Letters to Grocery Stores are a Sign That Perhaps a Small Part of Your Soul Has Died

On having a boy

I wanted a girl.

Oh, God. It HURTS to type that. To admit that. It's one those big secrets of motherhood that nobody ever talks about, right up there with pooping on the delivery table. That you even had a preference in the first place, much less that you had a strong preference and cried when you found out you weren't getting what you wanted. Like I did. Oh, God.

And then I spent the rest of my pregnancy feeling so guilty about it and alternating between "oh shit, I'm having a boy" and "oh shit, I don't deserve to have this boy because what kind of horrible mother thinks that way?"

I wanted a girl for all the normal stupid reasons -- the clothes! the hairbows! she'll be my best friend and we'll go shopping! -- and because I felt so incredibly incapable of raising a boy. A BOY. With sports and bugs and aiming at Cheerios in the potty and...yeah. That was about the extent of my boy-raising knowledge.

Probably still is, actually.

My friends tried to tell me how amazing little boys were -- how incredibly precious and special the mother-son bond can be -- and I smiled wanly but secretly remained entirely unconvinced. Not because I didn't like little boys or anything, or because I doubted that my son would be precious and special -- but because I just doubted myself, plain and simple. I doubted my ability to love and adapt and just DO this motherhood thing.

I probably would have done the same thing if I knew I was having a girl, too. I would have just found something else to fixate on. I was wholeheartedly committed to allowing anxiety to rule my pregnancy, pretty much.

And then Noah was born. And they put him in my arms and every cliche in the book hit me like a ton of bricks. A ton of bricks cemented to the grill of a Mack truck. A Mack truck that was towing the Empire State Building.

Just...love. Primal, crazy love. And it was like someone let me in on this Great Big Secret. Little boys! The mother-son bond! It's so precious and special!

Why didn't anyone TELL me?


Noah is such a boy. SUCH a boy. He owns dolls and sweet fluffy stuffed animals. He tosses them aside in favor of toy cars and blocks and soccer balls. We go on nature walks and I show him flowers and butterflies. And he couldn't care less, because look! Dirt! Rocks! Trucks! Yanes!

And it all delights me to no end. This boy! This amazing little boy. My buddy, my clown, my sweet son who climbs into my lap for kisses and gives the best hugs in the world. And then begs me to chase him around the house while making stompy dinosaur noises.

I know one day we probably won't be so close. Mothers and sons aren't supposed to be too close, right? Nobody wants a mama's boy. Nobody trusts a man who still worships his mother. He needs to grow up and away from me, even though I doubt I will ever stop craving everything about him. His face. His dimple. His laugh. His chubby body and his full-tilt-boogie bear hugs that come at 100 toddler miles an hour.

Having a boy is the most amazing, precious and special thing. You can see the years stretch out before you, full of sports and bugs and inevitable heartbreak, and you know it will all be over in the blink of an eye. But it doesn't matter. I don't doubt my ability to love and adapt anymore. He's my son, and he's everything I ever wanted in the world.


Friends of ours are expecting their first baby in August and just found out it's a boy. I clapped my hands with joy when I heard, because oh, they're in for the best time.

(Totally Random PS: Any DC locals attending or thinking of attending the Taste of the Nation event on Monday? You should TOTALLY go. Good food, a great cause -- and I'll be there and probably drunk off my ass in a most undignified fashion. What more could you want on a Monday night?)



Everything you said....me, too.


There is a special bond with little boys and their mama's....there is also a special bond with little girls and their daddy's. I love my daughter but I worry about her soo much..I don't want her to be a brat or a mean girl or be the shy girl, etc. With my son, I just let him be himself (but I still worry :) ) My husband is worried about my son...will he be good at sports, not too feminine, etc. BUT, he lets my daughter just be herself. And so in our house it is balanced and all is right with the world :)


What a moving post.

I have a 22 month old son. He is so sweet and so funny and I just adore him sooo sooo much. I wasn't worried at all about having a boy because I know how much my husband wanted a boy. I think what I love most about my son is how happy he makes his father and vise versa. They are my 2 favorite boys in the whole world and I love them dearly.


When I was PG, it was just an accepted fact that I was going to have a girl. There was no thinking, or wishing - everyone - and I mean everyone - in my family has girls.

When the u/s came back as a "definite" boy, I was speechless. When I told my mom, she was speechless. And disappointed. She would deny it now, but I swear her exact words were: "I am so disappointed."

