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April 2007
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June 2007

(Yes, I'm procrastinating on that entry about Clomid and fertility so you get this intead.)

YOU KNOW YOU READ TOO MANY BLOGS WHEN... You notice the little "YUCK!" face next to "birthin' stuff" on a bottle of carpet cleaner and immediately think, "Oh man, some homebirther is gonna be PISSED about that." YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE AT THE TWELVE OAKS BARBEQUE WHEN... It's free-range ketchup! YOU KNOW YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH TODDLERS WHEN... A transcript of the most interesting conversation I've had all week: Amy: Hey Max! Max: Mama? Amy: Mama went bye-bye for a little bit. But you get to stay here! And play with me! Max: Mama? Amy: Bye-bye mama! Max: Mama? Amy: Um, I'm not sure how else to explain this, sweetie. Max: Dada? Amy: Nope, also not here. But I'm here! Amy is here! Amy is your girlfriend, right? Max: Shoes? Amy: Your shoes ARE here. Yes. Max: Shoes? Amy: Yes. Those are nice shoes. You want me to take them off maybe? Max: Uh-oh! Amy: No uh-oh! Everything is fine! I am here. Your shoes are here. Max: Shoes? Amy: Aball? Max: Mama? Amy: Uh-oh. Max: Hmmph. Amy: So we understand each other then. Good. Read more →

When Cooler, Non-Toasted Heads Prevail

So I was thinking -- randomly, apropos of NOTHING RESEMBLING REAL LIFE, I SWEAR -- that all those electrical and fire-safety videos and campaigns they make you sit through in elementary school aren't actually because they're worried about children and bathtubs and hairdryers and random floor puddles, but it's because they know that one day, far in the future, some sleep-deprived parent will watch her child's waffle get jammed in the toaster and absentmindedly reach for the nearest fork, and suddenly the image of a dancing cartoon lightening bolt will pop into her head, and she will put the metal object down and make some coffee instead. HOWEVER, IN EVENT OF AN ELECTROCUTION, I'M THE ONE I WANT TO HANDLE THE SITUATION On Saturday we went to a vineyard in Virginia -- yes, the one with the hill -- with some friends. It was waaay more subdued than last time, since we had Noah and two little pursedogs with us, and one of those friends -- this one right here, actually -- is knocked up. And oh man, the assvice flowed like WINE, y'all, as I would not stop talking ever about babies and toddlers and this is what you... Read more →


Believe it or not, I have real thoughts. And opinions. About things! And I would like nothing more in the world than to spend some time putting these thoughts and opinions (about things! actual real-life things!) into words. Sentences even. But Noah won't take a nap. He screamed in his crib for a very long time, and when I poked my head in to make sure everything was okay he put his arms out for me and did this breathing-in sobby thing, and I am sorry, but YOU try being a Nap Hardass when YOUR kid does the breathing-in sobby thing. I'm out. So instead of my words about things,* I present a few of Noah's words about things. Noah Talks from amalah (We really have unpacked all the boxes, more or less. That's our new patio furniture (from Target, of course) that was just delivered this week. Okay, maybe last week. Okay, maybe you just need to quit with the judging right now.) *Things that may or may not include whether we should do Clomid again and/or just how much turkey bacon one person can consume in one day before it's considered excessive. Read more →


Last night I attended my very first book-launch party. No, I did not write a book. Someone else wrote a book. And then someone else decided that inviting social dorkwad idiots like myself to the launch party was a good idea. (Bloggers. We're ruining ALL the best parties these days.) So. Let's recap the evening, shall we? 5:00 pm Okay. Jason will be home in a half hour to drive me to party. And pick up Bunny, who I am dragging as my plus-one. Plenty of time to put on pretty new dress, some makeup and pull hair into easy half-up, half-down, pulled-back-bangs look. 5:01 Notice red scaly patch of eczema-like rash on cheek. Random! Weird! Apply lotion and plug in curling iron. 5:04 Remember to turn curling iron ON. Whore. 5:05 Notice red scaly patch on cheek has morphed into some kind of angry red hive. Itchy. Ignore. 5:06 Start curling hair. Achieve perfect half-up, half-down, pulled-back-bangs style on first try. 5:07 Remember dress has to go over head. Dammit. 5:10 Notice hives all over neck and chest. Dying? Ignore. 5:20 Hair not cooperating. Each attempt at half-up, half-down, pulled-back-bangs style getting poofier and ridculouslier than the last. 5:21... Read more →