The Suicide Hours
August 22, 2007
Jason is in Chicago for the rest of the week. A last-minute business trip. I am not a fan of the last-minute business trip.
I am a fan of my husband coming home at a reasonable hour, preferably right before the hour when I lose my flipping mind over being cooped up in the house all day with only a toddler for company, a toddler who is pulling out the measuring cups and spoons for the millionth time and yeah, it was cute this morning but it is NOT CUTE ANYMORE ARGH STOP WHINING STOP CLIMBING ON ME STOP HEAD BUTTING ME WITH YOUR GIGANTIC HEAD ARGH OH LOOK IT'S DADDY HOW WAS YOUR DAY, DEAR? WHAT? SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU I AM ALREADY UPSTAIRS CURLED UP IN MY CLOSET AND HAVING A NICE CONVERSATION WITH MY SHOES.
(Yes. He really does sort them out like that.)
The god's honest truth is that by 6 pm or thereabouts, my patience is pretty much tapped out. Noah's running around like a spaz, hollering for DADA DADA DADA DADA and there are chicken nuggets in the microwave that I know he won't eat and I'm rubbing my temples while spooning applesauce into a Dora bowl that I KNOW will end up upside down on top of the dog who is YAP YAP YAP YAPPING because OMG, THERE'S SOMEONE ON THE SIDEWALK ACROSS THE STREET and the cat is underfoot begging for food that I KNOW he'll sniff and turn up his nose at, and then the dog will eat it and puke it up in our bedroom later and all I need in the world is for Jason to walk through the front door and...I don't know. He doesn't really DO anything, except maybe temporarily distract me from my very mean thoughts about a matching set of dog/cat/toddler crates.
That, and he speaks English.
(This photo should be accompanied by the sweet EH EH EH EH EH sounds of a tantrum windup.)
(Beware the edible-looking feet: they are filthy because I don't bathe my child much sometimes.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to retrieve all the parts to my KitchenAid mixer from in between the couch cushions while Noah naps, and then perhaps I should just go ahead and stick some Pinot Grigio in the fridge.
A little wine cures everything.
Good luck--it's no fun when Da Da Da Da is out of town.
Actually, that should say, a little wine, AFTER putting the little boy to bed early each night Da Da Da Da is gone cures everything.
I think I need a glass of wine myself. But 3 o'clock might be pushing it just a bit.
Noah really is so cute - finally the melt downs - aren't they so much freaking fun? I used to think I was "not a good mom" becuase my patience would run out at 5:00, and I would steam until my hubby could save me... come save me... WHY THE F%*K are you late? ha - good times ;-)
Congrats on making it to 6pm on a daily basis. I am usually rocking back and forth willing myself to hear my husband's car come down the road by 4:30
....and once this next baby is born my rocking will include a martini shaker so that my drink will be ready by the time he walks in the door and I can excuse myself to my bathtub.
I felt this same exact way yesterday, only I was left wondering if I could just strap him to the roof of the car while I drove to work!
I think you guys are brave...dude, I get home at 5:30 and she goes to bed by 7:00...and I need a break by THEN...8 hours with a toddler instead of an office... that is willpower right there...
Baybay feets! *head explodes from cuteness* :)
I feel you ... in a different way. I work with my dad all day. By 5 or 6 pm, there is no more "you're keen" or "you're my hero" or "wow, this job rocks sometimes." The only thing I am capable of saying -- other than "buh buh buh," a la Goldie Hawn in "Overboard" -- is "YABBA DABBA DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
But I've no dinosaur to slide down to get to my car. I should send out a company memo about that. :D
The Eh Eh Eh Eh precursor.
it's my favorite.
Thank God someone else feels the way I do too.
Ugh ... well I am a SAHM of FOUR boys ... and I homeschool them to boot. Yes, questionable mental status at times.
I'd go straight to the vodka and skip the wine altogether. Wait until bedtime (which crazily always moves up when dad is out of town) and then CRASH.
Rent girl movies that your dh wont watch with you, drink, eat, be merry. Calories dont count when you are single parenting.
Oh, it's like you're in my head! I get itchy about 5:30, and when my husband doesn't arrive by 6:15, I'm totally annoyed. Then, he wants to talk about his day and what happened at work (which I totally want to discuss but not right THIS second). He'll talk over the screaming and whining, and I want to poke my eyes out unable to listen over the noise. Then, we're in a mad dash to finish cooking, eat, bathe the kids, put them to sleep, and pass out (hopefully with a glass of wine in the hand).
