His New Favorite Word
It's like being in a cubicle all over again.

Hostess Cupcake

We threw our first honest-to-God actual dinner party in the new house this weekend -- a party where we invited multiple people whom we are not related to, where we cooked multiple courses and I was in the basement frantically ironing dinner napkins as our first guests arrived because heavens! To Betsy, even! WRINKLED DINNER NAPKINS = FAILURE AT ADULTHOOD.

And here is some more math for you:

Seven adults - not enough chairs + three designated drivers x one pregnant woman + two toddler moms who drank all the wine and would not stop talking about birth and labor and mucus plugs + two toddlers + one tumble off the back deck and another damn bloody mouth in front of the SAME PEOPLE who saw the LAST bloody mouth and who now think parenthood is pretty much one bloody mouth after another. And also mucus plugs, which the poor pregnant woman never even heard of until last night but now knows everything you could possibly know about mucus plugs, including the size, color and consistency = ONE FREAKING AWESOME DINNER PARTY.

(Seriously, that equation totally adds up right. Just carry the one.)

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He will hike up his shorts leg to show you his "abooboo" on his knee, which he got last week and is REALLY IMPRESSED WITH. The new one on his mouth? Eh. He's seen worse, you big pussy.

Getting ready for this dinner party was an experiment in terror for Jason and me, since we've been living in our new house for almost six months now, but until yesterday the place looked like we'd just moved in last weekend.

We're about to replace all the windows and...da dada DAAA!...put hardwoods down in the whole entire damn house, but these are projects we've been "about to do" for many months now, and I put a lot of other projects on hold until "after the floors are done."

Some of these projects included:

1) Assembling office furniture
2) Hanging things on walls
3) Cleaning anything, ever

I tried to talk myself into the Pergo, y'all. I TRIED SO HARD TO LOVE IT. And I tried to be okay with the old grody carpet and our plan to not replace anything until we were done with toddlerhood once and for all, but then the DC-area humidity hit, and oh my fucking lands, every latent smell and stain in that old grody carpet came to the surface and OUR HOUSE SMELLED LIKE MILDEW AND PEE.

We now have one of these things puffing away in every room right now, like it's a public bathroom or something, although that's exactly what Ceiba thinks several rooms are, apparently. And Max decided that he likes to poop in this one corner of the basement rec room, even though his litter box is in the other corner.

I'm seriously about to ship these pets to China. In a box labeled "wheat gluten."

Anyway. What was I talking about? Oh, the dinner party. And all my efforts to mask and disguise the carpet pee smell for my guests, which I have probably rendered null and void by telling the Internet about the carpet pee smell the very next day.

We made deep-fried risotto balls, fava bean crostini, figs stuffed with marscapone cheese and Greek yogurt and brined chicken. And by "we" I mean "Jason," except that I shelled and peeled fava beans for HOURS AND HOURS on Saturday and I also made some awesome herbed potatoes. Which we didn't serve because I forgot to ever cook them.

I am awesome. However, my dinner napkins were flawlessly ironed. They still are, actually, since I made everybody use paper ones.

But look! I assembled my office furniture! I have an office! Where I do a lot of very important professional writer-type things!

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(Think anybody noticed there isn't a chair?)

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Where I actually do all my work, since it's closer to the kitchen, the TV and my US Weekly.

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Tire: NOT INVITED TO PARTY.

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See? I told you the party totally ruled.

Comments

Aimee

copius empty bottles = totally rockin' party!

Chantel

Congratulations on your first dinner party in the new home. But I sort of feel bad for Tire. You may have hurt his feelings for good.

Ashley

it's a good thing you didn't invite the tire. probably would have drank all the alcohol anyway.

ps. is that a bottle of apple or some other kind of kids juice among the empty wine containers and such?

:)

silverblue

That office furniture looks very... less than upright. I choose to assume that this is not an optical illusion.

And Yay! Pretty! House!

Starbuck

Those figs sound SOOO GOOD!!! Please send me some.

Also, talks of birth, labor and mucus plugs just happen when in the presence of any woman of childbearing age who is considering having a baby or newly pregnant. We can't help it. It is our duty to let them know all the painful and messy realities of childbirth. It's really for their own good. And to remind us how awesome we are for surviving it all.

Linda

The last picture is all the evidence I needed of One Mad Crazy Par-Tay.

Missie

"abooboo"!

Love it.

Jamie

Tire is sad.

jamaila

For real, Starbuck is right. It just happens. It's cosmic or something.

