Minutiae
April 24, 2007
Shortly after I posted yesterday, Noah and I took a quick jaunt to the pediatrician to confirm what I already knew (double ear infection! yum!), and then headed over to Target to fill the second prescription for him in the span of two days.
(On Sunday Jason went and got him some Baby Zyrtec. Did you know they make Baby Zyrtec? It smells like bubblegum, tastes like asswater and comes swaddled in your choice of a precious little pink or blue hankie.)
(Okay, I am just plain making shit up for no good reason now.)
I figured I'd drop the prescription off, wait a few minutes for it -- perhaps browse the nearby aisles to see if there have been any exciting breakthroughs in my OTC pain-relief options -- and then we'd be back home in no time.
Of course, I arrived right as the pharmacy was closing for lunch, which meant I had at least an hour and a half to kill.
Free time. To kill. In Target. That's like the most expensive prescription co-pay EVER.
TOTALLY REASONABLE THINGS I BOUGHT:
1) Underwear, because honestly. The tags on the ones I currently wear say "The Gap" but I don't think The Gap ever sold split-crotch panties.
2) Cropped lounging-type pants, for I am a fully-certified Professional Lounger.
3) Socks for to be wearing to the Gymboree, because otherwise I'd have to wear the Community Socks.
4) Some shorts for Noah.
AND THAT'S WHERE THINGS WENT TERRIBLY OFF THE RAILS:
5) New changing pad covers! Because I deserve them!
6) Plastic Dora the Explorer placemats! Because...uhh...
7) More sippy cups! Take & Toss bowls! Look how pretty and colorful!
8) A Raffi CD! What! The fuck!
9) A spare copy of Brown Bear, Brown Bear because ours always feels sticky.
10) A sundress for me, because if there's anything I love more than wearing a fabulous outfit, it's wearing a fabulous outfit that I got for $17.99 from Target. Except perhaps wearing it to Target. Oh yeah. That's good stuff.
11) Other miscellaneous stuff that I could not ever live without, except that now I don't remember what any of it was, but the next thing I knew Noah's prescription had been ready for over an hour and I was out more than $200.
Oh, and also a SpongeBob Squarepants ball, because if there is one thing Noah needs, it's another goddamn ball. I can count six...no, seven balls scattered around the living room right now. They're his favorite toy and also his new favorite word. "A BALL!" he says delightedly, even if he's holding two or three.
I realized, though, as we wandered through the toy aisles at Target, that he's actually just calling anything that looks like a toy "a ball."
"A BALL!" (Points at a puzzle.)
"A BALL!" (Points at a stuffed bear.)
"A BALL!" (Points at a plastic lawn chair.)
So I handed him the SpongeBob ball in an effort to TEACH HIM, to make Target shopping EDUCATIONAL, to reinforce what, in fact, A DAMN BALL is.
And of course, he promptly licked it. Naturally.
So while he may not know specifically what A BALL is, he's definitely on to me and my "you lick/gum/chew/smear snot on it, you buy it" rule. I am absolutely unable to put something that Noah has put in his mouth back on the shelf. Especially now, with a double ear infection and five hundred kinds of nastiness leaking out of his head holes.
The thing is, I know that other parents are probably completely okay with putting gummed goods back -- perhaps even this particular SpongeBob ball had been similarly French-kissed by some other toddler -- but...well. We WERE there to get Noah some antibiotics, so I figure it will all balance itself out in the end.
When Jason came home last night I was on the couch, wearing my new sundress with the tags hanging off, surrounded by otherwise unpacked Target bags, eating Ben & Jerry's from the carton. I had the decency to be embarrassed.
"How much did you spend there?" he asked grimly.
I told him, eyes on the floor. Oh my god, I have a problem. I am one of those people.
"Huh. That's exactly what I spent there yesterday." he replied. (THINGS HE BOUGHT: pajamas for Noah, t-shirts for him, photo frames, impulse-buy DVDs, citronella candles, realistic-looking fake flowers for the bathrooms that I accidentally watered already.)
(Oh, and A BALL. Help us.)
Dear God, am I still talking? Jesus. Lemme just post a picture and put us all out of our misery.
Noah: A BALL!
Jason: Crayons!
Amy: Crowns!
Noah & Jason: Ew. Really?
(Supercute shirt by Ellie's Party, btw.)
1st post!
It is physically impossible to leave Target without spending at least $100.
That boy is super cute!
I have a love/hate relationship with Target for that very reason. Noah is so cute! :)
You have both delighted me (as usual) and grossed me out with this post. Community socks? Ha! Head holes? Ew.
