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One T-Junction Short of a Very Serious Problem


One drawback to the fancy search bar over to the left: I can now see exactly how repetitive my blogging -- and thus my very LIFE -- has been over the past few years.

I broke my toe over the weekend. The same toe I broke here. I stubbed it on the vacuum cleaner, just like I did here. But it's a different toe than the one I broke here, so I am mixing it up a little bit.

I stubbed it in the morning and did the whole silent-gasping dance around the bedroom, but it wasn't until a few hours later -- while we were shopping for last-minute Halloween costumes for ourselves, more on that ridiculousness in a second -- when I noticed my toe felt a little stiff. I flexed it inside my shoe, and heard an audible popping sound.

"JESUS CHRIST!" I hissed, as I kicked my shoe off to watch the swelling.

"Can I help you?" a store employee, dressed ever-so-conveniently like the deity in question, smirked back.

I followed up with a muttered "mother of GOD," but that doesn't appear to be a very popular costume this year.

I cannot remember the last time I got dressed up for Halloween, but we've been invited to a party. Us! Invited places! I know, it caught me completely off-guard too.

I had a lot of great costume ideas, but was ultimately stymied by rush shipping prices and the fact that I have the patience of a gnat when it comes to shopping. (An Audrey Hepburn costume was nixed after 10 minutes in Target when I failed to find a black dress or large hat, and when Jason suggested that there are, in fact, other stores in the world besides Target I announced that I hated Halloween more than anything, ever and I was going to buy a pair of cat pajamas and go as a blogger as imagined by Aaron Sorkin, but Target didn't have those either.)

So we ended up in one of those Halloween stores that crop up wherever a large chain store has gone out of business recently, where your costume options are "Sexy Nurse" or "Sexy Pirate" or "Sexy Rainbow Brite" or "Aw, Fuck It, Here's Some Underwear With Some Fairy Wings."

I bought the first costume I found that covered my stomach and my ass and called it a day. I am not even very sure what it is, exactly. Possibly Marie Antoinette, but with pants? Some kind of royal court gentleman, but in pink? Gender Identity Problems of the 18th Century, but with cleavage?

I don't know, but I am going to wear glittery gold eyelashes and a hot pink bra. It's all sorts of classy.

In other Halloween news, Noah has discovered the candy. This was entirely my fault, since I was trying to explain trick-or-treating and the cold, harsh fact that people were going to PUT THINGS inside his beloved pumpkin bucket. For you do not PUT THINGS in the pumpkin bucket.


I think he is okay with the concept now.


Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert? Dessert?

(We possibly ate a little more dessert than lunch today. So what? You gonna send over a squad of Sexy Police Officers over to stop me?)



First! Yay! Happy Halloween!


He is just the cutest little boy ever!


"I was going to buy a pair of cat pajamas and go as a blogger as imagined by Aaron Sorkin"

Dude. That may be my favorite line you've written ever.

Also - my daughter ate her weight in candy this weekend and I am not apologizing. I'm actually proud.


That kid just kills me. Too cute!


I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was 18. Probably because that was the last time I was invited to a Halloween party. I haven't even gotten my kid's Halloween costumes yet.

What is Noah going to be?


What is it with the "sexy" costumes? Apparently for halloween you're only option is to dress like a whore.

On that note, the last time we dressed up I went as a Catholic school girl and my husband as a priest. Oh the blasphemy! :)

hello insomnia

That boy has his priorities straight. I would love to start a meal with dessert.


Okay, I'm glad that someone else breaks toes often enough to be nonchalantly pissed off about it. The first time I broke a toe while dating my current boyfriend he tried to insist I go to the ER. I looked at him and shook my head.

Jen O.

I don't think Eirinn is going to participate in the whole "Halloween" thing this year. She a) doesn't like candy (I know, I should disown her), and b) hates her costume with an unparalleled passion. I think I'll just Photoshop her head onto a body wearing a costume so that I'll have Halloween 2007 pictures.

temporarily me

I love him so much it's not even funny!!

He's SOOOO stinkin' cute!!

