all your aball are belong to us
Number Two

(Yes, I'm procrastinating on that entry about Clomid and fertility so you get this intead.)

YOU KNOW YOU READ TOO MANY BLOGS WHEN...

Img_74761

You notice the little "YUCK!" face next to "birthin' stuff" on a bottle of carpet cleaner and immediately think, "Oh man, some homebirther is gonna be PISSED about that."

YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE AT THE TWELVE OAKS BARBEQUE WHEN...

Img_74771

It's free-range ketchup!

YOU KNOW YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH TODDLERS WHEN...

Img_74681

A transcript of the most interesting conversation I've had all week:

Amy: Hey Max!

Max: Mama?

Amy: Mama went bye-bye for a little bit. But you get to stay here! And play with me!

Max: Mama?

Amy: Bye-bye mama!

Max: Mama?

Amy: Um, I'm not sure how else to explain this, sweetie.

Max: Dada?

Amy: Nope, also not here. But I'm here! Amy is here! Amy is your girlfriend, right?

Max: Shoes?

Amy: Your shoes ARE here. Yes.

Max: Shoes?

Amy: Yes. Those are nice shoes. You want me to take them off maybe?

Max: Uh-oh!

Amy:
No uh-oh! Everything is fine! I am here. Your shoes are here.

Max: Shoes?

Amy: Aball?

Max: Mama?

Amy: Uh-oh.

Max: Hmmph.

Amy: So we understand each other then. Good.

Comments

Suzy Q

I need me somma that carpet cleaner! What is it?

Mo

Birthin' stuff warrants a yuck face, but not pet pee, pet poo, doggie diarrhea, squished caterpillars? I can see why the homebirthers would be pissed!

penny

Duck poop? Is that really a wide-spread phenomenon worthy of a special cleanser?

Aimee

I love "uh oh"

That's one of the first things I think when I'm worried about my shoes and can't find the rest of my party.

cagey

Does it include home birthin' for cats? Cuz, I could have definitely used that way back when one of my cats had her litter in my bedroom.

Also, I'm thinking the use for "duck poop" would have been reserved for Joey and Chandler.

Kyla

LMAO at the "birthin stuff". Never in my life have I seen that listed on a bottle of carpet cleaner; it must be good.

My most exciting conversation is roughly the same this week. One day I'll get to talk to other adults, right? Right? *lol*

Jen

I think I had the same conversation with my niece Parker. She's a little bit older than Max. I love kids that age. They rock.

Starbuck

I know if I saw a stain on a carpet and someone told me it was "birthin' stuff" probably the nicest thing I would say would be yuck. I use Kids & Pets, but what is that stuff?

Starbuck

I just read the full "Gets out" list. That's hilarious -- and also some gross stuff!

Heather B.

MAX!

(sorry, I just had to get that out)

Amalah

The cleaning stuff is called Get Serious!

But the bottle contains way too many exclamation points for me to take it seriously.

(For the record, I know they probably mean ANIMAL birthin' stuff, but every morning this stuff is out on our kitchen counter and I stare at it while waiting for my coffee and giggle at it anyway. For serious!)

ali

he didn't fall for the ole aball trick, eh?

heather b (the other one)

the little kid "uh oh" gets me every time. it was great when i worked a daycare, i heard a lot of toddler "uh ohs".

it really only worried me when i turned around, could not see 4 kids, and heard a chorus of "uh oh".

usually meant there was a squished catapillar somewheres about.

Laurie

I have organic ketchup in my refrigerator too...

MappyB

We tried using that pee smell remover at our place and it didn't work because it was ALL OVER the carpets. Gross, and I had almost threw up at the birthin' stuff. Ewww.....

I love the toddler transcript, that's so cute I'm going to pass it on to my friend who's a nanny! :)

Miss Britt

... or you find yourself going "damn, that's funny, but not an entire post funny, I'm really going to have to stretch this argument out longer so that I can stretch it to a full post."

Not that, ya know, anyone would actually DO that of course.

Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry

I seriously have to get the serious cleaner just for the laugh factor. I'd love to give it to my mom for Mother's Day! Actually it may be a better gift for husband of Father's Day. Crack me up.

If you need a little Mother's Day boost...I'm giving away a "I like this" and "I want to try this" Mother's Day basket on my blog.

Kathy

Lawyerish

I buy the Heinz Organic Ketchup, too. I believe tomatoes should be allowed to roam unfettered by pesticides and cages. ROAM FREE, TOMATOES, ROAM FREE.

The unnecessary quotations marks on the Get Serious! bottle are even more troubling than the exclamation points.

Dear all people everywhere: Stop using quotation marks for "emphasis"!

Zu

Max looks like he's holding a pair of baby nunchucks. Is he, perhaps, a ninja-in-training? He's all "Uh-oh, I just nunchucked the cat. I'm in trouble now".

JSauce

I got tripped up at the whole "duck poop" thing myself. "Birthin' stuff," well, I just paused and moved on, but duck poop?

