred to me that professional cake decorating was an option, and whether it's too late to launch a new career, and if the professional cake decorating world is being flooded with amateurs now because of people watching that show and thinking back to how much they rocked at Play-Doh.
5) Every cake I have ever made was decorated with canned frosting, which I guess goes along with weird thing #3: Totally Unqualified Delusions of Grandeur.
6) My all-time favorite foods are probably Brussels sprouts, black olives, foie gras, roasted duck breast in a balsamic fig reduction and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.
(Hates everything on that list. Actually, hates all foods and food-type products, unless we're including crayons.)
(Wait. Am I supposed to tag people? Okay...um, you're ALL TAGGED. If you decide to play, leave a link to your entry in the comments and we'll all come laugh at your weirdness, and we'll see how long it takes for this meme to either come back to me or vanish into that good night, where overplayed memes and bad Quizilla surveys go to die.)