Also, don't both trying to love Pergo. It is unloveable. And yay for house posts! I may be slightly biased or something, but you know, whatever.

tiffany

i can't believe you didn't at least throw that poor exploited tire a stuffed fig or something.
he looks pretty depressed.

Zoot

Man. Your house looks so nice. I totally forgot what my comment was going to be about the dinner party b/c the pictures of your house made me blind with jealousy. My cats have destroyed our "new" couches.

JSauce

Tyre is mad that you didn't invite him to the "drinking" festivities. I bet he's plotting some kind of rolling revenge.

Yay for dinner parties! I pretty much ply my guests with booze galore so they are distracted from my less than stellar hostest abilities.

Becca

House looks beautiful! I'm jealous of your hardwoods already and they're not even there yet. And Charlie has those same dinosaur jammies. Sometimes he wears them out because they're just too darn cute.

Elena

I love fava beans! Can I have the recipe for fava bean crostini?

Type (little) a

I can not make my little lips stop flapping about my pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding stories. Like ever. Even though there's a voice in my head that screams "SHUT HUP!! SHUT UP, YOU BLABBY WHORE!" every time I do it, but it is evidently drowned out by "Dude, she TOTALLY wants you to detail you experience in 10000 words or more".

I've always been a bit of an ass.

ALSO- Everyone knows the dryer belongs on the right. No wonder the tire is drunk all the time.

*emily*

Tire iz in ur basemint, plottin evel takeovah.

AmyM

Wait just a dad gum minute...you've lived in the new house for almost SIX months. WTF? Time really flies when you're sittin' on your doupa in front of the computer all day.
The dinner menu sounds good, when's the next party?

Suzy Q

Pergo sucks, man. You made the right choice bypassing it. You can't even spill a little water on the damn stuff without setting off Code Red Save the Damn Pergo alarms.

Neena

I LOVE your coffee table. Love it! I'm in the market for a new one...can I ask where you got it?

Heather B.

Here's a fun little birth story: The nurse who delivered me I still see on occassion and each and every time she likes to tell me about my birth. Therefore, my parents will not be getting grandchildren.

And oh the boo boo, he's very proud of his boo boo.

mk

Yummy food!!! Sounds like in the end it was a great party- blood and all!

what do you like better about the woord vs pergo?

Michele

I think it was a mistake not to invite the tire to the party. It may come back to haunt you.

And the birth related discussion? It's the way women thump their chests -- "See what I can do?"

shy me

Why tire not invited to party? Tire angry. Tire caged behind flimsy white wire. Tire will make you pay. Tire just waiting.

Jamie

Where did you get that office furniture?!

shy me

Why tire not invited to party? Tire angry. Tire caged behind flimsy white wire. Tire will make you pay. Tire just waiting. Tire has long memory.

PaintingChef

That is totally the evidence of a rockin' good time. Well done.

Starbuck

I second the coffee table question. It is gorgeous!! Do tell where you found it.

Also, a birth story that makes me feel almost related to "royalty"? My mom's aunt was one of the nurses in the delivery room when Lisa Marie Presley was born.

Maria

Admit it? U R jelus of the tyre! ;-)

Did Jason flip out again when Noah got this new mouth abooboo?

Congrats on the successful dinner party.

HollowSquirrel

Oh dear boy, your pouty lips & sad, sad eyes speak volumes about the heartache, pain and suffering incurred in the Great BooBoo Incident of This Past Weekend. WOES Noah!

UGH, those eyes. My heart breaks. I'd totally cave and slip him some cookies. I have to admit...

LadyBoyd

That whole animals peeing in the new house thing? We finally got rid of most of our carpet and VOILA! Suddenly the animals are willing to pee in their proper locations again! We did settle on the pergo-type "hardwood", 'cause we're a half-working half-student family and couldn't bear the idea of waiting another year to get rid of the peeeeeeeee. There's some pics of the flooring on my blog if you're interested. It looks great, and it was actually really easy to install too. So far it has survived installation of office furniture, cat claws, dog claws, and the random dropping of tools and other items by klutzy humans.

Caroline

Adrooling over your acoffee table. I wants one! OH how beautifully I could mess that thing up and cover it with all manner of crap. However do you keep yours so, um, pristine?

Amy M

Your menu is making me hungry. Suddenly, my tuna salad sandwich doesn't sound so appetizing. Recipes?

