Overload

A comment from mcewen, from a couple days ago:

I've just been reading some of your first posts from way back when. I wondered if you ever did too, just to see how much your life has changed?

I avoid my own archives like the plague, actually, since every time I go through old entries I cringe and get all delete-post-happy. But trust me, I know what you mean, and it does blow my mind sometimes.

Especially since I still wouldn't change a thing.

I've gotten quite a few emails (politely) asking for more details regarding the squishy and mysterious "sensory issues" I keep dancing around. Everybody wants to compare notes. Everybody wants to know whether they should worry. What does your kid do; mine does this; our therapist said this but our doctor said that.

Here's the thing: I am not a doctor or an expert and in fact, have not yet read more than five pages of the book in that photo, and I read those in the aisle at Border's while Noah pitched a fit and the woman who was thumbing through What To Expect While You're Expecting stared at the book in my hands with this absolutely terrified, ashen look on her face. And then, true to Helen's words, I got all silently bent out of shape because WTF, LADY. MY KID ROCKS. MY KID COULD KICK YOUR ZYGOTE'S VESTIGIAL TAIL.

I've started entries about the symptoms of SPD that we see in Noah, but I end up deleting them. Partly because I've been talking about this stuff non-stop for like, a million years now and I keep waiting for the chance to change the damn subject already, and partly because it all sounds so TERRIBLE. Like life with Noah is such a STRUGGLE. Like we are constantly on the verge of an eardrum-shattering meltdown because of a string of blinking Christmas lights in a cheesy chain restaurant.

But yes, now that you mention it, Noah cannot stand blinking colored lights. We had an extremely unfortunate experience last week at a Moroccan restaurant when they very suddenly turned the lights down, fired up some pulsing beats and sent out a belly dancer. Then they turned on some multi-colored strobe lights and Noah started screaming. Not crying. Not fussing. Screaming. His face registered no emotion -- not fear, not sadness or pain -- but he screamed. Over. And. Over. I dove to remove him from the high chair and get him outside, but the instant I touched him he recoiled as if I'd slapped him.

And that's the sort of thing we're trying to muddle our way through. Trying to separate the "normal" terrible-not-quite-two behavior from the...well, the rest of it.

He hates walking barefoot in the backyard and will stay on the deck until I put his shoes on. When he was tiny and I'd place him on the grass he'd raise his chubby little legs up until he eventually toppled over. He goes up on his toes when he's on hard surfaces like wood and tile, but loves running barefoot on the scratchy carpet in the basement. Tags in clothing don't seem to bother him in the slightest, but when he's overwhelmed, the slightest touch causes him to cry out like he's in pain.

His pronunciation is bizarre -- if I mimic the movement of his mouth and tongue when he says "aball" I'm surprised at how hard he's working to get the correct sounds. He creates unintelligible nonsense words and then applies them consistently to objects with completely different-sounding names.

He loves patterns and order and prefers his toys lined up, end to end. He can say the letters in his name except for N, will hold up his fingers to count but can't say any of the numbers. He can identify pretty much any object in a picture book, but will simply shake his head no and push the book away if you ask him to name what he's pointing at.

I remember, a long LONG time ago, reading a blog about a child with SPD. For the life of me I cannot remember any of the details, except that I was not pregnant yet and thought the blogger's son sounded like a nightmare. Like the absolute worst-case scenario and wow, she's handling it so well but personally I would rather stab my eyeballs with the toothpick from my martini than deal with that kid all day.

Noah is still so much damn fun. It's hard to keep from chomping on him all day; he's just that delicious. As I finish up this entry he's making faces at himself in the mirror and cracking himself up.

Oh, wait. Now he's trying to ride the cat. Hang on.

His brain works. He's all there. I see glimmers of an amazingly smart kid.  I see the easy-going temperament that made his newborn days almost criminally easy bashing up against something that's keeping him tongue-tied. For now.

I see Noah, for now. I still wouldn't change a thing. He is perfection.

I hope you see it too.

Comments

[heidi]

dude, if he can ride the cat, you definitely need a specialist.

[Beulah]

He is preshus. The end.

[Hayley]

I see it! I love his curls, too.