But now?

I'm with you. Boys rock.

And P.S. My mom has 2 grandsons now, one from each daughter.


Oh WAH! Thanks a lot for making me cry on a Friday night. That was very sweet!


I cried at work today when I read this post. You reached inside my heart right there at my desk. I absolutely could not be more in love with my two boys. The first one born 14 years ago this month completely flipped our lives upside down with joy. I found out he was a boy early due to a small problem around 23 weeks. I loved him instantly and my husband and I picked out his name that evening and we never changed our minds. He was born that April, healthy, big and happy. He is still healthy, big and happy and eats us out of food on a daily basis. Girls call, he spends more and more time in the bathroom, and the other day, I saw peach fuzz on his face. I am just amazed at the miracle we have been given to watch him grow up. With our second son, I was secretly hoping we might be having a girl, the sonographer kind of said let's see who is in there and blurted it out before I had time to process anything. My six year old was standing there with my husband and we all smiled and it felt completely perfect. The sonographer was seven months pregnant with a girl, and she seemed to enjoy telling me he was a boy. At that moment, I became fiercely protective of my BOYS, my boys that are going to be amazing, smart, happy, adults, fathers and husbands.

Mrs. Flinger

Amy, do you not know I'm hugeass prego and having a boy and you turned me in to a large, blubbering pile of prego-goo right here on the couch? Because I couldn't ask for a better post to help my own, "Holy jebesus, I have to potty train a penis?!" fears. (For the record, I'm thrilled to no-freaking-end that we're having a boy. It just appears that I, too, "I was wholeheartedly committed to allowing anxiety to rule my pregnancy, pretty much." I couldn't have said it better.)


I love both my boys, but I'll admit when I got pregnant the third time, I wanted a girl, I really did. When we went to the ultrasound and saw Kaitlyn on the monitor and the tech said "it's a girl", we were all so happy! And she has brought so much joy to our lives, in part because she is so different from the boys. But yeah, there is something different about those fierce little-boy hugs. Great post!


I knew from day one I was a boy-mama. I can't do hair for shit...even my own. Mine are 20 (today) and 21. Neither lives at home...one within a 100 miles and one in your area. They are very different and each is the light of my life. They both love their Mom and I think we are closer since they moved out, if that is possible, but they are both, without a doubt, their own men-selves...Please enjoy each day...it goes by way too fast...today I became not-the-mother-of-a-teenager. It seems like yesterday when I was scared to death because I WAS the mother of a teenager. I'm so lucky to have them and so are you!


You summed it up perfectly.


Oh ok, I am crying! I had these exact same feelings. We had a girl all ready, why ruin things. She needs a sister to be close too, sisters would be so cute, I LOVE GIRLS!...and then the ultrasound...I am having a wha? What do you mean I have a penis growing inside of me?? I think I said that for a month. It really freaks you out! I didn't know what to do with a boy?

And then he was born (6 years ago) and I am so in love I could burst when he smiles at me. I love the way he thinks and what makes him tick. The best thing is that even his sister adores him and they are best friends. Nothing is better than this parenting stuff...nothing.

Wacky Mommy

You know Wacky Boy just turned five and I am so cuckoo in love with that kid.


Bossy didn't want to know what she was having ahead of time for the very purpose of not being able to fixate on the sex. So she fixated on everything else, like the color of the crib sheets and her burgeoning stretch marks.


Boys make lovely babies and sturdy toddlers and the real drama and heart break doesn't start until elementary school when they begin the process of moving away from you preparing their dear mother for the day when they will marry someone who totally loathes her and then ride off into the sunset never to be heard from again...okay I'm exaggerating but you might want to sneak on over and read a little about what might be coming for you. Just don't want you to feel like no one warned you. And perhaps, your son won't turn into Judd Nelson from The Breakfast Club as mine has.


My son is now 14. He is without a doubt my best friend. When I am aging I will not have to beg him to come have dinner with me. I already know it. And nope...he's not a Momma's boy. I dated one of those...they suck and I've taught my son to be independent and he has the self esteem of a thousand people. He's the best thing I ever did and I think you will surely find that one day...you will still have a great relationship with your little man because you have it now. It doesn't go away.


*snurfles into sleeve*

*sneaks off to kiss baby boy about eleventy-twelve bazillion times*


Perfectly lovely.


