Moment of Triumph
71*

Air of Mystery

While there are very few topics I consider off-limits for this blog, I made the random decision ages ago that I would not publicly document the potty-training process.

Thus, please accept my baffled, sort-of impressed and mostly stony silence today. I don't know what I am doing, but that boy will do anything -- GODDAMN ANYTHING -- in exchange for dessert.

***
I spent most of the weekend planting bulbs in the garden. Me. Planting bulbs. In the dirt, where there are worms and it was cold and I forgot to change my pants so I was the asshole planting bulbs in low-rise skinny jeans who every once in awhile would remember to yank down on her sweatshirt, but wouldn't take her gardening gloves off so her entire back and half of her ass were covered in dirt by the end, and honestly, what are the odds ANY of those bulbs are going to bloom in the spring? Bad. Slim to none. And I am quite bitter about it already, and I spent the morning sending real estate links to Jason, subtly suggesting that we move back into a condo, because eff. This. Dirt. Shit.

***
Speaking of Jason, he replaced the light bulb, but not the fixture.

"I wouldn't want to deprive you of blog material," he said.

Oh, and a friend came over for lunch and wanted to know how I got all that magic marker off the lamp, at which point I realized. DEFACEMENT. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

***
Words Noah has busted out with in the past week or two: arm, hand, ear, hair, teeth, sock, green, cold, again, another, book, bath, bike, bee, cow, moo, clue, Steve, sit, chair, think, sad, wet, hi, yes, mine, me, my, heart, you, love.

Read the last four again, and just imagine all the fumbly, wonderful ways a two-year-old can use those in a sentence.

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Comments

iris

Love. That. Shirt.

Mouse

I have 4 words for that last part:

heart breaker he is

Jenn

You would be surprised about the bulbs, I can't go diddily-squat and bulbs grew in our flower bed. That is, until some little squirrely bastard dug them up.

Stephanie

LOVE his shirt. I would like to buy one for my future child.

Katie

Okay, Noah is like a walking Webster's now! Go, Noah, go!! :)

drea

Don't you think the shirt might make picking up chicks at the playground a little hard?

Lyssa Ireland Thomas

Gotta love the power of dessert! My kids are Skittles Sluts. Me? I will compromise my integrity in a New York Minute for ice cream or a latte.

Maybe next time you can bribe Noah to plant your bulbs in the garden for a handful of M&Ms?

Linda

As cool as hearing a two year old use my, heart, you and love must be, I can't help buy note that "yes" (finally)made the list. Now that's music to a mother's ears!

Robin

Yea for Noah! Yea for his parents for enriching him with opportunities to develop that language!

Ellen

Does that work with the playground crowd? HEE.

Someone Being Me

I feel your pain on the whole yard thing. My husband bought the house on the biggest lot we could afford, promising me that he would mow the grass with his teeth if need be. I don't even want to begin to describe the nagging and needling it takes to get him to mow the grass once a month. Now I am ready to move to Arizona and have a rock garden for a yard.

Jane

I spent this weekend planting bulbs too! 269 of them. And I also mooned the neighbors because I also forgot to change my pants.

Creepy.

Heidi

Oh my GOD that is an awesome shirt. Of course the bulbs will come up! You'll have many lovely spring flowers.

AmyM

What a cool shirt! For an awesome kid. Who is really taking off in the talking department. And apparently in the pot-tay business, too.

Kim

I'm digging that shirt. Get it? Digging? No? Okay.

I didn't plant anything this year because last year I fed the squirrels $100 worth of bulbs. I did, however, try to remove three packages of fake spider webs from my rose bushes, cedar sided house and trees. Spider web + rough texture = effing mess. My hedge trimmers came in handy.

Tamara

Second cutest toddler ever. (My son = the cutest) But seriously, Noah sounds like a really fantastic, neat kid.

katelin

Noah's shirt is amazing! I love it.

wordnerd

Well, IF we were discussing potty-training, I'd tell you that the jar of M&M's on the bathroom counter worked wonders. But we're not. So I won't.

(But they did.)

Four more words:
I
Heart
That
Child

tracey

Great shirt.

tammye72

Since we're not talking about it, I will just say M&Ms. It got me through potty training two children beautifully.
Noah is doing wonderfully on his speech. :)
Tammy
htttp://www.livedtotell.com

Kyla

That photo is glorious. As is he.

kelly

Go Noah! Also, great shirt.

I'll be awaiting the results of the bulbs this spring. Perhaps by then the eyeball light fixture will be no more?

Sarah

Yay! That is so awesome... that is so many words! And, um, I'm pretty sure that no other child in the world could possibly be as adorable as yours.

MelV

I am so disappointed to hear that you wont be giving me a step by step of potty training how-to. My 2.5 y.o. is just. not. interested. I was hoping you had the magic secret.

sarah

Does this garden reside in the front or backyard? If the front I am sure that your neighbors got a view of plummer...err gardener butt

Annemie

At the risk of sounding a bit off... Am I the only one who thinks Noah looks - ahem - hot? In this picture? Okay, pre-hot, but come on. Yikes, girl - you best be gettin' yo-sef a shotgun.

