A Different Kind of Okay
One-Track Mind

With Your Cards To Your Chest, Walking On Your Toes

<blah blah insert insincere apology for not posting yesterday here blah>

I woke up in a terrible, horrible self-pitying funk on Friday. Noah was humming away in his crib and...all I heard was a symptom on a checklist. (I should clarify that Noah's babbling is not really "babbling" sometimes -- he usually just hums a steady vowel sound but changes his pitch and inflection. He mimics the melody of speech but not the lyrics.) It wasn't my son, it was my son's "disorder," and the realization that I was letting this "thing" change how I look at him sent me on a huge crying jag.

And I know (AH KNOW) that this thing is not a big huge serious thing. In the realm of big huge serious things, this is a blip. A trifle. A story we will one day laugh about, probably while trying to have an adult conversation over the din of Noah's VERY IMPORTANT STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON DORA TODAY MAMA, DORA WENT OVER THE TROLL BRIDGE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MAMA? YOU KNOW WHAT? THE TROLL WAS GRUMPY.

But while this is a tiny thing, this is also MY BABY we are talking about. My baby, who is struggling. Who is getting labeled with Big Bad Scary Words. Who needs help and seriously, Montgomery County Department of Health & Human Services Infants & Toddlers Early Intervention Division, I left a message over an hour ago and you haven't called me back and I NEED YOU TO COME HELP MAH BABY.

A friend called on Friday night to find out if everything was still okay/fine/perfect, since I didn't post at all. I told her I couldn't bear to publish another entry harping about it, because you know. The Interweb Pain Olympics. The nice, supportive comments eventually morph into people telling me to Get Over It, Let Me Tell You About My Kid's Cancer Or Don't You Know That So-And-So Has It Worse And So-And-So's Baby Just Died And I've Had 37 Miscarriages, You Selfish Whore.

"I'm just trying to keep everything in perspective," I told her. "I can't write about how upset I am, because I shouldn't be this upset. He needs speech therapy, not a fucking brain transplant."

"What the fuck," she said. "Get mad. It's okay to get mad. It's okay to admit that this sucks, that this isn't what you wanted for your kid and you are mad about it. I don't care if you read some blog about somebody giving birth to a four-headed autistic monkey child who already has breast cancer, it's fucking okay to get mad."

So hi. I am fine. I am keeping things in perspective. I am also a little mad, a little frightened and would chew my right arm off if it meant all of this would go away and Noah could talk.

After talking to some friends and wonderful Internet strangers, I've submitted an application to our county's early intervention program, which is supposedly the best in the area. And free! FREE. After living in DC for so long, the idea of state-run services that you can actually use and aren't total crap is blowing my mind. It's like we moved to a whole 'nother country. After months of doubting (and yes, even regretting) our decision to move here, it looks like it may have been the best thing we possibly could have done.

It'll take about two weeks to process our application and get an assessment scheduled. In the meantime, I managed to hustle myself a discount on some Signing Time DVDS (if by "hustle" you mean "opened up an email from someone who works there offering a discount, then crying some more because YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL SO WONDERFUL").

(And now it's time for another parenthetical tangent! I want to clarify that the earlier posts about the Bilingual Sign Language Genius Child at Gymboree were NOT any kind of slam or mockery of the idea of baby sign language. Not at all. I tried signing with Noah early on, but he never picked up any of it and I got lazy and let it go.  My issue with the Bilingual Sign Language Genius Child was wholly and totally about her mother's awful and obnoxious superiority complex about it.  Her daughter was incredibly sweet and smart, but her mother! Oh my God, she was terrible. I try very hard to not use my blog as some kind of passive-aggressive bashing ground, but this woman made me want to stab myself in the fucking eyeballs. She was show-offy and pushy and and would never ever shut up about all the classes and activities her daughter was enrolled in and blah blah blah, she just soaks this stuff up like a sponge, she craves being challenged, she's just so smart. HATE. BURNING IRRATIONAL HATE. LOOK. I KNOW THE SIGN FOR BIRD. LET ME SHOW IT TO YOU. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE FLIPPING WRIST ACTION.)

Anyway. I am really fucking grateful for you guys. I need to tell you that. I have read every comment. Every email. And I have repeated your stories to friends and family to help them understand what we're dealing with and read at least two dozen hundred of them out loud to Jason (who, if we may keep this between us, is fuh-reaked out and possibly had to leave work early on Thursday because he was so rattled, and my God, that man worships that child). You have helped us immeasurably.

I mean, have you Googled "sensory processing disorder toddler speech delay" lately? Have you seen the horrible no-good death-destruction-DOOOOOOM stuff that comes up? I understand it's a new thing, and still a relatively squishy kind of diagnosis, but my God, those symptom checklists? It's a wonder that ANY of us can get through the day without a temper tantrum because OMG CEILING FANS AND POLYESTER CLOTHING! I'M OVERSTIMULATED! I'M OVERSTIMULATED!

But I also understand what a relief it is to have something -- anything -- that finally seems to explain why your child is different. To look at the checklist and sense that satisfying *click* as your child snaps in like a puzzle piece. A diagnosis that "qualifies" you to get the help you need.

If Noah does have an SID/SPD, I believe it's a very mild one. We have the toe walking, the food texture issues, drooling and an increasing resistance to transitions. (Carseat! NOOOO! Out of the carseat! NOOOOOO! Inside/Outside! NOOOOOOO! Parachute time! AM GOING TO DIE NOOOOO!) We have a kid who is different, in ways I'm not sure I can articulate.

But mostly, we have a kid who desperately wants to talk. A kid who understands most of what we say and who doesn't understand why we don't understand what he says. A kid who is sweet and affectionate with everyone except that other kid on a playdate who knows how to ask for juice. Then he pushes. He hits.

The last 48 hours or so have been....weird, honestly. It's like someone just turned on the lights, and holy crap, they're 400-watt bulbs.

It's shockingly clear to me now that this is not temperament. This is not something he is just going to "snap out of" and start talking in sentences one random day. This is not something I am going to gamble with because I'm suspicious of all this "sensory" bullshit and whatever, in my day we didn't care if kids didn't start talking by age seven and also. Snow. Uphill. Both ways.

This is a blip. A trifle. This is something we're going to overcome.

Comments

Sonja

I don't know what to say except that you're an amazing mother. I have been lucky thus far and not had to deal with anything like this, and I would only hope that - if it's in my future - I handle it as well as you have and am as proactive about it. And I would also be fucking mad, and that would be okay too.

Keep going, one day at a time.

Laura D.

Hi there,

I nanny two twin boys with sensory issues. They walk on their tip toes and were very very slow to talk and walk and just about everything.

They've been getting Early Intervention therapies for free from the folks here in NYC and I can't tell you how MIRACULOUS it is. They are almost three and just now are able to articulate specifics, form full sentences, answer questions correctly.

I'm not even their mother and I'm overjoyed at their progress! So, get in on that free amazing therapy and I promise this will all turn around! Best wishes.

Kate Folsom

These sensory integration issues? Mild autism, even? They tend to get better as the kid gets older. We learn to adapt. We start walking on the flats of our feet. We learn to tell you what we want. We learn to work with and around the thing that makes us different.

I mean, I did. And often, this learning to work around a "disorder" makes us more well-rounded, a bit more self-aware, and more compassionate to other people's differences.

It's not a guarantee, but it is hopeful. I believe that your baby is gonna be just fine.