And Halloween is all kindsa slutty now. There's nothing that not too whorey or too trampy or even too FUGLY.

A sheet with holes cut in it for eyes works magic every time.


We were at a bar in my small hometown celebrating a birthday over the weekend. The place was pretty subdued until two girls came in dressed as a "sexy" police officer and a "sexy" convict (is there such a thing?).

I rolled my eyes a bit and didn't think much of it until the police officer starting wobbling toward me. She yelled out my name and hugged me. Only then did I realize it was my former neighbor who had been like a little sister to me.

I wanted to throw my coat over her and take her home. When did I get so old?


Can't wait for Halloween pictures for the entire familia!

P.S. Very jealous of how gorgeous and shiny your floors are. I don't have a toddler, live with a clean dog, and have a housekeeper, and my floors aren't that pretty!


Candy. Sorry, were you saying something?


When do we get the pictures of your costume?

I feel for you with the broken toe, I've never broken any bones except for a few toes and man does that shit hurt! For the record, it was my toe, but the part of the bone that is down in my actual foot. This is an ongoing argument in my house as regards to how much sympathy I was allowed to receive.


I was Audrey for Halloween! It turned out to be my cheapest option... gotta love cheap :)

jive turkey

This weekend I saw a very confusing costume I can only describe as "Sexy WWII USO Lady."

Not quite as confusing as the costume I saw in one of those just-here-for-the-season Halloween stores: "Creppy Skeleton." I'm guessing they meant "creepy," but maybe "creppy" is the new "sexy."


I was hoping for a link back to when you soothed your injured foot with the insulated wine cooler. It may have been titled "The Saddest Sight My Eyes Did See". Though in that version you may have intentionally kicked something. Or I could just be making it all up.

I don't even have costumes for my kids yet. Nor have I given it the slightest thought. I'm hoping if I don't think about it then it will just go away.


jive turkey - I saw one costume that was (I guess) supposed to be the lion of Wizard of Oz. Only with a miniskirt and a corset top.

The package was labeled "Cuddly Loin."

Wacky Mommy

"Cuddly loin" heh heh heh. One Halloween Steve and I went as princesses, and the dog, too (in a pink bedazzled cape and pointy pink hat). Steve wore his roller blades. IT WAS PERFECT.

We have never even attempted to top that feat.


Wacky Mommy

ps sorry about your toesie.

pss will you and Noah come by later and bring me some candy?


This post reminded me that I forgot to buy my child a bucket thing to put his candy in. Crap.

But mainly, I'm wondering how the hell you manage to have such shiny wood floors, because that's all but impossible to accomplish in my house. Granted, our floor is as old as the house (58 years old), and looks it, but still.


I'm with you and Noah. The "dessert" in our house may have run out this weekend and I may have to go buy more before Wednesday.


I have not yet bought the candy or the treat bags (buckets get too heavy and the straps hurt little hands when heavy and they spill too easily).

So what will Noah be?



husband and I went as FOTC - see a photo at my blog.

Someone Being Me

I too have had more than my fair share of Halloween candy. Damn you Walgreens for having a sale on Candy 3 WEEKS before Halloween. What kind of will power do they think I have over here. Don't even get me started on the Chocolate Delight that consumed my weekend or the Potbelly Oatmeal Chocolate chip cookie in my purse.


That's how I eat my Halloween candy too. COMPLETELY NUDE. This way you never know when your stomach starts straining against your pants... BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY. Awesome.


i wish you would go as amy winehouse (for an adult party, of course). i saw something online about how easy it would be to go as AW, since you could totally beehive yoself, wear a neon bra and a tiny black dress, and looots of eyeliner!

is noah going as "naked baby"? he be cold if so.

Burgh Baby's Mom

I went out with some friends last week (don't hate, it was the first time since the Toddler that rules our house made her appearance) and was much confused by the Halloweenie thing. Everywhere I looked I saw slutty. Slutty nurse, slutty Little Bo Peep, slutty punk rocker, slutty, slutty, slutty. I couldn't even tell you which ones were supposed to be costumes.


So you've noticed that too? When a Pier 1 closes, it always seems to become a costume store. I wonder if that has anything to do with Karma.


