One-Track Mind
July 16, 2007
Noah's fortune cookie:
Amy: *gets all weepy, because there is will! there is way!"
Jason: Noah could totally spot the typos in this one.
Jason's fortune cookie:
Amy: *gets all weepy, because we will not remain idle! we will press forward! we will get through this!*
Jason: Wait, did I just get insulted by a cookie?
Amy's fortune cookie:
Jason: Huh?
Amy: Dude! We're totally going to an orgy.
How in the hell did you get orgy from that?
I AM FIRST! I HAVE NEVAH BEEN FIRST! OH GLORIOUS DAY!
Okay, no more caps. Seriously, where did you read orgy? Dirty whore...
Sounds fun to me.
I say have fun!
orgies are strange?
Fortune cookies are so much more fun when you add "in bed" to the end of each fortune...
Can I come with?
Omigod, did I just say that?
I just hope idleness is not the holiday of fools at the party where strange customs prevail, because nobody likes the lazy guy at the orgy.
Yes! You will triumph! Even the lazy proofreader acknowledges it.
Oh and you are a dirty, dirty girl with a one track mind. Please come sit by me. :-)
So my hubby and I are throwing a swingers party this weekend, and you and Jason should definitely join us...
Um...I'm totally kidding.
Hey Amalah, I have 2 BRAND SPANKIN' NEW baby sign language things that you are totally welcome to have if you can just pay me the USPS shipping. Here are the Amazon links to them:
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Baby-Language/dp/1592574696/ref=pd_bbs_sr_6/105-8191549-8614036?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184599693&sr=8-6
http://www.amazon.com/SIGN-your-BABY-Complete-Learning/dp/1932354018/ref=pd_bbs_2_s9_rk/105-8191549-8614036?ie=UTF8&s=books&s9r=8afd079f0d595e1c010d61628b9b0056&itemPosition=2&qid=1184599693&sr=8-2
Hmm...wondering if Jason will have to stay home from this orgy, as he is too idle. hehe.
Have fun!
See, I totally took that last one to mean "BlogHer."
Only YOU can incorporate an orgy into a weepy post. Brilliant.
BTW, I got a fortune cookie the other night that said, "Eat Another Fortune Cookie". Whatever.
amalah you are so frickin funny.
i was going to comment on the other post to say what a great mom you are, and an even better writer, but now i will just say that you RAWK.
XO from NJ
The first thing I thought of was all the Harry Potter parties happening Friday. Those are some strange customs, if you ask me.
Tell Jason to not let himself be insulted by a cookie. He needs to prove it wrong by putting in new windows!
You guys! Youguysyouguysyouguys.
Right now Noah is eating a real-live squishy-textured banana, for the first time ever, and he says it is "yum."
*all weepy*
*also unshowered and smelly*
YAY for Noah!
'Nana are a favorite fruit in our house. And you better be able to peel them suckers right- quick- like or be prepared for all holy hell to break loose.
Seriously, I've seen it happen. It is not for the faint of heart.
You might wanna hit that thing with a washrag before your orgy!
Never a dull moment with Fortune Cookies! 100% accurate they are! Also, Noah is smarter than his Fortune! He knows how to use the article "a", which he has demonstrated numerous times with his "a-ball" and "a-beah". Noah = Baby Genius.
PS...your Fortune = EWWWWW!
Bananas do have an icky texture - Noah is a braver soul than I for taking this on.
He he he, emailed daily horoscopes are also an excellent source of "OMG It's Like They KNOW!" weepiness.
My little guy could live on bananas alone. In fact, some days he seems to.
Have a good time at that strange-customed party!
Oh, yay for Noah!! And his smelly mom, too!!
Orgies are like tupperware parties. Someone is always trying to sell you something and the food isn't very good.
Not that I attend orgies. I am just trying to be a smartass.
I had a fortune cookie that said, "You Like Chinese Food." Obviously someone at the factory was phoning it in that day.
"A friend called on Friday night to find out if everything was still okay/fine/perfect, since I didn't post at all. I told her I couldn't bear to publish another entry harping about it, because you know. The Interweb Pain Olympics. The nice, supportive comments eventually morph into people telling me to Get Over It, Let Me Tell You About My Kid's Cancer Or Don't You Know That So-And-So Has It Worse And So-And-So's Baby Just Died And I've Had 37 Miscarriages, You Selfish Whore."