[Tam.]

Really, Amy. You should write a book. You have such a gift for some of the most heart-felt and touching writing out there.

Noah is totally awesome....and so is the cat he rode in on.. :)

[CBO]

We do see it.
He'll be fine.
We're all rooting for you and think you're great parents with a terrific kid.

[April]

Amy- hes gorgeous. And perfect. Even if he learns slow, hes still perfect.

I bet that kid grows up to be a doctor or a scientist one day. Just because hes slowER now.. doesnt mean like he will be like that forever right?

hes awesome, and gorgeous.. and if he doesnt become a doctor he could sure make one heluva male model *wink wink*

[Jen-Again]

Perfection.

Absolutely.

[Tammy]

You are right. He is perfect! In fact, I believe we need more pictures...maybe a photo-only blog. :)

[Kristi]

Look at that face!!!!

[Katie]

Am I the only one who thinks he looks like a very young Robert Redford? Obviously, he has more than enough love, the rest will fall into place.

[AmyM]

I see a beautimongous kid with a momma who loves him bigger than the whole sky. (That's how much my kids say they love me. Except my daughter. She loves me "Two dollars".)

[Heather]

I don't know how anyone could look at his face, see how happy he is, and think of anything other than perfection!

[Kiraa]

I don't think you should cut his hair! It's too CUTE!

[Sarawarawoo]

Noah is definitely perfect and you KNOW we all see it, thats why we're here day after day looking for updates and feeling happy when you're happy and sad when you're sad. He's a great kid, you're a great mum...end of story.

[Sadie]

Well he certainly is beautiful, is he not?

[bev]

Your son is beautiful! I LOVE the little curls in his hair, and his beautiful brown eyes. My son has been having some speech issues. At first, it broke my heart, but now I feel like you do. He is perfect in my eyes plain and simple. Also, as a former teacher with a special ed. backround, I have seen so much it scares me. When I think of that, I get mad at myself for getting so upset over this small issue. Our boys are happy and healthy. That is a blessing. Thank you for being so open.

[Jolene]

Amy-

He is beautiful!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

Jolene

[carolyn]

Well, thanks for making me cry at work.

Those curls. Those eyes. Nothing but perfection, indeed. That kid's gonna be a heartthrob.

[thora]

For what it's worth, I absolutely see it too.

Really, I don't get the sense at all that I wouldn't want to spend the day with him.
I don't know anything about SPD, but I've just been of the assumption that he WILL find his words... I hope that that is the case, but even if not, I would still love to have him over to my house to play aball with Maddie, in the grass - with shoes on, as she's got a really funny tactile thing about that as well, which is really just maybe intuitive, because there are LARVAE in the soil which can burrow into your feet and then cause big worms to grow inside of your body... so... yeah, they'd wear shoes.

[Carrie]

We see it. :)

And I love his rock star hair.

[Wendy]

He is the most perfect little boy! Yes...I see it!

[jive turkey]

Thanks for this. I'm just in the "maybe we'll start trying" place when it comes to kids, so I really didn't understand what you were going through with Noah, or that those kinds of challenges even existed.

You're right; he's perfect. And already has everything he needs: parents who desperately love him.

[Procrastamom]

I see it. I also see a Mom who's dealing with all of this the best she can muster. And doing quite a fine job of it if I do say so (and I just did say so, so why do people write "if I do say so" if they're going to say it anyways? Why ask for permission after the fact. And why are my fingers typing what I'm thinking. Stop! These thoughts are private dammit! Anyways)

Gawd, he's a Babesicle. No wonder you munch on him so often.

[Tirzah]

Oh I see it don't worry! He's amazing.

[Karen]

He's perfect. Easy to see. It's hard to write about these issues because when you start talking about the one or two things that are toughest for your kid, you can risk making it sound like that's the sum total of him. You don't get anywhere near that - it's easy to see what a wonderful, complex, dynamic, smart little guy Noah is, thanks to the beautiful way you express it.

Writing about the symptoms does invite difficult comparisons but ultimately I think it's so helpful to have this kind of information (real life experiences) out there. It takes away some of those terrified, ashen expressions. Thank you for doing it.