Marie Antoinette with pants? man oh man I can't wait to see pictures, we get to see pictures right? What are Jason and Noah going to be?


Not having any kids, I asked a friend of mine the other day just how exactly one introduces Halloween to children. Don't you wish that as adults, every now and then someone would surprise us by saying that tomorrow happens to be a day that we get candy/presents from everyone? Growing up sucks.

On another note, I was desperately hoping you would buy the chicken head costume for Max and the lobster costume for Ceiba from Target. My cats would murder me if they even knew I was thinking about getting the chicken head (or the Pippi braids) for them, and sadly, we don't have a dog yet, so I was hoping to vicariously experience the fun through your household.


Umm...Zoe had a kitkat with breakfast. When is Halloween over?


Yeah, the sexy costume thing.

I learned my lesson back on Halloween 2002, with the Sexy French Maid costume. (Is there any other kind?).

A few cocktails, nine months and 80 pounds gained later, we got baby #1. I can't wait to tell that story when he's older.


when I saw the title of this post, I totally thought there was going to be a photo of your dog in costume.


Oh man, I work part-time at a Halloween store and I know all those awful sexy costumes you mentioned! And in case anyone thought you were exaggerating about Sexy Rainbow Brite -- there really is a Sexy Rainbow Brite. It is awful and will not cover your business, but the Sexy Mermaid will only show a little bit of boob if you're willing to drop $120 on it. Convenient!!


You do a SILENT dance when you stub your toe, you are THE WOMAN!!! I am normally somewhat restrained ( having 6 kids teaches you to at least TRY and not swear, they never repeat a poem unless it has something to do with bum or poo in it but a swear word? Every time)But the toe stubbing gets me to use every single swear word I ever heard and several I made up myself. Wow a silent toe stubber, I bow down.
Otherwise, Halloween I just opned up my house to a ton of kids and let them have 2 rooms and 3 tote boxes of decorations and said DO WHAT YOU LIKE! It is done, fun was is ready for a party that was meant to be small, I think I might be sorry, oh well. it, lunch? Why?

Sarah Marie

Amy, you should have checked out "Girls's Costume Warehouse," across from Bennigan's.

They've "got literally every girl's costume in the entire g*ddamn universe!"

Sorry, I don't know how to post links in a pretty way.

"Not all our costumes are sexy!"


Sheeeyoot. I ain't callin no sugar cops on y'all. Trust me. My kids get plenty o'sugar.

Leaf, probably...

We don't celebrate Halloween with all the trick or treating and stuff over here in New Zealand. I have to say I've never even been able to figure out the appeal of it until now. Desert? :)


Y'know, when you said "ridiculous" I was sure you were going to say you were going as a Rent character, perhaps Mimi? Or Maureen in the midst of her performance piece? Oh yes, I think you should.

Sorry about your toe. I'm always stubbing the &*(%^@ out of mine but haven't yet had an actual break. Knock on wood. [raps forehead]



You must... I would pay such good money to see those photos...


Hey, I was just wondering about fabulously popular adults with places to go on Halloween having seen droves of adult sized people shopping the aisles of our local costume store when all I was expecting was children looking for fairy costumes. Damn, I'm a little jealous that I have no where to go and that you get to go out of the house in a slutty ensemble that would get you arrested on any other night of the year. Have fun!



HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Not in MAH BUKKET! Tha one I stoled from that Walrus!


Shouldn't that "classy" be with a "k"? I've always liked klassy.

You'd best be sharing pics, what is Jason going as?


My daughter won't let people touch her pumpkin leading to her 3rd word being an audible "NO". Happy Halloween!

Katie Kat

I'm just gonna eat Noah as my Halloween treat! YUMMY LITTLE TODDLER!!!!! :)


So the " mah bucket" line had me really cracking up today. Ha! Love it.

jive turkey

That seals it. This year I am going as "Creppy Loin."




I love your blog girl. I still get so excited every time I see you have posted. Even after more than two years. I love watching Noah grow up and love hearing about life in general. You are too darn funny.

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