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Moronatouille

We took Noah to a movie on Saturday.

I'm going to sit back for a second while you absorb that sentence. And then I'll file my nails while I wait for the cries of horror and WHY WHY WHY WHAT WERE YOU THINKING to die down.

Ready? Okay. So we were going a little stir-crazy, what with the construction and the floors and all. Add all the steaming hot idiocy coursing through our veins, and you've got two adult morons who suddenly decide that a movie will take up a nice chunk of time, and OF COURSE our toddler will sit through a movie! He'll sit and stare at the television for nine hours straight! Not that we ever LET him sit and stare at the television for nine hours straight, HAR HAR AHEM, but please: he'll totally sit through a 90-minute movie.

A couple flaws in our plan:

1) We forgot to check the running time and ended up seeing a 110-minute movie.
2) We only packed enough juice to get us through the previews.

We saw Ratatouille. We went to a 10:45 show, figuring that was most likely to be mostly kids and families, and it would be over before we hit The Great Wall of Nap.

So listen, Ratatouille is hilarious. It's smart. Witty. And the animation will simply blow your mind.

The problem is that all of this is BULLSHIT to someone who thinks Dora the Explorer is pretty much the pinnacle of animated fare. Noah was all, "What's with this existential purpose-in-life crap? Where's your damn backpack? That right there is your problem."

Honestly, Noah really did pretty well, considering. He sat patiently and stared at the screen in complete bafflement for awhile, then allowed us to placate his growing restlessness with dozens of chocolate cookies. If the movie had been about 30 minutes shorter, I think we could have done it. We could have made it! The end credits were within our grasp! But then what we thought was the final montage gave way to another 20 minutes of denouement and Noah just plain melted down.

Jason hustled him outside while I watched the ending. It was nice. I could get as teary and blubbery over it as I wanted to. (And I can get teary and blubbery if the music for the Please Silence Your Cell Phones message gets a little too swelly and inspirational, so actual happy endings to movies just about kill me dead.)

In conclusion: we are dumb. And we're already laughing at every commercial for Ratatouille like, "Oh my hell, remember the time we took Noah to that? Remember how young and naive we were? Oh, the hubris of clueless, first-time parents. Ha. Thank God for the eventual wisdom of Tuesday."

Floor guys are here. I think maybe we'll try a playground today.

Comments

Anne

Movie theatres with "kid rooms" off the back, places to bring kids who are Done Sitting are the greatest invention. I used to bring my much younger brother and sister to movies and we'd end up in there a lot.

Kristen Katz

We took our 2 little ones on Saturday, thinking we were home clear after they sat through Shrek II. We had to leave 20 minutes before the end--- and my life is incomplete without knowing what becomes to Remy. Why did Disney think a rat would appeal to kids? Have you SEEN the merchandise? Creepy.

andrea

I can't wait for the day we can go see a movie as a family. After reading this perhaps we won't be so quick to try it. Although I've heard great things about the 'baby rooms' and have many friends who were brave enough to take their very young babies to movies. I am possibly to selfish to do something like that because the thought of missing the end of a movie is a bit much for me.

Dana

We take our toddler and six-year-old to the movies frequently, though the toddler thinks it's funner to pick at the little aisle lights in the floor than actually watch the film. But hey, keeps him busy. That yours almost made it through a 110-minute movie is GREAT.

Bozoette Mary

When we took our son (3) to His First Movie (Pinocchio) back in the olden days, we walked into the theater and he looked up at the screen and hollered, "It's a BIG TV!" And 20 minutes before the end, he got up and started walking out. Just like that.

ladybug

I was thinking about taking the toddler AT nap time so she'd sleep through it. or maybe not.

Debbie

I hear ya! Been there done that. I took my almost 3 year old daughter to see Happy Feet cos my friend takes her 3 year old son regularly to the cinema and he sits fine. My daughter did not make it through and we had to miss the end of the film. On the plus side, last week we went to see Shrek the Third (commenting from the UK here!) and it was much more successful. Give it 6 months and he'll be better!

txmama

Oh my goodness, we took our 4-yr-old yesterday and that was a mistake--so much violence! She was so scared we only made it through 1/3 of the movie. I guess we'll wait awhile before we try again...

Lisa V

Every kid is different. At 2 our daughters were seeing Pocahantas and Mulan. At 4 our son almost couldn't handle Cars. We spent two years taking him to movies wondering when it would click and he would be able to handle it. With Shrek Two we didn't even get through previews. However if you put a lot of cough syrup in his Slurpee and a lot of tequila in yours, it really doesn't seem so bad.

