Talky
July 12, 2007
The podcast for the radio show isn't available yet. I don't know why they're dragging their feet and denying the Internet the chance to hear the MOST THRILLING 11 MINUTES OF RADIO EVER (har!) but rest assured I will link to it as soon as I can. God forbid you miss the part where I completely lost track of my point and the words coming out of my mouth and said something about how I'll look back and miss the toddler tantrums someday. What? WHAT?
And this is why I should not talk to people before 9 am. Or really, ever.
Anyway, I'm bummed that I don't have it, simply because I was hoping to take up a whole entry with it and thus not have to fill space this morning with the topic I'm going to fill the space with, because this topic makes me sound so high-strung and neurotic but I can't help it. I am high-strung and neurotic. I mean, I'm a blogger. Gawd.
Noah has a doctor's appointment today. He's getting checked for a speech delay.
I know! Aball! Abeer! And all the other videos I've posted of him chattering away. The problem is that's pretty much all we've got in the speech department. He says about six or seven words clearly (two of which he's said in the past couple days after I already made the appointment, of course), and then another five or six words that aren't really words, but we at least know what he means.
(He also seems to lose words as quickly as he acquires them, with "light" and "fan" and "plane" all getting reduced to "na" and "doggie" turning back into "da." I'm guessing this is a pretty normal thing for toddlers [right? normal?], but it does make it harder to get a real grasp on the sum of his vocabulary.)
He babbled early and noticed books early and was pegged by our pediatrician as "highly verbal." But then he was "slow" to point and clap and wave (can I stop with all the quotes? will you remember that I get how ridiculous it is to be using these words? do you understand that it's not like we have a milestone chart stuck on the fridge with a MENSA magnet?) and all the younger kids in Gymboree started talking and Noah continued to speak only in his own little Swahili alien language.
Personally, I think he is fine. I think he is stubborn. I think he is STUB. BORN. He's never been much of a mimic or interested in performing on cue. If you ask him what the cow says you will get a withering look that clearly says, "You know what the damn cow says, woman. Stop bugging me."
But at the same time, he doesn't appear to know what the cow says. He won't say milk or juice or string two words together. He doesn't seem to have enough words to string them together. How much do you chalk up to temperament? And for how long?
I'm from a family of late-talking boys (my dad apparently spoke in a language only his big sister could understand until he was three, and then went on to become an English teacher), so I've been going back and forth and forth and back on this for months. Yes, Noah is clearly behind other kids his age. But he's not even two yet, for fuck's sake. He's taking his time. He'll bust out in sentences one of these days, just you wait! It's not like I'm trying to turn him into the star of his Toddler Mandarin Chinese class or get him into a college-prep preschool. (I've already picked out his preschool. IT'S THE ONE CLOSEST TO MY HOUSE.)
My kid is smart. My kid is a freaking delight. He can identify a good half of the alphabet and loves looking at books and numbers and if I tell him he needs to put his shoes on to go outside, he will go get his shoes. His fine motor skills and attention span are insane for his age. He's all-around totally fine and okay.
They just make it really hard to trust your own instincts these days, you know?
At his 18-month check-up, the doctor (who wasn't even our regular doctor, because I'm an asshole who forgot to make the appointment on time) quizzed me about his vocabulary and admitted that he was lagging a little. She wobbled her head back and forth as she debated whether or not to make A Thing about it. She told me to bring him back in three months if he didn't make any progress.
It's been three months. He's said three more words. He's stopped saying two of the words he was saying three months ago. So we're going back in.
I really hope he's okay.
Didn't Einstein not speak till he was 3 or something? I possibly made up that tidbit of trivia, but nevertheless, Noah is fine. Your instincts are trustworthy.
I'm first!
No I'm not...
Doctors are way too quick to assume a child has "an issue" if they are not developing EXACTLY according to the "this is how every child should develop" chart. (i know, with the quotations...)
he isn't even TWO. he is gorgeous and smart and....you are his mom. you know him best.
good luck @ the appointment. :)
I was listening to Sirius 114 at 8:39 a.m. as instructed but never heard you....was it earlier? Instead I heard a midly funny jewish american princess comic!
I'm right there with you except my son is 6 months older than Noah. He gets speech therapy twice a week in our home and we're hoping to see some progress soon. He also has no desire to mimic so that makes it more difficult.
I was actually surprised to see that Noah had a delay because of the videos you've posted. My son James pretty much says Mama and uh oh and uses his weird alien language. That's it. He's had other words but he'll say them once or twice never to be heard again.