"STOP HEAD BUTTING ME WITH YOUR GIGANTIC HEAD" - Haha!
Pinot Grigio will help. It always helps.
The Pinot should already be in the fridge. Never let them catch you unprepared. I've had some days that sent me over to the warm-white-wine side, and it is no place to be.
Just have to quickly say that I'm having the exact day you are having, other than the business trip is planned. Toddler is currently napping, and it's so PEACEFUL. As soon as he wakes up, though, it's going to be back to Eh Eh Eh Eh Eh and the full-blown floor kicking screaming tantrum. I literally pull my hair out, and all those years growing up I thought it was just a figure of speech.
I hear you... I really don't know how you SAHMs do it, and I think single parents are, like, superheroes complete with capes and secret identities or something. Good luck - call up a girlfriend who doesn't have kids to come over and "hang out".
Oh my God, I totally have to get my husband to read this. He's a stay-at-home dad, and he sounds JUST LIKE THIS every day when I get home! I feel sorry for him and cook dinner while he vegetates on the couch, with a 2-year-old climbing on him, only by the time I get home, I think he's so brain-dead, he doesn't even notice.
I know he can feel your pain, for real. Hang in there! Noah is just as cute as can be, too, by the way!
cheers to that! my husband is a wildland firefighter. he is gone a lot and i barely make it, with 2 under 2.5 . but, like you, the wine flows freely here. wish you could come over. river could be our babysitter.
I feel like this every day at 5:00 and I usu make my husband crazy by calling him again to ask when he'll be getting home, like it will somehow be different than every other day so far!
I can so relate! If my husband even works an hour late, it throws me off.
That said...he's leaving for 10 whole days to go to Colorado. And he's not taking the kids. Not a single one. He's abandoning me with a seven (and a half!) year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. To go on an effing elk hunting trip. I think it's complete bullshit and I better get a damn good anniversary present this year.
Late afternoon playdates always help when Daddy is out of town. By the way, next time you need a dishwasher, go to Bray and Scarff Appliances.
Don't read my blog post today, then. You don't want to see what the future holds. LOL
Ack, there are times I just want to tuck them into their little bassinettes and swaddle the blankets tightly and all that, but when they are 5 and 11, they won't stand for that anymore.
And the 3 year old? Ugh. I give up. She's worn me down and she wins. Commence coloring all my walls with pretty markers, I don't care anymore.
My husband routinely arrives home at 8 p.m. after a 14 hour day. Is it any wonder I'm a borderline alky? Thanks, though - reading this post made me remember the wine I just bought needs to be refrigerated STAT!
The witching hour... It's that much longer when there's no break in sight.
And, dirty or not, those feet are still cute.
This is exactly why I went back to work: I went absofuckinglutely batty in my son's 12th month. There were days when I called my husband crying at 3pm to say YOU HAVE TO COME HOME NOW. Many days. He's great, and I love him, but in order to appreciate him fully, I can't be the one taking care of him all day and all night, exclusively.
Oh, I feel ya. 4:30ish is totally bath time around here.
The kids get a little splashy exercise and as long as I'm feeling rather 'pro' on the concept of keeping their heads above water, I can read a book or floss my teeth or drink the Scope.
Oh, man. Best post ever. I would send it to my husband for reference, but then I'd have to give him a minute to read it when he got home.
As crazy as it sounds, I usually just pack up Mimi and leave the house. Even if it is a screaming mess of whining toddler, it is at least in a different location.
Lose your flipping mind?
Don't you mean lose your motherflippin' mind?
(prays to lolcats that html tags work since I am a lahoo-suh-hur)
I've been a stay at home Mom for ten years so I feel your pain. Toddlers are yet another reason why pot should be legal. I'm just sayin'.
After he goes to bed, you would forget the "eh eh eh" until the next day.
That sucks. I hate when Doug is away. I need the hour to myself while he is playing w/ Michael.
i hear ya, sista. I hear ya!
Ummm... trust me, you'll do just fine while Jason is outta town. It's when he gets back, that night after Noah goes to sleep. THEN you will lose your cool and fall all to freakin' pieces. The tears and sniffles and snot makes for some mighty attractive "welcome home" sex, I'm sure.
At least that's what I do.
I feel your pain! Times 3. But it all sucks. My hubby is out of town every week from Monday-Thursday, so I don't even decompress until Friday. By then, I'm drunk.
Kidding.