Also, would you care to elaborate on the split-crotch panties bit?
The same thing happens to me in Target. I don't know whether Target = paradise or the den of satan... the jury is still out.
Dang, I thought I would be first. I cannot leave Costco without spending 100 bucks, and Target is always 200. Fred Meyer is 100. Sundress! Yay!
Target is the dark den from which all evil springs...at least according to my checkbook after I have been there.
Alison calls anything remotely circular or looks like it can be thrown a "bowull". We should get the Todds together and let them pelt each other with their vast collection.
Yea, see, that's why I leave half of the bags in the car and only bring up the "important" half. "Look! I got three things at Target." Later I'll grab the other fifty.
No Targets in England... probably a good thing
Please say no to community socks. Ew!
Ha! I have a friend who hides her purchases in the dryer.
I like Noah's lounge pants.
I love posts like this. Just normal ordinary stuff that ends up making me laugh.
Hopefully the ear gunk will go away soon and the weather will make it possible to wear your sundress without a parka on top.
tubes! tubes! tubes!
my daughter Sofia, who's one week younger than Noah (which reminds me to thank you for helping my wife and i get through a pregnancy via your blog) suffered through several ear infections this past winter. after paying her daycare (which she was too sick to attend) and staying home to watch her(out of paid sick hours) we needed to do something (this is not a good financial plan, of course).
on 2/17 we had the tubes put in and she has not even had a fever since. totally different kid (minus the temper tantrums). i know it's not for everyone, but look into it perhaps?
(i love parentheses.)
If a shopping spree at Target can't cure Noah's snot troubles then I don't know what can.
And don't worry -- I pronounce c-r-a-y-o-n-s "crans" and everyone in my family makes fun of me.
And that's exactly why I don't let myself go into Target. I looooove it so much but I also love having money in our checking account and so I stay away. *sniff*
I say crowns too and get teased. My boys will grow up thinking they are called Crowns, no CRAY-YONS.
Wait ... pharmacists get lunch breaks? No that can't be.
So, what dress did you get!? Please show us!
What's wrong with "Crans"? That's what I say, too. Since I'm normally anal retentive about words being pronounced *correctly*, "crans" must be entirely acceptable.
Ha! You gave my husband a good chuckle, because your experience and Jason's reaction was eerily like ours (except that my husband won't shop at Target -- it's my own special place). I love/hate Target, not sure I could live w/o it!
Just so you know... I cannot EVER make it in and out of Target without spending less than $64.00... NEVER EVER and neither can my husband... proving its totally a family fun shopping trip!!!
I cannot. believe. You took us all the way to the point of your son licking his balls on this post and then did not go there.
I was reading with one eye closed, afraid you were going there. I don't know if I am pleased or not.
yeah, it's crazy... I've deemed it physically impossible to walk out of Target without having spent triple digits. and I'm SINGLE! no ball-demanding kids/DVD-craving husband to blame! it blows my mind.
my fave part of the post = when you accidentally watered the fake flowers. f'ing hilarious.
Oh my goodness, I was chuckling in general as I was reading this (an hour! at Target! Oh, yes, been there...) but then, the whole Jason-doing-the-same-thing...OMG, completely made me laugh and my kids think I'm nuts now. As opposed to 5 minutes ago when I told my daughter to go outside and get her gloves before she was allowed to go back outside. Uh-huh.
I need to go to Target this afternoon...wish me luck!
Those all sound like totally reasonable and necessary purchases. Community socks? I can practically feel the foot fungus. (I'm sure they get washed and all, but some things are not meant to be shared among strangers) That shirt is too funny. And requires an hefty supply of sippy cups.
Also, asswater? Never heard that before, but me likey!
Have you gotten the foodie shirts for Noah at Ellie's Party?
My sister in law says "Crowns." You're in good company. I always give her a hard time about it, though.
Who can escape Target without overspending? Not I. The small one and I "grocery" shop there when the boys are at work/school so no one can see us splurge. A week later Josh says "Where did I get this shirt? And these pants?" *lol* Luckily he only pays attention to his own closet.
GAH! Tar-jay has a magnetic field around it that steals money, I swear. I went in there last week, telling myself I'm only going to get the damn dog treats and go, some CRUEL, CRUEL bastard had abandoned a perfectly yummy sage henly shirt, my size, in the dog food aisle. Just hanging there, going, buy me! So, of course, I had to take the shirt back to where it came from (ahem, that's a lie, I bought it) and see all the other cute things that were such! a! bargain!
Yeah.