You may want to try teaching him some sign language for now. That's helped us a lot and has made my son less frustrated about no being able to speak.
And about Einstein. I heard he didn't speak until he was 4 :)
you probably have nothing to lose by going to the doctor, and hopefully you can gain some peace of mind. and you probably just ironically sealed noah's fate that he will grow up and become a talk show host, or a DJ, or motivational speaker, or some other job that is 100% reliant on talking :)
Good Luck.
Sometimes I think these doctors worry way too much.
:)
I know you're going to get a lot of these stories - but hopefully they'll ease your mind.
First of all? NikkiZ JUST started saying different words in the last few weeks - before that? It was "SIDE!" and "SIKE!"
BUT - one of my BFFs daughters who I consider like my own - didn't talk forever. She just did her own thing and ignored everyone. Now? At age 12? She's BRILLIANT. One day? She just started talking in complete sentences. It was weird.
I think too many doctors make "issues" when there aren't any. Noah will be FINE!
Oh, please...once you put him in preschool (being closest is totally an important criteria!) he'll start yapping and yapping...and one day you'll be saying, "Can't you just stop talking for five minutes?" It's true!
Please don't worry. I have 3 kids (6, 4 and just turned 2). I honestly don't remember my oldest talking until 3 - he had his words at Noah's age but once he turned 3 full on sentences came pouring out. My 2-year old son did the same thing...when he turned 2 it was as if a switch flipped and he started talking although sometimes his brother & sister have to interpret. Trust your instincts.
I wouldn't stress about his speech patterns too much at this age. If he were 5 and about to begin school and was still not on track, yes, I'd say there was an issue. But he's a toddler, a STUBBORN tod... just like everyone elses' stubborn kid.
Tell the doctors and detractors to fuck off and enjoy the ABALLs and ABEERs for as long as you can.
I cried the day Jaalyn stopped with her "capitillars" and "squeels" (squirrels).
I'm sure he's fine. I didn't start talking until really late, so I was tested for all kinds of problems. Turns out I was just shy at first (and the tests ended up facilitating my early entrance into gifted programs). Everyone really wishes I would shut up again, but I don't think it will ever happen.
As a mom of 4 boys (3 of which spoke freakishly early - and 1 that did not and freaked me the hell out) I'm going to say he is fine. Really. The one that did not is stubborn and defiant and a general PITA (he's 8 now). But he is fine. One day he would know all his colors and the next day none. Upon entering kindergarten I was extremely worried because he only knew the letter D. By November he was starting to read. Yes, he's a bit behind picking things up but when he gets it, he gets it. His talking went from almost nothing to non-stop around 2. Give him time. Noah will do it when he wants to. (and if he's at all like my son, not a moment before HE wants to.)
I know it's easier said than done, but please try not to worry. It's almost impossible these days, with the avalanche of "parenting advice" and articles and whatnot on children, but I'm sure Noah's fine. Our son was a bit of a late walker, but his pediatrician wasn't worried. I was half-crazy with worry, picturing him as a college student and having to crawl to class. For real. But then one day, he just stood up and took off like he'd been walking for years. Bizarre. Noah's going to be just fine.
Long time reader, first time poster. Lurve your blog! Here just to say that my son did not start talking until close to 2. Full sentences did not come until after 2.5. But no worries, because he has been making up for it ever since! He talks non-stop from sun-up to sun-down. Some days my head hurts from all the chit-chat. My 13 mo old girl has only said "mamama" so far - and I'm pretty sure she is not referring to me! Trying to calm my own concerns abour her by recalling my son's vocab (or lack there of) at that age. I'm sure - as you are - Noah is just fine.
I went through that with my 3 yr old when he was younger...now I can't get him to STOP talking. ;-) All children develop differently. My kid was walking at 9 months for pete's sake! He didn't have time to talk. *Sigh*...sometimes I miss those days...
My daughter is 22 months and has been getting speech therapy every other week for the past few months. At 18 months, she only said 4 words, and they all sounded the same ("duh!" for dog, doll, door, and duck). Now she's saying way more words, but isn't stringing words together yet. I've been keeping track of her new words at the therapist's request, and some days she's saying 3 or 4 new words (and it totally counts if she only says a word once and never says it again). She isn't much of a mimic either, but loves books and babbles all the time in her own little language. I figure she'll be fine eventually, and the therapy is just to help her catch up. It's not a big deal, really. We've gotten some excellent suggestions from the therapist, like using straw cups instead of sippy cups to increase oral strength. Also, blowing bubbles or blowing through straws at cotton balls is another fun activity to build strength in those muscles. Noah will be fine too - just ignore the other moms whose kids are speaking in sentences already. At this age, the language development varies TREMENDOUSLY. There is a big range of normal.