[Elizabeth]

He is perfect!

With all we went through with Caleb, I realized there's no such thing as normal. I also realized no matter what obstacle you face, when your baby looks at you and smiles you forget about the obstacles.

[Kristen]

He's perfect. We all see it.

[Lauren]

Bad or Good, the stories you tell about Noah make me want my own child. And from a person who spent most of her life recoiling in abject disgust when someone mentioned "so, do you want kids?" that's saying something. But I only want kids if I can have one as delicous and cute as him.

[Starbuck]

It's really amazing what we think we won't be able to handle. But when a situation presents itself and we are left with no choice, we realize that life is still wonderful and our kids are still awesome. And in many cases, we wouldn't change a thing. Because in changing our circumstances, we'd be changing our child.

[Jennie]

We all see it.

[Jenny]

You know, I've been reading along as you discover more and more every day, wanting to comment, but not letting myself. We are going down this exact road ourselves, except my son just turned 7. And a lot of these things just seemed minor and quirky until he got into public school and had to sit at a desk for like 6 hours a day, and boy then things change. My dilemma is that our sensory/add issues are very mild, so mild in fact, that its hard to actually label them, according to the specialist. I find that very difficult. I find I'd prefer a deeper problem, or no problem at all, to this borderline maybe thing. Do we qualify for help, but do we not need it? Does it matter what the doctors say? Maybe his teacher just needs to chill the fuck out once in a while, and leave him alone? Do you medicate a kid who can't let go of the fact the the lights buzz and blink, or do you just change the fucking lightbulb?
Its exhausting. And once you start venting about it there doesn't seem to be a place to stop and move on. I know. I feel for you.

[Ree]

Amy, I think I know where you saw the comments about sensory issues. Email me - I don't want to just put the blogger's stuff out here if it's not the right one.

[Angela]

I've been reading your websites for some time now. I have a 9 month old son and at first when you started talking about Noah's issues I thought to myself, she is over reacting, kids are kids and he still has some time. Then I thought about my son, what if he does those things? What would I do? Well, I would do what you have done get him checked out and then make sure he gets help no matter what! Thank you for sharing, you've changed my view on the matter. Noah is precious.

[Stacy]

I see nothing but the perfection. :)

[DWK]

I think that you and your husband are doing a fine job with your son. He looks like a cool little boy.

[ali]

Do you realize that you're going to be beating the girls back with a broom, probably waaaaay before he reached high school? I do hope you realize that.

[Mandee]

Absolutely!

[Amy M]

Of course we see the perfection! He's beautiful - very chompable!

I know nothing about SPD (& hope I never have the need to learn), but you'll get through this & the wonderfulness that is Noah will guide you through. Stay strong!

[*emily*]

OMG, Could Noah look more like Jason in that pic? He is such perfection Amy, I love watching the videos you post, and dude, my two year doesn't say abeer, so Noah is WAAYYY ahead of the curve!

[BaltimoreGal]

First- my uterus and I still envy you your beautiful special child.

Second- I, too hate blinking lights, love patterns and order and freak out a bit when I have sensory overload. I was always called "sensitive". Mighta had a bit of that SPD myself...

I'm not saying that Noah doesn't need help. Seems like he does. And I think you're doing exactly the right thing. Keep it up!!! And I'm not just blithely saying "It will work out". I truly believe it will work out BECAUSE you are an active and responsible parent, doing everything you can to work with your child.

GO TEAM NOAH!!!

[Becca]

Aw, honey! He's gorgeous! And that woman in Borders? She was probably just a tad scared at the idea of the life she is incubating. And if she's reading "what to expect", she's going to be a whole lot more scared.
Oh, and I gotta tell you--I'm a few days away from my due date, and keep reading your archives from the end of your pregnancy with that perfect little boy. In fact, I just read the birth story, part 1. So beautiful!

[Becca]

Oh, and Ha! Did you notice your sidebar is full of Ads by Google about christmas and christmas tree lights?!

[Tessa]

What's "perfect" and what's "normal"? Each of us were given our little match(es) and they are our version of "perfect".