This made me cry ---- so very sweet. It also reminded me that when my son was born I was so besotted with him that I said to my mother, "Well I don't know why anyone would want to have a girls."

I said this to my mother, who has two daughters. She just laughed at me. But boys are wonderful and even at 7, an often dirty and smelly age, those boy hugs just plain rock.


I will be at Taste of the Nation! But, ummmm, as a volunteer, because that way I get to go for free! So look for my in probably a giant oversized tshirt handing out something?

Also, I really want a girl. It's good to hear that if/when I have a boy it will all turn out okay. Phew.


My baby boy is now 16. Just the other day, as he sat in the driver's seat of the car and I in the passenger seat, he looked over at me and my heart still flipped with that crazy love you describe from the moment of birth. He is growing away from me, but the secret is he still gives the best hugs and calls me mama.


Oh joy! True dat! With my first pregnancy, I wanted a girl too and when I found out it was a boy, I was a little taken aback and slightly deflated and unsure of the the news I had just been told. My son (now 10 1/2) is absolutely, positively wonderful (he, too, has stuffed animals and still likes to cuddle and I cannot refuse him just yet even though I don't want him to be a mama's boy either).

There's nothing like being mother to a boy!! Well, except being a mother to both a boy and a girl (my daughter is almost 9) and it shocks me to no end that I truly have the best of both worlds. I never thought I was much of a lucky person... I am mistaken.

Enjoy your bundle of beautiful testosterone! Cuddle him until it's uncool to do so! He won't forget it...

p.s. I found my daughter was tougher to handle when she was little vs my son. Had my lovely, treasure of a daughter come first (we call her "treasure" because we sorta had to 'find' her since she seemed to have buried her delight & loveliness that first year of her little screaming life)... there might not be a boy and man, oh man, what a pity that would be!


It makes me so happy (and relieved) to know that I'm not the only one who felt that way! I had the EXACT same feelings when I found out I was having a boy. Now, I wouldn't trade my little munchkin for anything!


Delurking because this post touched me so much. Today is my son's 4th birthday party. We found out what we were having at 18 weeks and I was a little shocked when the US tech. said he was a boy at 18 weeks - just assumed I'd have a girl first.

With my second pregnancy, I didn't find out the sex of the baby. I told everyone it was because I wanted the surprise of it. It was only partially true. I wanted a girl more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life, other than having kids. I was afraid that if they told me I was having a boy, I would've really struggled with it. But I knew that if I found out the baby was a boy in the delivery room, I wouldn't have one second of mixed feelings - just joy and relief.

When my husband told me our baby was a girl, I was so shocked I couldn't even talk. I just assumed that because I wanted a girl so badly, I wouldn't get one.

The way I see it, Max is the child of my heart. The first person who made me a mom, and taught me about that unconditional love, which he still gives me every single day. My daughter is the child of my soul-such a part of me in a different way. Both experiences have made me a better person. I wouldn't trade it for the world.


Thank you for that post, and thank everybody else in the comments for letting me know it is normal to feel that way about having a boy.

I really did not know it was normal


I wanted a girl because I only had sisters and I didn't know WHAT to do with a little boy. I was scared to have a boy!

We haven't gotten to potty training yet (although we did have him peeing in the potty once a day for a while there)--I think I'll make my husband do that... Hm...

The other day I was walking through a store and wrinkled my nose at the frilly girly Easter dresses. I got to the boy clothes and it was like getting 'home.'

I'm not sure if i want my next one to be a boy or a girl now. Hm...


My husband really, REALLy wants a girl. In fact, he wants a whole passel of girls. He wants daughters to dote on and love and be a daddy to. I, too, would love to have a little girl- but secretly? Oh, I want a boy. I just love little boys with their troublemaking and take-no-prisoner attitudes and their adorable little faces. I've seen pictures of my husband as a baby boy, and he was SO damn cute. I want a boy- there! I said it!

Marilyn aka callistawolf

I had to do a double take as I started writing this entry because I swear, I could have written the same thing word for word. I too was disappointed to find out I was having a boy with my first. I just figured my body, being a girl's body, was incapable of producing a penis. How could I relate to a boy? I didn't know thing one about taking care of a boy.

But it's just like you said. And when I found out my youngest was a boy, I was happy because I knew what was coming. I still want the hairbows and cute dresses someday, but in the meantime, I'm so lucky to have my boys.

