Weekend: Horror Movie Edition
All of a Sudden, Two

Updates On Things You Didn't Even Know You Cared About

(With more movie title format weirdness. I don't know why I'm having trouble letting it go. Possibly I think I am clever. Possibly tomorrow I will realize the  truth.)

Captain Corelli's Mandoline

Jason's thumb tip appears to be growing back. Or so he says, because I refuse to look at it. He keeps trying to make me look at it. I keep threatening to no longer help him with his shirt buttons.

By the way, this is what a mandoline looks like. This is also what a mandoline THAT IS BEING USED PROPERLY looks like. Take away the jolly little plastic vegetable hat and you'll see what went so very wrong for Jason. Laws of physics, people. Don't fuck with them.


Cujo and the Chocolate Factory

Our dinner party guests brought dessert on Saturday...a deliciously decadent chocolate cake. So decadent, in fact, that we accidentally left about half of it sitting on the kitchen counter overnight, after we all slumped off to bed in a food coma.

The next morning, after determining that it was indeed too stale to eat, even as a toaster-breakfast-cake thing, we threw it in the trash. Which somehow ended up sitting by the back door because SOMEBODY WHO POSSIBLY IS DEFICIENT IN THE THUMB DEPARTMENT didn't feel like taking the 15 steps or so to the garbage can in the back yard.

I walked into the kitchen a little later and saw the bag ripped open...and Ceiba literally up to her beady little eyeballs in chocolate cake.


We called the vet in a panic and tried to figure out how to describe exactly how much cake she'd eaten ("Well, there were about three or four slices left -- small slices, you know, girl slices -- and she ate about half of them, plus all the icing, although a lot of it is still on her ears") and also what kind of chocolate she'd eaten since we didn't have the ingredient list. They basically told us to sit around and watch her for a few hours, and that even if she wasn't poisoned, she'd probably be puking and having diarrhea a fair amount.

We sat.

We watched.

We Googled the best way to check a dog's pulse.

We had Noah's plastic splash mat all ready in case we were too far away from the back door.

Damn dog is FINE. Not even a single runny poop. Cast-iron stomach, I swear.


This mean I can has chocolate chip waffles now?

Dork: The Movie

One really, really weird thing about parenthood that I was completely unprepared for is how your definition of "celebrity" changes. Anyone who makes your kid happy is totally your new rock star.

Suddenly you develop a little crush on your elderly pediatrician and you start trying to figure out which of the Wiggles is the cutest and honestly, I would drive two hours to take Noah to meet Joe from Blue's Clues because OMFG JOE FROM BLUE'S CLUES.

So with that said, I want you to just try to imagine the hysterical, Beatles-worthy scream that erupted from my mouth when I got the following attachment from an employee at Signing Time:


I cannot even explain the full effect this photo has on me. It makes me want to be a better person.

P.S. My next post is up over at the Fall Shopping Guide thingie. If you are thinking, "Hmm, perhaps this Amy girl is a little weird," please check it out to have all your worst fears confirmed.

P.P.S Contractually obligated to link to it. Sorry. But not, because = whore.

P.P.P.S Also sorry for the dearth of Noah photos this week...I am selfishly hoarding them all until I've finalized my choices for his little birthday video/photo montage thing.

P.P.P.P.S My music choice for this year's video is William Shatner. I am officially the biggest weirdo I know.



Joe. Bah.

Bring back Steve!


Ceiba, you fat lard! haha I knew once you started talking about her eating cake that she'd be fine!!!

Give her some cocoa in her dog food, that'll curb her cravings! lol Nah, I dunno, I'm just being weird now!


So wait, chocolate cake can become too stale to eat?


Who is that woman?


That's Rachel, the creator and star of the Signing Time DVDs. Changer of lives and singer of the Silly Pizza song that runs non-stop in my head all day long.


No no no Joe ... Steve...sigh.


Oh Ceiba, Ceiba, Ceiba... what am I going to do with you? And did you save any cake for me? No? Fine then...Bitch.


Joe, really? I'm much more a fan of Steve.


Yes - could you explain a little further about the life of the chocolate cake? Because I need to know what magnificent willpower you possess that allows cake to sit around beyond 24 hours.
I love your blog.


Oh Ceiba...she does have impeccable taste, yes?


Oh, and P.S. My husband's boss took him to Ceiba (the restaurant) last night and I was all, "Eek, that's the restaurant that Amalah named her dog after!"