Bobbi

My son also went through early intervention through our county run program, and I can't begin to tell you what a difference it made! He just finished kindergarten and officially "graduated" out of speech and occupational therapy!! WooHoo! I had a lot of the same questions as you did early on, and still wonder if he'd have done it on his own in time, but the bottom line was - intervention was free and he enjoyed it (it is a lot more like structured play than anything else) so why not???

Good luck to you - you are a terrific mom!

Caroline

More hugs, more hugs, more hugs. For Jason (who presumably, as a guy, keeps all his stuff tightly locked inside his manly chest); for Noah (who is apparently going to have a wee bit of trouble finding the key to unlock his own little manly chest); and especially for you, dear Amalah, who have found your key right here: Ahug! for you, and thank you, for flinging your chest wide the hell open, and sharing its contents with all us imperfect strangers.

Faith

Okay, I would be freaking the hell out too. And flipping the bird to anyone who looked at me!! Because I would have read everything that WebMD and Google and all of the internet said about it and freaked myself into a major leauge tizzy. I probably would have done such a good freak out job that I would be hospitalized if I were in your shoes (Or at least heavily sedated and drooling down my chin.)
Maybe they are just making this "disorder" up to further freak us parents of toddlers out...I mean it really is a miracle that we survived this long isn't it? I hope that things get easier, and happier and back to normal - whatever normal is for you.
I still am convinced that you have a baby genius over there on the Right Coast that knows what all that shit is, but wonders why the hell he should waste his time answering you, when you already know the damn answer!!

Kyla

Dude Amy. It sucks. It is your baby and ANYTHING wrong with YOUR BABY is the hugest thing that can happen to you. I've learned through all that we've gone through with my daughter, is that when it is your kid? It ALWAYS feel huge. And it doesn't matter than there are "worse things out there"...because this is real and happening to your baby, your heart. I try and keep perspective...but occasionally, you just have to let yourself feel like it sucks, because IT DOES.

And, therapy is amazing. It will be wonderful.

Really, feel free to email me about any of this stuff. It is all kind of overwhelming at first and finding someone who had been through it to talk to was really helpful. Among all of KayTar's many, many issues...delays and sensory issues are right up there. Tricky stuff. Or you can just look through my archives. Because I tend to talk about this stuff a lot.

KC

Our neighbors have been receiving services from the same Montgomery County department and it has been amazing. Makes me proud for once of what's being done with our taxes- what a great resource for families in the area. Good move.

Megan

My dad (born in the early 1940s) was one of those children who didn't talk until he was seven. He's fine now, but perhaps his life would have been a little more *comfortable* if he had had access to some of the services available now for children with speech delays.
I know it's awful to be worried about your kid, and almost as awful to hear that you were right to be worried -- but this is a problem that has a solution, thank goodness! I'm keeping you all in my thoughts.

Marilyn

Amy, you totally rock, you know that? I don't care about the "pain olympics", as far as I'm concerned, if what YOU are going through is hard for YOU then YOU can post about it all you want on YOUR blog. And no one should be able to say word one about it.

I'm glad you're posting about this because how many parents go through this very thing? A LOT, I'm sure. And it's awesome to have another perspective on it, another experience to reference through their struggles. Early intervention sounds like just the thing and I'm confident that it will help Noah (and YOU) in the long run.

You go girl.

Jenny H.

Wow. This is why it sucks to not have the internets for two months-ish.I have missed EVERYTHING.

I am sorry to hear about Noah. I would also be freaking-the-hell-out-full-on-panic-mode. But then I am rather dramatical myself. I know he will be fine, as will you. Well, given a little more time and maybe a lot of wine!

It sounds like all your bases are covered. Good luck!

Lori

You have every right to be fucking pissed...because he is your baby, and that's a Momma's job. If you need to scream and cry..do it...you can celebrate too once you see how much he can and will acheive!!!

Much love to you and your family...early intervention is the key, and you've got that going for you. ((((((hugs!!)))))

Sara

At 3 years, our pediatrician looked at my son toe-walking, and then listened as I explained that we couldn't follow his advice on potty training because MY SON DOESN"T MAKE FACES WHEN HE POOPS -- and we got a referral to a neurologist.

Dr. Google says very scary things about that combination of symptoms. But as it turns out, we have a kid with some sensory issues. Nothing ever officially diagnosed, nothing that rose to the level of getting EI. But yeah. We had the funny food textures thing, the toe-walking, wierdnesses around sound (NO SINGING EVER MAMMA), and a clear lack of sensation in t he lower body.

And you know what? It does get better. But it doesn't make those first weeks and months after the doctor says "Yeah, something's not quite right here" any easier.

Sensory issues exist on a continuum, just like anything else. Now that I've read up on them, I realize everyone I know has some - and several people close to me have a *lot* of issues - enough that they probably would have qualified for OT as kids. They are, as the funky freebirthers like to say, "A variation of normal."

And like you say, understanding that variation is a good thing. Realizing why your kid crashes into walls, or thumps his feet against the sides of his desk, make it that much easier to grit your teeth and be patient. It makes it that much easier to stand up to his 1st grade teacher and say "He's not ignoring you. He's just not aware he's doing it. Please keep reminding him, gently, and he will eventually get it. It takes him longer to get things about his body than other kids." Understanding him allows me to help others understand him too. And that's a Good Thing.

MrsHaley

My BFF's almost-3 has THE. EXACT. DIAGNOSIS. Same symptoms, everything. She has made HUGE progess in the year or so she's been receiving services and she is on her way to 100% fine in every way.

Think of this as the first step in a journey of discovery -- discovering who Noah is, how Noah works and what works for Noah. Maybe it's not the road you thought you'd be traveling, but it's a scenic one with a great destination -- knowing Noah better!

Kristine

From one mommy of a Noah with SPD to another...

Finding out anything is "wrong" with your kid sucks! But, aren't you a little relieved to know that there is a name for what you were concerned about? If I had a dollar for all the times I was told my Noah was "just being two" (which made me feel I must really suck as a mom if I didn't know that already) I could probably afford his therapy now! It's why I get so frustrated when I see people just trying to make other parents feel better, rather than aknowledge their concerns.

We are lucky to have early intervention available to us. I bet you will be amazed at how much improvement you will see in Noah in the next couple months.

And I bet in another week or two you will be an expert in all things sensory. I found it fascinating when I started to learn about it. Feel free to email me at any time if you need to talk, have questions, etc.

Big hugs, and know I'm thinking of you!

By Jane

I don't have a lot of experience treating kids with sensory issues, but I have some. Okay, a tiny bit. And that tiny bit has made me realize that Noah's cohort is ever-growing. Our ability to pick up such things is improving constantly, and in the past, he might have had a miserable childhood as a weird kid. But now--they are doing such fantastic things for kids with sensory issues, you will be amazed at the simple stuff they do that really makes a difference. Oh--and--kids with sensory issues tend to be really really bright. But of course you knew that already.

jandyle

Your friend is right, you have every right to be mad and upset. Sometimes the Internet is a great thing, in that you can find thousands of people who are going through the same thing as you, and you feel less alone. But you can also find millions of people who are worse off than you for one reason or other, and then you feel guilty for feeling bad about what is going on with you and your family. But really, if people were only allowed to feel bad or upset if they were in the WORST SITUATION IN THE WORLD, only one person, who just gave birth to a four-headed autistic monkey child who already has breast cancer would ever be allowed to feel, and that's just silly.
Good luck with everything, I'm sure you'll all come out fine. :)

HMFT

Your reality is just that. Yours.

