Number Two
More Crap About Number Two

What I Did On My Bloggy Vacation

Not so much of a vacation as technical difficulties, as we've gone from a busted keyboard to a busted power cord and I was completely laptopless for most of the weekend and yesterday:


Luckily, I managed to keep myself occupied. SOMEHOW:


Happy Mother's Day! Now everybody get the hell away from me so I can concentrate on mah show. Oh, but bring me another mimosa first.

I mowed a lawn for the first time in my entire life on Saturday. I nearly took a chunk out of my flip-flop with the weed whacker, but otherwise the entire operation took place without incident. I just feel the need to document this important event in the Suburbification of Amalah.


We also said goodbye to Heather this weekend. I have nothing to say about this except that she is a whore and I hate her. Also that I cried and hugged her a lot.


You will never guess what her goodbye present to Noah was.


I am posting this one because I know it will break her heart, and I am vindictive.

In other news, I went to the dentist this morning, which is always fine holiday fun, especially when it's been about two years since your last appointment.

"So why haven't you seen a dentist since early 2005?"

"I had a baby. I got distracted."

Obviously, my mouth is a big hot mess at this point, as I have apparently clenched and grinded all the enamel off of several teeth, and pushed other teeth into my jaw, where they are currently bumping and grinding against my jaw bone. Apparently when tooth vs. bone (the ultimate oral grudge match!), the tooth wins.

(Also, apparently when your dentist says stuff like "your teeth are bumping and grinding against your jaw bone," the appropriate response is not, "a-boom-chicka-bow!")

I'll spare you the rest of the gory tooth details, but suffice to say: it's gonna take a little more than some Thomas the Tank Engine Training Toothpaste to fix things in there.



And this one is just for the sheer, blissful hell of it.


Fraulein N

Mah god! Who is that big boy sitting next to your husband? He's all legs! So cute!


Happy Mother's Day! Also, wow, when did Noah get so tall?!?!


He looks so big now! I love the (almost) Al Bundy hand down the diaper move.


these are the days... and the long legs kill me.


noah looks like jason when his mouth is closed but looks like you when his mouth is open or smiling. how is that possible?

confession: i have not been to the dentist in 10 years. a family of trolls could be living in there and I wouldn't know it. kudos to you for going.


After anorexia raped my mouth and joints and I had 2 EMERGENCY root canals, I have not been to the dentist (coming on 4 years now) and my DH is trying to get me to go and can't. Its not like its important or anything (they are just my teeth).

You totally rock for being brave enough to go!

Sarah Marie

They both look so zonked in that last photo. Too cute!


Um, am I REALLY the 6th comment?

Holy crap. Best day ever. Not that I stalk you or anything because I totally think you are the coolest person on the planet even though you have no clue who I am.

ANYWAY. That picture of Jason & Noah? Made my ovaries HURT.


No other word for Noah but delicious.


Oh my GOD, who is that little man there on the couch? I thought my boys legs were the most delicious, but now I see they have competition. Also, is Noah holding his belly button? How cute!


Dude. My grandma only had 1.5 toes on her left foot. Guess why: She totally ran her foot over with the lawnmower.

Best part? She didn't notice until she got to the other end of the yard.

We're hard core like that.


Bliss, and my favorite. How DO they get so big so fast?

Did Jason intentionally dress to match the couch and pillows? Very nice.


One of the big, important rules in our household growing up was "No mowing the lawn unless you are wearing shoes that cover up your toes."

Perhaps you should adopt a similar rule in your house.


I had no idea there are so many items to enhance the Arrested Development viewing experience! You are one hardcore fan!

Laptopless? Many images, not many computer related, though.

Sleeping children are truly beautiful.


That big kid is Noah! no!!!

Also, "I don't see nothin' wro-ong, with a little bump and grind (baby)."

Sorry, just a little R. Kelley for ya!
(and i can't believe i'm the first person to type that, what's wrong with you people?!) hee!

oh and congrats on the weedeating, because seriously, I'm still afraid of the weedeater and won't touch it.


Oh, that photo of Noah is breathtaking.

Sorry about Heather, but way to stick it to her with the photo. *lol*

You mowed the lawn? Can you please NOT tell my husband that? Because I never have and we've lived here for 4 years. Anytime he sees a lady doing yardwork he says "See, she is doing it!" and I say "You want to marry her instead?" (luckily the ones we see tend to be unattractive and much, much older) and he says "Nevermind." but once hot ladies start mentioning they do yardwork? Its all over. *lol*


My son used to play with his belly button until he went to sleep every time. It was absolutely hilarious, but I though it would never stop.Thankfully he doesn't do it anymore,but now I am sad that that time of innocent exploration is over.


Ohmigawd he's so big!!! When did that happen?!

I'm terrified to go to the dentist. I haven't been in, I think, 3 years? And I have no good excuse. My mother-in-law is a dental hygenist and she keeps trying to clean my teeth, but dude! I don't want my husband's mother to see what a cavity having schlep I am!


I totally thought Noah's hand was down his diaper until I looked closer. He looks beat!

I totally heart Arrested Development as well. I may have performed Lindsey's chicken dance in the office. While wearing clogs.


1). Hate. the dentist. Don't ever make excuses for not going.

2). Did you say you were topless all weekend?


Good lord, woman, how many mimosas did Noah have???

I keed, I keeeeeeed. So cute. SO BIG!!


