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June 2007
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August 2007


The podcast for the radio show isn't available yet. I don't know why they're dragging their feet and denying the Internet the chance to hear the MOST THRILLING 11 MINUTES OF RADIO EVER (har!) but rest assured I will link to it as soon as I can. God forbid you miss the part where I completely lost track of my point and the words coming out of my mouth and said something about how I'll look back and miss the toddler tantrums someday. What? WHAT? And this is why I should not talk to people before 9 am. Or really, ever. Anyway, I'm bummed that I don't have it, simply because I was hoping to take up a whole entry with it and thus not have to fill space this morning with the topic I'm going to fill the space with, because this topic makes me sound so high-strung and neurotic but I can't help it. I am high-strung and neurotic. I mean, I'm a blogger. Gawd. Noah has a doctor's appointment today. He's getting checked for a speech delay. I know! Aball! Abeer! And all the other videos I've posted of him chattering away. The problem is that's pretty... Read more →

A slightly freaked-out update at 12:31 am

So it turns out that I'm going to be on this radio show tomorrow morning? On Sirius Satellite Radio? On Channel 114, to be exact? On the Be Happy, Dammit! show, to be even more exact? There's some kind of snafu miscommunication going on right now about the time zone I just know it, but it sounds like I will probably be on around 8:39 am EST, but there will also be a podcast afterwards which I will link to but will refuse to listen to, because OH MY GOD THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE. Anyway, I am only barely sure of when the show will actually be on and I have no idea what they will ask me to talk about, so...yeah. This is gonna go really effing well. Hopefully I can refrain from making any racial slurs. PS: I FOUND A CAN OF BARBADOS SAND BITCHES! WOOOOOO! (Thank you, Erin! #1094 in the hizzzzzouse!) PPS: Dear lord I am tired and yet still. I cannot stop watching Flight of the Conchords reruns. What is wrong with me? Read more →

A Million Shades of Beige

Mmmffh. Mmmmmmmfffffhwa. What? Oh. Hi. I'm sorry. I'm just a little busy over here, lying on the ground, making kissy faces to my new floors. No, I'm not actually kissing my new floors. That would be weird. Also I could smudge them. Jesus Christ, take your damn shoes off! These floors are not for walking on. My God. They are for admiring. From over there. A little further. One more step. Outside the door. Yes. Thanks. Can you still hear me? I'll shout, if that helps. So the floors are done. And there's not much else to say except that hey, the floors are done. I'm actually kind of shocked about it, since the guy we hired said they would be done in a week and lo, they were done in a week. And they cost exactly what he told us they would cost, which was suspiciously not very much at all. I'm actually more than kind of shocked about that. Every day I kept waiting for him to tell us he'd made a mistake, that the job couldn't be done for the price he quoted, or that his team couldn't work tomorrow like they thought, but how's our August... Read more →

Further Proof of How Stir-Crazy the Hardwood Install is Making Us

"Noah, today we're going to teach you the meaning of America." "Let's go eat some wings and ogle some waitresses." Noah was unimpressed and possibly a little embarrassed for bringing Dora to such a tacky place, although our waitress scored some points for knowing all about Swiper the Fox (I'll BET she does, heh heh) (I have no idea what I even mean by that). Frankly, we were a little disappointed to learn how very un-subversive it is these days to take a toddler to Hooters. The wings were awesome though. So there is that. I did end up taking him to the playground, by the way. We do occasionally participate in enriching and age-appropriate activities. Oh, who am I kidding. I only took him so I could show off my new iPhone to all the hot SAHDs. It's a total man magnet, ladies. And I highly recommend it. It also takes pretty good pictures. Just remember that in the 30 seconds it takes you to think, "Hey, I wonder if I got any new blog comments or email or I wonder what the weather in Paris is right now," your child will have run clear out to the parking... Read more →


We took Noah to a movie on Saturday. I'm going to sit back for a second while you absorb that sentence. And then I'll file my nails while I wait for the cries of horror and WHY WHY WHY WHAT WERE YOU THINKING to die down. Ready? Okay. So we were going a little stir-crazy, what with the construction and the floors and all. Add all the steaming hot idiocy coursing through our veins, and you've got two adult morons who suddenly decide that a movie will take up a nice chunk of time, and OF COURSE our toddler will sit through a movie! He'll sit and stare at the television for nine hours straight! Not that we ever LET him sit and stare at the television for nine hours straight, HAR HAR AHEM, but please: he'll totally sit through a 90-minute movie. A couple flaws in our plan: 1) We forgot to check the running time and ended up seeing a 110-minute movie. 2) We only packed enough juice to get us through the previews. We saw Ratatouille. We went to a 10:45 show, figuring that was most likely to be mostly kids and families, and it would be... Read more →


Day Three of Operation Hardwoods. The downstairs is almost done. Tomorrow they start on the upstairs. I hope to have my house back sometime between next Saturday and 2012. It's always a little weird to go into your bathroom and discover that even the toilet paper is covered in sawdust. But lo, there is progress. There is also this, unfortunately. I've spent the last couple days begging the floor guys to leave our router plugged in and undisturbed, which is stressful because I don't know how to say "I NEED THE INTERNET TO DO THIS BULLSHIT 'JOB' THAT I DO" in Spanish. Do air-quotes translate? "I WORK REALLY 'HARD'. WILL BE UPSTAIRS IN BED WHILE YOU PULL UP PEE-STAINED CARPET. ADIOS." The floors look really great so far, except that now I think I want new kitchen cabinets. But I'm not going to say anything about that to Jason until all the sharp and deadly power tools are out of the dining room. Noah is not so very sure about any of this. (Translation for anyone who doesn't speak toddler: OH NO! OH NO NO NO! etc.) Read more →