MulletWatch 2007: OVER
A Major Award

Vindication's Day

(Yes, yes. Valentine's Day was amazing and all, but I still have the right to make fun of my husband a little bit sometimes.)


When I attempted to explain why I recently had to turn down additional freelance work: "It just doesn't seem like you're that busy during the day."

When Noah chucked his sippy cup behind the television stand: "Seriously. You cannot let him do stuff like that. You need to pay attention to him."


At 10 am: "Are you done yet?"

At 11:30 am: "Are you done yet?"

Pleadingly, at 12:30 pm, by which point Noah had eaten a handful of Teddy Grahams but no lunch and was pitching a massive tantrum: "Can you come downstairs?"

At 12:45 pm: "Hey, have you seen Noah's sippy cup?"



They really are clueless sometimes aren't they?

I've had nearly the same conversations with my husband on many occasions. Drives me bonkers!


What, you haven't solved world peace yet?

Yeah, when my husband says stupid things I just scratch my eyebrow with my middle finger and HE KNOWS...he just knows.


Heh! My husband's a stay-at-home dad and STILL says stuff like that to me sometimes. But since he's at home with our 2-year-old all day, I guess he has a right. :)


Seriously? When he reads this post I bet he'll NEVER say another word again about what you do or how you do it. Well...maybe till next week at least.


It's universal. I like when I read stuff like this, it reminds me I'm not alone. Thank God for that!


I left my husband to watch my son for one full day and I came home and he said..I quote
"you are a trooper"

"you are awesome"

"you are amazing"

"You are the shit, how do you do it"

then he curled in a ball and said dont even leave me again...its obvious they just dont get it huh


My hubbie stays home and he still makes the same comments. On any given weekend he asks me 5 times an hour if I'm "ok" or if I need a "break." And then he makes comments like we can't let the baby throw things, hit, must make him eat... Um, ok...


Oh man I get that "you have to pay attention to her" line all the time. Drives me insane!!!

Mrs. Why

Ha! I love it when they get a dose. I remember on vacation I left my husband to watch our then Three-year-old son for a few hours while I got a pre-natal massage I returned and he was all fretful about how in the world I would be able to handle two kids on my own. "You're going to need some help, how will you do it?"


My husband was changing a diaper recently, and the baby started to spit up. He picked her up, diaperless, and she began crying and pooping. He yelled for me to come help, and as I was getting them cleaned up he said to me, "How do you do this by yourself all day?" I think it might be the sweetest thing he's ever said to me. (Also? We've only been doing this for about six weeks now, so I've managed to keep his expectations about what gets done around the house pretty low.)

Lady S

Why is it babysitting when he' with them and expected when mom's around?

I can't wait to have one, but I wonder how my husband will take it.


This is why women have the babies, otherwise the human race would've ended long ago.

Mrs. Chicky

Sometimes it feels good to stick it to the man. A man's world? I don't think so.


Can we start a contest, Stupid husband sayings. My husband said to me while I was on maternity leave "Can you go grocery shopping since you are sitting around and doing nothing?"

I'm going to the spa for 2 days w/ the moms of my playgroup. We have a bet to see whose husband falls apart first.


OMG- I have three children, the youngest is two. My husband has said those exact things to me so many times- I'd lose what's left of my mind if I tried to count them.

But that's crazy right? Because after all, I get to leave the house for 12 hours at a time to go to WORK. To my husband, me going to work = fun vacation with girlfriends, beer, and male strippers.


oh, and can you bring a babysitter in a few hours a week so you can get some work done?


I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. That is so classic.


I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. That is so classic.


AMEN. I work at home and my husband seems to think working at home and watching the boy equals plenty of time to call and make appointments for him, handle any house duties, run errands and clean TWO houses.


Suggest Jason take Noah to work with him every other day so you can do the freelance work. I mean, Jason isn't "that busy" at work, is he?

little miss mel

How about when you come home from being away an entire weekend and you ask hubs how it was, and he says "fine, it was easy."


Ahhh, the sweetest revenge...


Ooooh, little miss mel wins the Justifiable Husbandcide Award of the day.