Delurking to say...my son (also Noah!) was the same way, no 'real' words until he was after two, and even then, not so many. Our MD was of the opinion that as long as he was understanding language and communicating well in his own fashion, even if he wasn't speaking terribly intelligibly, he was ok. When he finally started talking well, at around age 2 and a half, it was in sentences all at once. So I am sure your Noah is fine, too. I think every kid has a different pace. But what do I know- this is just my first one! ;)
Hope your appt goes well.
OMG - What is with that wierd alien language???? My 10.5 m.o., whom I assumed would also be an early talker because he's been babbling forever, just started doing that last week and its weirding me out. Plus, I've been working for months to try to get him to say "mama," which he'll do about once a month, but now he seems more interesting in the weird alien language. I keep hoping we'll hear some real words before his 1st b-day, but now I don't know.
He's fine. Believe me, I know how easy it is to get caught up in what your child should be doing (say hello to my puny runt). That said, my dad didn't really talk until he was 3 either and neither did my oldest son. He didn't walk until 17 months either. He was just the sort that was going to do those things in his own time. Now, months away from his 8th birthday, he's one of the smartest kids in his class and is reading at a 5th grade level. Noah is just fine, you would know if he was really delayed or had problems. He's just doing this all on his own schedule. :) *hugs* to the mama.
Pediatricians are excellant at fuh-reaking us out, aren't they?
I'm a momma of 3- boy 7, girl, 5, and boy,3. Both boys were slow. Well over 2 before they started talking in anything I could understand. The youngest is JUST NOW speaking a language that other people get. My daughter, was talking in sentences at 18 mos. The problem for me was that since she came between the 2 boys, I forgot how slow my oldest was to talk and got all freaked about the youngest not talking again.
Does any of this make any sense? Is there a point? Probably not, but don't freak out too much. Don't compare him to other kids. And, please! One of his words is BEER! He has a really important one already in the bag!
I wouldn't worry. He's going to talk and some day you'll wish he'd shut up.
My boss, a savvy lady lawyer, is going through this with her two sons. She sits making lists of 3 year old Zach's words. If the list isn't long enough there are consultations with his speech therapist. I'm sad to see her so concerned with something that just doesn't matter, because eventually everyone talks. Unless the kid has a serious psychosis or a physical defect, he is going to talk. You have a normal, healthy (and perfectly adorable) kid here. He'll talk.
I think we spend too much time today trying to conform to parameters. Everyone must be a size 7, everyone must have 25 words by age XX months, etc. We're all different and we need to relish the difference instead of trying to make ourselves conform.
One of the best pieces of baby advice I ever read was from - I think - T. Berry Brazelton, who wrote that we should look at teenagers around us, and if they all seem to do a certain thing, then your child will also learn to do that thing. He will be potty trained. He will learn to eat without wearing half his meal. And he will talk.
I agree that it's sad when they give up the cute baby talk. I know they have to learn to speak correctly, but I so loved it when my grandbaby would say to me "Mommo, I want to sit in your yap."
All things relative: My son was considered verbally lagging behind when the Dr. asked him what a kitty said and he responded with "C'mere, birdy!" at about Noah's age. Trust your gut, if it's telling you to go to the appt, then go. If for no other reason than it'll set your mind at ease.
Best of luck to you guys today.
You know, finding out more is really only so that some day, you can giggle about it and say to yourself, "I can't believe how worried I was!" And so that right now, you can know in your heart of hearts that you are doing everything you can for your baby.
I ditto the once they start, it never ends thing. My son (now 3) talks IN HIS SLEEP. ALL NIGHT! So, yeah, bein' careful what I wish for with #2. Good luck.
Trust yourself. Really. Parents really do know best. You know if Noah is sick or healthy, if he's having trouble or if he's being stubborn. If he's considered delayed and therapy is recommended, then go to the therapy knowing that it's icing on Noah's cake. But please, learn to trust that you know your son better than anyone else except, perhaps, your husband.
Good luck! I'll be thinking about you guys.
My younger son, who's now 9, had a profound speech and language delay due to chronic ear infections as an infant/toddler. We're still dealing with the cognitive/academic aftermath.
