Taking the Monkey Theme to the Next Level
And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Mocking of Me

Conversations With Members of Our Homeowner's Association Who Keep Ringing the Doorbell During Naptime

No, I will not be attending the annual meeting. We're going to New York for a few days and...

Yes, I already filled out our proxy.

Yes, I gave it to that guy who rang our doorbell on Tuesday.

No, I don't remember his name.

No, I don't believe he was an impostor. He had a clipboard.

Yes, I already voted for board members.

No, I did not vote for you; I do not even know who the fuck you are.

No, my dog will not shut up; she doesn't know who the fuck you are either.

Yes, that is the sound of my two-year-old who should be napping right now, thank you.

Yes, this is kind of a bad time.

No, I have not showered yet.

No, I am not wearing a bra.

Yes, that is a bag of poopy diapers right there; somebody stole our garbage can.

No, it doesn't sound like my two-year-old is going to go back to sleep, thank you.

Yes, in fact, if one of you people DO ring my doorbell one more time about this again, I will COVER our yard with plastic flamingos and extra dishwashers and plastic dumptrucks on cinderblocks and I will regularly threaten the neighborhood children with a rake, so help me God.

Comments

erke

i say to hell with the nice lawns.
OLD PICK-UP TRUCKS AND FLAMINGOS IT IS!

first?

Rebecca

Awesome. Our first association payment was late because we hadn't quite figured out how the whole thing worked yet, so we wrote a letter asking for the fee to be waived. In the next couple of weeks, we got a response saying they would wave the fee along with another letter in a seperate envelope saying that if we didn't remove the ladder from our balcony we were in big trouble. Gotta love em.

Elisette

You know, my friend actually has a little door hanger that says 'Baby Napping'! I thought it was really cute and was going to do it for my front door.

That was a year ago.

I have no hanging thing.

And I would rather it say:

"The baby is napping and I don't want any (except girl scout cookies, WHERE THE F*CK ARE MY NEIGHBORHOOD GIRL SCOUTS??) and if you knock on the door and cause the dog to bark and wake the baby I will get my friend Vinnie to break all your fingers."

Ashley

oh i would pummeled them over the head with the bag of poopy diapers.

Ashley

would have*

excuse my inability to type full sentences. also need nap.

*emily*

OMG, So our mailman (who will come to the door often to bring me mah internet orders) rings the doorbell seven times, which always confuses me cuz I think it's my husband home early and the door is locked, and he always manages to come right at nap time..so I hear this: "Ding, ding, ding, ding-a-ling-dong, ding!" and then this:
"Mommy, who is at the door?" GRRR! Hate.

Katie

i covered my doorbell with a postit that says "don't even think about ringing this bell when the babies are sleep." and if you think that is whitetrash, my kids are going to be yard ornaments for halloween, a pink flamingo and a knome.

ladybug

oh good grief! Are these people really campaigning for your community association? As if they don't have anything better to do with their lives? In my community we have to beg people to 'run' (unopposed) for board positions. Because, really, who has time for that!?!

Bonnie

I bought a hangy thing for this exact reason! The best $3 I ever spent.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=6014013

Kendra

Those door hangy things are like, totally awesome. So getting one.

Rachel

There are homeowner's association impostors?? I know what I want to do when I grow up.

hello insomnia

That guy puts the HO in HOA.

Linda

Only you could make something *so* annoying sound funny!

becks

I read the first comment as OLD PICK UP TRUCKS AND FLAMINGO TITS and I thought, maybe that's taking it a bit far...
Our tenant association is always sending out notices with lotsa clip art and cartoon men with clipboards and thought bubbles that say things like, "Remember to water your lawn!" and "Don't forget to bring in your recycling boxes!" and other passive aggressive threats.

jodi

I once walked by a door that had a sign that said, "if I am not expecting you do not knock or ring the doorbell."

As the mom of a toddler who also has a dog that barks and wakes him up, I totally get it.

kelly

I totally put a sign on my door.

It was totally rude and my husband thought it a bit much.

But now? My lovely postman knocks very softly and leaves my packages. Even with the note taken down.

kev

Isn't this where all y'all's "right to bear arms" bit comes in handy? Forget the poopy diapers upside the head... jes' shewtit.

Nosaby

I just don't get those home owner associations.

Find out where he/she lives and go ring his/her doorbell at midnight.

Ginny

Hate, hate, hate being bothered at home, by phone or doorbell. That just ain't right...so, who'dya vote for?