Echoing Swankette, DON'T MOW THE LAWN IN FLIP FLOPS!! Seriously. Always wear sneakers. Not only is fresh cut grass slimy and stainy, but your mower can pick up small debris (rocks, wood chips, dog poop) and catapult them out at injurious speeds. Protect your toes, lady.

anne nahm

Oh my gosh, look at those legs just hanging off the sofa! Remember when they just stuck out in front of him and didn't dangle at all? Squeezes a tiny little squee out of even dried up old cantankerous ovaries like mine.

And just for talking about grinding, boning, and teeth? I must send you a toothy grin of my own:

In which, I am photographed saying 'cheese!'

Good luck at the dentist :^)


Well...Jason has certainly found a way to personify 'enthusiasm'.
And who's the cute little boy sleeping next to him on the couch? You guys babysit for a 5 year old neighbor kid or something?


Okay, that picture is adorable. But, how come my kid won't do that. He will only sleep in his crib in his room, oh, and lately, not that so much. He's on a nap strike.


The photos of Heather and Noah are so very sweet.

Noah looks like he should be in grade school in the last one. Too cute.


There is no way to write this w/o coming off as a stalker... so here goes... now that Heather B has gone (darned her!), can I be Noah's babysitter? My kids are grown, I need a baby to hug! And I can't wait the 10 years (or more) before I become a grandmother!

But -- Heather -- nice aball! I;m betting that one gets saved for Noah's children!


Oh my gah! That last picture made me melt.


Noah looks like my son in that last picture. All blond hair and long legs. Too cute.

Congratulations on surviving your lawn care experience - I for one am terrified of the weedwhacker. No way am I using that thing.


I adding myself to the chorus of "OMG he is so freakin' tall now!" folks.


Holy hell, he's HUGE! (Noah, not your husband....and of course I mean that in the nicest way possible) My daughter, only two weeks behind your little man, is practically a midget in comparison.


her present was The Sweet Love?!


Heather B.

You just broke my heart.


The hand in the diaper, classic.


aball! awesome :)


What a big boy oh and anyone who loves AD as much as I do, is A-OK in my book!

Why, oh why did that show get cancelled!?!?

Virginia Gal

Please to keep up the ovary taunting. Maybe then mine will start to function again so I can produce such cuteness of my very own to squidge.


He is such a handsome little guy! And that picture of him kissing Heather about breaks *my* heart! And asleep with Jason...omigosh, how do you make it through a day without melting into a total puddle of goo!?


If the dentist words it that way, NATURALLY the appropriate response is "a-boom-chicka-bow!" Darling sleeping can he sleep like that? I'd feel like I was going to slide down and do an ass plant on the floor.


As a more experienced Suburbanite, may I recommend that you not use power lawn tools while wearing flipflops? Closed-toed shoes such as tennis shoes would be most appropriate if you actually want to keep your toes. For things like pedicures, you know.


Speaking of a-boom-chicka-bow... Is it just me, or does "The Suburbification of Amalah" sound like 70s porno?

Dang that is one cute feller on that there sofa.

Noah's pretty handsome, too. :o)


Awww! Don't worry. I do the same things-- pick some job I've never done, come close to disaster, then write about it. I never wrote about when I tried to mow my terrace, but I hired a lawn guy after I tried pulling the mower up the hill and slipped NEARLY under it while it was on. Then, I decided to go back inside and find a lawn guy until the one I married could do it.


Oh wow, that's a big comment up there about the Jesus and stuff!

Yeah, echoing the other comments only because I care and I know you love new shoes - wear sneakers when you mow/do yard work, weed whacking/mowing your toes off = not cool...

What was Noah's going away gift? You never said...aball?


Oh, (coughcough), the aball is in the photo. I am bright.


I too have spent far too much quality time with the Bluth clan. And in the spirit of that, I would just like to say:



"They're my awards, Mother. From Army."

That is all.


Poor HeatherB.!! You are too cruel--and by the way, boy, she's young! Good luck finding another gem.


I have never mowed the lawn- EVER. I am terrified that something will go horribly wrong and I will mow my foot off.

I weigh the options between letting my husband do it or amputation and my husband wins.

Sweet pictures!


Ew. Dentists! Last time I weed wacked, I got a gash on my leg from some flying hunk-o-somethin. Sucked. Congrats to you for doing it though! I love the pics of Noah. You'll be ok without Heather, just send her lots of pics to make her feel guilty! lol


dood. i is all of a sudden has the enamel problems. DO NOT WANT.


First time I have visited your blog. I love it!


Arrested Development is beyond awesome. My favourite is Gob. Yours?
And Noah look like he's 4'6" in the last photo. Crazy.


Okay--um--is that where Jason usually stores the remote?


Noah just needs a beer in his right hand to go with the left hand down the pants. This may be proof that the classic Al Bundy pose is purely nature not nurture, resting squarely on the Y chromosome.

Long live Arrested Development! You can't laugh at it, because you'll miss the next joke. A cruel shame that its life was ended prematurely, but I am so grateful for DVD technology (and marketing whores).


I recently went to the dentist for the first time since 2005 too (the baby is a good excuse, I thought, but my dentist didn't appear to agree. Ridiculous woman) and learned that I have been grinding my teeth as well. Now I have an unbelievably attractive bite splint, which I fortunately only have to wear at night.


What happened to your BABY!?
How did that even happen? I was right here, lurking all along, and then all of a sudden, Noah's all grown up.
The time? Where? Takes my breath away.


Be warned about those Arrested Development DVDs - I bought all of them about a year ago and am still not sick of them. Could watch them over and over and over and over and...

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