GAH! Tar-jay has a magnetic field around it that steals money, I swear. I went in there last week, telling myself I'm only going to get the damn dog treats and go, some CRUEL, CRUEL bastard had abandoned a perfectly yummy sage henley shirt, my size, in the dog food aisle. Just hanging there, going, buy me! So, of course, I had to take the shirt back to where it came from (ahem, that's a lie, I bought it) and see all the other cute things that were such! a! bargain!
Yeah.
Sorry about the double post...computer is possessed...
Love the shirt!
You have fallen prey to the Target Master Plan. I'll never look at another ball in Target the same way... thanks for that. Lots.
"Community Socks".... ummmmmm. Huh? All I can say is Ewwwwwww! Gaggola.
I have the same problem with Target. Unfortunately I do not have a child to blame the problem on.
Instead I will blame the problem on my cats. I went into Target yesterday to get some cat litter, and ended up spending $62. I can assure that my cats do not use $62 cat litter.
I do have some new cute hair clippies though.
My love for Target should probably be illegal.
Love Target. LOVE. I have the same problem - just can't go in there without spending an assload of money.
Poor Noah. And poor you. My son used to get double ear infections ALL THE TIME when he was about Noah's age, and I know how cranky the little guys can get. Let me just say that having ear tubes put in was the best thing ever. Totally stopped the ear infections along with all of the colds and random snotty noses. Hooray for modern medicine!
Target, it sucks you in and bleeds you dry.
It's teh suck. Yet, I have a planned trip there this morning/afternoon, whenever the hell I can get out of the house.
OMGOODNESS I call them CROWNS. All my life people have made fun of CROWNS I tried for a while to say CRAYONS but it sound like CRAAAAA ONS. Totally cool that there is another Crown person in the world-even better I see they are Crayolas!
I cannot go to Target without purchasing arseloads of brightly colored plastic kid plates and frigging baskets. WTF? I need more things to put the things in!
Is your target a Super Target with a grocery section? Mine is. I do twice as much damage with an hour wait.
Also? Since I saw you in Texas no less than 12 people have mocked me for saying "Crowns" - which I never even realized I was saying before. I am officially stupid.
I think there must be something in the air at Target. Some sort of "happy gas" that makes everything look CUTE, makes you think "oh yeah, I surely need this whatchmacallitthingydo" and makes you forget the one stupid thing you made a trip there to get! AND Target always makes my daughter hungry. Even after a meal. Some sort of inhibit-lowering gas in the air at Target, that's what I think...
There's a reason why at our house, Target is known as the Crackhouse.
sniggering at mrs flinger's trick ... I do that, too.
I was actually trying on the $17.99 dresses this morning, hoping against all rational reason that they'd shimmy down over my beach-ball pregnant belly.
No luck, of course. To spite Target I left empty-handed. It was a first. I had the shakes by the time I got to my car.
Your son is BRILLIANT! The next time I see something at the store that I want, I will just lick it before husband has a chance to tell me that we can't afford it!
Seriously, can I fix Noah up with my little girl (who is a week younger). Between the deadly cute looks, leaking head holes, licking and ballcentric vocab - they were made for each other.
And oh yah, whenever we go State-side, I'm sucked into the vortex known as Target. I can't wait for BlogHer - is there a Target near the pier?
The crowns=crayons is genetic. My sister has said crowns her whole life and my daughter has inherited it from her. It must be nature, because they rarely see each other.
LOVE the blog :) You crack me up all the time with your posts. So sorry to hear of Noah's double ear infection:( He still is cute though!
I don't think ANYONE can leave Target and NOT have spent a huge amount of money! Love that store!
Thank god someone explained the "crowns" part. I was seriously lost. But now I want to be lost in Target
I can drop $50 on the Dollar Spot alone.
My 21-month-old son does the same thing about balls. It's always "a ball" or "a bear" -- so very cute. Glad to know he's not the only one and that you're enjoying the overwhelming cuteness, too.
Target is at the top of my list of things I miss while I'm here in Canada. Even despite my recent attempts to curb consumerism, any time I visit my in-laws, a trip to Target is mandatory. We walk through the aisles and drool.
Sigh.
I am convinced that Target pumps crack in through the air vents. Once I get in there I just can't get out. I go in thinking "Just wet wipes for me today!" and 5 minutes later I'm thinking "A shirt for $3? I can't pass that up!" and an hour later I'm thinking "How the hell did I end up with a cart full of crap when I only came in here for wipes!?!"
the exact reason why it was imperative that i go back to work after my children were born. i was one of those people!
Rule Numero Uno Re Shopping Sprees At Target:
Unpack. Immediately.