Flo-Queen of the Bad Mommies

Ha! Yeah. At least you didn't come back to him feeding the kids chocolate doughnuts (kiddie crack that turns my kids into crackbabies).

Lisa Marie

Yeah, it looks like he's used up any credit he earned with the super-special Valentine's day treatment.

Marmite Breath

When I went to England for ten days and left the kids with the hubs, all I heard about when I phoned home was just how "awesome" their Dad was. He built rockets with them and took them to museums and I was feeling SO pissed that he wasn't getting a dose of how INSANE it can be to be home with two kids. Then they picked me up from the airport wearing BLACK SOCKS, SHORTS AND TENNIS SHOES and also Tom said, "Mom! We ate McDonald's twice today!" And we got home to a slimy house. I felt vindicated.

So yeah, they may be able to keep the kids alive, but can they do our job properly? Can they hell? Is that a bit sexist? Probably. Do I give two shits? No.



You *do* make him read this stuff so he will learn, don't you? His misbehavior mustn't go unpunished...


Yeah, it's kind of amazing here. Apparently our two kids never soil themselves when I am watching them and dinner isn't a chore if I make it. Ever notice they rack up 10 points for every 1 we do?

I bet you never put the wipes back in the right place either!

Umm, holy shit, my daughter just took a step. She took what may have been her first step.


(AMANDA, that's so great!)

Why does my hubs get a good 20-30 minutes of alone time in the bathroom every morning but when I'm in there it's an open door policy and he's bringing in our two year old to say "hi" to me while I'm in the shower or dressing for work or trying to moisturize my rapidly deteriorating face?

Also, why do I find myself responsible for all the fun stuff, like teeth brushing, only to have him tell me I'm doing it wrong? Oh. Good. I'm so glad I got that M.A. in women's studies.


Ha, I'll have to remember the scratching my eyebrow with my middle finger trick.

My husband tells me after watching our 7 month old for an hour in the morning so I can sleep in til the audacious hour of 8 ( not long enough), " Wow , she takes a lot of energy. I'm so tired. I need to go back to bed." And then has to sleep till 11 to regain his stregnth. I've started setting his alarm clock full blast and then hiding it in our room.

I was ( well I still am) fully jealous of your day at the spa. But at least I know you have a human husband and not a stepford Husband.


Yeah, what is it with the coming into the shower to say hi? WTF? can't a woman have five minutes to shave and condition her hair in peace.......


When we were in the car to go to the hospital with 'labor type pains'. I was 32 weeks pregnant with our first child. He said, 'You just have a low threshold of pain.' I had my son one hour after we arrived at the hospital. He then complained about the moon-like indentions on his hand from me gripping it while pushing. Stitches, anyone??? Finally, he commented that since my son weighed 5lb. 9 oz., it didn't hurt that much. He's still alive....thankfully.


Jason's a very brave brave as my husband it would seem as he says the exact same things to me. He thinks my life is full of lazy days moving from one couch to the other watching Oprah; lattes with girlfriends and when i work 3 days a week it's not real work, not like him; couldn't possibly be.

Not to worry, I'm going on a girls weekend and leaving him with our one year old son for three whole days...I can't wait!


Ha! I have similar issues with my husband, though my mother in law has been much worse. She was constantly telling me what I need to be doing until she took care of my (then) four month old and three year old for three hours one day. Hasn't said a damn word since.

Jenny H.

Why must they all be so damn dense? My own beloved is downstairs with the children and the dog- utter. fucking. chaos. I am trying to "get some work done" and it is so not working. Well, I am taking a break from working right now!! Hee!Hee!

That just cracks me up. It's like I have the easiest time ever, but then- BAMMO! He tries to do it and it just falls apart. Men...

I also am a fan of scratching my eyebrow with my middle finger. Works like a frickin' charm!

Gotta go, work is calling! Oh yeah, congrats Amanda on the baby's first steps!

shy me

lol... oh Karma... you are so sweet.


When your husband has the idiocy to act like a man, do what I do. The next day, call him at work, and then hand your child the phone. Don't take the phone back, and after a few hours, do it again. Pretend your kid dialed. Works like a charm every time.