At least Max talks back...yesterday I caught myself talking to my dog while doing dishes. Conversation was more like, "blahblahblah...what do you think, dog?" :Silence: "Yeah, I just asked my dog. Time for some wine."

Leeann

Can I just tell you how much I love the "Aball" stuff? OMG, I keep watching that video of your son and his high pitched, happy little voice and I just crack up!! I started laughing all over again when you said it to Max. ROFL!!
Good stuff.
Leeann

GraceD

"Placenta Off!", excellent product.

milk&honey

Guess what: when I first glanced at this, my first thought was, "Who's that little boy? And why is she talking to the cat?"

OOOOHHH. The BOY is named MAX... duh.

Amy M

I love how 'icky stains' gets its own category separate from 'barf & drool', 'pet pee & pet poo', and 'old yellowing'! So, is the cleaner are wonderful on squished caterpillar as it claims?

I have those conversations with my 1-year-old all the time. Guess Max hasn't added 'aball' to his vocabulary yet. Hope Noah teaches him the wonders of aball!

Kari

I may just be in a jump to conclusions frame of mind, but does the title of this post mean you two are trying for a second child?

dcfullest

Clomid sucks.

Says from someone in the crazy place created by it. Dammit. I need to ovulate.

psumommy

So if your pet duck poops, pees, barfs and bleeds on your carpet while chewing gum after having given birth, you're set!

OOoh, and you could even use it to get out that ketchup! Being that it's all natural and stuff!

I still have the same conversations with my 5-year-old. ...Weellll, ok, not quite. But it sure seems like it most days.

Jaime

Hee! Could've used that cleaner a few days ago when we had squished caterpillar in the track of the back door. Gross!

Elizabeth

Did I miss something? Why are we talking about not talking about Clomid and fertility?

Tirzah

That cleaner is awesome. No, I havne't used it but it much be since it has such a rad lable! HAHA Cute kid convo...love those untangible moments!

Elizabeth from Table for Five

I love how well you captured that conversation. You're a good babysitter!

But DAMN, woman, do you not READ these comments? Do you not OPEN your email? Do you not care that I gave you a THINKING BLOGGER AWARD? Are you so high falutin' that you can just be all "pssssh, not another of those pesky awards from one of the lesser bloggers"???

*sniff* It's okay, I'm fine, really. This was not the award you were looking for, you can go about your business *sniff*

Tamara

Is he holding nunchucks in that picture?

Marie

I bet that carpet cleaner isn't free-range! That's gotta be some potent formula you've got there, conquering all that beast-kind has to offer!!

Katie Kat

?? CLOMID ??

Uh... Amy? Want to share with the rest of the class???

(Sorry, don't want to start another pregnancy discussion avalanche, but COME ON... YOU put it in the title...)

BOSSY

Is that really carpet cleaner? Looks geared to babies. Yummy yummy carpet cleaner!

Colleen

where do you find such a fancy cleaner like that? If I had seen it in my neighborhood Safeway I think I would've been forced to buy it since it claims to clean up all that seems to end up on my carpets (except maybe the birthin' stuff...but with being 9 weeks away from birthin' a baby, maybe it might come in handy).

Maybe it's on the shelf near the Free Range Ketsup? :)

Sarah

I have a fun picture that says; "I'm fluent in 3-year-old" so your conversation makes me smile. :)

dregina

Are those garden shears that wee little Max is carrying about the back yard? If so, will you send him over to my house when he's done?

Julianna

I nearly took a photo of the fed-ex slip on my door. I had this giant package, only 1/3 covered by my mat (I hate the way they stick things under my mat just to make it dirty), and the slip said on it:

"Box under mat."

Now if you couldn't see that, I would suggest that your eyes be checked..

I'm on a picture-posting spree because it's just easier sometimes for me. Difference is, my pictures are boring :)

Abra Leah

Clomid? Seriously? You are crazy, woman! My husband still has nightmares of when I became the Clomid Creature. Not very pretty!

Catherine

The carpet cleaner bottle reminds me of the Dr Bronner's natural soap bottle label. "DILUTE! DILUTE! DILUTE! Okay."

Heather

Just wanted to send you some luck, mamacita.

paintingchef

Clomid is the devil. I have been told that Crazy Psycho Clomid Wife is no longer welcome in our home...

Good luck to you.

Stephanie

Any cleaner called “Get serious” must list “birthing stuff”. But you are right, the “yuck and face” will probably provoke and create a rally of bra burning mothers.

Y from the Internet

Holy SHIT! I've been looking for something that gets out "duck poop."

Johanna

That is the funniest conversation I have heard in days! Love it!!!!

Shiz

Awesome! That's hailarious. The carpet cleaner rocks. The little covo with Max? Also rocks.

Skyzi

Since reading your title I have now become obsessed. I want to hear some one elses thought process on child #2.

Seriously, stop holding out :)

The comments to this entry are closed.