And, here's the goofy part, I actually feel a little sorry for friends of mine who find out their first is a girl. LOL!


Thank you for putting into words everything I thought and felt from the moment 12 long months ago I opened an envelope and read the words "It's a boy" and cried. I desperately wanted a houseful of little girls and was scared to pieces at the thought of having a boy. Thank god my husband knocked some sense into me with the whole "healthy baby is all that is important" speech. I am now more in love with my son than I ever could have imagined and have a bond with him that I can't imagine having with a daughter. I now feel so lucky to be the mom of a little boy and look forward to all the trucks, dinosaurs and dirt in my future.

Thank you for once again putting my feelings into words.


I do the SAME exact thing when I find out friends are having a boy. I am sure girls are great (though I don't know because I don't have one) but having a boy is so amazing! I am so in love with my little man. His little laugh, his hugs, hearing him call me "mama" then reach out to hold my face with his little hands, the way he gets so excited when he sees a baseball or a football, the way he gets even more excited when he sees me in the morning...how could it be any better than that? Sigh.

Sarah (In the Trenches of Mommyhood)

I sometimes get intimidated because, after all, you had like 130 comments before this one...and do you really read them all....???

But as the mother of 3 little boyz, I had to say....right on. I admit, I did want a little girl (named Lydia---each time I was pregnant)...but this is now my life. LOTS OF TESTOSTERONE here In the Trenches. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.


OH MY GOD. You made me sooooo cry!! (I have a son too)



I felt the EXACT same way when I found out I was having a boy last December. What am I going to do with a boy?? We'll have nothing in common...etc...(these words seem ridiculous to me as I type them, cause you know... little did I know.. :)

But now, I can't imagine life without my perfect little dude. Thanks so much for saying what alot of us have thought going into this motherhood thing. You could not have said it more beautifully.


i wanted a girl. i got my wish and have two. they really could care less about me. they have an unnatural love for their father.

everyone i talk to say boys love thier moms. i want one of those, now!


Aw, that was adorable. But I have to say, I haven't been online in a while and when you said that, I thought you were pregnant and having ANOTHER boy. Oops.


I've been lurking for a while. Found you through Citizen of the Month.

But today, reading your post... I'm crying, no sobbing actually.

I have an eight year old boy and I too thought I was going to have a girl. Now not a day goes by that I don't thank God or the Universe, or whoever that I have a boy. A BOY.

No one tells you how sweet boys are. How they beam the first time they make you something for mother's day. Their sticky, smelly hugs. The way they giggle unproariously at the silly things you make up.

We just had a birthday party, big number 8. There were seven boys there and each one was a joy to spend the afternoon with. Thrilled with the train ride we took the kids on. Glowing when they were allowed to toot the horn in the cab. And yet, still delighted with my stuffed Monkey and the voices I do.

When you wrote of that crazy primal love, I just started to cry and I'm still wiping the tears now.

Hugs to you and your fabulous boy,


I love this!
I have an 11 month old son, and of course when I found out it was a boy, I was a little bit sad because I wanted to relationship I have with my mother! But, my little angel is the best thing that ever happened to me. And it's true! He LOVES his mommy!


I was disappointed for a short time when I found out we were having a boy, and for the same reasons. But honestly, then I thought about how fucked up my relationship is with my mother and I was relieved and much much happier to be having a boy, and now? Even though he's only a month old, I would not trade it in for the world. Not even the shielding the pee with my bare hands.


Did anyone ever buy you a copy of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius? It was on your wishlist a while back, and I remember thinking it criminal that you didn't own a copy of that book. You've read it though, right? My guess is you have, because your writing style is so similar to his. You're just wanting your very OWN copy and I don't blame you one bit. (That's my guess anyway).

I'd loan you mine, but Dave signed it and doodled in it and scribbled out his face in the author photo - the one with the dog, though he doesn't own any dogs. And it will be one of the things I grab if my house were ever on fire.

But you should have a copy of this book, by God!

Let me know.


It's awesome to read all these comments from other women and realize, woo hoo, I'm normal (uh, OK, as close as I can come). I did have a girl, but I was so afraid I might have a boy - raise a boy? But I'm an only child.....no brothers....I know nothing about boys........I can't do it!! But of course, I would have, and loved my baby boy more than life itself.....