Is it still behind the TV stand? Cuz those ones are fun to clean out when they've got sour curdled milk in 'em. Make him do it. :)


Oof! They need your comic genius over at snarkywood stat!


Oh, thank you so much for this post. Thank you. Between the entry and all the commenters I totally know that I am not alone in the world with this problem. It makes me much less tempted to smother my husband with a pillow tonight. Or kick him square in the ass as he's walking down the hall. Or slam a frying pan into his head. Well, perhaps he should be thanking you as much as I am.


totally other subject....did I miss the part where you talked about what happened with the girl you knew from american idol?


OH MY GOSH! Sounds like my husband! Men!


shoot him, seriously. just one shot. and not to kill. just graze him, wound him a bit.

Fairly Odd Mother

I think I would've thrown the sippy cup at HIM! LOL


Welcome to my life.

(but why does my husband STILL not realize how hard it can be?! WHY?!)


Bwahahaha ... priceless.
Same here in our house.

Heather B.

Part of me wants to comment and the other part of me knows I should bite my tongue. So I'm going to do the latter.


I will follow in Heather B's footsteps and bite my tongue. Giggle.


my husband bitched at me for letting our daughter watch too many movies. when i was on bedrest for 5 weeks. and, you know, wasn't allowed to get up and move around else i'd drop the kid i was pregnant with before i hit term. good times.

Wacky Mommy

Heh heh heh heh heh.


That's exactly why I won't be popping out any babies anytime soon. My husband tells me to control our dog all the freaking time. Not cool. If he wants babies, he's going to have to make some major life changes. Yes, I hold that sort of power. In my uterus.


Erg! I'm sorry. I realize you're busy and all - not it's as if you sit around with tons of time... I had just come from the snarkywood site and it struck me as not-so-funny, and then I thought of you. That's what I meant to say. Yeah.


leave him alone with the child for the weekend. when you come back you will have a man who finally understands just what it is you do all day when it seems like you're doing not much at all. but he can't have help while you're away or the entire project will be compromised.

Silly Hily



No jury would convict you.

Black Belt Mama

Men indeed.


oh, life is good when things work out this well. Way better than Noah being a perfect angel for him and then you having to hear how easy it is...sometimes things work out perfect.


I've never given birth, but after I was born, my father looked at my mother and said "Well, that wasn't so bad!"

And yes, they're still married. After 30 years.


HA HA HA. Sounds like Noah taught Daddy a well-deserved lesson. (hopefully)


I'm jealous. I wish I had just one freelance job to turn down, instead of none. Send some writing gigs my way, would ya? I haven't been published ina few months. It's hard enough to take care of the kids full time, maintain a blog/vlog, actually shower once in a while and find freelance work. How do you do it all and still know where the tossed sippy cups are?


Oh yea. they sure know best don't they. My husband likes to walk in from "doing work out in the garage" (read: organizing his screw collection) to inform me how the baby is way past his nap time and why haven't I put him to bed yet. WTF!!!??? Here ya go buddy! Have at it!!


"oy" is about all I can produce at a moment's notice, having had to follow around a tantrum-y toddler all morning, with a severe head-cold.

yeah. smarty-pants husbands. not so smart after all, hey?


Men. I've heard some of the stories when mom left me with my dad... surprised I'm still alive.

Things like this make me worry about when my boyfriend and I have kids.

And grats on the babies first steps, Amanda!


All I asked of my husband was for 45 minutes to a hour of uninterrupted computer time to e-mail friends and myspace 3 or 4 times a week. Anytime I went to the computer he would bring our daughter in to say "hi" or "see what mommy's doing". He just couldn't handle that small amount of time alone with the baby. So for Valentine's Day he surprised me with a new laptop and wireless internet so that I could surf the web without having to be away from him and the baby. Thanks a lot. I


All I asked of my husband was for 45 minutes to a hour of uninterrupted computer time to e-mail friends and myspace 3 or 4 times a week. Anytime I went to the computer he would bring our daughter in to say "hi" or "see what mommy's doing". He just couldn't handle that small amount of time alone with the baby. So for Valentine's Day he surprised me with a new laptop and wireless internet so that I could surf the web without having to be away from him and the baby. Thanks a lot. I

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