Conversations With Members of Our Homeowner's Association Who Keep Ringing the Doorbell During Naptime
No, I will not be attending the annual meeting. We're going to New York for a few days and...
Yes, I already filled out our proxy.
Yes, I gave it to that guy who rang our doorbell on Tuesday.
No, I don't remember his name.
No, I don't believe he was an impostor. He had a clipboard.
Yes, I already voted for board members.
No, I did not vote for you; I do not even know who the fuck you are.
No, my dog will not shut up; she doesn't know who the fuck you are either.
Yes, that is the sound of my two-year-old who should be napping right now, thank you.
Yes, this is kind of a bad time.
No, I have not showered yet.
No, I am not wearing a bra.
Yes, that is a bag of poopy diapers right there; somebody stole our garbage can.
No, it doesn't sound like my two-year-old is going to go back to sleep, thank you.
Yes, in fact, if one of you people DO ring my doorbell one more time about this again, I will COVER our yard with plastic flamingos and extra dishwashers and plastic dumptrucks on cinderblocks and I will regularly threaten the neighborhood children with a rake, so help me God.