Hi, Amy... I haven't commented in so long, what a loser I am. But this one I couldn't pass up. I have 5 girls. I loooove girls!! I was so happy upon hearing that my first was a girl. A girl! Hairbows and dresses and shopping and baking! Right? Well, after the next girl and the next girl and then the next girl, yeah, I bawled at my ultrasound too. Bawled.

And you're right that people don't talk about it. You have the "Oh, that is SO shallow. Why even have a child? I can't believe anyone would cry to learn their little blessing is the wrong gender."

No one understands unless you've been there - it's not about NOT wanting the gift you are getting. It's about perhaps giving up on the dream you had about another gift.... If you have dreamed of being the mother of a boy or the mother of a girl and you have to face the loss of that possibility, it IS sad.

I cried at my ultrasound in my 4th pregnancy. She was supposed to be our last and so we hoped for a boy. After we had her, we decided "Oh what the hell... let's go one more time!!" I didn't cry at that ultrasound when I learned Raena was a girl - I thought "Wow, what a special girl she must be to have beat the odds like that." The chance of any mother having 5 of the same gender is pretty slim, and THAT makes us so special.

But I will always be sad about not having a little boy. Your post covers my reasons quite well... he sounds like a treasure!


I was just the opposite: I never wanted a girl because I didn't feel that I could properly raise a girl. I was a tomboy and have a crappy relationship with my mother and I was terrified I'd end up with a girly-girl. How the hell would I raise her? I ended up with two wonderful boys. I'll let you in on a little secret: they never outgrow their moms. They may not be obvious about it but they'll ALWAYS worship you. And honestly, who doesn't want to marry a man who still worships his mother? It just shows how much he'll love his wife. I live nowhere near DC so drink something fruity for me, mmkay?


I've been thinking about this post all weekend. I always wanted a boy...but wasn't sure why I wasn't like the rest of my girlfriends that were dying for little girls. You put into words my reasons, and why I'm so glad I got one!!

Happy Easter!


Your post made me tear up! My lil boy is my everything. I can't imagine anything more special than the mommy/son bond that we have. I'm so glad you have gotten to experience that as well!!


Your post made me tear up! My lil boy is my everything. I can't imagine anything more special than the mommy/son bond that we have. I'm so glad you have gotten to experience that as well!!


Loved the post. I have three girls and have always wanted girls. With each pregnancy I knew I was having a girl even before the 20 week sonogram when they tell you the sex. I am now 43, and totally exhausted from my 2, 4 and 12-year-old girls, plus working 36 hours/week. There's no way I am having another child, BUT if I were to ever have one I would want a boy, and I have a feeling it would indeed be a boy. Strange how your body just knows! :)


I have two boys (21 & 14) and it's true that boys love their mothers unconditionally. it really is a special bond. I have three brothers, and all boy cousins ~ I so wanted a girl. But there is nothing like a boy. just wait until he comes home from camp smelling like sweat and dirt, then you get to clean him up and put him to bed in clean sheets and he looks at you and tells you that he missed his "dream kisses". It makes everything worthwhile.


Little boys are so awesome and special! My "little" boys are now 17 & almost 15 and are 6'3" and 5'11"! I really wanted my second to a girl but God knew what He was doing and it's been a wonderful ride. I'm so glad you have that with Noah!

Dacia :-)

I did the Gendor Mentor test when we finally had a sucessful pregnancy. We were told at 11 weeks that we were having TWO....boys. I was heartbroken. I wanted one girl one boy that was it perfect balanced family. Now, after everything is said and done? I say FUCK the perfect balanced family I HAVE THE TWO MOST AMAZING BOYS IN THE WORLD! 9 Months old and not wanting them to grow up! Love Noah btw. What an awesome life we have!


Amy, you made me cry.

I too wanted a girl. My mom and I are so close, and I wanted to have a child that would be mine forever, but boys grow up and, like you said, can't be mama's boys anymore.

I know some men who are still tight with their moms but are not totally wierdly attached, and I always want to give them hugs.

I was also really scared of my ability to parent a boy. I knew girls, but boys? Boys were a different species altogether. I still don't know how I'm going to survive the teenage years, but I'm looking forward to those years nonetheless.

And my son? He is the joy of my life, pure and simple.

BTW, I totally knew I was having a boy before the doctors told me. It was so wierd because I really, really wanted a girl but I just knew that it was a boy. So wierd.