RIGHT ON! Screw those 'oh my kid has cancer' people. This is NOAH we're talking about, dammit! I never understood all those 'oh my pain is worse than your pain' people. WhatEVER!
we were out last week and someone actually got a fortune that said, "sometimes furtune cookie contains no fortune"
we almost died laughing!
So I once got a fortune cookie that said "A carrot a day keeps cancer away." Hmmm.
so you add the "in bed" only to your own fortune cookies I presume ;)
Hahaha, that's great...
One of the sayings ni the game my boyfriend and I play, is "Ni Hao", which is Chinese for Good Day. It's used by all the money farmers in game. One day, the 'Learn Chinese' on the back of my fortune had 'Hao' in it...
I'm still waiting for Ni.
Enjoy your orgy! Take pictures or... something. Yeah.
And, yay for Noah eating a nanner!
A couple years ago, I opened my fortune cookie and there was no fortune! We all laughed. Then my husband opened his - also, no fortune.
yay for the yummy banana eating and for a hilarious post. I also love Jason's "responses."
kudos to you for finding the humor in stress and chaos.
Lady - you freaking crack me up!
Way to go Noah! Jr will be nine in January and he still won't eat bananas. Also, wanna have some fortune cookie fun? Add the phrase "...in bed" to the end of the fortune.
Love the fortunes.
But how do fortune cookies know so much about our lives? Creepy.
Wise wonders of the Fortune Cookie.
Anyhoo, wanted to post a comment on the last post, but it was closed, so I hope you don't mind that I leave it here.
I am the mom to an amazing almost 10 year old boy, who also happens to have mild apraxia (neurological disorder of speech) and mild aspergers syndrome.
He was put into early intervention at 2, and was lucky enough to be assigned a S.T. who recognized the signs of Apraxia (drooling is a major one) and we had him evaluated by a neurologist.
5 years of speech therapy later, and no one who meets him now would ever have known that he has a "speech disorder"
Early intervention programs are a G-dsend.
Good luck! I'm sure everything will end up perfect (just the way you always imagined!)
Can't wait to see what shoes you decide to wear!! :)
I am with Y on yours. You HAVE to come to BlogHer now.
Okay, I HAD to delurk for this one...I once opened a fortune cookie that said, "In God we trust - all others must pay cash."
Add "in bed" to that, plus five friends and your BRAND NEW boyfriend to the mix, and you've got one summer long of people throwing dollar bills at you every time they see you. ;)
Yeah, I'm with Y... it is all about BlogHer.
Noah is going to be FINE. And I will tell you that in person next week.
Just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest about your feelings surrounding all of this. It is so clear to me that Noah will thrive with all the support and love he is surrounded by at home.
I hope that when I'm a mother I can be as upfront and honest about my emotions as you have been, so that I can provide my own child(ren) with the same encouragement and love Noah receives from you and Jason.
hooray for yum!!
Let me know how that turns out okay!
Hooray for the eating of the banana! Kaitlyn calls them "num-uh-nums".
Please say you will come to BlogHer so that you can bask in the empowering embrace of hundreds of your adoring friends, like me, please? I know that's selfish of me, but I want to see you, dammit!
I'm hoping said "party" isn't BlogHer. I'm not quite ready for all-female orgies.
But you know...whatever.
Aww...Now I want Chinese food....
(And, about the last post -- this blog is for you, too, right? So, I say, forget about what other peeps might think -- you need an outlet for what you're going through, and the majority of us are here to care and to listen. So, write write write about it! Just my wee opinion....)
that just totally made me spit my drink out when I read your interpretation of your fortune!
Ok, I have to share the eeriest fortune cookie we ever encountered. We had just gotten engaged and were out to lunch with some friends, where I was asking one of them to participate in our wedding. My now-husband opens up his cookie to find: "You and your wife will be happy in your new life together." I kept that one.
Amalah, Bossy leaves you alone for two seconds and now look: In that time you've purchased a diagnosis with a matching orgy to go with it. What is Bossy going to do with you?
For the rest of my life, I will probably associate fortune cookies with orgies.
I'll have a big bowl of fortune cookies on my living room coffee table and when others come to visit they will know......oh yes, they will know.
Orgy. Or BlogHer.
It's funny that they use the word "prevail". Like, those strange customs will be fighting to break loose or something. Heh.
Ok, so I'm not the only one who takes pictures of fortunes, but were you snickering loudly and obnoxiously after silently adding the words 'in bed' to each fortune?
"Where there is will, there is way. In bed"
Damn straight!