I have an eight year old that may or may not be Asperger's. And I felt the same way you do know when I heard that.

However.

It got easier. And we are dealing with it. Which gives me, and him, some form of control over it.

Good luck, mamacita.

Wack-a-do

Amy,
Have you had his hearing checked? Toe walking is not that unusual and what toddler doesn't have texture issues? Resistance to anything and everything? Hmmm....I think they might call that the terrible twos which become the equally horrible threes. I know that when you look at the collective symptoms, they seem to point to this sensory disorder but who knows? Maybe he is just speech delayed. My son is hearing impaired and before he was diagnosed, he was unable to make himself clearly understood. We were all in hell. As soon as the hearing aids were put on and he received speech therapy, his life and behaviour profoundly changed.
Listen to your instincts. They are always, always right. Nobody can say anything right now that makes the situation any better. It sucks when you've counted fingers and toes, had that sigh of relief and then run into something like this.
Good luck. I'll be rooting for you.

bird

Our neighbors little boy has speech problems. Her pediatrician kept telling her to just "keep an eye on it, don't panic, nothing to worry about, he'll catch up." All those lovely things. So she didn't panic and she just let it go. Now she wishes she would have...just a little. Turns out he really does have a delay and it's going to put him in the "special" class this fall in kindergarten. He is catching up, but early intervention would have done wonders for him.

debra

I know there's nothing I can say to really make you feel better but know that I'm sending you good thoughts and virtual hugs.

Jen

Ooh! Ben Folds! Love!

Thinking of you and Jason and Noah.

Stephanie

Amy, I have no stories or advice to share. All I can say is, I think you have the exact right attitude in facing this issue, and that Noah is so lucky to have these two crazy parents who are going through emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other in trying to do the best they can for him! You are spot on - things will be fine - but I'm thinking of you, I'm cheering for you, Jason and Noah.

Phyllis McQueen

Amy, everything will be fine. My dog's vet, who is uber interlligent, practices holistic medicine, got pregnant at 43 . . .she thought she was in menopause. Her adorable baby, who is now an insufferable 4 year old, didn't talk until she was 3 years old. The kid was mute, then used sign language. My vet, Deb, said "she'll talk when she's ready, I'm not too worried about it." Now, the kid won't shut up. I think doctors today are too quick to put a label on kids. Noah is absolutely adorable, you and your husband seem like great parents, and I'm sure everything will work out fine.

Suzanne

Amy,

You are allowed to be upset about the way things are. You are grieving the loss of your dreams.

If it is the case that Noah has some issues, you're catching them VERY early. Odds are in your favor and the county you live in is VERY good with these services. (BTW, Frederick county? Most excellent with my son's diagnosis of Aspergers, SID, OCD, and ADHD. Even better with educating him)

Take the time to be upset, disappointed and sad, because it will help regroup and focus in the near future. Posting is therapeutic-heck, that's why I started my blog. Let it out-you'll be surprised at how many others have walked a mile in those shoes and can help you navigate the path you're headed down.

I wish I was still up there in Maryland, if only to come sit down and be the person to listen to you vent (and have you open a bottle of champagne with the sword, so we can drink while conversing about it!)

Hang in there. Six years ago, I thought my world was crashing around me when we heard the word's "Asperger's Syndrome". Things are different than I thought we'd experience life, but I wouldn't trade this guy for anything. He's taught me so much.

Aliesha

My son has sensory issues and is also in speech therapy. He was similar to Noah, in that he learned words and simply forgot them or shortened them. He couldn't eat table foods until he was 18 months because of sensory problems. It would just gag him. At almost 3 I went in for help (kicking myself for not going sooner). We got him in early intervention and he has spent the last 2 years in special needs Pre-K. I was like you, trying to be ok with it since it is something that can be worked through, but at the same time mad as hell and just plain scared. Now, 2 years later the child can talk your ears off. He'll start Kindergarten in the fall on the advice of his teachers, but he will still receive speech therapy and some occupational therapy to deal with his sensory issues. It all has gotten SO much better. Hang in there :)

zdoodlebub

Haven't stopped thinking about you. Glad you posted today. You'll work it out, girl. You're on track. I've been there. It'll get better. And then you'll feel the good times more deeply than before.

zdoodlebub

I started to say this in my earlier comment - then deleted it - then changed my mind again. Can't stop myself.

If no one has yet told you this. On your assessment day, it's better if Noah's not having a great day. I feel bad offering such manipulative, deceitful advice. But when I went through my version of this, other moms told me the same thing. And it helped. So I'm passing it on.

At this stage of the game, you want him to score poorly. I know that's counter-intuitive. But the "worse" Noah does at assessment time, the more help you will get. Whether that translates into hours per week of therapy or different kinds of therapy...no such thing as too much help.

So, if you have any control over it - maybe try to get an appoinment later in the afternoon - no naps - no snacks or juice while you are waiting. God, I sound horrible. But it's for his long-term benefit. You don't want to set him up for success on this onee. You gotta work the system. Just sayin.

Nic

Amy, you are a great mother, and I admire your honesty in posting such great things on your blog. It helps us all. I'm rooting for you and your family.

picklemommy

Amy-

It is so hard hearing that your child falls out of the "norm" in some way. (My number one has been my training wheels in that department). I can only say that you are going to adjust to this bump in the road, and that really, it is to your advantage that you have already learned that when your mommy-radar is vibrating it is worth investigating. You should give yourself a pat on the back for being such an intuitive and thoughtful mommy.

As a former Kindergarten teacher, I cannot stress enough how much I believe in Early Intervention. It works, the earlier the better. Free services can sound a bit nervous making, but what I have found is that most people who sign on to work with little people are really eager to have your child succeed and will cheer Noah on every step of the way.

Raising child(ren) is a roller coaster, (sorry for the platitude, but it is true) and the highs and lows set parents up for every emotional experience under the sun. You and Jason are both doing what you need to do to digest this new information about Noah, and that takes some adjusting, no question. You and Jason and Noah are just GREAT! And well on your way to being over the bump (and ready to face the next one, whatever it may be).

In my experience, all children develop and mature in fits and spurts, and that when a chld has an area that they struggle with there is often a corresponding strength in another area, which may or may not be immediately apparent. (Not too reassuring when you are focused on the things that are "wrong" with your child, but there it is...)

Anyway, I am rambling, but I am thinking of you and thankful that you are sharing your story so articulately. You are very brave and Noah is lucky to have you.

sarah

I just want to hug you (but not in a creepy way). I admire your ability to put things in perspective AND honor your freak out--I have a tendency to either fly into full-on lunatic drama queen mode, or I stuff it all down (usually with a big piece of cake or a Starbucks muffin) and try to pretend nothing is wrong.

I wish your family only the best on this (hopefully short, blip-like) journey through this experience.

Nichole

Hey - I looked up the signing time videos on YouTube to see if Mallaika would even watch them, she immediately started signing for "more" and "milk" I mean, I am sure that its a fluke, but hey - she turned around, handed me her cup and signed milk!
Amy, I know & you know that this too will pass - just a blip.
*And I love the signing time videos already

jodi

I know I said this to you in an email (and if I am one on the "wonerful" internet strangers you are refering to, thank you, that is totally unneccesary), but the infants and toddlers program is fabulous, and free. You will love Noah's speech therapist, if for no other reason, she will play with him and you can go in the other room and get work done, or take a shower. No, really, you don't have to be in the room the whole time. In fact, I don't think they want you to be.
It's going to ok. Noah is going to be great. And please, email me anytime.