[bethanyactually]

Before I had my daughter, one of my good friends used to say things about the perfection of her children, and I just assumed she was joking--you know, as you do. Then one day I was thinking mistily about how perfect Annalie is, and I suddenly realized that my friend had not been joking AT ALL. Because you know, her kids were perfect. Just like my daughter. Just like Noah.

Prayers, hugs, good thoughts--all coming your way.

[Kari]

It is amazing how you can post a picture of Noah one day that is the spitting image of you, then post another that is a doppelganger for Jason. I know everyone says he looks just like you, but sometimes, he looks just like Jason.

And yet you and Jason don't look alike. Maybe I have sensory issues.

[Heather]

I see an amazing boy, and the ghost of the frog prince he was when he was so tiny.

[Jennifer]

He's about the cutest little baby I've ever seen. It's so hard to distinguish between wacky toddler stuff and an actual issue. My kids did so many strange things. Best wishes.

[zdoodlebub]

I still haven't read in its entirety my own copy of that same book. I've had the damn book for at least five years. Just dug it out again the other day, in fact.

We "lost touch" with acquaintances in another state who also have a son, same age as ours, with autism. Because we don't have "enough" autism like their son does. So I felt like I couldn't share our issues with them without feeling like they were wishing we'd just get on our knees and thank the good lord above because it wasn't worse. That happens to us a lot and I agree with Jenny - it's hard to be borderline.

I feel you, all of it. The restaurant meltdown, knowing that you couldn't deal with anyone else's kid, knowing there's more going on in that brain than anyone can guess, loving him more because of it and not in spite of it, needing to talk about it, sick of talking about it. Feel you.

[Marilyn]

From the mother of one criminally easy newborn and somewhat different older child to another, I think he's absolutely beautiful and perfect too.

[M&Co.]

I've been working on a entry, mostly in my head, that has a working titled something like, "Will Someone Explain to Me Exactly What Normal Is."

My son has some of the same traits/tics/symptoms you describe. As does my daughter. The are both quirky. Different but not obviously different until something sets them off.

And then I go through my head: Is that NORMAL? Is that a reaction/tic/symptom? It could make me crazy, and in fact sometimes does.

[teachergirl]

Gee, Amy, blinking colored lights give me a migraine and make me want to scream, too. (And Moroccan food? Don't get me started on how crazy that makes me.) I have to be careful in movie theaters, too, because the flashing lights and loud noise trigger a migraine, too. I hate walking barefoot in the grass in the backyard, and if I had my way, everything would be neat as a pin and lined up and orderly. But, I made it through graduate school, though, and I talk like I invented it. I also managed to mother two brilliant daughters and I sing in the choir and teach fifth grade. Get all the state sponsored stuff you can, but remember to breath. I just wish I could ride a cat.

[mcewen]

Well I'm glad I came back [you hadn't posted at the crack of dawn when I was first up, well, just prior to the crack actually]

I just wanted to say that whatever the eventual outcome [diagnoses] is, you are all going to be just great.

I don't often offer unsolicited opinions, but in your case, attitude is everything, and that my dear, you have.
Cheers

[jodi]

oh Amy, he's gorgeous, and a delightful child, and you are right, oh so much fun!

[Sara]

He doesn't sound like a child who would make an outing or a visit miserable. He sounds to me like a child who sometimes gets frustrated or trapped and is trying his hardest to find ways around that -- and you sound like a mom who is doing everything she can to help him.

In short, he sounds just fine. You're getting him all the help you can for the sensory stuff, and in the meantime he's a happy toddler who has lots of fun and love.

You're helping all of us to just see Noah, too. Keep doing what you're doing, please.

[Kristabella]

Oh, we see it. He is absolutely awesome.

I'm sure Max just LOVED having a rider.

