Biblethumping
Paranoid Android

Not that I'm keeping score or anything, at all

Saturday morning. Am in shower. Suddenly hear Noah wailing just outside the door. Jason enters, looking white as a sheet, holding our screaming red-faced pissed-off child.

"He fell down the stairs. I was RIGHT THERE and he just...fell all the way down the stairs."

POSSIBLE REACTIONS, GUESS WHICH ONE REALLY HAPPENED:

1) Jump out of shower, assess physical state of child, apply mama-type comfort and kisses.

2) Trust husband's judgment that child is okay, apply wifely-type comfort that these things happen and I understand, you know how I understand.

3) Pump fists in air, shout "YOU FAIL! HA HA," attempt Gob's chicken dance from Arrested Development, almost slip and break hip in shower, shout "IT WAS WORTH IT" at slammed bathroom door after regaining footing.

Comments

Katie

It was #3, right?! :)

Katie

And not that I'm keeping score or anything, but I was the first commenter !TWICE! in about a one week period! I feel very special :)

Jen aka Evilynmo

#1 I'm delurking to say I heart your blog and I LOVE Mama Pop! =)

heather b (the other one)

have you ever actually seen a chicken?

also, number 3, no doubt.

Kristine

Thank God I'm not the only Mom who is secretly happy when the husband fails too. Last night our baby woke up crying and I tried everything to get her back to sleep but couldn't. Daddy came in to try - all the while telling me that there must be something wrong with her. So I let him. He tried for 20 minutes and then came and got me, saying he'd tried and she just wouldn't go to sleep. All this after he's been telling me that she cries more with me than with him. I was so happy when she cried every time he put her down. Does that make me a bad Mom?

MamaKaren

My reaction would totally be #3. I've long since accepted that my kids are going to get hurt (as much of a daredevil as Hoss is, it's inevitable) but I secretly smile when it happens on Hubby's watch.

kathy

I am too distracted by the huge MCDONALD'S AD to finish reading. Girl - you are BIGTIME now!!!!

OK - just finished reading, and yes, #3 without a doubt.

Lori

Totally #3. Okay, maybe not but I was hoping. So, he was holding Noah, huh? I seem to remember him berating you for picking up Noah after he fell down the stairs the first time: "You know not to move him, right? If his neck was broken and you moved him you COULD HAVE KILLED HIM"

Go Gob's chicken dance go!

Karly

I'm going with number 3! At least, I HOPE it was number 3!

cursingmama

#3 - followed by #1 - - and then later in the day #2.

Type (little) a

The answer is of course, #3. It's always #3. Except you were NAKED.

Naked Chicken Dances=COMEDY GOLD

Miss Britt

My reaction is usually some kind of smug, knowing smirk and a pat to the leg saying "there, there baby, I know this parenting stuff can be rough".

Which is code for:

"not so fucking smart and smug NOW are we asshat?!?! Huh? Huh? HUH! Yeah. Exactly."

BaltimoreGal

I remember when the phrase "chicken dance" used to strike fear into my heart- now it brings a moment of pure joy.

Maria

I would go with #3 because "you can't let him do ..."

shy me

; )

Tuesday

I hope it was #3. I do the chicken dance all the time but more like Lindsay's dance.

toyfoto

I know I'd be picking curtain #3, Monte!

lisslo

Number 3, most assuredly.

Gina

OMG, that was funny. Not the Noah falling part, the reaction #3 part. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAAAAA!

Nichole

#3 I hope...I am sure that Noah is fine (hes a little boy - they are flexible)

Woman Lost

Number 3!!! No doubt!!

sass

mwahahaha... take THAT jason!

also- mcd's? well done!

aaaaaand- hope yer ok noah. don't worry, you can work all this out in therapy later on and get your parents to pay for it.

lastly- i am done lurking. here i is. :D

Mama T

The audience has spoken and looks like #3 is the winner. Thanks for the flashback to Gob's danse du poulet.

Julie

Loves it!

Amanda

Coke-ah-coke-ah-coke-ah CAW!

Velma

I hope that somewhere in your #3 naked chicken dance there was a "BOO-yah!"

Kait

Hee! Chicken dance, all the way!

I assume everything is ok with Noah! :)

jodi

please say it was #3!

ali

i really hope it was #3...

Kyla

Definitely coke-ca-coke-ca-coke-ca-co!

Marlo

Those clips made me realize why I should have been watching Arrested Development all this time. Hilarious.
There's nothing like a spouse's failed parenting to make you feel like Mom of the year.
This is definitely the age when our little ones will walk around with permanent bruises on their foreheads.

BOSSY

All of the above - not necessarily in order of appearance.

mk

lol.... I would guess 1, but #3 would be pretty damn funny to watch!