Y

I just love you and wanted you to know that.

(And there are other things that I want you to know, but mostly I just love you and am thinking of you.)

Divrchk

You caught this blip early and you are on the right path to really knowing Noah as a little person who will be able to express himself. Good luck with early intervention and may the therapy be able to start immediately. You have every right to freak. Just know that it will all work out.

Meredith

I want to wish you a speedy trip through this scary time. Because once Noah starts therapy and you have a path to travel it will seem so much less scary.

When my youngest turned 1, her pediatrician told me she had stopped gaining weight and fallen off the growth charts. In the 3 months since her last visit, she had gotten taller, but not gained an ounce. I had just weaned her, in anticipation of starting whole milk, and I was initially upset that I had to go out and buy formula. "But, wait," the pediatrician says. "This is a much bigger problem than just keeping her on formula." And, then the tests began.

Holy crap! It took mommy nerves of steel to hold her down for needles and catheters, and when the nurse said, "I think we should try the smaller needle" after 3 failed attempts to draw blood, I thought I was going to be arrested because I was certainly going to put the next needle into her own arm.

Then the tentative diagnoses with the scary words: acidosis, impaired kidney function, lifetime medications. And, then, just when you had begun to wrap your mind around all of this and can see yourself on this path of doctors and hospitals and monitoring (because, after all, it's not something like cancer - this really is MANAGEABLE), the specialist won't see you because your kid is not "sick enough" to qualify for the diagnosis!

Just when we felt like we'd been whipped back to the beginning of a bad roller coaster ride, she starts growing again. Like she'd never stopped.

And, when we'd gotten a little distance from the whole episode, we joked she'd be our supermodel retirement plan (she was 90th percentile in height and 10th percentile in weight).

And, now, 3 years later, it takes an essay like yours to remind me how awful it all really was. I sincerely hope that in 3 years you, also, have trouble recalling how upside-down your world feels right now.

Starbuck

Your friend was right about it being okay to get mad. This has (at least temporarily) changed your world and what you expected your world to be. Just because there are people who have it worse than you doesn't minimize the impact this has on you and Jason. You definitely need to allow time for you and Jason to grieve. ("Grieve" may not be the best word, but hopefully you understand what I am trying to say)

Then you need to do just what you are doing -- get informed, put together a plan of action and do your level best to help Noah do and be the best he can be. Because that's what we do as parents. And you and Jason are amazing parents. You love that little boy with every fiber of your being and there is nothing you wouldn't do for him. That, my friend, is going to make all the difference for Noah.

Jill

I'm betting you will both enjoy the time in therapy. There's nothing like someone totally focused on your kid, cheering him on, and celebrating his successes.

Ninotchka

I think I know exactly how you feel. Like your parental innocence has been cruelly violated? Yeah. I've been there. I don't think I handled it as well as you. It does get better. It's a process. Actually it's all about processing that process, if you'll indulge me a little word play.

Hang in. The initial sting will pass. Then sting again a little. Then pass again. But you're all going to be fine and perhaps even better for it in the end.

Bunny

I do not have any experience with anything like this. But I am a mother. And I have been reading about you and Noah for so long. You are an incredible mother for knowing him and knowing how he is struggling and needs help. You are such a good mother. And Noah is such a lucky kid.

robiewankenobie

my friend has a kid with sensory issues...that early intervention stuff is fucking awesome. i'm glad that you're taking the time to be mad about it, it's hard to do that sometimes.

you love your kid, obviously, and you are doing right by him. you will absolutely overcome the blip. rock on, sistah!

Sundry

Amy, I just want to say that you are such a good mom to your son, and you're so awesome and brave for talking about this stuff. *throwing you the goat, right now*

jonniker

I don't know why it's not okay to be completely and totally upset and freaked about something without someone screaming "NO ONE DIED. SHUT UP. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS."

Those people should be poked with very tiny needles over and over again.

DUDE. This is your kid. This isn't a tiny deal, this is something you have to deal with, and you have every right to be scared, upset, whining, carping, whatever, pretty much 24-hours per day, and the fact that you're not is beyond remarkable. So the blessing-mongers can stick it.

You're a great mom, and I'm very grateful that you're sharing this with us. Thank you.

cagey

Amy, there will always be a sadder story out there than yours. However, it doesn't make yours any less valid! You are Noah's mother and you simply want the very, very best for him in life. Which is precisely what being a good mother is all about.

The important thing is that you are getting information to help you make decisions. I've seen folks live in denial on issues such as these thinking it will "work itself out" while their child continues to struggle. Thank you for posting about this experience. Thank you for getting the message out there that it is indeed best to push forward, even when facing a possibly scary truth. You have a voice and people listen. This is why I refer to bloggers such as yourself as "power bloggers" - you have a power to get people listening. Thank you for using that voice to help others.

Peace and hugs.

J

I have two boys. Both of them are blabbermouths. Both of them are brilliant. I dreamt last night of a baby daughter. She was perfect. Sad part is, I will have no more children. But in my eyes, she was perfect. That is all.

Keri

Thanks for clearing up about the earlier posts. Hope Noah likes the Signing Time videos!

brite

Coming out of major lurkdom here to say a very few words.
Educate yourself, read lots, ask lots of questions of people who have been there, who have background and then form your own plan based on who your child is.
Don't let yourself or Noah get "pigeonholed' by the name of a syndrome, the list of symptoms, or any other label. Noah is your son...that's the only label he needs.Don't let him become 'NoahwhohasSID/SPD'.
And finally (this turned out to be more than a few words) he may not grow out of it, but you and your husband and Noah will all GROW WITH this and learn to adapt and be happy with who you are.

Jamie

Amy,
I'm a pediactric speech pathologist, and I work in EI services.
I would take any labels your general ped. gives you with a grain of salt. As helpful and knowledgable they can be, they generally have less than a DAY of language instruction, and even less than that on sensory issues. SPD is a BIG diagnosis (which is hotly debated and one of the "popular" labels around now), and there are all kids of degrees of sensory "issues" leading up to that. Heck, I have sensory issues! Try not to get hung up on a label prior to talking with the intervention team.

FWIW, based on the limited info I've got, Noah sounds like he's in pretty decent shape to me. It's MAJOR that his receptive (understanding) language seems to be age appropriate. Hopefully, all he'll need is a little support to get him moving.

I wish I had more concrete info to offer you. If you have ANY questions at all, please don't hesitate to email me.

Shash

Amy, I'm glad you posted. I was actually kind of worried about you.

I hope you got my email.

You're off to a good (no, make that great) start.

It's okay to be mad too. I was. Tell Jason it's okay to be freaked out, too. We were.

You guys are great parents, and Noah will be running sentence circles around you in no time.

My son was waiting until he could speak in sentences before he spoke. Maybe Noah is too.

Ya'all are in my thoughts.

Shash

Melody

ok. this was me/my perfectly delicious son 7 years ago. speech delayed. labels labels labels. me, angry,hurt, upset, worried.. oh woe is me, why me. all of it. we did early intervention..they do all these fun little tests..he was SUPER social, he knew what they were asking him, he just wouldn't tell them, not COULDN'T.. he WOULDN'T. we did the sessions.. and then when he turned 2.. a little over.. WHAM! his words started spilling out, and well, he's going to be 9 in August..and atleast once a day.. i pay him to SHUT THE HELL UP! this is your boy, and it's upsetting and exhausting - I just wanted to tell you that I too freaked at every possible WHAT IF.. best of luck!

