If you thought new windows were boring, just wait until you hear about my new dishwasher
Amalah's Got Talent

Oh, this is just awesome.

For all the self-professed appliance whores in our audience, here is a picture of our new dishwasher.


Isn't it great? I'm sooo glad we sprung for the stainless steel. I just love the way it reflects the light from the inside of the cardboard box.

*head explodes*

Yeah. So of all the home improvement projects we've taken on since moving -- electrical panels! hardwood floors! windows! identifying the 17 various shades of yellowish-beige paint in various finishes! -- I really didn't think a new goddamn DISHWASHER was going to be the most angst-ridden or the one that would set off a chain reaction of other issues and expenses and OH HAI, IM IN UR BASEMENT, LEEKING RUSTY WATUR ALL TEH FUCK OVER.


*bloody headless neck stump explodes*

I don't even know. It's a valve thing. Apparently, in addition to fancying himself some kind of an electrician who installed all the light switches in the house backwards and upside down, and who hooked the ceiling fan up to a switch in the freaking attic, the previous owner also did his own plumbing. Using parts he found in the street. And gum.

Anyway, I am kind of...dealing with this today, which in MY WORLD means hiring a professional. And then hovering nearby while wringing my hands helplessly. And then throwing a shitload of towels at the problem.


(Video of Noah's "singing" will hopefully be ready tomorrow. My head needs about 24 hours or so to regenerate.)



you must really be freaked out-you posted this twice!!


what? First? Holleee crap! LOL, so sorry about the lovely rust colored nastiness in your basement! AHH!! The evils of being a homeowner!


YAY!!!! I'm the first!!!!!
*head explodes**bloody headless neck stump explodes*

Stop!!! my gut is fixin' ta 'splode!


ps-I wasn't being catty, just thought it was funny.


Oh my word. I'm so sorry for laughing at your predicament, but this is SO vintage Amy.



** well crap..ok, i was 3rd (deepsigh, heavy emotion)


Oh I feel for you with the plumbing woes.

After we moved into our place, we discovered much wetness in our basement and after my father in law hacked up our dishwasher and sawed our walls apart to locate the source of the leak, he found out that some jackass had put a nail RIGHT THRU the stupid plumbing pipe.

Good call on the whole using a professional thing. VERY IMPORTANT!

Occidental Girl

I hear you on the symptoms of pregnancy. I have a relatively regular cycle (sorry - not bragging) and I've had the sore boobs, feeling queasy bit, and then NOTHING. I hate that! Either give my symptoms, or not, dammit! Damn, I really hate that. It's such a roller coaster. And I'm sorry that it's even harder on you because of the irregular cycles. That just sucks.


Oh, I so feel you. Hate previous homeowners of our home. HAAAATE. They didn't finish the flooring in the kitchen... nope. Move the refrigerator and you will find subfloor, then 2x4s, on top of which the fridge is precariously perched.

Also? Huge screws EVERYWHERE. Apparently all their pictures weighed 20 lbs or so. It's been a fun four months of spackling, let me tell ya.


That is no bueno. Why is it the issues that seem to have the easiest solutions always cause the most trouble?


Shite. That really, really sucks!

Lisa M

There is nothing more freak-out inducing than free range water. Even a drop of water on the floor must be investigated thoroughly...and it's usually from one of the dogs after they've gotten a drink and dripped their way back to lounge on their beds. I used to live in a manufactured (piece-o-shit) home and despite it's rather fancy appearance from the street, we had glorified garden hose for plumbing. Let's just say that it had a working life of about 6 months, and then we had to replace each section as it burst. At night, if I even so much as dream about burst hose/pipes, I wake up in a cold sweat and have to check the house for flooding. Sorry. Totally long and off track!! Just want you to know you are not alone :)


I feel for you. Right now my mom is at my house with the very expensive plumbers who are replacing the main sewer drain to my house. Because the people who were installing the sump pump two weeks ago figured out it needed replacing. We needed the sump pump put in due to flooding. So as soon as all this is done we need to replace the carpet in the finished part of the basement. So we can get all of our basement stuff out of the soon-to-be nursery and assemble the crib. Because I'm due in five weeks. And now I should go back to work.

