The Suicide Hours
August 22, 2007
Jason is in Chicago for the rest of the week. A last-minute business trip. I am not a fan of the last-minute business trip.
I am a fan of my husband coming home at a reasonable hour, preferably right before the hour when I lose my flipping mind over being cooped up in the house all day with only a toddler for company, a toddler who is pulling out the measuring cups and spoons for the millionth time and yeah, it was cute this morning but it is NOT CUTE ANYMORE ARGH STOP WHINING STOP CLIMBING ON ME STOP HEAD BUTTING ME WITH YOUR GIGANTIC HEAD ARGH OH LOOK IT'S DADDY HOW WAS YOUR DAY, DEAR? WHAT? SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU I AM ALREADY UPSTAIRS CURLED UP IN MY CLOSET AND HAVING A NICE CONVERSATION WITH MY SHOES.
(Yes. He really does sort them out like that.)
The god's honest truth is that by 6 pm or thereabouts, my patience is pretty much tapped out. Noah's running around like a spaz, hollering for DADA DADA DADA DADA and there are chicken nuggets in the microwave that I know he won't eat and I'm rubbing my temples while spooning applesauce into a Dora bowl that I KNOW will end up upside down on top of the dog who is YAP YAP YAP YAPPING because OMG, THERE'S SOMEONE ON THE SIDEWALK ACROSS THE STREET and the cat is underfoot begging for food that I KNOW he'll sniff and turn up his nose at, and then the dog will eat it and puke it up in our bedroom later and all I need in the world is for Jason to walk through the front door and...I don't know. He doesn't really DO anything, except maybe temporarily distract me from my very mean thoughts about a matching set of dog/cat/toddler crates.
That, and he speaks English.
(This photo should be accompanied by the sweet EH EH EH EH EH sounds of a tantrum windup.)
(Beware the edible-looking feet: they are filthy because I don't bathe my child much sometimes.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to retrieve all the parts to my KitchenAid mixer from in between the couch cushions while Noah naps, and then perhaps I should just go ahead and stick some Pinot Grigio in the fridge.
I so know how you feel. My husband had to go away for work for 6 weeks leaving me with a 3 year old and 7 month old. Needless to say there was a lot of advil used in those 6 weeks and I might have locked my 3 year old in her room a couple of time on accident, of course.
Actually, I was just buying our weekly "allotment" of wine this evening and a guy waiting in line at the checkout told me this staggering percentage of parents who have one drink an evening - like 35% or some number like that. He said it was reported in Parents mag.
But of course, we know how "reliable" Parents magazine is, eh?
i love the feet. And the pinot grigio.
6pm IS the magical hour, isn't it? When I hear my husband start to come down from the office, the glee is hard to suppress.
Oh, I hear you. DO I EVER hear you!!!
When my daughter was doing the full-fledged EHEHEHEHEH I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU STUPID PEOPLE ARE NOT RECOGNIZING THE GREATNESS OF THE ALISON WHO IS NOW TWO AND THEREFORE RULES THE WORLD last night, my hub looked at me and said, "When are this child's parents coming to get her?"
OHHHHH, how I feel for you.
Days like this are why I can not, could never ever, be a stay at home mom. I envy you all the time with your little darling but I NEED conversations in english everysingle day about things other than Cars (movie or otherwise), toot toots (trains), or crackers (a word Grant now uses for ALL food).
I say... Tivo the Cars movie and enjoy the snuggles for yourself... add a little of that chilled Pinot Grigio and it sounds like a lovely mommy/son evening!
HUGS!
amazing, my house is like that too! and i don't even have kids yet!
Oh, I am right there with you!
One 21 month old + 4:30 = One crazy Mom who needs a nap!
And hubby gets upset after I've called him 15 times when he hasn't come home by 5:30..please! Oh, and I go straight for the Goldschlager!!
Ugh. Thank God I am not going insane. There are others.
I am fine allllll day (mostly) and very accommodating, and then it seems that when my husband comes home I lose all patience. My almost 2 year old does the same uh uh uh tantrum windup right around dinner time most nights. That is why I sit here at the computer drinking wine after everyone else is asleep. Ahhhh.
Ohhh and I just read all of these wonderful comments- there is LOTS of wine drinking going on!
I keep thinking there is something wrong with my child that he is unhappy or depressed because he cries and throws tantrums, but apparently he is just 2!! Thanks ya'll!
my husband is out of town too.
i just figured out, my four year old peed in my bed.
i don't want to sleep on my couch. i hate my couch....
Well, you certainly have a lot of support with this one so I will just have to refer to all of the posts above me and say "I'm with what they said!"
It does seem like your blogsite would be a wonderful place for a vineyard to do a little advertising!
Hope you catch a break, and a buzz, and some rest soon!
Erin
www.ExpectingExecutive.com
Oh, so the chicken nuggets aren't for you?
Good luck.
(I hate when my husband leaves on business trips. Reminds me why I'm not a single mom. I couldn't do it.)