TLee

Amy - I'm a long-time admirer/lurker, first-time poster. I'm sure you're sick of hearing stories of other people, but I just can't sit quietly thinking that MAYBE my story might help your family. My little brother struggled with speech as a toddler; my distraught parents took him to doctor after doctor before a brilliant one finally figured out my poor bro had fluid in his ears (the result of many, many ear infections). Tubes in his ears finally did the trick - once he could hear the sounds correctly, he immediately started sounding more normal.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

TLee

Amy - I'm a long-time admirer/lurker, first-time poster. I'm sure you're sick of hearing stories of other people, but I just can't sit quietly thinking that MAYBE my story might help your family. My little brother struggled with speech as a toddler; my distraught parents took him to doctor after doctor before a brilliant one finally figured out my poor bro had fluid in his ears (the result of many, many ear infections). Tubes in his ears finally did the trick - once he could hear the sounds correctly, he immediately started sounding more normal.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Crystal

I understand your situation. My son is a couple of weeks younger than Noah. He was in a physical therapy program similar to the one I think you are trying to get in contact with. Mine is a government/state ran program. (I'm not sure which)My son was late on just about everything except for talking. He rolled over late, he didn't crawl until he was 12 months old and didn't walk until he was almost 18 months. I think a lot of his problem is stubbornness, but as we found out in physical therapy, he had weak muscles that wouldn't really allow him to do what he needed to do. It was very stressful. He was in the program for 8 months to catch up to what he should have been doing. He is doing great and is actually just getting the discharge papers completed next week. It is stressful and makes you worry about other things as well. I cried for I don't know how long when his pediatrician brought up the program. I was somewhat familiar with it, but now I would recommend it to anyone. They have all kinds of stuff they do. It is a very interesting program. I wish you the best of luck. Things will turn out ok, but I understand your concerns.

Helen

I started off reading this post and thinking just what you said some people would think. I have 2 autistic sons and find myself getting irrationally insulted every time I read of another parent who thinks this is the worst thing that can happen. Then, THEN I stopped and caught myself because hell, I cried BUCKETS for WEEKS and months when we first knew that my silent Isaac, with his obsession for neatness wasn't just the best baby in the world who tidied up after himself a lot but was autistic oh my hell.
Seth, with his aversion to food and don't put more than one kind of food on the same plate or the sky will fall in but hey chamelions should be priamte because they have thumbs and why don't all 2 year olds think this way? Wasn't a genius with eccetricities but gasp autistic in his thinking.
Now? Now they are 5 and 6, they ARE just tidy and eccentric and genius and just the way they are.
You should cry if that is how you feel, throw things if it helps, hate the tidy lines of toys, wish he would talk in brilliant sentences...and then let it all sink in that he is glorious Noah, who is just as he is. The day you look at him and imagine how dull life would be if he were just like every other kid...then you'll read posts by other moms worried about these things and feel a bit insulted because who the hell wouldn't want a kid exactly like Noah? Who would want their kid to be 'ordinary'?
My Isaac is so different from other kids, he stands out like a sore thumb but everywhere we go he is adored, his classmates adore him, his teachers weep at the thought of him graduating, he is divine. I shudder at the idea of him being at all any other way. Seth (6) is hysterical in his professor like way of thinking, skinny little nerd boy who couldn't ever be like other 6 year olds. Wouldn't change a thing. Noah is perfect, whether he talks or not, whether he has 'issues' or not. Divine, funny, delicious boy. Lucky you.

mama speak

Amy,

Take a deep breath --all of you, it's going to be ok. Honest. My brother spent 8 years in speech threapy at Stanford; they (dr's he saw before Stanford) told my parents he wouldn't have it together to make it into high school and graduated from college w/no problem in 95. He started kindergarden on time and was never held back or anything either.
Since this seems to run in the family, when my oldest daughter wasn't mimic'ing by age 2 we had her tested and yes, delayed speech, lack of strengh in jaw muscles, processing issues, etc... Now at age 4 she's has a HUGE vocabulary and people are shocked to find out she was in threapy. And she drives me bat shit crazy w/her talking in the car! I swear!

Whatever it ends up being is just a title and you'll be working w/the right people to learn how to make it easier for Noah. One thing I know for sure is that the earlier you do this w/these kids, the quicker and easier it is for them. Honest. Now as scary as this is, it's going to be ok, I promise. And the signing thing; just one more tool to keep his frustration down so he can keep moving forward in other areas w/out this part holding him back.
I can't tell you how many people thought I was being over the top for having her tested so EARLY. So quit beating yourself up, your baby is still perfect. He's the same as he was the day before you got a title for this. Kids truely do work to your expectations (like my brother). So you continue to treat him the same, expect him to do well and keep trying and hug him when it's hard. You'll all do well, he'll love his threapists because the way they work w/these kids is through play. My DD still asks to go see her threapist.
Now go have a glass of wine & give that baby a hug for me. You'll all be fine, really.

tiffany

almost the whole entire internet is hugging you guys...can you feel it? i think you can. hopefully noah and jason can feel it, too.

Judy

I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time with this. I still believe that doctors, in an effort to cover their asses, go too far. I am personally to the point where I'm afraid to mention any odd symptoms that I notice, for fear of being put through ten million tests and adding another prescription to my daily routine. Example: a few months ago I mentioned always being tired to my doctor (and it's probably important here to point out that I will be 65 next month, I work a full time job as a legal assistant and commute three hours a day by public transit) and this got me into two sleep studies at nearly $4000 each, three trips (so far) to a pulmonologist, a diagnosis of sleep apnea, the fun of sleeping with a CPAP machine, a full facial mask and oxygen, and three prescriptions. With all that, I found I was still tired, I had started hating to go to bed because the damn machine didn't work right and sucked water from the humidifier into my face mask and tried to blow it into my breathing passages and the mask was uncomfortable and prone to falling apart while I slept, and no more could I go to bed with a handful of jelly bellies and a book and after a few minutes drowsily reach over and turn out the light and snuggle down into my pillows, I was unhappy, AND had to lay out $500 cash because my firm just changed insurance carriers and the new one had a deductible. After a month of torture, the pulmonologist told me "The second sleep study showed that the CPAP really didn't help you, but I thought we would try it anyway." Needless to say I am pissed that I was not told "The CPAP doesn't help much, but do you want to spend $500 of your hard-earned money to try it anyway?" The doctor was just covering his ass.

All that has nothing to do with Noah, just an example of how doctors, in their fear of malpractice suits, go too far.

As another reader mentioned, though, you may want to get a second opinion and do not overlook physical causes. One doctor thinks Noah has sensory issues. Another might not.

My older daughter needed speech therapy at an early age. She had almost continual ear infections from the age of six weeks to two years. Her speech was unintelligible. This was in the early 1960s when not-so-much was available, but we luckily lived in the town where our state university was located and she got some good FREE therapy there. With the ear infections halted by tubes, and with a few months of therapy, she was rattling like you would not believe. She got speech therapy for the first year or so of public school, and after that they felt she didn't need it. Today she is successful as a realtor, a principal broker who just started her own agency in an area thankfully not much affected by the housing crunch.