Marilyn

That was Shrek for us with our oldest boy. He was about 18 months old and we'd taken him to movies before and foolishly thought it'd be okay. It wasn't. I saw parts of the movie. Kile saw parts of it. I'm sure between us we saw the whole movie. I can't watch the first Shrek to this day without getting post-traumatic stress over remembering that time at the movie theater. For now? The drive in is my best friend.

lizinsumner

Looking at your pictures from your last post - I have hardwood-floor-envy! But right now I'm renting and not ready to sign away my life on the next mortgage, and there are no rentals in the greater Seattle area that come with hardwood floors.....{{{sigh}}}. As for movies with kids - my son is 13 now, but I remember taking him to Hercules when he was 3. He asked me how big their VCR was! And he sat pretty darn well. Now, when we go, he spends a lot of time complaining about the pesky parents who bring their noisy babies and after the 10th "why don't they just get baby-sitters, Mom??", I tell him - yeah, it's a drag, but wait until you have kids....I mostly don't mind, except for the one set of parents in the theater that invariably will let their little one run wild, usually in the row behind us.......

Ida

I took my son to see Cars when he was about Noah's age. I think it might have been worse. He didn't even make it past the previews. I then started filling him with candy and he proceeded to walk around the theater the reast of the movie. We were with a friend and her children and couldn't leave. It was awful. He hasn't been to a movie since.

Ashley

I don't think you were dumb - I think the movie was way too long for a kids flick.

I took a FOUR year old to see it, a four year old, who, if given the opportunity, would sit and watch movies all day long. And even she was restless during the last 1/2 hour.

SUPER cute, funny, witty movie. Too damn long.

Chris

Exactly why we have never taken our 4.5 year old daughter to a movie. I figure I can go flush thirty bucks down the toilet and get the same effect. No way would she ever sit through a movie at the theater. I can only imagine what would happen when the lights go down - we're not too big on "dark."

Marlo

Good to know it's a good movie.
(Sorry you had to find out the hard way about taking a toddler.)

MK

We were actually thinking of giving it a try with Abbie (18m), but now I htink we will wait. She also thinks Dora is teh greatest thing in teh world and i am not sure what she would do without the backback and Boots! she loves Boots! sigh.

The floors are looking great - good luck today!

sheilah

Rules for taking children to movies:

1. Must be old enough to understand (about 6?)
2. Must be young enough to sleep through it (less than a year?)

Although the earlier idea about the cough syrup and tequila (pick who gets what) is not a bad idea.

Cheeto

There are no rules - it depends entirely on the child. I took my daughter to see the same movie this weekend, and while we did bring 2 sippies with milk, she sat through the whole thing.

Starbuck

That's not so bad -- we took or son to see "Dinosaur" when he was 2. (Because he loves dinosaurs and they will be giant and cute, possibly even a little cuddly!) No. The were big and scary and ate each other. So we took turns sitting in the lobby and climbing the winding staircase. Also, we fed lots of Raisinets to him because they are practically healthy.

Robbin

We took Harry to Ratatouille as well - it was actually his third movie and he is right about Noah's age, so I don't think you are crazy.

He was a perfect angel through "Happy Feet" and "Surf's Up", but, although I loved Ratatouille, it is NOT a kid's movie. NOT. Harry ended up headfirst in our neighbor's popcorn. Sigh.

Colleen

We took our then-almost 2-1/2 year old to see Happy Feet back when it came out in theaters in November. If there wasn't 30min of previews, I think he just would've made it...but the dancing was too much and he needed to get up and boogy and run all over the place. So we tried Shrek-3 in May--that worked out much better--cheap little theater that didn't have 30 min of previews (only about 10) and the fact that he was just weeks shy of his 3rd birthday seemed to make all the difference. Plus, copious amounts of popcorn and sippy-cups overflowing with watered-down juice helped keep him in place, too. :) We are hoping to hit Ratatouille tomorrow...glad to at least know it is a funny movie (and the length of the movie)...although now that we are in the middle of potty-training, something tells me we'll miss big chunks of it.

("Does Running to the Bathroom 74 Times a Day Count as Exercise?" http://www.justinrummel.com/News/article/sid=233.html)

Missie

We found a website where you can watch Rata-howeveryouspell it on your computer. Granted, it's probably a pirated copy, but better than spending $30 to have a toddler have a breakdown.

www.filmzzz.com

IHF

Since the death of Reel Moms, it's been hard to find a way to go to movies. We've got a local theater who does a "Mother's Day Thursday" sort of thing, and I'm looking forward to hitting Ratatouille there. Yay cooking rats!

ali

you are either very brave or very much a first time mom....i think Isabella will be 12 before i take her to a movie. it's just not worth it :)

*emily*

Yes, I come from this special parenting idiocy too....our first son sat through 5 movies..count 5! Before his 2nd birthday! So, our two year old (who is NOTHING like his brother, by the way) will do the same! Right? Right. We took them to see Shrek 3...we made it through the first dramatic swelling of music, and Oh god, the snacks were gone, and we were left with a screaming toddler, who wanted to sit with brother, then momma, wait, no. Daddy!!! No, brother! Repeat seventy billion times...Yeah, next time I am bringing duct tape to tape him to the seat. Kidding!...except not.