Sometimes I'm so tired and forget about going for the tequila, ugh, WINE - I need to put alcohol on my shopping list - excuse me! LOL
When Daddy is gone here, about once a week, we have movie night, indulging in chicken nuggets, hot dogs, chips etc... and other nasty habits. Long bath times help - for the kids - I spray a little shaving cream on the walls and they go to town. It might help to have something special to do only when he's away.
Oh my god. Seriously? Let's never read an Amalah-rant in the library at school. I'm giggling like a 10 year old & all these college-student-oh-snap-I'm-so-smart Smartie McSmartie-Pants are scoffing at me. But good luck with finding pieces to the KitchenAid whos-a-whatsit. & don't worry about bathing the child; I hear dogs do a good job at grooming.
My hubby's gone this week too and left me with a 5 week old. And my birthday was yesterday. And maybe I stubbed my toe. Ok, I didn't stub my toe, but the rest is totally true. I'm sure having a toddler is harder than a 5 week old since she sleeps sometimes. So I'm sorry Jason is gone.
Bummer.
Enjoy the vino.
There is nothing worse then the hours between the end of nap time and when Daddy gets home. Except maybe knowing that he isn't going to be home. I swear I wait by the door with the kids, then make a mad dash for my bedroom and do the unthinkable, I pee. In private. Without and audience or a running commentary from my 4 year old on just what am I doing and why do I have that thing in my panties and when will she have boobies and can she have a thing in her panties and.... well you get the picture. I feel your pain sista
Thanks so much for writting about this! I feel the same way everyday!
I feel the same way, except that I have a puppy and not a toddler. Around 5ish I get really sick of the dog chasing the cat, eating the cat litter and then peeing on the floor. Seriously. At least I can put her outside and leave her there. I don't suggest doing the same with Noah.
My husband worked a lot of overtime last week and I thought I was going to go insane. And my kid isn't even mobile.
Oh, I feel for you Amy.
I guess there's a reason they say the ugly ones don't make it right?
I feel your pain. Husband coming home = good. Last minute business trip = perfectly good reason to begin drinking at noon.
Ooh, I remember the head butting. My oldest would do it while sitting on my lap, which he wanted to do, so why was he head-butting me? Eventually, they learn to amuse themselves without killing you...and you find yourself longing for the days of the sweet, towheaded toddler boy. Can you tell my youngest is turning 10 tomorrow? Had hair just like Noah's. Sniffle. If I see Jason around here, I'll send him right home.
I hear you. My husband had a last minute business trip this week too. I am one unhappy camper by the time my girls go to bed, and when I know I won't get a break I wake up feeling grumpy to begin with.
Here's to hoping he gets an early flight home so you can talk to you shoes. Sounds like a dream to me. . .
Oh how I know how you feel. Nick has been on a work trip just about every other week this whole summer. Monday he heads out to Houston again... and he just told me that sometime between now and mid Sept. he'll be in Sweden for a week. It gets VERY hard to be alone with a 2 year old... especially now that the pool isn't open in the morning anymmore (???) and our last summer YMCA class was last week. And it's been raining all week! HELP!!!
Lovely, lovely wine to take the edge of a hubbie's business trip is definitely the perscription or will at least dull the pain. We have three boys - five and under - and my husband I always joke that the minute he left town, everything automatically went to shit. Guaranteed. This culminated in the amazing week from hell when he went to California for a week and my second day in my three year old and one year old locked me in the basement. I had to tell my three year old to find a knife to pop the lock. (Yes, genius parenting for sure.)
The kicker was when I gave an interview for a local magazine a few months later about balancing work and motherhood - and I all could gab about was being locked in the basement and drinking wine to recover. All the other women sounded so together and me? Not so much.
Anyway - much luck to you this week - and the tip from me? Just try to stay out of the basement. (grin.)
DH came home from a weeklong business trip when I was home with Snotty McScreams-a-lot. He said he was tired as soon as he hit the door. I had to count to ten.
And your floors are pretty!
It's like that every day times THREE here! HAHA Sucks.
I just want to ruffle his hair. The feet are cute, but man, I just want to mess up his hair.
Enjoy your pinot!
I so know how you feel. My husband had to go away for work for 6 weeks leaving me with a 3 year old and 7 month old. Needless to say there was a lot of advil used in those 6 weeks and I might have locked my 3 year old in her room a couple of time oh boy accident, of course.
I love wine. It is an essential piece of our bedtime routine.
It is even better when your hubby calls at 4:30 to say that "An old buddy who I never see invited me out for drinks. I won't be to late might make it home by 7 or 8, don't wait dinner for me"
oh yeah , the wine REALLY flows then...
Can my toddler come over and destroy your kitchen? it looks cleaner than mine...