Ceiba sings:

I like chocolate cake on my pizza,
I like chocolate cake pizza please.
Put some chocolate cake on my pizza,
Don't forget the extra cheese!

Amy, you have made me a Signing Times dork, too. This time last week, I had never heard that song. Now, after deciding that my life would be easier if my son could sign to me instead of screaming and rolling on the floor when he wants something, I have started watching Signing Times with him on PBS.

And your pic of Rachel? Beyond awesome. My husband has asked if she always has those "weird colored bandaid things on her fingers" and I can now say with certainty that she does not. You rock.

Oh, and my son only signs "cracker," which he doesn't really even eat. LOL I'll keep working on it.


You think getting a photo of your child's hero evokes a "Squeeeee!" - try actually meeting in the flesh your very own childhood hero after you hit adulthood. I met Bob (McGrath) from Sesame Street a few years ago and had him sign everything in sight, especially my very own childhood Sesame Street album cover (circa 1970)and a rubber duckie. He asked who to sign the duckie to and I said "Er, um, me. I don't have any kids" (yet). Bob flipped through the song pages on the album (yes ALBUM - I am Old) and sung a few bars of each one as I was transported back to age 4 and nearly cried. I think that was when he called security.


My dog has eaten rotten chicken that he dog out of a trash bag on our back porch, a piece of sausage that he found on the ground at a park, all kinds of things I don't even want to think about and be totally fine. Give him weight control dog food and he will throw up for days. WTF?


OMG! Rachel! My son would swoon. He hugs the TV during parts of the Alphabet song where it just shows her signing for extended periods.


My dog once ate 1/2 a bag of hershey's kisses. Foil and all. She was fine, although her poop was somewhat silver.


Just got sent this from a co-worker and had to share!

In case you haven't heard, there is a make-up line (featured on Oprah) called E.L.F. - stands for eyeslipsface

Shop Eyes Lips Face

It is a higher end line that Nordstrom's has recently purchased...so, they are clearing out all of their on-line inventory.

Everything is only $1.00.

Then, on orders up to $20.00 you get 50% off if you can enter *coupon code: Carolina, so you can save up to another $10.


This is an easy and inexpensive way to stock up on your makeup essentials!


I was already excited about getting to see another Noah birthday video/montage, but now that I know your music is William Shatner! SQUEEEEEE! I can't WAIT (I LOVE his recording with Ben Folds). Does this mean I'm a weirdo, too? (Okay, I already know I am one). :) ANYway! Great choice!! :)


As long as it's not "You're Gonna' Die" (because how the hell depressing would THAT be?) the Shatner will RAWK!!!!!


I never knew chocolate went stale. And Ceiba has lovely thighs.


Ha, Ceiba looks like the cat that got the cream. Or the dog that got the chocolate cake. Whatever. Actually, I'm really glad you wrote about this, because I like in fear that ours will manage to do something EXACTLY LIKE THIS one day - glad to know she made it through :)

Also: chocolate cake can get stale? Didn't know. Would totally eat it anyway.


Wow. Contractually obligated to link to it THREE TIMES??


Hillarie -- Unfortunately, that's kind of a scam/urban legend. ELF is a regular line of makeup that is always a dollar, but has no affiliation with Nordstrom.

That forward has been going around for ages...in fact, I even wrote an Advice Smackdown about it last year!! (Back in October, when the store in question was Bloomingdales.)


Really! I am such a sucker. My co-worker found it on a wedding website.


Today I thought of you bc in copyright class we talked about this:



i cannot wait to see the new birthday video. i'm pretty sure that the first one will still make me cry...waiitng for the second one is kind of like waiting for a good movie that i know is coming out this weekend.

not that i'm, like, in love with your kid or anything.
but, if i am, it's totally your fault.


Mandoline? Don't own one, not sure I want to. I kind of like my cute little fingertips.


Rachel from Signing Time? OMG! That is AWESOME! She is my 2 year old son's newest crush and we have only owned the DVD's for a week! She looks so young and beautiful. That's not to say that she is not gorgeous in the video's (thus the huge crush from my (if I do say so myself) yummy 2 year old son. Just less "Mommish" and less....well......yellow!


I'm a big fan of Steve, myself. Old skool all the way. Also, Steve did tons more signs than Joe does.

