The Mean Reds
April 17, 2007
It's not just me, right? There's definitely something going around. Something in the air, maybe. Or in the water. Or in the multiple cups of coffee I drink to function during the day because I can't sleep at night.
Maybe it's that winter came back and ate spring and all the pretty little flowers that were blooming in my yard. Maybe it's because I even have a yard in the first place, and I miss our old condo and the cement and grit of the city. Maybe it's that Noah's nose has been leaking like a faucet for days now, that Jason's already sick and I'm trying not to even acknowledge the scratchy feeling in my throat.
Maybe it's the terrible news at Virginia Tech and my inability to turn of effing CNN.
I don't know. Maybe it's just all these Girl Scout cookies I've been eating. (Damn you, Tagalongs! Fill the void already!)
Whatever it is, I don't think I'm the only one feeling this way. (Right? Right? That's your cue, commenty-type people. Hello? Fuck.)
I'm sad. Anxious. Constantly on edge. I've been having nightmares. Stupid anxiety dreams mixed with full-on weird ones, like a recurring dream where I've killed someone and gotten away with it -- but then the Backyardigans start singing to me from the television about how murder is oh so wrong, oh so wrong! and I am consumed with guilt -- Dostoevsky meets children's television, folks. Only in my brain. So I just stay up all night instead.
It's hard to write when I get like this. I know it will pass, I know everything is fundamentally okay, and I know I would regret writing some overwrought, navel-gazing rumination on any of the stupid petty shit that's wigging me out, so I should just...I don't know. Shut up and post some photos or something.
I would, except I don't know which Photoshop filter gets rid of toddler snot-face.
So here. Hold this photo up to a mirror and discover the name of the one thing that pretty much delights me to no end. It's the amalah.com brain teaser placemat!
(God, but I am dumb. Physics! Objects in mirrors, and such.)
We still don't have our archives back after this happened, and we don't have a solution to the Open Thread/captcha quagmire, but damn, it's good to have the site back. Because where else am I gonna post stuff like this? The Muppets make everything so much better.
You're not alone. I've been really weepy the last couple of days. I'd like to blame it on the Second Coming of Winter, but unfortunately that makes no sense. I suppose the honest answer to all of this is that we humans have had a little too much bad news: Vonnegut, Virginia Tech, and for me, the continuation of a war that has now deployed two of my very good friends.
It'll get better. I'll send you some good vibes :)
No, you're not alone. You're right, I'm not sure if it's the weather or what, but I am feeling totally overwhelmed by everything I should be doing, and so instead I do next to nothing.
And the toddler nose, and therefore snotty mommmy shoulder? It NEVER ENDS. Help.
Maybe the good weather scheduled for this weekend will help.
I love the expression on your face. It fits perfectly. It's kind of "meh"
Let us know if you find out more about that snot filter for Photoshop. :)
it's not just you.
You're not the only one feeling this way.
I wish the rain here would stop.
I wish someone would do all my laundry & packing for our trip at the end of the week.
I wish I didn't just watch the Today Show crew do their show from the campus of Virginia Tech. You can go on and on about how beautiful the campus is, but there are 33 sets of parents who would rather have their children back than a beautifully manicured drill field.
Did I mention that I wished the rain would stop?
You're so not alone. I've been blaming it on the postpartum hormones, but lately I've felt like something big is going to happen. And I've been just sort of waiting for it. I caught a guy breaking into my car, and that freaked me right out, but even after that I thought, that wasn't it. Something's coming. And even after yesterday's awful, awful news, I thought, that's not it either. Blech. Anxiety.
I just cuddle my baby and try to think happy thoughts, because it's impossible to be anything other than deliriously happy holding him. (Well, maybe not exactly deliriously happy at 4 in the morning, but, you know what I mean....)
It's been that kind of week. This weather turns me into a puddle of unhappiness.
Amy: I left McLean Gardens more than 3 years ago, and I still miss it. We may retire there someday. The campus feel of it; it's proximity to so many cool places; the pool that I could do laps in and then read my book; the community of pretty nice people; the dog-friendly environment; the safety of being able to walk your dog at night and feel safe, because there were tons of other dogs walking around too; the convenience of not having to take out your trash or tend to your garden; the trees -- I will always miss that little spot.
Will work for Mamapop t-shirt...
Please.
Nope, definitely not alone. About to graduate from law school in 3 weeks, having regular panic attacks about my lack of a job, my lack of motivation to find a job, and my lack of motivation to write the papers and study for the finals that will allow me to graduate. Yay! I just paid $100K for daily panic attacks!!
can't comment...
cnn is still on...
(might have to turn it off soon...every time they play that cell phone video, i can't stop thinking about how each of those 27 or whatever gunshots is the sound of someone's child getting shot. i think i have some tagalongs in the pantry...maybe they will help?)