I'm not going to lie and say I didn't have to go through a period of mourning about it, about coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't "normal," even though his prognosis was much better than that of so many other children with more serious illnesses and disorders. It was hard to cope with, and it still is.
But all I really want to say is this: even if there is a problem, Noah is still fundamentally, inherently okay. Noah is still Noah, no matter what exactly that turns out to mean.
My daughter is 16 days younger than Noah - and its the same deal. She has a VERY select few words that she uses (Mama, Dadada, Awah [Aurora-the dog], ya, no, bye, & yum). Her pediatrician said that there really is nothing to worry about unless she doesn't start putting words together by her 2nd birthday. I am making an appointment, because I don't see it happening. But seriously - she too is STUB. BORN. So they will probably start talking when they are ready [and pay no heed the the doctors pressuring us] and in sentences. Then we won't be able to shut them up!
Thank you for this post. My son is only 16 months but I have been freaking my freak about speech (b/c I NEED something to worry about at all times). My sister-in-law claims her 11 mo old can say bottle (baba) and a variety of other things when Ollie seems to know cow and maybe banana and sort of duck? but i think some is just me trying to make sense of his babble. I swore he said doggie appropriately back several months ago, but hasn't said it in a long time. He knows what everything means, but never says the words. I've tried to dismiss it as "he is also learning spanish" since the woman who cares for him during the day only speaks spanish, and she claims he says agua and gracias but why doesn't he say anything with me. It's nerve-wracking, but I am certain he - and Noah - are FINE FINE FINE. Let us know what you find out. But from what I can tell, he is a brilliant, adorable, loving and perfect little boy.
After having two "highly verbal" girls, my parents had a son and were shocked, worried, etc because he was "slow" to develop his vocabulary. They took him to our pediatrician - old school, blunt - who said "he's not slow, he's male." As if "male" were some sort of disease. However, he was right.
My brother is now 14 and getting better grades than I ever did. While I think it's great that you're taking that little blonde ball of deliciousness to the doctor as a precaution, just know that boys are boys and some of them develop slower.
Trust those mama instincts. I am sure Noah is just fine. At the same time it absolutely doesn't hurt to meet with the doctor again and if they think it is necessary, to meet with a speech therapist. I know so many kids that have had a year of bi-weekly appointments and it really helped them to catch up and in some cases surpass the other kids their age. Not that I like to compare kids, I try so hard not to.
Delurking ... hi! Just wanted to say that my sister has 3 kiddos. None of them spoke more than 3 or 4 words before the age of 2, and then all of the sudden, they started speaking in complete sentences almost overnight. It was almost as if they didn't want to speak until they were capable of having an actual conversation. Now my sister can't get any of them to shut up! Hugs to you - Noah is just fine, and will no doubt start talking your ear off in no time!
Trust your instincts. Doctors love to make a "deal" of things because that is their job. My uncle didn't speak until he was 4 and once he FINALLY started, he was fine. My oldest son would only say what he wanted to say. He flat out refused to say certain words(chuckling with evil glee).
We've all seen your videos of Noah. He is a bright adorable little boy who will speak when he is damn good and ready - and not a minute sooner.
Think of it this way: Noah is obviously so highly intelligent that he formed his own way of communicating......everyone else in his world has the "speech delay". Or he has developed ESP and he is shouting (in his head) "Hey, can you hear me NOW??".
Soon enough, out of frustration, he will switch to the english language and jabber your poor ear off. Yep, just you wait.
He's fine. They said the same thing about my daughter when she was 2, right before she started daycare after being home with me since birth.
Three months later, there was a language EXPLOSION.
But that won;t stop you from worrying. I know. Cause I wouldn't, either.
Good luck. :-)
You are a good mother, to worry, to care, to be pro-active. Keep us posted and we'll keep the positive thoughts flying.
like everyone else - i mimic their "dont worry". i shouldve taken my own advice, because at my older son's 18 month checkup (the younger one is the same age as noah) i began CRYING when our pediatrician asked about his language. we ended up having him in early intervention speech
( = free after insurance, EI is state run) for six months. once a week for six months. and since then? he has.not.shut.up. and hes now 4. both our pediatrician and our therapist felt he was a late talker who just needed a shove in the right direction.
speech therapy? cant hurt you or noah.
you freaking out and stressing about it? not worth the gray hair.
good luck either way.
I think pediatricians get too caught up in all their fancy charts and whatnot. I'll never forget the day my best friend called me after her son's 1 year appointment and started yelling that the pressure was too much and she had lied to the doctor about her son being able to stack blocks. Yes! He can stack! Please don't put him in remedial toddler non-stacking class!