So, this is my first comment on your blog but I am a long time "lurker". I am so glad to know that I'm not the only one who hits the suicide hour too. I thought it was because I was a bad mom or something. My hubby is a general manager of a restaurant so the majority of the week, I'm a single mom. Know how you feel and we do have a very large dog crate that I too have thought about putting all the animals (including kid) in.
Hang in there...and drink the wine, it takes the edge off.
When I was a SAHM and my kids were that young, the only thing that saved me was the early bed time. 7:30 or bust. Now at days, it's 8:30 and that's when all the magic happens.
Crap. My baby is not even 5 mo and my suicide hour hits around 6:30 PM. I wonder if we can live off of a part-time income when baby is a toddler, because it sounds like I might not last past 3. Hope you put the Pinot Grigio in the fridge after all.
And ha ha! I just read someone's earlier comment about the ugly ones not making it. I often think at my baby - oh you are soooooo lucky you are so damn cute.
You need to write a book. Do you have a book deal yet? Misery loves company, and I love your posts every-ding-dong day. I usually think my kid is the only one who acts like this because whenever I'm out and about, every other kid is acting like an angel. All the while, my kid is screaching at the top of her lungs and running the complete opposite direction of me. Plus, it was 104 yesterday. 104. What, I ask you, do you do with a kid when it's 104 outside and the pool doesn't open until 4pm? Oh yeah, now I know. DRINK lots of fluids. The alcholic kind. Thank you Amalah.
I thought I was the only one who experienced this while I was home with my kids. This is why my husband tells me I have to work, and I have to send the kids to daycare... evil mother that I am LOL!
Yup, I go nutso by about 5pm, too.
And sometimes, I go nuts by, say, 8:45am, when I have a 2½-year-old bouncing bouncing bouncing on the exercize ball I use as a computer chair and my 1-year-old tearing things off of my desk and scattering them about the room and climbing on top of the printer and my 5½-year-old is...well, just being annoying because SOMEone let her stay up an hour past her bedtime so she got up at 6 this morning. And ALL I WANT TO DO IS READ A FEW BLOGS. *twitch twitch* *erk*
I don't know what I'd do if my hubs were to be in a business-trip-prone job. Probably live with my mom for a while. Or temporarily adopt my children out.
Oooh - when you KNOW you're not getting relief during arsenic hour it makes the whole day suck. You just wake up going "this is going to be long and awful".
When Nolan starts to get like that (like this morning when he didn't want his bottle or cheerios or yobaby or water - he just wanted to whine), I tell him I'm going to sell him on ebay.
If you are still getting dressed you're doing fine. It's when you live in the same pair of pajamas (and maybe underthings) for more than 3 days at a time that there should be an intervention. I had mine after I'd been exclusively** a SAHM for 18 months.
**no outside freelance work or school or adult contact which I had for the first 3 years
Bathing of children is overrated.
Um YES. And YES.
I'm sorry I'm not in the neighborhood-- I would have brought Jojo over so they could whine together while we discuss the state of affairs in Hollywood. Sometimes just having them around another kid cuts the whine/gives me a break.
And listen to THIS: my husband travels for work, too. Last night, we had a friend over for dinner who works with my husband, and I heard MY husband mention how he's likely heading to CHINA for work in the coming months. Um, hello? What was that? China, New York? ChinaTOWN in NYC? Oh no he didn't.
Serenity now.
Back in the day, so many years ago, I took care of my three nephews & my son, ages (newborn, 2, 4 & 6) while my sister worked all day.
After the youngest was out of diapers at age two, I took on a night job (working from 11pm - 7 am) in addition to watching the young ones during the day.
I know your frustration and I hope you never know mine.
Even with all the frustration, you get to experience all the joy as well and I know that Noah brings you a great deal of joy.
Hang in there.......It's worth it
Here is how it could be slightly worse - if your husband weren't going out of town for a legitimate business trip, but for a GD FANTASY FOOTBALL DRAFT WEEKEND OF CAMPING AND PLAYING POKER AND DRINKING WITH HIS COLLEGE BUDS. From now until Sunday! Oh yes! (And also leaving the morning after your formerly perfect little sleeper woke up 8 TIMES! EIGHT!) Hang in there and I will toast you when I make my mojito tonight.
My husband is gone for days out of each week and while I hate the hours of 3-6 p.m. EVERY DAY. I seem to hold it together okay. Until the minute he walks in the door and I am suddenly PISSY. It is like all the "suicide hours" that I held it together come crashing down as soon as I see him. And I am suddenly ANGRY and overwhelmed. Being a full time parent is HARD HARD HARD!
Girl could that boy possibly get any freakin cuter? And the toes. He spreads his toes just like me and my girls do. My girls' father says we're freaks and calls us "tree climbers" but I swear I think it's the cutest thing to see a kid spread their toes like that. Makes them all the more edible. Might go nibble my baby's toes now. Mmmm....
I would ask "are you sure you want more?" but I know the answer to that question makes no sense on days like that. Except for the delicious baby feet. Who wouldn't want 10 sets of those in their house?