But if I had taken her to the doctors today, if she'd been born forty years later, she might have been diagnosed with sensory issues.

I know you're mad that your child is not perfect. He's still beautiful, delicious Noah, though, and I'm willing to bet that there's not all that much really wrong with him.

It's okay to be mad. It's great that you can write about it. But I still think everything's gonna be all right. Check out physical causes. Get another opinion. And then, as I'm sure you will, get him what he needs to get over this small bump in the road.

I love reading your blog, by the way, and have gotten about 20 other people hooked too. :)

JMH

I think you should have his hearing checked too. I make this comment as a former special ed. teacher and a mother of 2 children who both had to have tubes put in their ears before they were 5. In our case, the tubes made a HUGE difference in language development and behavior. Good luck!

tracey

Go ahead and be pissed. I mean, damnit, somebody told you that your baby has something different, and different isn't usually equated with better nowadays. Shit, I cried when my oldest got his glasses. GLASSES. CRIED. Because I was worried over the potential teasing and difference it gave him. Worried that he would have to overcome even a tiny bump. I know... GLASSES. (Of course, this is also the child that I am taking to a neuropsychologist in a few weeks for potential Sensory Integration problems too.... but I digress).

We always see the potentially worst case scenario. I have cried myself to sleep, wondering if my child will become the next crazed bomber dude because he talks back to me and can't sit still in class.

Hang in there. A diagnosis doesn't change who Noah is. It just gives you something to work on, and a great comeback to somebody who gives you a "look" when they notice something different about him.

Laura

Of course you will overcome this. It sounds to me like he's pretty normal for a kid his age - no child enjoys transitions. I sometimes grow very old waiting for my 6 year old to get his tiny little act together and get out of the car!

Enjoy your kid and make sure he gets the extra little boost he needs right now. The best thing a child can have is caring, involved parents and Noah is richly blessed.

Jessy

I'm so curious about the supposed rash of SID in kids-o'-bloggers. Before you go too deep along that road, it might be worth it to have Noah evaluated by a neurologist. (Not to look for anything terrible, but to get converging evidence for what you've already been told?)

Does he show normal activation, and eventual habituation, to new and different stimuli? What are the risks of pursuing, and not pursuing treatment. It sounds to me (and I'm not an expert, but I do have a degree in a different field of Psychology) like the speech delay is clearly there and diagnosable, and the other stuff might fall well within the bounds of annoying two year old behavior.

Zoot

Hang in there and if it's any consolation, I'm freaking out for you. I think Its a BIG DEAL. I have been telling my friends about my friend and her son Noah and my friends are CRAZY CHRISTIANS (I know. Weird that they dont hate me, right?) and they are PRAYING for you. And you know - I don't do that - but they pray for me a lot and a lot of times (like with my Mom's miraculous recovery from an aneurysm in 2002) it works out GREAT. So - I thought your situation was serious enough to tell my friends. I mainly told them to pray for you to have strength. Iknow in my heart it will all be okay - I just want you to be okay too.

Hugs to you all.

Becca

Oh, Amy. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. You should most definitely write about it--for lots of reasons. MOST people don't have 4-headed autistic monkey babies with breast cancer. They have kids with much more manageable problems (and every person has something--we just have to live what we're dealt, and you are living it very well). These people need an outlet. A place that tells them their feelings are okay and their kids are okay and their lives will go on, and their babies are still their precious babies. A place that talks honestly about their struggle.
I have a friend whose baby needs glasses. She was six months old and wears these adorable pink glasses all the time. Her mom FREAKED out at first. The comments bother her. The idea that her perfect baby isn't PERFECT was hard. A manageable problem. It still affects their life, and I'm sure she will appreciate knowing that other people's manageable problems affect their lives, too.
Another friend's baby had to wear one of those helmet-things for her flat head. It FREAKED her out. Again, a manageable problem. They dealt. The helmet did its job, and now she's a gorgeous and round-headed 1 1/2 year old.
I could go on. There are far more stories about people whose kids have a manageable problem. These problems affect our every day lives. Please talk about Noah. Please talk about this blip. It is important.
Now that I've babbled long enough, I just want to send support and hugs. You are doing great. Your son is just as adorable and precious and perfect as ever.

Amalah

Oh. Shit. I MEANT to include one little thing in this about our pediatrician...he has a 22-year-old autistic son, and is considered an expert in the spectrum.

Obviously, we're getting Noah evaluated/assessed by someone who actually deals with all this stuff for a living...and like I said IF Noah does have some sort of processing thing I am convinced it's a very minor one, with the speech delay being the only real "bad" part of it.

Although the comment up there about the tidy lines of toys totally made my hair stand on end, because YES. EXACTLY. Whoa.

Thanks for all your stories. We're already way better over here and hey! I got Noah his first tricycle! SO FREAKING CUTE.

Kate Taylor

I just wanted you to know that I understand exactly how you are feeling. My son at 2 yrs, had very little vocabulary. He was terribly into trains and Thomas videos at this time, so my daughter and I were referred to as "Choo." Yes, we were both called "Choo." Things were a bit confusing-- we didn't know which Choo he wanted or needed on different occassions.
We ended up taking him to Speech Therapy for about a year, and he placed out of the program.

I went through all of the emotions you did. I was constantly calling my mom up with different disorders I had found while googling on the computer. To which he obviously had none. I was a freak.

I just want you to know, if you get Noah the help he needs, he will be that child shortly, that follows you around the house and won't shut-up! Trust me. That's my guy now.

I think you are a great mom, because you realized something wasn't right, and you are getting him the help he needs.

Mediocre Housewife

Hard as this is right now - Noah is still very young and thanks to wonderful parents like you, he is getting help early. The "success by six" adage is true and he will improve by leaps and bounds thanks to early intervention. Get mad, cry, be upset because labels suck and it's a tough pill to swallow, but remember that Noah is a lucky little man to have parents like you and he will be JUST FINE. He really will. (((hugs)))

Heather

Hooray that you get free EI services! I got that for my daughter in big old scary Manhattan and it was magical! Free doesn't equal bad! Free equals a community that understands the faster the intervention, the better the outcome.

BTW, further to Jason's mania about this... My daughter's evaluation for EI was delayed by a week because the records that needed to be accessed were right near Ground Zero and, obviously, right after 9/11, no one was going down there to peruse file cabinets. That delay of a week seemed to be just enough for my husband to get on a plane to the Middle East and hunt down Osama bin Laden himself! We lost a friend on 9/11 but when that tragedy impinged on my husband's baby girl...that was the last straw! Daddies and their babies -- its a beautiful thing.

Emily

Reading your post and all the comments has left me with a great big lump in my throat. I'm so moved by all the love and support here, and am sending my own to join in the great big Internet hug for you.

Susan

my son had four words at 2 1/2 and when I listed them for the doctor, she said "but these two are just grunts" and I hated her for a week.
I didn't pick up on the sensory/transitional issues until he was 4 1/2 though, and that happened because a friend of mine was talking about her 8 year old's tantrums and how they finally solved them and I listened to with this voice yelling "THAT IS YOUR CHILD!!" in my head over and over again ....

Lisa M

Just lots of (((hugs))) for you and your boys! You can do this!

bananie

you are a wonderful mother, amalah.

Priya

Hey! I know you're feeling much better now and that's awesome, but I thought I'd say this: my younger brother didn't speak, like, at all, until he was 3. Yes. Three. Anyway, he's 18 now and pretty sweet, as I can imagine Noah will be, soon.