[Helen]

Isn't that defensive thing cool? I have to say that so far, in this parenting thing,almost every terrible thing I knew I would never be able to deal with...I got, agh, would HATE it if any of my kids were gay...ding!
Son number 1...perfection with great taste and loves me more than he will ever love any other woman ha ha! Beat that!
Kids abused...can't be funny about that because 18 years on my blood still runs cold and I remember every filthy detail my little boys told me. But we did it, we're still here and we're a bit bloody marvellous.
Rebellious girl child, wil let you know, in about 5 years when we are through that one...tough as all hell but guess what? Still breathing, still laughing
( through the tears more often than not).
Disabled kid? One day at a time and most of them are fantastic. I think you can get very good at looking as though you haven't a care in the world when your perfectly beautiful and 'normal' looking child behaves in a completely abnormally and impossible to ignore way. ( Isaac is , though I say so myself, very beautiful, huge brown eyes and dark skin, wherever we go, people tak to him. argh...his idea of hell, he stares right past them, looks at me and just says MUM! MUM! MUM!over and over again) He rarley screams (thankyou Lord) but he can ignore the very best of people in the most condescending way. Put his socks on wrong and the world will end I tell you. It really IS true that these quirks become so much a part of the child that you begin to adore even the most outlandish things as much as you love the kid. I am so pleased that you are feeling that already, Noah is, as always glorious. It's those eyes that can see right through to the soul.
Wanna see my boys eyes too?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v34/helenwood45/isaac1-2.jpg
Yeah, who wouldn't want a kid like that?

[sweet as cherry pie]

Is he tongue-tied?

[Deb]

I see it.

I've always seen it.

Noah is perfect, just as he is.

[shy me]

oh god, he is SO going to be a lady killer!

[tiffany]

oh my god, we see it. i promise. and we're all rooting for you and noah and jason to be your most fabulous selves. what that means is only for the three of you to define...the rest of us are just lucky to get these glimpses.

[anne nahm]

You absolutely nail that worrisome feeling I think most of us has had at some point - not knowing where the 'normal' kid stuff ends and not so normal stuff begins.

Especially with a first kid, it just so hard to sort through what you know and what you're not sure about. Is exhausting.

The center comes back, though, if you know what I mean. You'll get to the place where you know that you know that you know, and then... Well, you don't have to spend so much time wondering what you know. And that is a huge fucking relief. Thinking a good thought for you.

[tiffany]

p.s. did you disobey us and give him a haircut? it look like he's had a little trim. oh well...i suppose he is yours, after all.

[mandy]

First of all, you have got to be talking about the Marakesh- I LOVE that place. I neeeeeed to go soon. (too bad I'm in NC now)

Secondly, but Most importanly- The issues you describe, well my brother had the SAME "things" going on. He did not talk until he was 3, he had severe sensory overload over very similar things, like sand...and touch and SO much more. He was never diagnosed with anything officially but as his sister I can tell you he also has severe ADHD. My mom has many, many horror stories about his childhood and the things that he did. I just want you to know, he is the MOST amazing man now. He is extremely articulate and incredible in every dimension. He is extremely successful by every standard imaginable and he is smart as crap. He has taken what the world views as a disability and used it to his advantage. Whatever may be "wrong" or had been, he excelled in so many other areas. He is just more interesting. He has an insatiable curiosity about everything and in turn is so dynamic and smart. Did I mention how smart he is? Noah sounds so much like the way my mom describes my brother, it really clicked when I read this post.

Don't worry. Noah is perfect and always will be. Also, he is so darn cute I can hardly stand it.

[Nosaby]

I agree with the rest of the posters. What is normal? What is perfect? Every child born has his own quirks. Every adult I know has his own "issues." What comes to mind is how much we take things for granted. Like not being bothered by things that drive others crazy. I know that I am a bundle of anxiety and my husband is so laid back he's practically sleeping. Your boy will be just fine. He's lucky to have a family who cares about him. So many kids today don't.

[Stacy]

It's indeed clear that your son is well-loved and charming in a zillion different ways. So yes, I can see his perfection.

[Sarah]

I like your stack of books there -- all of them.

And yes, I think we all agree that Noah is perfect -- I don't get the sense that anyone is here because they want to rubberneck at the train wreck that is your child (not!). Noah is way cool, just having a little extra difficulty with some aspects of Life. I am firmly convinced that no single individual is 100% "normal" anyway.

[Rachel K]

You are amazing, Noah is amazing and he is absolutely gorgeous.