The business trips KILL me. Especially when I start to really think about it. I run around with a sick whiny toddler all day and hubby gets to go away, eat out and sleep in a dark htel room with no baby to wake him in the morning. Sounds like bliss to me but he will come home and complain he is exhausted.
Enjoy the wine!
When my daughter was little I'd watch the clock waiting for MY bedtime because the arrival of her father home from work simply meant that I had 2 children to care for instead of one, heh. Seriously.
Those are some mighty edible feets indeed!
Wow, you make it to 6 PM??
I have four kids, I barely make it through breakfast.
Chill the wine, babe!
Tantrums are just....UGH....I can't even think of the right word for it, but I sure as heck can't handle them. Dawson loves to scream and wine for no reason (Okay, so maybe I did turn of Bob the Builder after the 80th episode) and I never know if I'm going to one day jump out the window or poke my own eyes out.
I just recently chose to become a single mother of a now 14 month old little girl from Vietnam. I knew it would be hard, I knew I'd be tired, but I didn't know about the Hell hours of 5-7pm. It's nonstop whining until bathtime. Luckily (?), maternity leave is over and I'm back at work-and is it horrible to say that I'm glad? I applaud you SAHMs. I don't know how you do it. The hours between 5-7 are still rough-but doable now.
We call the 5:00 - 7:00pm stretch the gangrene hours...
OMG-I SO, totally feel ya on this one. This describes my life, EVERY DAY! I love, lovvveee my babies...but LORD help me come 5:00 if my husband hasn't walked through the door. Because I LOVE cooking dinner to the sweet sound of a screaming 6 month old and a 20 month old climbing up the hot stove and crying in the floor of the kitchen as I am carrying a pot full of hot pasta and HOT water to drain in the sink.
My husband works until 10pm as few nights a week. I don't cook those nights, so I avoid the aforementioned hysteria. But alas the little darlings are in bed by 7. On a good night. Which is good, because then I can fold the damn laundry that I was unable to get to all day long. Yay. Housewife = fun. (There is really no other place I'd rather be, I just like to whine)
Oh, girl, I hear ya. Hubby has a hellacious commute (Germantown to SE or to Chantilly, VA) and we aren't morning people so he isn't often able to do the "get up at 4 and be at work at 5" thing to avoid traffic. I envy you your wine, I really do (blasted nursing baby - I really do love him). Maybe we should get together sometime - sometimes it is easier to share the suicide hours, I've found.
Oh lordy. I don't even have kids and just the THOUGHT of that EH EH EH noise sends chills down my spine.
Starting when my older son was a baby, the time between 4:00 and whenever dad got home became known as "the witching hour." And even though I know that this is when everyone in the family starts to melt down, I can't always (never?) seem to hold it together. Funny how almost anything I eat for dinner creates in me the need to spend endless amounts of time in the bathroom - with a book and blissfully alone.
i could solve your problem of him getting into the drawers if it drives you that mad. buy those little plastic thingies that keep children from opening drawers.
I'm in the same sucktastic boat. Hell, my husband's even in Chicago right now -- is there some porn convention we haven't heard about?
Pinot Grigio + freezer = ahhh, much quicker.
After the Pinot Grigio is chillin' then there's time to rescue the Kitchen Aid parts. (You know how on the plane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, THEN the kid's, yeah, it's something like that.)
Also, can I borrow him to organize my measuring cups and spoons? 'cause mine are always all mixed up.
Wine, cheese, crackers, and baby piggies. YUMMMY!
Oh, and my 20-mo-old daughter loves the videos of your son. Keep 'em coming! They tame the witching hours (if only for five minutes)!
so true.
somedays this blog is the only thing that keeps me going until mommy finishes with work.
On the bright side...your new floors look awesome! :)
7pm, the time when the hate the children button gets flipped in my head. No matter how sweet and darling and loveable they may be at 6.55pm, at 7 they are loathesome creatures and should be seen ( or not ) and not heard, at all shut up.
TO cheer you though, and on a completely different note, I saw an old friend today who I haven't seen for 8 years,ahhh bless she had a sweet toddler with her and was quite obviously pregnant with another baby, due anyday,overdue even, huge and blossoming, I shrieked and then I PATTED HER BELLY and told her how EXCITING this was. She looked straight at me and said " Ha! Nothing in there, it's just fat" OMG. Can you show me what to do with alcohol because I might need an excuse for the way I keep behaving. "so sorry I am drunk, have no idea why my stupid mouth just said that"
MONKEY TOES! (I think cabernet is what you're supposed to drink with slightly dirty monkey toes.)
Well, this probably only makes sense to me but I used to trick my mind into dealing with my husband's prolonged absence by telling it, "If he were not at a fire right now, he'd still wouldn't be home until 6:15. So, if I put the kids to bed at 8:00, then I really only have 2 hours of parenting by myself." It actually really helped me, except on the weekends. There was no mind tricking through the weekend. But there was wine...