Tess

Did you ask Jason why he moved him? He could have broken his neck!:)

Shauna

I love your blog - I'm a longtime lurker - first time commenter.

Do you think at the first table reading for Arrested Development, they made everyone come up with their own chicken dance? Like a homework assignment?

I like to think so!

Jamie

Time to get rid of the stairs.


Seriously,when my bro and sister-in-law were LIVING AT MY MOTHER'S HOUSE their little boy bumped his head on her coffee table and she came home to find them wheeling it out of her house.

ali

Dear Sweet Amy,

Thank you for that clip.

I almost put "Dear Sweet Jesus," but it seemed inappropriate, in light of your last few entries.

Tirzah

I think it was definately #3! Am I right?

Kathy/ Lessons from the Laundry

Reminds me of when my husband dropped a kid and tried to assure me he was fine. Right. You big screw up you.

Elizabeth

Hey Amy...

I've never commented before, but I read your blog all the time and I'm constantly telling other people that they have to read it too. Anyway, I had to write because my 13 month old fell down the stairs this past weekend also, but it was MY fault. He usually stops at the top of our very steep stairs that we've been meaning to put a baby gate on, butthe gate sits at the top still in the box. Anyway, he didn't stop at the top and fell backwards before I could get to him, and did three sommersaults. I have never seen anyone truly fall "head over heels." I screamed my husband's name who "caught" him at the bottom after three full 360's. It was so terrible but after a quick assessment I got the "church giggles" and then baby Jake started laughing too, so I knew he was ok. Thank God for carpeted stairs and soft flexible bones! My husband didn't really blame me because Jake was already sporting a huge bruise on the side of his head from hitting the wall when my husband was trying to change his diaper the day before.

Ashley

Just wanted to let you know that the last entry was amazing.

As a 20-something recent college grad, I am so struggling with how to redefine my spirituality without the stupid legalism that plagued most of my life.

Also? Am in love with AD and currently on disc 2 of season 2. WHY WAS THIS CANCELED?! Wahhh.

slackermommy

Okay, I'll be the rebel and go with #2.

Alissa

oh my freaking hilarious. i know it was #3... because that's exactly what i'd do...

Alexa

Gotta love the Gob Dance. Did it make Noah stop wailing?

Fraulein N

The CHICKEN DANCE. In the SHOWER. So many levels of awesome.

Kate

The Chicken Dance was good, but ANALRAPIST almost made me pee my pants.

Momma Bean

Well, I'd do #3 for sure, but being the responsible adult that you are, I'm going to assume you did #1.

Hilarious!

rhea

no. 3 all the way!

Colleen

glad I'm not the only one who's secretly happy when the hubby "fails"...or does a sassy little dance of victory (mine is more like Elaine's from Seinfeld...)

Robyn

Holy frick that is funny! Not the baby falling down the stairs, but the other stuff. Yep. My husband has never had anything happen to our 2 boys on his watch, because he never does anything remotely dangerous/fun with them. I know he bit his tongue when our youngest rolled right out of my hands and off the play structure at the park. Wise man. If he thinks for one second that it wouldn't have happened if it had been his watch, he is sorely mistaken! I am going to direct him to this post as proof.

Tracy

That's not what a chicken sounds like! Chickens don't clap!

Papa Bradstein

Is there any choice *but* #3? No, there's not.

Meepers

Definitely #3 - I don't even have kids and I know that's what I'd do. Because my heart is made of coal.

PS Would not do chicken dance, though -more like spontaneous jig.

NoShowMo

Just as long as your shower is not in Mexico! Be careful with that thing! (the dance, I mean)

Zanna

Cha CHEE Cha CHEE Cha CHEE...

moosh in indy.

I'll tell you it's a damn good thing kids are so bendy because if they weren't mine would have been toast after her first trip down the stairs. Or maybe the second. The third was by far the worst. She forgets EFG in the alphabet occasionally but I don't think it will last long.

reenie

Dang...I had hoped in the deepest recesses of my cold heart that I would be the first to Ca CAW! Ca CAW! Ca CAW! I was the saddest little thing when that show went off the air! Yeah, ANALRAPIST was one of the best gags...also MOTHERBOY XXX. Tee!

reenie

OH - and the whole smug, superior thing? My husband had a horrible horrible hatred of me when I dropped our 10 month old on his head (he's three now and I think he's okay...maybe) and also when he burned his thumb on my flatiron...but when he burned his finger on the waffle iron on hubby's watch? No biggie...then it was - "Well, I told him not to do it, so that's what he gets."
Jerk. So, I bet Noah's fine...and like another commentor said - if kids weren't so bendy we'd be screwed, but they make them that way on purpose...you know - at the factory.

aimee/greeblemonkey

LOL, instant karma sucks, yes? Hows your hip?

BooMom

Glad Noah's OK ! And #3 - it MUST be 3 !

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