I read that entire book last semester for my sensory processing class and was a nanny last summer and this past year for a little boy who has some of the same issues. It really is a great book but I can see how reading anything could be overwhelming at this point.

I think my professor described it all best for us and really made me understand what baby Eric was going through when she put it like this;

She said to imagine going outside. She said that when we as individuals with 'normal' sensory processing go outdoors we concentrate on one or two major senses. We may hear the lawnmower running next door and smell the fresh cut grass. Then we move on to another sense and shut that one off. For a child in Noah's position or Eric's position they are unable to switch off senses. They would walk outside and not only hear the lawnmower, but the fly buzzing around and the kids playing down the street and the cars driving by and the wind blowing. Add to that the aray of outdoor smells, the feel of the concrete or grass on their toes, seeing the birds flying by and the cars going down the street... and then you give them a simple direction like getting in the car and it blows up. It all gets to be too much. When it gets to be too much these children tend to shut down and scream. The screaming seems to be their way of drowning out the world and being touched or moved during that is not an option.

It is frustrating, but it can and does get better. Noah is so beautiful and I know spending almost everyday with Eric that the good moments overshadow the bad by leaps and bounds.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Stacia]

My husband loves your blog. Not because he reads it, because he doesn't, but because everytime I see a picture or video of Noah I tell him I think I'm about ready for one of my own. Noah is beautiful.

[Margarita Mama]

You are doing early intervention at the earliest possible age. Be proud of yourself for being open to the possibility that your child needs some help. And by the time he gets to school, you will already know how to deal with/and overcome things that some parents may only discover once their children get to school.

[Kyla]

Perfect indeed. And gorgeous to boot.

[Nichole]

Amy,
Please remember just a few things:
1) "Normal" is way over-rated! Without the quirks & "issues" that make us unique - who would we be?
2)Thank you for showing us the human...scratch that...the MOM side of this.
3)No matter what this turns out to be - Noah is perfect and you are a wonderful mother.
-Nichole

[Linnee]

See it? It leaps off my screen! He is exquisitely, breathtakingly beautiful. And you are a remarkable mom.

[Beth]

He is perfect...

[NotAMeanGirl]

Amy, Darlin' girl... Noah is Noah. He's loved for who he is by you AND us! (Let's face it... the child has a TON of Cyber Aunties lol)

No matter what problems he has, no matter what issues you have to deal with, he is worth holding your head high about, bragging about and loving until he says "GOD MOM YOU'RE SO FRICKIN' EMBARASSING!" heh

[tiffany]

and i totally didn't notice the book at the bottom of the pile! i just started reading that, too!
i would do a squee, but i just got back from mblogher where i learned that squeeing is mostly a disliked practice.

[Kek]

God, I'm with Noah - coloured flashing Christmas lights make me want to scream too. The kid has taste!

[Bunny]

Amy, I see a miracle of a little boy who is a blessing to everyone he meets. He is perfect just the way he is. Perhaps once you know whatever the assessments tell you, you will find ways to help him say the things he wants to say and how to accommodate the things that he doesn't like.

[Laura]

He's half you and half Jason...he'll learn to talk just fine. It's in his blood! :)

What's up with MamaPop. I know I've logged in within the month...yet, it's not letting me login. Hope it's a normal Top Chef tonight...

[Mom101]

Another one rooting for him. And you. Because moms need rooting too.

[Alicia]

Oh, make no mistake, we see what a special little guy you have there!

Don't assume everyone thinks differences mean something bad. If he processes things differently, sees ordinary things with a different perspective, and reacts with the raw emotion that generally only kids are able to do? That's not bad, just different. He can learn to cope with that which overwhelms him, but his unique view of the world may also be the key to discovering his talents, and the foundation of his life passion. His future is bright and limitless, and no alphabet soup label of letters assigned to a "condition" can change that. He'll just pave his own way to get there, and with your love and support he's got all he needs.

[kiki]

He is adoreable, and I think you are right to recongize his talents along with this challenges. Hopefully everthing will turn out ok. If the amount of love that one shows their kids accounts for anything, you should be fine.

[Wacky Mommy]

Good God, the blinky lights send me into fierce migraine. He's not alone there, or in any of this.