Speaking of which, my son passed the speech assessment with flying colors -- he charmed the pants off all three lady speech pathologists/developmental specialists. They were like, "what a lovely way to start the day" and I beamed with motherly pride at my speech-competent kid.

Sarah sensiblysassy.blogspot.com

um, don't be so hard on Ceiba for ripping open the bag and eating the chocolate cake...humans make that mistake too in the heat of the moment, you know, had a log day, regret throwing the cake away... someone else has done it too right....


Agh! She left me a blog comment once. And then EMAILED me. There is a chance Josh and I both danced around the house a little. LOL.


You are extraordinary, I read your post and was just incredulous that your worry was that the dog ate the cake and could get sick, hell I would just be pissed that the dog ate the cake, too stale? How so? IS cake not just delicious simple by reason of being? Also, who has cake left anyway? What sort of people are you that HALF a cake can be left? Lightweights.
Just thought I would tell you that I am going to be a GRANDMA!! That means of course that I shall be wise and all knowledgeable and also be allowed to be fat and wear aprons and eat all the cake I shall bake when my grandbaby comes to stay. We shan't be leaving half of it to go stale, not me and my grandbaby.


Anthony. The cutest wiggle is Anthony.


OMG... My wife is going to flip out with insane jealousy when she sees your rachel picture.

Perhaps you should add a verse about liking fingertips on your pizza?


Well, this is a totally unrelated comment to your post today, and I would have just emailed you, but I am too lazy to look for your email, but I know you gave it to us one time.

Anyway. Last night I had a dream that you were pregnant, and it reminded me that you are trying, and that secondary infertility sucks--and not just for the obvious reasons, but also for the guilt you feel over thinking your perfectly wonderful and healthy first child isn't enough...

What I'm trying to say (poorly) is that I'm praying for you!

Lisa M

I just don't know if I should believe that certain foods can kill dogs...my dogs eat everything under the sun. Things like tulip bulbs, rose hips, dafodil bulbs, anything rotten, anything that even remotely resembles food of any kind, poop from other animals, wild onions, blueberries, black berries...And how can a chocolate cake be too stale to eat?!!!


I don't think they understand, Amy. Joe is HOT, everyone!!! I do miss Steve, though.


Noes! Steve 4evah!


OMG Rachel!! We are actually watching Signing Times at this very moment! My 23 month old daughter LOVES Signing Times. We have the Series 1 shows saved on our Tivo...I was so excited the other day to see that the Series 2 shows will be airing on our local public broadcasting channel this fall! Yay for Signing Times! And just so I make myself perfectly clear: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a dork.

(a dork who loves Signing Times!)


Ceiba's comments have me cracking up. You need to write a comic strip, main characters being Ceiba and "small one." And, Joe. Finally someone agrees with me about Joe. Steve is such a DORK. Joe is at least cool (kind of).


You crack me up. Seriously. Like to the point that if I got a picture of YOU signing "I Love You" with a note saying hi to ME I would probably have a small coronary and then tell all my friends, even the ones who have no idea who you are.


so how DO you check a dog's pulse?

Another Jennifer

Our lab ate a whole container of chocolate Viactiv (those calcium things) and had mad diarrhea. Of course he's eaten several of my husband's socks and has actually pooped them out too. Talk about a colon cleanser!


Yeah, as Hillarie said, Shatner with Ben Folds? So not weird. Weird is if you *don't* like that. "What's the matter? Don't you understand genius?"


I've refrained from commenting because the whole mandoline disaster leaves me so ... squicked out and sort of speechless, except for:


That's pretty much all I've been able to think about. The imagined visual I have is too grotesque for me to get over.


So, there was this one time I made a HUGE pot of spicy pork carnitas with an ENORMOUS amount of fresh hot peppers from my garden. And it was cold out, so I covered the leftovers with foil and put the pan on the garage floor, because lo, there was no room in the refrigerator. And then SOMEBODY let the dog out from the garage instead of from the deck the next morning, and..OMG...

unbelievably, NOTHING happened. And she ate almost the entire pan. There's a cast iron stomach for you too. I still can't believe it, and that dog has been gone for four years now. Pehaps that hastened her demise.

Also, my friend Elizabeth went out with a guy who was a dead ringer for Steve. He was very cute. Hi, Jack!