Who knows if you'll read down this far but I'm compelled to comment. I have a beautiful blonde cherub Noah's age and he is everything you described and more. People are always telling me, "Oh he's such a BOY" and he is.

He is my second, my first is a girl. When we decided on #2 all I wanted was another girl. Girls are what I knew, and I had a sister and wanted that for my daughter. We didn't find out what we were having and when William came out, he was my dream come true, the dream I didn't even know I had.

You cannot say enough about little boys. And the mother/son bond? Yeah, it's indescribable.

Oh, and William has that same truck book. He loves the snowplow and the school bus (and the fire engine, tractor, and skid steer).


I have one of each. My son, my oldest, loves me no matter what. When I lose my temper, when I freak out, it doesn't matter. He LOVES me. My daughter, on the other hand, merely tolerates me. She's been rolling her eyes at me since she was 2 (she's 5 now).

I don't know if that's all girls or just mine.

Katie Kat


I wanted a BOY!

And I CRIED when I found out she was a girl.

And now?

I couldn't imagine having anything but my sweet, lovable little monkey. She's my sunshine and my heart's light.

Guess you fall in love with 'em no matter what! ;)


Thank you so much for writing this! I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first and sobbed at my ultrasound when I found out it was a boy. I still cry everyday and finding out it was a boy did NOTHING for my prenatal depression. Hearing how much you love your son gives me hope.


This is such a sweet post!


This is such a sweet post! Your son is a very lucky little boy to have such a loving and wonderful mother as you.

And don't worry about when he gets older. You two will probably be closer than you think now - and being close to and respecting your mother does not a mama's boy make.


Oh man, I could've written that post! Albeit without the eloquence and wit and heartstring tugginess.... I was secretly dissappointed when my ultrasound showed a little peeper too, but now that I have a brilliant, adorable, car and baseball loving 15 month old boy that I love to ridiculous smithereens, I'm trying for another little boy! Take heart all you expecting moms who don't think you're having what you want to have - trust me, you are having more than you could ever have dreamed of!


Oh you made me cray - as always! especially the part of him growing up and away! ugh!


I also wanted a girl...for all the same stupid reasons. And I have a boy. And feel exactly the same that you do. I still get tears in my eyes when I look at him. I can't wait for him to grow up and I can't stand for him to grow up.

We are seriously now looking into using some of our remaining totsicles to try to give him a sibling. My DH says that it is for me to 'have my girl.'

If we are successful and if it's a girl. Great. But if it is another car-loving, train-spotting, bug-grabbing, dirt-clogged little boy? That would be excellent.


I just had to chime in and say that this post describes how I then felt and now feel about my little man. I wanted a girl so badly, but now I wouldn't mind another boy because they are so incredible fun and cuddly and silly! Who knew?


I am the VERY proud mother of a 3 1/2 month old girl and I'll admit that I was one of few women who was hoping for a boy. I think I was more disappointed than my husband when we found out it was a girl! I blame this on my mother. We were never really close growing up and I wanted nothing more than to be close with my child (i.e. A Momma's Boy). But... I got my little girl and she is my whole world and I wouldn't trade her for anything. Every time she smiles, my heart melts. I'm addicted to her. Yet I don't believe my feelings would be any different if I had had a boy. Mothers love their children nomatter the gender. Both are fun in their own unique ways, you just have to adapt to dolls and hairbows or dirt and dinosaurs. :)

Not so Pregnant

I worked as an AmeriCorps VISTA for Operation Frontline, a program run nationally by Share Our Strength. My organization would demonstrate low-cost, low-fat recipes to help individuals and families learn how to eat healthy foods on a budget. People loved the classes and I even though I resented AmeriCorps for a number of reasons, like making me go back to work 5 weeks after a C-section, I loved teaching concrete skills that could immediately improve someone's life.

I'm glad you are supporting the Taste of the Nation event. I look forward to reading your review about it.


I feel you on this. We didn't find out what we were having because we wanted the surprise, and what a surprise it was. I had convinced myself I was having a girl and that's what I desperately wanted. I believe my initial response to the announcement "It's a boy!" was, "It's a what? Are you sure?"

But as you said, a mother's love for her son is something I could have never expected...