Good luck to you Amalah!


Your head regenerates? Mine exploded about 30 years ago when raw sewage backed up into the shower stall in the bathroom when I was 8 months pregnant, and never grew back.


These are obviously the reasons they sold in the first place -- because he is an idiot and his wife threatened divorce unless they moved into an untampered house. She also likely sold all of his tools at the moving sale they had.


I don't understand how someone talking about a leaky ceiling can be so funny... but I'm cryin' here.

I hope things get back "to normal" quickly.


Your hard houseships make for good reads...though I feel for you, I'm sorry that we're all laughing. WITH you, not AT you. :-)


Good luck to you, Amalah.
Cant wait to see Noah singing.
Cant wait.....


Oh, the joys of home ownership.

I can tell you though, that there is nothing better than getting into the airport after being on planes for 20 hours, having a bad nosebleed halfway from Dallas to Vancouver, no food, driving an hour home and then? Taking a shower (because planes are disgusting) only to find out the shower stall in your master bath is leaking into the powder room downstairs at 2am.

And then you realize that its technically morning and opening a bottle of wine or three would be signs of something much worse.


Tears, laughing so hard I have tears. I'm sorry because I know that must suck, but seriously, you are too hilarious. Good luck.

My Buddy Mimi

We once bought a beautiful stainless steel dishwasher that was just 1/2 inch too high to fit under our counter since the house was old and the floors uneven. Our options were to spent thousands of dollars on new kitchen counters or new floors. Or a different dishwasher. It sat in our garage for a year before we gave up and sold it to a coworker for $200 less than we paid.


Are you living in my house? Our previous owners sound like exactly the same people.

My personal favorite of all of our "You have got to be kidding me experiences was when we installed our much nicer washer and dryer and removed the old ones. I'd wondered why I occasionally got a nasty shock when I touched the washer, but didn't really think too hard about it. The former owner? Had grounded it improperly. Right next to the natural gas dryer.

Yep. Natural gas appliance plus regular sparkage. It's amazing we didn't blow the house up


So... freaking... happy... to be married to someone handy!!!

Oh dear God though.

Good luck with that. It is amazing how important it is to know a good plumber in your area. Definitely comes in handy.

How are the windows??!

Sarah Marie

Noah is going to *love* playing in that big dishwasher box!


That sucks!
We're just discovering that previous owners "did" the back yard, including hot tub installation, themselves. What is wrong with people?


*Ducks head*

I feel bad, because the husband and I are teh ebil DIY peoples you all are shaking fists at, eek!

Although it is a pretty cool thing to put in a light all by yourself and have it work!


Wow! WTF? Apparently the previous owner must have watched a lot of MacGyver and Bob Vila programs. While drinking.


We bought our house from my husband's grandparents and they pulled a lot of that crap. Good luck.


It's called a house with "character." Didn't you know?


In my experience, the professionals get it wrong more often than the homeowner does! I don't know if it is because they are lazy, incompetent, or just have a seditous streak, but I've had to fix more stuff that people I have paid a lot of money to do have screwed up than things that the previous owner of my house had attempted.


this is off topic, but I was wondering if you read Girls Gone Child, because she is talking about her non-talking toddler too.


pouring a rather large glass of wine in your honor.

...in my cubicle.


Will it make you feel better if I tell you that the house we are moving into had brown puddles and stuff all over, only it wasn't rusty water, oh no....we wished for rusty water, t'was pooh and other bodily fluids and...have to go and scrub myself and scratch a lot because, itch and heave and ...... stroke lovely dishwasher for me, we like shiny new things.


Look on the bright side...now you have an excuse to go shopping for new towels since you used your pretty ones to soak up all the nastiness! :) Good luck with the cleanup!


We're also having some free-range water issues but they are not as bad as that shit stain on your ceiling. May the force be with you, sensei.