Amy,
I am with you on the feeling like...meh...or bleh...or however one says what this feeling is. But mine didn't start until yesterday. I am pretty sad about what happened at Virginia Tech. I went to the University of Texas where we had a similar (but way less deadly) event long before I was even born. It was always something that marked my school but I was not personally affected by it. I didn't see it. Hear it. Understand it.
With the 24/7 news media these days we are all able to feel the pain of the kids at VT. And the thing is...one day my baby will go off to college. One day she will be in class somewhere. I just never want this to happen to her. I'm sure it wasn't even a thought in the minds of the parents that sent their kids to VT.
sorry to post so long on your comments. I just wanted to say that I am with ya on that feeling and that "It's Friday, but Sunday's comin'" (which is a reference to Good Friday and Easter...guess I need that right now).
Ahh, the toddler snot nose, how I hate thee. I swear, that crud is never-ending
And I too have been feeling a sort of shapeless melancholy fueled by the general state of the world, which was not helped by watching Children of Men last night (hint, don't watch this movie if you are feeling the way you described). I couldn't even finish the movie because I knew the lead up to the ending (and probably the ending itself) would depress me for a month.
Snot, snot, snot! I feel like it is my life right now! Urgh!!!!!
Hang in tehre! I felt that way about 2 weeks ago and I htought I was going to lose my mind! It is almost gone! I am sleeping now and not feeling like I am going to lose it any second of every second of the day!
I completely understand. The last couple of weeks have just been so...down! My daughter is sick too, my husband stayed home with her today...uh, that never happens. I wish the rain would stop and the sun would just come out already...I mean, I am a Californian...I do sunshine...not clouds and rain and yuck! And my boss sucks and I am looking for a new job and VTech (where a cousin of mine goes to school) and Vonnegut and Imus and all the crap that has been happening lately....yeah, I understand and no, you aren't alone.
It's definitely contagious. I hung up an "out of service" sign at my blog because of it. And yesterday didn't help.
In my office we're blaming it on the new moon. And we're all with ya, Amalah. There's something yucky happening in our collective psyche.
Me too on all fronts. I am finishing my MBA in just over a week and daycare was closed yesterday, but instead of facing my last paper and just doing it, I wiped snot. And got a sence of accomplishment from it. Ugh. Even the toddler was melancholy.
And those poor parents. I just prayed for them and thought about them in the darkness last night.
STOP THE COUNTRY I WANT TO GET OFF!!! Is the refrain I have been repeating to my husband for a week now.
I am trying to start my journey to a simpler life by SHUTTING OFF THE DAMN TV! But.. it's hard not to watch a society self distruct.
(sorry for all the yelling)
Too much sadness in the world indeed
Before yesterday, I was blaming it on the weather and the fact that I am STILL wearing my winter clothes to work because I'm not going to be miserably cold all day! I want my sandals, and flip flops, and cropped pants!
Yeah, it's golf ball through a garden hose power suckage at my place.
I was a little scared to hit your muppet link. A couple of days ago I saw Kermit the Frog cover "hurt" in a very NSFW kind of way.
Hope you feel better soon. And as soon as you do? Write something perky and help an easily suggestible reader out, k?
My sentiments exactly. Except it's not the Backyardigans singing, it's Boots the Monkey. And Tico, but in Spanish. (Oh, and the clone tool or healing brush in Photoshop works great for toddler snot face.)
Feel better soon...spring will return.
Or i'm gonna be mighty grumpy.
My goodness, I so know what you feel like. I wake up every hour through the night. I am having crazy nightmares, too. I feel like I'm going to cry over stupid stuff all the time. Everything seems extra stressful. I hope we all start feeling better soon.
No, it is not just you. For me it is the news and the weather blues.
Hang in there.
I went and looked for the Kermit video that Anne Nahm referenced and it's all kinds of sick and bad and just plain wrong.
However, it *is* hilarious. Funny makes it okay, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLQRv0RjBBM
It's anxiety, I had it, it sucked, I visited a therapist and I worked it all out. Always being on edge is very exhausting, plus I never was able to really sweat the big stuff, I was always on the small stuff.
Here in the other Washington we have had several false Spring starts. But Sunday was glorious and today is nice and sunny and cheerful. And it's almost 45 degrees!! BUT -- snow is predicted for somewhere around here, probably the mountains.
Sorry Noah's sick again. I remember this age (up through about 4) being a constant snot fest. Eventually the well will run dry, so hang in there.
Also, you are just so lovely. Kudos for keeping your forehead in the frame!!
Had to de-lurk to comment - you are not the only one! Could be because I might quit my job to stay home with my new baby, might be moving across the country, or because of the state of the world in general, but I am feeling very anxious and stressed lately as well.
You are so very cute. Thanks for brightening my day with your posts.
No, it's not only you. It has been that kind of a few weeks, for very many people if not everyone. Definitely for me. Weather is part of it, news is part of it; we even share the eating-too-much, although in my case it's many random things instead of Girl Scout cookies. But that's only because I don't have Girl Scout cookies. Anxiety dreams? Multiple ones per night, sometimes.