[Genie]

My God ... I didn't even give birth to him and I love your kid. He's perfect.

I remember that video of him laughing when the stuffed animal fell to the ground ... and I laughed with him.

He's perfect.

[Danell]

He's flawless. Just...flawless.

[Molly]

We do see it in him and he sees himself as perfect because of the way you love him.

And who doesn't have a little SPD? Too much florecent light makes me crazy, and my husband can't eat a crunchy vegetable without thinking it tastes like grass. We are normal, mostly, and happy.

Isn't a happy kid the goal?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Just don't forget -- that all those books and all those doctors don't know Noah like you do.

The relationship you have with him is powerful.

And of course we're rooting for you and him. Because it's the right thing to do. And I don't throw my "cheers" around for just anyone.

[statia]

Certain things like that give me sensory overload too. If I'm overwhelmed the slightest touch will just piss me off and make me extremely cranky. I thrive on order and yet, I'm so not orderly.

I think, to a certain extent, while, yes, it sucks that he's got the signs of SPD, it will make him a rock star on some level. Like you said, your dad became an English teacher. Some it would make crumple into a little ball, and others flourish and use it to their advantage. It's hard being a toddler man. Once he can communicate to you "WOMAN, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? PEAS GIVE ME THE HEEBS!" He'll be in a much better place.

[Julia]

I see it. he is absolutely perfect.

[Jennifer]

De-lurking to tell you that my 4-year-old son with SPD is also perfect and wonderful. I also wanted to share that when we were going through the researching/obsessing and evaluation phase, the thing that helped me the most was a comment from our wonderful evaluator, who pointed out that everybody has "sensory issues." Some people hate crowds, others are picky eaters. The difference is that grownups can choose or avoid their own sensory input to a large extent. Getting early help for Noah will make a huge difference in helping him manage the sensory world - it has for our son. Anyway, hope that helps.

[Big Mama's Sister]

My 2 year old daughter also has sensory issues(mainly tactile defensiveness), and we just started getting occupational therapy & it is so awesome! She also wouldn't walk on the grass barefoot or play in a sandbox etc...but, let me tell you what is working for us. Basically the whole idea is to take baby steps and try to desensitize them to those things...like with the barefoot grass thing we would kind of jump her on the grass barefoot not making her walk on it, then eventually just put her down and she grew used to it....now she's totally fine with it. Same thing with the sandbox....we bought one and then let her sit outside of it and play with her hands, then after she got used to that we would sit her right in it & before long she started loving it on her feet/body etc...Now, we're working on getting her to touch messy things like finger paints and whip cream, and she will only touch it using a spoon or paintbrush, but we will work to get her to the next step of being okay with getting her hands in it. Basically, it just takes time and patience and letting them warm up to things in steps....she has overcome so much in just the 6 months we've been with ECI it's amazing & I promise you will see the same thing with Noah! They also say that speech can actually be hindered by this sensory stuff & by working on the sensory issues first, the speech will follow....anyway, just wanted to encourage you that you're doing a great job & Noah is absolutely adorable! Thank you again so much for being so real & showing your heart...I love it!

[Dani]

First off, we don't have a child with sensory issues but we did have a preemie and have ridden the joy of early intervention.
I guess the only comment I have is that before we had Jeffrey I had no idea how to cope with a preemie and the NICU and all the other terrifying prospects that we faced. But what I learned is that Jeffrey is awesome. No matter what happens with him, he will still be the most amazing little guy on the planet. Just like Noah.

[Susan]

I see it! I think we all have sensory issues to some degree. I am the proud mommy of a very verbal 4-year-old boy who has some serious sensory issues. The kid freaks about tags in his clothes. The kid HATES loud noises. He's terrified by the mere thought of something like fireworks and don't even get me started on his food texture issues. But, everytime I mention any of this to anyone with any professional wisdom on the subject they just shrug. "He'll outgrow it."

Noah will too. You might need some intervention but in 10 years I'm willing to bet you'll be amazed this was an issue.

[Christina]

He sounds so much like Cordy. Especially the lining up toys, loving patterns, sensitive to noise and touch, etc. The only difference is that we can't shut her up if we tried.