Ginny

You should have a contest to vote on the cutest NoahPicture...a contest that never ends...it just goes on and on forever...'cause that kid is always adorable. He should be a SpokesBaby for something. So sweet!

MMM

Love his shirt!

Leah

Awesome shirt. My brother needs one. He just turned 26.

Wait...is Noah in a cage?

Kristabella

I cannot believe how big he's getting!

So. Freakin. Cute!

Julie

They'll bloom. I planted and they bloomed, and nothing I care for flourishes, with the possible exception of my children.

KAL

That's completely awesome. (the words, not the worms and the dirt :)

Tammy

You must post a link to the shirt! Or at least tell us what brand it is. I have GOT to get one for my son!!!!

And yes, those last 4 words he has learned...it is priceless when your child can start to tell you they love you (and everything else in the room, but I digress).

And use the dessert to your advantage. Some people would call that bribing. I call that saving my sanity. Ha!

becks

Okay so I have to be the one to ask: Where's the shirt from?

Also, how did the bribing thing work? Like you said, "I'll give you dessert if you go on the potty?" I don't think my guy will go for that.

Um and that is the most adorable picture ever.

Also - did you take the railing off his crib? Does he stay in it?

I'm so jealous of your parenting skills.

Big Mama

That shirt is greatness.

Jessica

Noah truly is absolute perfection. Just looking at his precious face warms my heart. And knowing that he has figured out how to love mama verbally is icing on the cake!

LOVE that shirt. Genius!

amalah

Noah's shirt is from...

...wait for it...

...about to reveal super-secret shopping spot...

...Target! Heh.

Jenny H.

Excellent shirt!

I don't really mention potty training either. Only because it feels like I am in the black hole of potty training despair. I am definitely trying the M&M's suggestion. I am at my wits end. My oldest won't and my youngest LOVES his potty.

Siobhan Dobson

Ok, I was just at Target on Saturday and had that shirt in my hand ready to buy for my 2 year old son and realized I didn't have my wallet with me. I was so unhappy. Must go back.

Jalon

Noah is just precious - I wish I knew you in person - because that baby is so gorgeous that I just want to gobble him up!!! What is so freaky though is how much he looks like your baby pictures!!!! Very sweet!!

Ann

I love Noah's T-shirt.

ikate

Forget the potty training - You took the side off a 2-year-old's crib?

Holy hell, bat girl - how did you do that without a wandering toddler?

Kay

What speech delayment? He is doing great! Such a cutie pie to boot so who needs words when he can dazzle them with looks.

ladybug

I almost bought that shirt for my nephew. Instead I made my SIL buy it for him. LOVE IT!

In my house lellow is toddler-speak for M&Ms. That way we can call them M&Ms without sending her into fits. At 20 mos. she knew the name of every color in a bag of M&Ms plus pink and purple. The bag lives in the bathroom, because I might use them occasionally as positive reinforcement.

As for the bulbs? Daffodils. Critters won't touch 'em.

So with the sudden vocabulary explosion will they kick him out of therapy? Because, that's awesome!

Angella

Noah is a genius!

But you knew that.

I love that shirt! I have seen it elsewhere and I. Want. One.

Haley-O

That T-shirt is ADORABLE! I have to have it!

jozet at Halushki

Evidently, he wasn't out gardening with you, or perhaps there would have been a few additional four-letter words there, hmm? ;-)

And that vocab list is fabulous, btw.

What a sweetie-pie!

Megan

Potty training S-U-C-K-S. Of all the things I didn't sign up for, this is number 1.

MH
www.undomesticdiva.com

Ree

Stickers are good. If you don't mind them all over the back of your toilet. Wait, Ohhhhhh, we're NOT talking about potty training.
Sorry.

Love that boy.

Heather

Thanks for the unofficial warning that my blog is the new and perfect excuse for my husband to not do things around the house.

http://3boysundermyroof.blogspot.com

Amy the Mom

The bulbs will bloom, and then you will be hooked and start hanging around garden centers come spring and trying to justify a $500 flower bill.

Maria

Smart boy! He already knows dessert is the best.

Loren

So many words!!! I'm so excited for Noah and his ever expanding vocabulary!! And I am in awe of you and your adventure in the garden.

erin

Speech delay? Sounds like he's having his word explosion now. I'm still waiting for my 20-month old to talk more. But I'll wait for as long as I need to...

I love Noah's shirt!

Michele

Love the shirt. Love Target. Am wishing for Target in my neighborhood, but will be denied by neighbors decrying evils of the "big box."

I was just remembering the first time(s) my boys said they loved me. Ah, memories (cue Barbra Streisaid)...

Marlo

Did you not know that play-by-play of potty training progress is the essence of Mommy bloggetry? Clearly Miss Queen weblog award winner should know this. :) And I love your husband's excuse for not changing the eyeball fixture. Classic.

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