In other words, I think Noah will be just fine. He may just be waiting for something profound to say.
I'm sure he's just fine. It's hard not to freak out when the doctors are making it A Thing, but like Zu up there said, that's their job. And Noah's lucky he's got a mom who cares so much.
I feel you, though, being neurotic & high strung myself. We're just now thinking about having a kid, and I can't imagine my neuroses and high-strung-ed-ness expanding tenfold. Oy.
my brother never really spoke until he was two or three. then he yelled, "blast off!" one morning as he jumped off the sofa...and he never stopped after that. and he really is a friggin' genius.
that being said, it is always good to check. because if there is a problem later on, and you didn't? you'll feel awful. better safe than sorry, y'know? i've got a shortie at my house. 3rd percentile. he's four, and about the size of your average three-year-old. we had tests done a year ago, and now i sleep easier. he's still friggin' shortie mcshortson, though.
Hi. My son didn't really started speaking until after his third birthday and now he never stops talking - he's six. We did go ahead and have a year of speech therapy because we were worried and I think it did help a bit, but I'm convinced he was stubborn and didn't start talking till he was good and ready. Going to speech therapy calmed US down and he saw the whole thing as play - we even attended a delayed speech play group which he loved. If speech therapy will make you less crazy, I don't think it would hurt and it might help. Chances are he'll start talking when he's good and ready. Try not to worry. I've seen him say aball - he looks fine to me!
My cousin did not speak for almost 4 years. She babbled a bit but was just not interested in talking. Then one day she came into the kitchen, looked at my aunt and said, "Mom, may I please have a cookie?" In perfect English. She was just waiting for the right time. I think my aunt gave her an entire package of Oreos for that.
i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. i think all stubborn kids wait to talk. my husband (close to as stubborn as they get) didn't say a thing until he was almost 3 and then blurted out "be careful, man! you might fall down!" to a guy remodeling their kitchen. he loves to tell that story now to all his fellow lawyers who say he talks way too much and way too fast. hang in there.
My grandparents thought that there was something wrong with my aunt because she didn't talk. At all. Until one day, they caught herself singing "happy birthday" to herself in her crib.
Some kids just don't like to talk until they know that they have something to say. :p
I certainly don't want this to happen to you or anyone else, but it's sort of comforting to me to hear that my son isn't alone with this. He's maybe 7 months younger than Noah, and he has only really said one word so far, and I haven't heard it for a while. I'm really afraid that in a few months we'll be where you are, and I'll be worried senseless. I'm chalking up his speech delay on him not walking yet (he's HUGE, so this doesn't worry me), and hoping that once we finally get that skill down he'll concentrate on the words. I really hope this works out for you both and that you are told that he is normal, which he certainly seems to me.
I am in the same boat as you. I have been stressing over my 20 month old's lack of vocabulary every since I saw how much his 15 month old cousin talks. At his last check up, I brought it up, but thought it would work itself out because he's a smart kid. Now, I'm not so sure. Thanks to you, I think I'm going to bite the bullet and set up an appointment for him (amongst all of his other appointments for asthma related issues.)
Hey, Amy, this is Lissa from Lilting House. When my oldest (now 12) was 21 months old, she only had a few words too. I remember that clearly because she was 21 months old when she was dx'd with leukemia, and after a week stuck in a hospital bed, she was amazing us with a giant new vocabularly. It was like all the energy she had once poured into runningclimbingbeingbusybusybusy was now redirected to language. I kid you not: she went from "bus" and "mama" to "met-o-tec-tate" (methotrexate, one of her chemo drugs) in a week's time.
As you may recall from meeting her last summer, she now chatters pretty much nonstop.
My hunch is that if the whole sudden hospital thing hadn't happened, she'd have continued along her slow-and-gradual trajectory w/ language, and wound up in the same place eventually.
Some toddlers pour more energy into gross/fine motor stuff, and language comes a bit later. Your instincts are probably right on target.
But if some kind of delay is dx'd, I have some good resources I could point you toward. We're in the thick of speech-delay stuff with our 3yo right now, but of course that's due to hearing loss. I've turned up some good tricks along the way...oh, in fact I posted about something really useful over at LH the other day, the Signing Time videos. A lot of times, a kid who is more physical will really catapult forward with speech when you add the kinesthetic element of signing to speaking words.
Give me a holler if I can be of any help!