Kelly

OMG I could KILL people who come to the door during naptime... then they RING THE FUCKING DOORBELL?! They are only asking one question when they do that... "When can we set up a time for you to KICK MY ASS?!" because that's all I hear at that time. (especially since it's my nap time too! ha!)

Another Jennifer

Spoken so eloquently and my GOD it it so true!

If it makes you feel any better, I have not voted for our Board Members too, duh, why?

Starbuck

"plastic dumptrucks on cinderblocks" is quite possibly the funniest thing I have heard in a ong time!!

Maxine Dangerous

And The Tire. Don't forget The Tire! ;)

All Adither

Maybe you could just toss your poopy diapers and bras out across the lawn.

Kate the Great

Seriously. Put a sign on your door. Do it now. It doesn't have to be pretty, it just has to say "FUCK OFF MY DOORBELL."

MommaJ

Okay, a wee dissenting voice here (ducks). You have a door. it has a doorbell. The purpose of the doorbell is to allow people to ask for admittance by ringing it. Isn't it a little, er, touchy of you to think that no one should ever ring the bell on the off chance that 1) you have a kid of napping age and 2) it's naptime? If you don't want the interruption, put up a sign, yes? And since these people are doing the thankless task of running the homeowners association (and it is an awful job, trust me), I wouldn't be too harsh on them. Though I do adore the idea of an imposter stealthily gathering proxies--very Wisteria Lane!

Papa Bradstein

You forgot the rusted out car on blocks and the guy running out of the backyard with his shirt on fire (http://www.joyunexpected.com/archives/002257.php). Also, try reverse psychology and start selling them Amway soap every time they come by.

Wonderspot

Well said. Well said, indeed. Especially the flamingo and cinderblock part. We once had a big meeting over the types of bird feeders people were putting out in the public view. Serious stuff, man.

MMM

Extra dishwashers? How many do you have out? ;)
We disconnected our dorrbell finally!

Mama T

I love what Papa Bradstein said. Amway, you're my next best friend.

Lisa M

Gah!! No! Not the H.O.A. Nazis!! I purposely live so far out in the boonies, we don't have to worry about pesky people knocking on the door. If you don't know me, don't have a package to deliver, or you aren't knocking on the door to tell me my roof is on fire Stay The H#ll Away!! I'm the perfect neighbor. You will never know I'm there :) My sister lives in one of those Nazi compounds (that's what she calls it...for realz) and she hates it. I think her stories are pretty funny 'tho :)

Dani

My HOA is the biggest waste of $83 every quarter (at least they're cheap). A friend had issues with her HOA and flamingos in the front lawn, so she bought these: http://www.seventhavenue.com/Featured-Products/Party-Skel-A-Mingo.pro?keyword=skele&size=259&pageName=SA%3ASearch%3ASearch+Results
She figures they can't/won't force her to take down holiday decorations, flamingos or not. Another friend's husband mows patterns and a hand flipping the bird in their front lawn as an ode to their HOA. Does yours actually *do* anything? 'Cause mine certainly doesn't. Except waste paper and annoy me, anyway.

Dani

Hmmm, link's cut off. Sorry it's so long. http://www.seventhavenue.com, search for skel-a-mingos in their Halloween selection.

crazymumma

ack. Take it to the next level. grow gardens in the old pickups and call it art.

I would.

Wendy

I have a huge sign taped to my front door that says "Do NOT ring the door bell...sleeping baby". My MIL was infamous for ringing it when we first brought Ally home. After a week of her doing so..I put the huge sign up. She got the hint...and so did everyone else.

Wendy

I have a huge sign taped to my front door that says "Do NOT ring the door bell...sleeping baby". My MIL was infamous for ringing it when we first brought Ally home. After a week of her doing so..I put the huge sign up. She got the hint...and so did everyone else.

Wendy

sorry for the double post ;(

verybadcat

Yuck. My parents had a horrible time with their HOA, and it wasn't even a real HOA.

We live in west bumble, and the next time I'm irritated with the lack of cable/trash service/pizza delivery, I'm gonna remember this post.

mandy

And I thought I was the only one unshowered and still braless at 2pm..phew Glad to know I am not alone.

Naptime is sacred. You may want to post a sign.

asdfasdf

ummm, in this day and age, it is not common for people to ring doorbells unannounced unless they are solicitors. simply don't answer, or, if they're so intrusive they're going to ring again, disable the doorbell or put up a sign that says "napping baby," "do not disturb" or etc. this is not rocket science.

Diane

Seriously, Amy. How dare you complain about something as kind and friendly as your HOA representatives just wanting to take a second out of your day to discuss the issues you care so deeply about? On your OWN BLOG, even.