I have a total of 40 stitches on various fingers (well, mostly just two fingers, where the tips almost got cut off) from kitchen knife accidents. There is ofen still mostly no feeling in them five years later, and yet they remain somewhat functional. (It helped to sleep with the injured digit/hand upright for the first week or two. Because it hurt like a mofo if blood got to it whilst sleeping.)

It's like we're living parallel lives, only five years apart.


OMG.. It's Rachel!
Your so lucky! She's is such a rock-star in our house..
I have two children with speech issues and we have either listened to the audio CD or watched one of the DVD's every day for the last 2 years..

Jenny H.


That having been said, I for one, am loving the movie titles! They give me a giggle every time I read one.

Ceiba is looking pretty tough in that picture. I'd be giving up the chocolate for sure!


Perhaps you should buy Jason a pair of these?



I was wondering about your comment to drive two hours to meet Joe. It seemed awfully specific like you were referencing something in particular. Is Joe going to be appearing somewhere nearby? Not that I would drive down there from Michigan or anything. I don't think. My son is 2 months older than Noah and adores Joe. I kind of love him too. I love how in "Bedtime Business" he does goofy dances next to the tub during "Scrub Scrub Scrub." I thought only you could really appreciate that.

My son has a three to five month speech delay and we just discovered Signing Time thanks to you. I couldn't believe how much he took to it right away.

My dog once ate an entire bowl of hershey's kisses with caramel and the only ill effect was that her poo was quite festive with the foil for a couple days.


For the record, I would totally drive two hours for Steve, too. But I don't think he does appearances. (Although truthfully Noah prefers Joe. Dark hair = Dada, I think.)

But no, Siobhan, I know nothing about a Joe appearance. When Noah was tiny I heard he was at a mall sort of nearby and that it was complete bedlam. And even though I knew Noah was way, way too young to care, I was so bummed that *I* didn't get to go.

So lame. Lame!


The woman in that photo looks surprisingly like Melissa Gilbert - albeit much younger than she is now. I was very confused for a few beats until you explained who she is!


I love this site--I can't stop laughing. And yes, I DID have a short (as in, thirty minutes it took for the event) crush on the local library's summer reading program's sort-of-fat-but-still-looks-pirate-enough-for-me Captain Jack Sparrow. YES. I am hooked on reading Captain Jack Hottie!

It was summer. It was hot. Very hot.

Anyway. Thanks for making me laugh.


I'm still cringing over the mandoline incident.

Super Ceiba.

Hi Rachel!

I'm looking forward to the Noah video.


I can't get behind that!

(for all other William Shatner fans out there) :)


My dog when I was growing up ate one of my mom's diamond stud earrings. Imagine how fun THAT poop watch was. HAH.


My cats ate jalapeno corn bread muffins off the counter the other night. They didn't get sick though. They just got fatter.

I'm a speech path and before I left the world of little people to come to big, bad middle school I learned lots and lots of useful signs. Like the whole book, "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?" Comes in handy... It is sort of fun to know what toddlers are signing to their parents at Target.


My dog ate super glue once :(


We love Rachel & Signing Time and were lucky enough to see her once. (She's been to our city a couple of times for shows at the public library and to support PBS.) We missed Alex and Leah, which still bums me out. I'd totally make a special trip to another state to see her perform again.


I sliced my thumbtip off cutting cheese for lasagna once and oddly enough, it *did* kind of grow back. Totally weird!

Kathy Gillen/ lessons from the laundry

Ceiba talks like my highschool boyfriend. That scares me. Today's post felt like Horror movie update.


Like Gretel and Jason I chopped the tip of my thumb off last year… it did fill itself in nicely and you can hardly tell.


OK, I'm a total lurker, and I don't even have kids so I shouldn't participate in the Steve vs Joe discussion (Joe for me, thanks!), but I have to talk about thumb tips. I'm sort of an expert. I had 3 separate boyfriends, all during college, lose pieces of thumbs is various accidents. My favorite: Bill, who worked the deli counter at the grocery store (need I say more???). Another involved a knife (I think) while working at a Nathan's Hot Dog place, and the third was an unfortunate paper cutter incident (that one was cauterized rather than stitched). Still, the thought or it happening to anyone makes me shudder.


Yeah, my dog at a whole box of valentine chocolate once. All the panicking and frantic phone calls were so not needed... all she did was get fatter. We did have a problem with her eating the fuzz off our tennis balls though... talk about weird poop!

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