Poor aNoah! But kids wouldn't be having fun if they always had skin on their knees!

Li'l Foot's mommy

I want to know if Jason would realize the tire was gone if you got rid of it somehow? How fun would it be to hide it on him and tell him it's hiding and he has to seek!!!

cce

Yup, we've got humidity and pets here too and the smell is, well, 'gamy'. Is that a word? How come spell check doesn't know that Gamy is a word that describes old carpets and upholstery that smell like the Wild West when damp?

Wacky Mommy

Max needs 2 litterboxes, one in each corner. Because you don't have enough to do around there, what with the ironing and all.

Give Ceiba a scritch for me and tell her bad doggy! But say it in a nice voice.

Congrats on the big accomplishment, dang. We've lived here 7 years next month and no dinner parties yet. Plenty of mojitos, though. Oh, wait! We had the neighbors over for a progressive party thingy, does that count?

MamaMaven

Good luck with the hardwoods. It is a pain but definitely worth it. I too tried to love laminate and am SO glad that my husband talked me out of them!

LadyBoyd

We've actually not had trouble with our laminate yet. We've had water spills on them, including one mess by our puppy that sat on the floor all night (she was sick) until we found it the next morning and it hadn't messed up the floor at all. That being said? I do know many people who've had bad experiences. I've actually heard that it can devalue your home. But when faced with stale, humid cat pee? I'll choose it every time. hehe

Amalah

Ha! Drool no more over the coffee tables. They are actually side tables from Target that we clustered together because I KNOW we will kick the living shit out of them.

So yes. Target. Incredibly cheap, already dinged up, but I do not care.

(Oh, and we actually already HAVE Pergo in most of the main level. I hate it. I tried to pretend I wasn't a total hardwoods snob but I give up. It looks and sounds and feels fake, and the previous owners did kind of a shitty job installing it. Will not miss.)

Starbuck

I was about to look at Target for the table because I was pretty sure it was 4 separate tables. And if there is one thing I am sure of, it is your love of Target.

Neomi

Lovely house! You've probably said before, but your couches!! Where are those from? Gorgeous!

Sounds like a very swanky party. And yeah, the tyre is pissed.

Jen

All laminate is awful. We have both wood and laminate, and the wood cleans better, looks better, and you can fix the wood if there is a nick or scratch or water spills on it. We had a freeze break in our pipes this winter that flooded our MIL quarters, right before MIL visit. The water was on the laminate for maybe thirty minutes and even then, crappy laminate had to be completely torn up and replaced.

Go wood!

Marie

"parenthood is pretty much one bloody mouth after another" -- I'd say that pretty much sums it up!!

And now you have potatoes to eat at your leisure, just as you'd planned. And the napkins are ready for the next party! It all makes perfect sense to me.

AmyC65

Well, I don't stuff figs or anything but do love to throw dinners for friends. Am more Paula Deen than Bobby Flay. In any case, no matter how hard I try I always end up forgetting the flingin' napkins and am throwing cheapo paper ones at everyone as we sit. ergh.

MK

Thanks - I was asking about the floors becacause we are looking at a house that has hard wood floors.

MK

Thanks - I was asking about the floors becacause we are looking at a house that has hard wood floors.

jodi

I want to come! How does one get invited to amalah/dc foodies party.


I have laminate, and I love it. I could not be bothered with the up keep of real hard wood. But, whatever works for you is what I say.

psumommy

Tee...I always forget to cook or, heck, even make whatever part of the meal that's in my charge, too.

I think it sounds like a great dinner party!

Tirzah

Sounds like lotsa fun even if there was labor, mucus plus talk. And it's nice to see that Noah got some apple juice outta the deal. (I think thats an apple juice container isn't it?! If not I'm just a stupid idiot.)

kim at allconsuming

Funny you were talking about mucus plugs at dinner, as I was only just marvelling at my own - a little, ahem early, but a bloody show indeed. These things never lose their currency.

Flo

But wait-isn't parenthood just one bloody mouth after another? Or have I been doing it wrong?

Send your peeing/pooping pets here if you want. Between the pets and the kids, I can point to maybe three spots in my house that haven't been soaked in some kind of bodily fluid at some point.

And oh, by the way, you stole my office furniture.

Joanne

I have laminate too and LOVE it. I don't think I would have loved it like ten years ago but it's different now. And better. And awesome.

alexa

I love tire.

BOSSY

Bossy sees your wrinkled napkins and raises you one incomplete set of dishes.

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