Our "big" evaluation is tomorrow, and I'm hoping they'll see what we see.

[BabsieD]

We see. We all do.

[Leeann]

Damn straight he's beautiful.
I have three kids and every one of us loves watching the video of Noah saying "Aball! ball, ball, ball!" At the weirdest, most innocuous times one of us will burst out saying it, in the same joyous, lilting tone as your son. He brings us all joy and we don't even know him.
That kid is fantastic. You know it and we all know it too.
Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com

[Jen]

Amy,
No matter what the outcome of your situation is, just know that you have a truly amazing little guy. Keep up the good work :)

[Meghan]

I have read your blog for some time now and decided to finally delurk.

My oldest daughter turned 11 2 weeks ago. She has moderate SPD (along with a few other 'disorders' including a significant speech delay), and was diagnosed 10 years ago when it was relatively new. Not many people knew about it. By the time she was 3 she had had more therapy than most people have in a lifetime. You name it and she has probably had it. Things were difficult and somewhat complicated for awhile then I realized that there is no such thing as normal. We stuck with our therapies and proceeded down our path. This fall she starts middle school and we couldn't be prouder. When she starts with a new activiy or teacher I always feel compelled to let them know about strategies that will help her, but the teachers now don't understand because she blends in so well with other kids, they often don't beleive me. She has created her own support group of friends and strategies to deal wth things when she is overwhelmed. It's wonderful. There were times I never thought we would get to this point. Yet somehow here we are.

Hang in there. You are the best advocate for your child, no matter what anyone says.

M

PS - "The Out-of-Sync Child has Fun" is a great companion book to the one in your picture. The games are easy to incorporate into your everyday life. Good luck.

[MK]

I see his perfection and always have through your blog and his pictures. You are so blessed to have a beautiful smart boy!

I am not in your shoes, I can only imagine what you are going through, but I will share with you my daughters condition. he has something that is called OI (Oesteogenisis Imperfecta) or commenly known as brittle bones. I have it too. My daughter is 18 months old and has already fractured her scule, arm and is currently in a leg cast. This is something that we will deal with the rest of her life. She will always have to be careful not to hurt herself and I know she will endure extra teasing from kids and extra insecurities because of her problem. I did. It is hard, but it is managable. I see it so differently now as a mother. It breaks my heart to see her hurt and her little casts, even though I know she will be ok. But I also know that this condition is such a small part of who she is she is smart, she is funny, she is cute and outgoing. She is a typical 18 month old that throws fits, gives wet kisses and loves Dora. She thinks her puppies are the best thing in teh world and she can;t get enough of grapes and hot dogs. She is mine and she is perfect. When I start to get down about her getting hurt or what she has in front of her - I try to remember that life is hard period at times, but it is so amazingly wonderful too - I have her and my wonderful husband to show for it. We will survive and we will be happy.

I am not writing all of that to tell you how to feel or tell you - oh look other people have problems too - not at all! I am just wanting you to know that there is someone else out there that understand emotions that come from your child going through things. It is ok to dwell, it is ok to cry, itis ok to over talk it. That is what we are here for and we love you for it. I just wanted to remind you that our babues are perfect to us and that is all that matters! And I think Noah is pretty dang perfect! hugs!

[lynn]

well, no more reading at work for a while, I do not feel like explaining tears! You nailed it again, where does the normal begin and the other stuff end...you have a gift, thank you for sharing your stories. My son did not like bare feet on grass either,but one of his things was coconuts, just the sight of them in the produce section sent him right over the edge, screaming-luckily they were easily avoidable, but he always looked aound the store to see if there was one lurking...he is 14 now, cute, lovable and full of teenage attitude, and I am still trying to figure out where the line of normal is at our house.

[Elizabeth]

I see it, Amy. I see that perfect little boy, not quite two, who can say the letters of his name and can hold up his fingers to count. Who doesn't like bright flashing lights or having his toys messed up but loves his cat and Dora the Explorer. I see you and Jason, willing to do any damn thing you need for him, and I see love. Lots and lots of it. Oh, and can I please be seeing my daughter's future boyfriend? thanks :)