Oh, MAN! That sucketh in a big, hugeth way!!!! Gah!

Being an adult, or psuedo-adult, is HARD! I couldn't wait to get here, and right now I just want to put on my footsie jammies, hop in the old stationwagon with our bagged popcorn, and have mom and dad take me and my bro to the drive-in for a Disney movie. Sheesh!


Not that you need another person chiming in about your previous post/ovulation, but I just thought that I'd throw out there that www.mymonthlycycles.com is a great site. I mean really look at the url ~ It just sounds FUN, right? Anywho, it's been helpful for me, so I thought that I'd pass it along.


Hi! I know someone offered their Clear Blue Easy Digital Ovulator predictor. If for some reason that does not follow through, I also have one you can HAVE. I have my one "only" child and am done! Just let me know. I used it one time only and it did the trick for me. Anyway, just let me know and it's yours.


Glad I rent.

Although...a yard would be awesome.


At least it didn't catch the house on fire??? I'm trying to make it better. Sorry.


I must have been gone waaay too long because your website doesn't even remember (even though I *am* special).

I laughed at the GUM part. heehee

Very frustrating. I'm so sorry about the exploding head thing. I'd recommend some Tylenol but the shame of it is you have no mouth. So I'm at a loss here.

(Long time, no see. I've been off having a pity party for one, but now I've returned to be entertained by the great and wonderful bloggers of the world.)


I have the previous homeowners from hell too. This guy completely gutted the house and did all the work himself. Light switch for main kitchen lights is in dining room, right next to it in the same switch is a mystery light that is hot but turns on nothing we can see and dining room light is across the room in hallway.

When I hired a professional plumber to come in and fix the unholy leaky mess in our basement I told him it was a do it yourselfer’s clusterfuck and he said "Oh, I've seen them all"...then he got into my basement and said "holy shit!" and upped his estimate by $500.


I have the previous homeowners from hell too. This guy completely gutted the house and did all the work himself. Light switch for main kitchen lights is in dining room, right next to it in the same switch is a mystery light that is hot but turns on nothing we can see and dining room light is across the room in hallway.

When I hired a professional plumber to come in and fix the unholy leaky mess in our basement I told him it was a do it yourselfer’s clusterfuck and he said "Oh, I've seen them all"...then he got into my basement and said "holy shit!" and upped his estimate by $500.


I love new appliances, I just got a new dishwasher and I am so excited. I washed every dish in the house as soon as it was hooked up. Yes, my life is that boring.


You should put The Tire there and let it have a shower.


Hey, at least the previous homeowner did his own work. Ours hired a gang of blind drunken monkeys to install doors, paint trim and wire fans up - it's the only possible explanation for the bizarro angles in the door jams, the paint scheme in the hallway and the fans that are on the outside GIF outlet...


The house we lived in previously was like a land mine of previous-owner-did-it-himself nightmares. He repaired everything - and I mean EVERYTHING with duct tape, fishing line, or hot glue. Ceiling fan wobbly? Duct tape. Pipes leaking under the sink? Hot glue. Screened door on patio loose? Fishing line. Quite often, we found multiple "fixes" together, such as the garage door track held together with fishing line AND duct tape. A marvel of engineering, truly.

My favorite repair was under the kitchen sink. I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child, had a 3 year old and an 18 month old running around the house, and I decided foolishly to dispose of chili in the garbage disposal (really, who uses their disposal to get rid of leftover food? I am such a rebel). As I'm standing there happily getting rid of the meaty, bean-y, tomato-y chili, my feet are suddenly wet, and I look down to notcie filthy chili/soapy/water flowing out of the cabinet under the sink. Apparently, that damn hot glue wasn't as water tight as it should have been.

Not to frighten you, but a complete kitchen remodel followed shortly thereafter.

Jen O.

The way you weave your tapestry of cuss words is pure art. There's nothing funnier than the eff word inserted randomly into a perfect 'I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?' sentence. Bravo on your foul language. Bravo.

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