For shame.

Cassandra

This reminds me of the religous people who always come to the door and ask to come in and talk about my soul.

I always let the dog bark, hidden, and tell them that he is a pit bull and that he bites. He's a golden retriever who totally doesn't. But they leave after that.

I don't think you can do that with Ceiba, though.

Mrs. Flinger

Please answer our door for me. Thank you.

Laura McIntyre

LOL I hate those type of people, we have religious people who always insits on coming during naptimes

amalah

Wow, who knew this post would be so...controversial?

One, there's this thing I do...it's called "exaggerating." And "sarcasm." Huh! That's not rocket science either.

Two, I am mostly amused/annoyed that all these people keep coming with the main purpose of getting my proxy and to guilt me about my proxy...which I already sent in like a good little resident. Cross me off the damn list already!

Three, Noah only took two naps this entire week, both of which were cut short by the HOA people. Was a little frazzled by Friday.

Marlo

We don't have a doorbell yet. I'm thinking I'll wait until my girls are 8.
That sucks that someone stole your garbage can!
(And I'm so relieved that someone else has been caught answering the door without a bra on!)

wordnerd

Dude -- I'm way down south. I think I could probably get you a '76 Trans Am without wheels to put on your cinder blocks. And a toilet to plant flowers in. Just say the word...

Wendy

I can't believe some people can't take sarcasm. Oh...and if you do need some things to put in your front lawn...my inlaws have an old washing machine in their backyard....I can ship it up to you!
And yes, nap time is a very sacred thing for a 2 year old...and Mommy!!!
Screw those mean people!!!

leslie

Replace the doorbell with one of those shocking hand buzzer things.

http://cgi.ebay.com/METAL-HAND-BUZZER-gag-prank-practical-joke-Shock-Joy_W0QQitemZ330158053220QQcmdZViewItem

velocibadgergirl

I can't remember where, but I saw a blog once where the writer had made a "Naptime! Do not ring the bell! Or else!" sign and put it out. Seemed like a good idea to me.

HollowSquirrel

Honestly, how have you not hurt someone yet? They so deserve a rake to the face.

JP

Make a sign: Baby sleeping. I will cut you if you ring that bell and wake him up, so help me God.

BOSSY

Too effing funny.

Heather

I used to tell the person that rang the doorbell and woke the baby that they had to put the baby back to sleep. That usually did the trick, but not always. We finally disconnected our doorbell. For some reason, knocking on the door didn't cause our dog to bark, but the ringing doorbell did. Go figure.

BooMom

I feel your pain! Da Hubz and I have made the decision that we will NEVER live in an area with a HOA! Be damned if I'm gonna have someone tell me what color I can paint the house that I"M PAYING FOR !!!

and the doorbell? one word -
DISCONNECT

Bethany

I can't believe people are offended. They must be employed by an HOA. All I know is I lived on a street named Marshall. So I drew a nice picture of a little skeleton guy that had the numbers to our house on one side of him and Marshall on the other, and in big bold letters it said "...He knocked." Not only informative but it also go the point across. I think I got a dishwasher you can borrow too.

Chris

See, you need a bigger dog than Ceiba the pursedog.....we have a mastiff. Her head is visible in the UPPER half of the screen door when she stands at the front door.....NO ONE rings our doorbell anymore, hee hee....no one needs to know that she's the biggest marshmallow in the world and couldn't protect us from an empty paper bag.

Elizabeth

silence the door bell. Ours broke a couple of years ago. It's great. I don't think I'll ever fix it.

Wacky Mommy

Tell 'em Noah likes his trucks up on blocks.

And it *is* rocket science, I disagree. Cuz even when I put up a "no soliciting" sign AND a "napping baby/please don't ring bell!" sign, they still rang the bell.

Repeatedly.

Alternating with banging on the door when I didn't answer. One over-ambitious whoever he was even yelled "I see you in there!!" when I wouldn't answer.

(Psycho at the door, woo-hoo. Here, come on in!)

Staying home can be tricky. And don't mess with a mama who is sleep- and time-deprived.

Heather B.

I demand to know when you are going to NY. Only because I'm supposed to go to NY too and wouldn't it be fine to have wine somewhere other than your kitchen? Like say a bar? :-)

Maria

I think you would have been justified in throwing the dirty diapers at them.

Dona

I somehow got here by searching "Sears Bungalow" Bethesda (at around 7 am this morning). I'm still here at almost 9am. What a fun read. Have bookmarked it.

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