I know others said this a million times already, but thanks for the post. I think you summed up gender disappointment perfectly. I really wanted to know the sex of our baby. I really did. I didn't know if I had a preference or not, but knew that I'd probably be a little disapopinted either way. I'd lose the dream of a son or the dream of a daughter. At first, I had both, in a way. Now, I have a DAUGHTER on the way. It is amazing to get to know her as HER, as an individual. I am so happy to be having a girl. I am so sad not to be having a boy. Does that make sense? And next time? I want a healthy baby. Boy? Girl? I don't think I care, but when I secretly mourn and celebrate on the day I found out, I'll try really hard not to feel guilty. We're given the kids we're meant for, and I can't WAIT to snuggle mine!

Mom of 3 in NYC

I wanted boys, because my sister had 2 and I just love love love my nephews. My first was a girl. Of course I was very happy, and she was amazing (still is). When I had my 2nd girl, & my sister now had 3 boys, I figured ok, she'll have the boys, I'll have the girls. Fine with me. Then when my 3rd kid flew outta me, and my sister who was there with us in the birthing room was the first to say, OMG, it's a boy. I thought for sure there'd been a mistake, but now, I had a little guy with a little penis. And I couldn't be happier. My husband & I love our girls, but our son is just so sweet. He's cute & such a boy, with trucks, bugs dirt...there's something about a boy. Girls seem to know how to be little bitches, but boys are just sweet. I'm verrry careful not to let on that he's my (terrible secret) -- my favorite. But girls are nice too...A little side note, my dad who is one of 13 children, boys and girls has told me that each one of his siblings always thought that they were their mom's favorite. She made each one feel that way. I always think that's such a nice thing. Hopefully when my kids have their own kids they'll tell them that they were their mom's favorite!


WIth my first, I didn't want to know beforehand - for a lot of reasons, but one of them being I didn't want the news (either way) to make me feel *bad*. I know a lot of women say "I need to find out in advance so I can be happy by the time I deliver," but I figured finding out after delivery, when the baby was actually *there*, would involve less "what-ifs" and "But I kinda wanted..." The emotions of that moment are so high, and the relief that the baby is here so patent, and the fact that the actual baby is in your arms and you're bonding with your real son, not just your fear of one....

I was up in the air with #1 about what I thought I wanted. I wanted to share all my favorite girl-things and books, but I feared and dreaded seeing a girl through adolescence. When the midwife told me, "It's a BOY baby!" it was the most amazing moment ever. So amazing that whiel I was totally thrilled that #2 was a girl, I had a moment of "but what about my matched set of brothers?"

Boys rock.
Of course, so do girls.


Thank you Amy. I thought i really wanted a girl too but would never admit it out loud. Now that i have my little boy i couldn't think of anything else. He rocks!


I wanted a boy. Bad. I come from lots of girls, so I knew how to do the girl raising thing, but man, I wanted a boy. I had a girl, of course.

Four months later I found out (while on the Pill, having taken it perfectly) that I was pregnant, again. Surprise.

And then I found out it was a boy.

One of each, and they're both perfect in completely different ways. I wouldn't trade anything (maybe the 65 pounds I gained with the pregnancies and didn't completely lose).

Now I have one of each, and they're both


I had a girl first and went around feeling sorry for people who had boys and then I had a boy and now I want to vote everyone off the island except for me and him.


What about if you didn't think you wanted kids in the first place? I don't want kids, really, but my husband can't imagine going through life without them. Since we're going to have them, I definitely want girls, but I don't know if I'll be happy either way...


Scoot, I felt exactly the same way. I was really uncertain about whether I wanted kids. I started running out of excuses (got the house, job stabilized, took the big trip to SOuth East Asia)and had to make up my mind about whether to go ahead, or decide outright that I didn't want to. I had a strong gut feeling that I'd regret it if I didn't, so I did.

Throughout my pregnancy I felt no bonding with the fetus, and was really anxious about becoming a mother. I wondered if I'd made a mistake and felt a little stupid for going ahead when I wasn't 100% sure.
Then baby arrived. All the clichés were true for me - I got kicked in the face with a big old love boot, and my baby boy is the absolute centre of my universe. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, and I had desperately wanted a girl. Pffft! Now I hope baby #2 is a boy too! He's that awesome.

Anyway, just thought I'd put it out there for what it's worth. I didn't know of anyone who felt the way I did, and I felt ashamed to talk about it when I was pregnant. I would have loved to know I my feelings were "normal" or at lest that I wasn't the only one...

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