But it's going to get warm and better, and some of the flowers will live, and you look very cutely mischievous in that picture with your Awesome T-shirt, actually. Let's all hang in there.
I'm with you, Amy. This morning I woke up yelling from the weirdest dream EVER. I haven't been able to update the ole' blog, because I feel the pressure to be witty and funny, which are far from what I'm feeling. Anxiety is the worst, then throw in coffee while watching the shooting coverage, and there you go. I'm throwing in the towel for now and taking a break.
WINE. NOW. XOXO - we'll all pull through, it's almost summer!
Oh, and if you can find it (maybe Trader Joe's will have it), linden tea might help with that scratchy feeling that doesn't exist in the first place, and with honey and lemon will definitely help Jason's chest and throat nastiness.
You're so not alone. I've been feeling the exact same way lately. Like I have constant PMS...sigh... Oh and the dreams! WTF? I just broke down on Sunday because of a horrific dream I'd had the night before. The crappy weather, too much saddness in the world... (plus, I'm dealing with the terrible twos at the moment.bleh.)
You know, now that I spend hours dumping all my blogs that I read into google reader, and I just read what downloads when someone updates, I didn't even realize Mamapop had sort of exploded but was just noticing it had been a while. Am dumb.
I mentioned I'm dumb? I also can't finish a thought. Much less a post or even a damn comment before accidently hitting the post button instead of TAB.
Am having the same trouble over at my own blog, lots of other people have mentioned it lately, too. The new post page, it taunts me. I don't know if its spring fever, or allergies, or what, but I kind of want to unplug for a while, ya know?
This is weird. It sounds like the collective "women of the world" intuition meter is going ninety. I have felt like unexplainable crap for a week or so now. Anxious, uneasy and blah. Not sleeping but definitely eating because nothing seems to cure that habit. I don't know what it is but I hope we aren't all feeling a collective worry for a major reason. I hope it is just the weather and we will feel better tomorrow.
It's the weather and the awful, awful news. Turn off CNN! Your being upset does not help the victims. Watch some Muppets instead.
By the by, THANK YOU for the "Danny Boy" video. I saw a partial clip of that on Henson.com about 5 years ago back when Henson.com wasn't lame and they showed video clips, and I've been telling people about it for years. You do know you can buy The Muppet Show Season 1 on DVD, yes? You can also get Sesame Street Season 1.
it's not just you. thought i am unable to pinpoint what's wrong, my anxiety and sadness linger and were only enhanced as i could also not turn! off! the TV!
i am just going to keep praying for spring to return. because really, sunshine and flowers and all that crap are what we need right now. minus the allergies that accompany them.
Also, your hair looks pretty.
It always cheers me up when people tell me that, but that may be because my hair so rarely looks pretty.
I have been feeling the same way.
The acid-on-the-playground incident already had my insides twisted, then
VT. I have just had this "close to tears" feeling for days.
Hope we all get to feeling better soon.
Bring on the summer.
I am a big awful mess lately. I've been irritable, moody, sad and nervous- but not sure what any of it is regarding. I cried for hours on Sunday night. It felt a little better after. I don't know what to blame it on, but you aren't alone.
Things will get better, they always do.
I blame my mother in law. It's as good an answer as anything else I guess. And maybe it's just me but I find that double stuff peanut butter oreos always make me feel better.
It's not just you. I'm 7 months pregnant, and have had a cold for the last 3 weeks, swollen tonsils for the last week. I had dentist appointment this morning and almost missed it because I slept in. While I was at the dentist, my husband parked the car and took our daughter for breakfast (see the part about sleeping in). Then, he couldn't find where he parked the car. TWO HOURS LATER, he finally finds the car after telling me it must have been stolen. Refer back to the part about me being 7 months pregnant and then imagine me waiting in an office building with a four year old, as my blood sugar plummeted and my sciatic nerve made my leg go numb. We're in the middle of a severe rainstorm as well.
Anyway, I came home and burst into tears. Spring has to come (for good) eventually, right?
Maybe we should all have a collective snack of milk and cookie? Cookies are magic makers!
I am here to assure you that it is, in fact, something in the air. I've been going crazy lately with anxiety, nightmares, and the like. I hope it passes for all of us soon.
p.s. nice shirt!
Amy, I was feeling the same way last week. Then we arrived in D.C. for a much-anticipated tour of all the typical tourist-y history-ish sites. A few days walking around all the memorials and museums and soaking up the history made me feel less like the nation is hurtling toward self-destruction, and more like all this is just a temporary blip. (Although I did insist on standing outside the fence and flipping off the White House. I'm sure surveillance video of me was archived into a database somewhere, but it sure felt good, if not mildly childish.)
Anyway, sometimes a walk through history helps me put all the crud in my life in perspective and makes me feel a lot better. (Well, that, and a Swirlie from the Austin Grill...)
Reading this post and these comments is a relief.
It's not just me.