Kristabella

I'd have to agree with someone above that 110 minutes is too long for a kid's movie. Especially with previews and probably getting there a little early to get a seat and what not.

I'm not one to talk. At almost 30 I have a tendency to get restless at anything over 90 minutes.

Mrs. Flinger

You just spared the entire Seattle population from listening to my child scream "I'm HUNG-A-RAY" for 110 minutes. They thank you.

Kyla

*lol* Too funny. We took my son to his first movie at about 2. He did okay...but we waited a while before attempting it again.

Humor Girl

I've been wanting to see that! Transformers was a total bust.

Lisa Marie

The theater by my house has a "Cry Baby Matinee" every Friday and Saturday where you can let your kids run around while you watch the movie. They even keep the lights on a little and have a changing table. The only problem? They're not kid movies at all. Ever taken your two-year old to see some indie-flick where they drop the f-bomb every 30-seconds? That will win you points at home!

susan

Wait til he's 12 & talks you into seeing "kill Bill" and like idiots take him-not that we did anything like that

Lori

At least you got to see the ending. Our 2.5 year-old pronounced the pre-movie short "too scary", and was in tears by the time they got to the second batch of soup. So far, Cars is the only Pixar movie that *hasn't* been too scary for him -- thank god we like it, too, because we've seen it about 400 times.

Siobhan

Well now I'm a little bummed. That's the movie being shown at our local Baby Pictures on Thursday. We're planning on taking our 2 month old daughter and 23 month old son. So far she has slept through Spiderman 3 and Evan Almighty. He hasn't been to the movies since he was under a year old but I thought, much like you, that since this was a cartoon he would sit through it. I think he would watch 6 straight hours of Blue's Clues and the Backyardigans if I allowed it. I'm now rethinking this since it's 110 minutes. Thanks for the heads up.

Elizabeth

I just about died laughing at "where's your damn backpack?" I can't even remember what movie we took Kaitlyn too, she had just turned one. We figured she would be like her brothers and be quite content to sit there sipping juice out of a cup with a straw and eating popcorn (I know, choking hazard, bad mommy, yada yada yada).But NO. Instead, she chose to fuss about getting down so she could crawl on the floor trying to put bits of god knows what in her mouth, so my husband took her down to the very front row where there's that empty space between the seats and the wall with the screen on it? And then she threw up, all over the floor. There will be NO MOVIES for Kaitlyn, for a long, long time.

Wacky Mommy

You two are just precious.

the bee

I laughed so hard at this that I cried. I took Matt when he was Noah's age to see 101 Dalmatians.
I swear their were couples that went to the drive thru vasectomy clinic afterward so there was no chance they would have a child that behaved the way he did. Everyone in the theatre knew his name in the 1st 20 minutes. We never did see the end of the movie. It was a long time before we braved a movie again . Sounds like Noah did pretty well for a little guy. Have you tried the DC aquarium?
He might love it .

the bee

the their should of course be spelled there.

Deb

SAME thing happened with our 4 year old when we went to see a 10:30 of CARS! The movie was too long, and he spent most of the movie running up and down the aisles!

Cate

I loved this little essay of yours -- a terrific piece of writing!

lynn

ok. so I am totally giving my age up here, but we took our oldest son to see Lion King at around age 3. We went prepared with snacks, goldfish, low-sugar juice boxes, etc. He fell asleep 20 minutes in and my husband and I enjoyed the rest of the movie and to this day it is our favorite Disney flick...
p.s. Where's your damn backpack- oh my- thanks for the laugh, I needed it today..you are the best Amalah!

warcrygirl

We tried something like that with our then 7 year old and Spiderman II. I thought "Wow! He loved the first one, he'll go gaga seeing the second one in the theater!" The only time he was quiet was when Doc Ock was on the screen, every other part of the movie was him pestering the shit out of me as to when Doc Ock was coming back on the screen.

Abra Leah

Totally off topic, but something to pass the time...

http://mingle2.com/blog-rating

You can get your own little "movie rating" thing for your blog. Yours came up with PG because of the word WHORE!!

Tina

http://www.mamasaysblog.blogspot.com/

amalah-

an old friend from PIR...I have a new BLOG. Please peruse...TE

honestyrain

We went on opening day because it was my daughter's fourth birthday and we take our kids to movies on their birthdays. Last year we took her to see Cars and she was bored out of her mind. This year, same as Noah, if they'd cut that puppy by thirty minutes she would have been fine. As it was, those last thirty minutes we spent forcing her to stay and watch this movie she was oh so bored of even though it was HER birthday and not OURS. Yoy will sit here and watch the end of this movie, young lady, and you will like it.

aimee greeblemonkey

our first was Happy Feet. We had held off for four years because of the violence, noise and complicated plot issues and what movie do I pick? A flick with about five near death scenes wrapped up in loud dance numbers and global warming. Good.

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