Priya

NOT TO SAY THAT NOAH ISN'T SWEET ALREADY! Ahhh, proofreading. A lost art.

Kimberly

Of course this is going to rattle you and Jason to your cores. If it didn't, I would worry about you.

I know that Noah will be fine. I know that you and Jason will do all of the right things and be wonderfully supportive of Noah while he's figuring things out. It's our job to be supportive of you guys until then.

And keep posting the vids of Noah's latest cute words. I love 'em and would hate to miss out just b/c of this blip.

Delilah

I'm a mother of three and this might be a simplistic answer, but I suggest lots of talking by YOU to your son. Don't stop talking. When you're putting on his shoes tell him, "we're putting on your shoes." As you go through the day, talk to him. I think when you only have one child you might sometimes get lulled into not having conversations with your child because you think that they are not capable of processing what you are saying, but that is wrong. Keep talking. One of my children had a speech impediment due to a cleft palate and the greatest advice I was ever given by a speech therapist was to never stop speaking to my child. He said a lot of words wrong but I never corrected him in a way that he would notice. If he said, "watch bideo," I would say, "yes, we can watch a video." I would say the word correctly so that he could HEAR the word as it should be said. The therapist worked on helping him make the correct sounds and my job was simply to speak to him and when he made a mistake, say the word correctly and leave it at that. My son is now in his 20's and has no speech problems. He did attend speach therapy for about 6 years.

tracey

Amy
In all of this, Noah is still your boy. You know this of course. Just don't give the label(s) too much power to suck away any of your enjoyment or hopes for him. A label certainly doesn't change who he is today compared to who he was a couple of days ago. That pain that you and Jason feel about what this all means for Noah is natural. But we are very early on in the history of identifying and treating mild differences in development. We really don't even know if these mild difficulties will lead to future problems.

The one thing we do know, is that Noah is probably frustrated more than he has to be because he can't make his needs, thoughts, and desires made known. So if treatment can help him communicate better so he is less frustrated then bonus for him and you.

If you are impatient to get started on things, I recommend getting the book &/or DVD, "It Takes Two to Talk" from hanen.org

I don't have any affiliation with these folks but I know a lot of families that praise their programs highly.

Also, just so you know, there is no scientific evidence for diagnosis or treatment of sensory disorder. Many of us in the child development field remain skeptical about it. Language disorder on the other hand is highly genetic and has had years of valid research on causation, treatment, and prognosis.

Reading your posts about your boy ...it is so clear how much you enjoy and treasure him. Don't let the label cause you to look at him as "less than" ever. He is not.

liz

I stumbled across your blog several months ago and found it entertaining etc, but have never commented before...
However, I just wanted to say that I have known many kids who were slow to talk and have turned out fine and with the help provided by specialists are probably better then others without it. Also, did you get his ears checked for wax? My little sister didn't talked until she was nearly 3...well at least in any capacity that we could understand and when they checked her ears they pulled out so much wax that it was a wonder she could even hear any of us. Also, some of my friends tell stories about how when they were little they didn't talk and when they did it was in a full sentance.
Good luck! I'm sure everything will work out :)

Lauren

As a parent with children who required speech therapy or needed ear tubes (minor surgery) at 18 months or are getting allergy shots, etc. I get it. I am SURE there are parents out there who would give ANYTHING for their child to have such "minor issues". I can understand and appreciate that, but it doesn't make what you are going through, what you are worried about with YOUR child any less significant to you. You are his mother and the amount of worry you feel is completely justified- you ache for him, you crave the very best for him. You are entitled to that... and so is he.

sechakecha

I don't have children. So I can't even BEGIN to imagine what you're going through.

A few months ago, Rockstarmommy posted something, that yes people out there have it worse than you ~ but that doesn't make this particular moment suck any less.

You and Jason are AMAZING parents. You guys will get through this, and Noah will end up being a smart, brilliant child, like his parents.

*big, big hugs* you all will be fine.

statia

Dude. If people are telling you to get the fuck over it, kick them in the yams.

It doesn't matter how minor of a blip it is. It's not minor when it's your child, so, fuck them.

People tell me that in regards to my son's plagio. Which you know, it might be a minor blip, but to me, while yes, I am over the fact that he will have to wear a helmet, I am NOT over the fact that his head is misshapen and I fret over it all the time. What if they can't fix it? After everything we went through to have our kids, you don't take anything for granted and when something turns up wrong, it's hard to deal with. Yeah, I had an old boss who lost his son to cancer and yes, that really sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but that doesn't mean that one's pain is worse. We all have our thresholds and in the end, we only want what's best for them. It's your job to worry and get upset when stuff like this happens. If you didn't care, then it'd be a different story.

Hillarie


He is a beautiful boy and you are a wonderful Mom who is doing all the right things. My good friend (who is a Mom also) works for that division- she is great!

I am sure everything will be ok.

All my best- Hillarie

problem girl

I've started about 20 emails to you but I just can't get them to say exactly what I mean. Short version is that whatever is going on, early intervention is the very best thing for all of you. Your kid is destined for great things and THIS doesn't change THAT. He might have to take a slightly different path to get there, but he'll still get there.
And as someone who's been through the fright, the anger, the saddness, can I just say that it's all ok? Because it is. Your son doesn't have to have it "the worst" in order for it to be ok for you to be upset.
Signed,
The mom of a former late-talker, tip-toe-walker, sensory-overloaded, repetative-beharior-doing toddler who's now 7 and amazing people all the time with how brilliant and funny and awesome he is. :)

bethanyactually

Amy, this diagnosis had to be SO HARD to hear and incorporate into your thinking about Noah. You are entitled to be angry and sad and all the rest of it. Please ignore the ignorant people who tell you otherwise and only listen to those who love you and know how much you love Noah, just as he is, and how much you want to help him talk so you can hear what's going on in his head.

I want to say more but I can't quite figure out how to say it. So I'll just say that I will be thinking of you & Jason & Noah, and everyone who loves you, and keeping you in my prayers.

Sarah

Amy,

I am the first time mom of a preemie. He's been getting early intervention since he was 6 months actual, 3 months adjusted (preemie lingo!) I could have poo-poo'd EI - as my pediatrician originally did (for the record he now agrees with me). But I listened to my inner voice and that voice told me "Do not f*ck around this." You know what? my inner voice rocks. It sounds like you have a pretty good one yourself.

Noah's a lucky little man to have a momma like you...

Thinking of you all,
Sarah

Adrienne

Oh dear. You definitely have the right to be mad and worried; because someone else's child may be worse off doesn't diminish the impact and importance of Noah's problems on your family and your lives.

And also, when so many people have perfect, problem-free children, it's bound to make you a little angry, because why isn't your child perfect and problem-free too? What you and Jason are feeling is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. You don't need to be so hard on yourself.

With that said, this is all going to turn out okay; you're getting him the help he needs, and he has a loving, caring family to support him and help him get through this.

I'll be keeping Noah (and you and Jason) in my thoughts. Stay strong, and remember that you have lots of people who support you and are praying for you.

kerrianne

Noah is beautiful. And he is yours. You will surely overcome.

kinkle

Hi Amy I have commented before but I'm mostly a lurker. Guess what? I have a son who is a full month older (almost) than Noah & he isn't talking, either.. in fact I play him the "Ah ball!" video on a regular basis to try and spur on his speech. He has said mama & dada but then acts like we caught him at something naughty. It's like he CAN talk, he just chooses not to but he babbles incessantly. I was jealous because your kid was actually forming words! My kid seemed to be too disinterested to do so. Still, he goes down the slide by himself at the playground and climbs up it, too. He seems to be focusing on the physical development rather than the verbal. Just to let you know, he's also a pretty finicky eater and just started the tantrum thing. On top of that, until recently he also walked on the ol' toes. Someone's mom who was a kindergarten teacher said "Until they're flat on their feet, they're not ready to talk," so clearly she had seen it before. I feel like the medical community does a fair amount of jumping to conclusions, but who knows? I may end up being told I need to take my kid to speech therapy the next check up he has. Still, I have been told by many, many moms that A. boys talk late and B. they all get there eventually. Please don't panic, I'm not. Just rest assured that every kid has their strengths and I feel that your child, like mine, will eventually be blabbing your ear off at some point in the next year. I promise!

Katy

Love the Ben Folds line at the top. Also, I am glad for Noah, that he has you and that you are able to articulate, even if you thought you hadn't, that you will get by this. Not everyone would approach things that way.

Suzanne

Amy,

Forgot to mention. When our peds gave us over to the inept Behavioral Pediatrician in the office, we had to suffer for six months with "Let's throw more ADHD meds at something that is a lot MORE than ADHD".

Then, thanks to a great support website, I brought Neil to Children's Hospital. Dr. Conlon and his associates in the developmental pediatrics department were fantastic. The commute was hell from Frederick, though.

Mine was early on everything, so that's not always the best indicator of trouble. Thought you should know. Not many 2 year olds can take a walk through your neighborhood and identify the make of each car. We thought it was adorable.

carole

Amy, I know with your 88 comments, you've probably had many, many OT's and speech therapists comment, BUT I'd be happy to answer questions if you really want to talk to a "professional" - yikes! I am a Speech Therapist that works with children, particularly children with SI (mostly with feeding disorders), but I'd be happy to answser any questions if I can. Love your blog!

deanna

Wow. You have such a wonderful ability to articulate thoughts that are in my head, that I don't know how to get out... My son is 14 months old, and just beautiful. We have been told by neurologists (at 3 months) that he "either had cerebral palsy or autism" but they weren't sure which. (this was after meeting him for about 15 minutes). While still numb, we enrolled him in physical therapy immediately and the miracles started to unfold. The state-funded program in Georgia is called Babies Can't Wait. There is a 60 day processing period before you can get started (because ironically, i guess babies can wait). Regardless, he went from not really picking up his head much, to crawling, cruising, and is now reeeeally wanting to walk. One of the great things about therapy - physical, occupational or speech, is that they teach the parents how to help as well. We've learned so much about how to help and motivate him with everyday stuff around our house. Seriously, I don't think he has CP or autism, and his therapist doesn't either.

Anyway, sorry to babble, but so glad you found a good program - and please feel the prayers of everyone who reads your post. I believe you'll start to see the miracles soon as well.

Mary

Amy, I haven't had time to read through all the comments, so this may have been said, but the early intervention programs are AWESOME! I am still a student, but am taking several Special Education (my minor) courses and they have focused so much on how important early intervention is and how well it works. They will get you the materials you really need and help track Noah's progress. I am so glad you have already got the ball rolling.

Another thing- how is Noah's hearing? A child I have been a nanny for was very speech delayed- they found fluid in his ears, he got tubes, and added AT LEAST 10 words to his vocabulary in the first week, just because he could ear. He utilized baby sign language until then, and caught on fast to new ones.

Best wishes for your COMPLETELY normal child!! =)

Kay

Just wanted to give you hugs and let you know that I am thinking about you guys.
In this old world today it seems every other kid has some form of sensory issues. I think back on SO many kids I have known BEFORE the crazy diagnosis that did turn out fine by kindergarten with no intervention mostly because there was none in those days.
Kids all develop at different rates, yes we now know TOO much because of the internet, sometimes it is helpful and of course sometimes harmful.
That you caught it so early, if it really is something, is key. I have a severely autistic nephew that did have those signs but so many more that were seriously scary. One of my friend's little boy was like Noah with the speech and tippy toes and would not sleep without his cowboy boots on among a high strung personality and temper and in 2 years he still has some "tics" but nothing you wouldn't brush off as personality quirks.
Noah will be ok and so will you.
HUGS

Kay

I should of re-read, by crazy diagnosis I meant as all the crazy diagnosis kids get these days for things that were "nothing" back in "the day" (sorry for all "the quotes")

:(

Lisa

I am just letting you know that I will continue to pray for you and your family.Not in a OMG you need jesus type of way but in the i am keeping you in my prayers because for this challenge you and jason are facing and am sure you will overcome you still need all the extra strength you can get kind of way (hope that makes sense).

Wendy

I'm so sorry to hear about Noah's speech problems. You do have a right as a Mother to be upset that something is wrong with your baby. My daughter (19 months) has problems with her feet (they turn out pretty far) and we've been to several specialists. I feel so bad because it's something that I can't fix...and I'm the Momma...I should be able to fix it!!! I will be praying for you, Jason and Noah that this will be a blip that you can laugh at!

Heather B.

Strangely enough I was talking to someone else about this the other night and went on and on (in that annoying blathering way that I do) about how wonderful he is and all the things he does and how much I adore him and it was all probably very annoying.

I know, I just KNOW, that he will be just fine and between you and me (and the other few thousand reading this), you and Jason are two of the best parents I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Amber

I didn't bother reading all 96 comments before me...so i'm sure you've gotten alot of this. my brother had some of the same problems as a baby/child...this was like 15 years ago & we just assumed he was clumsy & had a stutter. he's a healthy, happy, obnoxious 15 year old now who talks just fine.
good luck with the therapy, & send loves to jason & noah (& you, of course).

Jennifer

as a nurse I wanted to try and explain this is a way that may help. The brain is split in two halves, and there are "neurons" that connect both sides and make it possible for people to communicate. Picture these neurons like drinking straws. Some peoples drinking straws can sometimes be bent a little, and you know how hard it is to drink through a bent straw. But with work, therapy, you know the rest, the straws will straighten out and the neurons will process properly.

I hate to be one of those people, but I wanted to tell you that I have seen many, MANY children whose SPD is not caught this early because the parents are in denial, not wanting to admit that their child may have a problem, and the therapy is VERY difficult for the children as they get older. As they get older they really get that they are different, then they begin a serious complex. I am very happy for you that you all caught this early enough that by the time Noah starts pre-school, he shouldn't be that different than any of the other children, and that comes from good parenting!!

Hope the explanation helps.

Molly

Hey Amy,

I am sure others have said the same thing before me, but you should never feel like your struggles or your son's struggles are insignificant or unimportant or not worth the worry just because some other kid has it "worse". My son was born with an extremely rare syndrome, something we found out about while he was in the PICU with RSV. One month later we were told he needed open heart surgery. It was a rough time. What made it worse was all the people who would say, "I can't complain to you with all you are going through." or "What we are going through doesn't even compare with what you are going through." What? Is my life so crappy that no other situation even compares? Do I not still want to feel like I can relate to other women/moms who have fears and insecurities? What I love about you is that you are so transparent. I send your blog to friends all the time knowing that you will provide the connection we so often and so desperately want. You say outloud to the internet what we feel. I urge you to maintain, even when it isn't easy or funny. Thanks for sharing.

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