How Many Storches Does It Take To Screw In a Light Bulb
Moment of Triumph

You still have 45 minutes to knock this blog out of the top spot at the Weblog Awards, and I recommend that you go do that.

Wow. So, okay. You guys have really strong feelings about the Eyeball Lamp. You guys really hate the Eyeball Lamp.  I mean, I knew it was ugly, and I will even admit that it does look more like some kind of odd ceiling protuberance* than an actual light fixture, but I guess I've just learned to ignore it. Probably because I've spent the last 11 months crawling around the baseboards with 12 million beige paint chips while cursing the previous homeowners and their crazy beige paint fetish and dear God why didn't we just fucking repaint the house when we moved in.

So obviously, I have just been too busy to notice the ceilings. Or maybe I am actually a little terrified that I'll have to touch up the paint around the light fixture and discover that they also bought 17 slightly different shades of white paint too.

*I don't believe I have ever used "protuberance" in a sentence before. Go me!

And now I'm ASHAMED. I've had people over to my house! I've had guests spend the night on our sleeper sofa DIRECTLY BELOW the Eyeball Lamp, in all its nipple-like protuberanceness.

I have been exposing my innermost thoughts and secrets and dreamy little dreams to the Internet for four whole years now, but now I'm all, "GAH! GO AWAY! STOP LOOKING AT MY UGLY LAMP!"

I must say, however, that I enjoyed Nic's suggestion that I decorate the Eyeball. Give it some lashes, perhaps.

Lightbulb_lashes

It's a good start, but a little plain.

Lightbulb_lashes_2

Blue eyeshadow = instant class.

Lightbulb_lashes_3

But nothing quite tops blue contact lenses.

Lightbulb_sauron

It could also be the all-seeing Eye of Sauron. Sweet dreams, friends and family! Please let us know if you require an extra pillow.

Lightbulb_cat

(Not including this one would put me in direct violation of Internet Law, obviously.)

A few of you disagreed with the eyeball assessment and said it looked more like a nipple, or a boob.

Lightbulb_boobs

I'll let you insert your own "headlights" joke right here.

And finally, in honor of all the new visitors finding their way over here via the Weblog Awards, here's a visual illustration of the day I was linked on Dave Barry's blog:

Lightbulb_thrush

It just seems fitting, somehow. In fact, it's downright poetic.

Comments

ladybug

Okay, my day is complete!

Sarah

You could add a few more and act like it is one big cow udder.
Whatever you do, keep us posted!

Olga

and I thought I had poor make-up skills ;)

Katie

Shouldn't the eyeshadow be beige to match the walls? Or is the rule to match the eyeshadow to your eyecolor?

e.

Maybe the lamp could make a special appearance in the eye make-up series over at the Smackdown!

BeLinda

Get some black pipe cleaners and stick them in under the edge and REALLY put eyelashes on it just to screw with Jason. you could also cut out black electrical tape and do the cat eye thing. I'm sorry. I spend too much time in a very creative job.

paranoid

Wait, people masturbate in your living room? Maybe the lamp isn't as worrisome as, say, your sofa...

Robin

Congrats on the award :)

Starbuck

Eyeball lamp cat? Funniest thing I've seen all day. (this is my favorite post. ever.)

Kristie

OH MY GOD. I have never wanted an ugly light fixture more than right now. If only to use some MAC eyeshadow on it.

AmyM

I never imagined you living in a trailer until today.

AmyM

Oh yes... people masterbating on your sofa... ewww! You probably don't want to pull out your black light. Or maybe you do. It might make you long for Old 'n Busted.

Lisa M

Bwahahahahahahaha! Now I'm going to go rip my eyeball lamp out of my ceiling...

Laura

Congrats on your big win! w00t!

I'm diggin' the blue eyeshadow, btw.

jodi

Um, I've been to your house. It's really not that bad.

Ashley

ah! that lamp is freaking me out.

also - you won! hooray!

WendyB

Congrats to the best parenting blog around - wahoo!!! Boy the readers are going to be rolling in now, hope you are ready for the traffic. and a big wahoo to Tracey for making it happen!!

WendyB

Congrats to the best parenting blog around - wahoo!!! Boy the readers are going to be rolling in now, hope you are ready for the traffic. and a big wahoo to Tracey for making it happen!!

bananie

priceless and beautiful. the magenta headlights made me cradle my boobs with gratefulness.

congratulations on the win!

Tirzah

I hope its not your guests who are masturbating in the living room! HAHA

cce

I have eyeball ceiling lights too, but mine are twins and tilted too. So mine definitely fit the nipple description. The Badabing sisters lighting up the night of my kitchen.

Tam.

That Lampcat cracks me up!!

Sarah Marie

Get This Actual, Real-World Look: Lightbulb thrush.

Sounds like a nice eggplant-y eye shadow color name that you might find at Sephora. I suggest you trademark it now while the going is good.

Nosaby

So funny! We have a couple of "boob" lights in our front room. And the nipples are erect! We laugh about it all the time. Whoever picked them out must have had some breast issues.

Suzy Q

Ha!

I actually sent the mastur-kitteh pic to someone today.

LOVE your boob thrush eye lamps!

~From a DB blogperson who decided to stay awhile.

jonniker

BAH! The thrush eyeball lamp did me in.

alyndabear

I was snorting at the Sauron lamp. Could I BE any dorkier?

Maria

Congrats on the win. You're the best. Perhaps, you should have been in the funniest catagory instead of the parenting.

The eyeball light fixture doesn't bother me as much as the burned out bulb.

Liana

My favorite is DEFINITELY the eye of Sauron. Priceless! I LOVE LOTR geek humor. :)

(and I'm still impressed that you knew the name of that eyeball creature from Star Wars. Man, that thing STILL creeps me out!)

I also agree with Maria on also being bothered by the burnt-out light bulb for some reason.

Ree

oooooooh, you WON! Yay us for making you win!!!!!!!

Um, yay you, too!

jive turkey

Took me a few seconds to get what was going on with the last one...HA!

Janet

Love your blog!

Since you are the train expert, I need your help! I'm thinking of buying a Thomas train set for my grandson for Christmas. I see you bought the wooden one. But I noticed they also have the plastic one that can be controlled remotely. I don't know which way to go! Any suggestions? Thanks!

Janet

Haley-O

Eyeball lamp cat is totally brillers! Ha!!!

Katie Kat

Eyeball Lamp Cat made me totally laugh out loud... too damn funny!

I can has eyeball lamp? Tee hee!

Nancy

My sister in eyball lamp ownership...I have four of those things...two in the living room, and two over the snack bar in the kitchen.

I need to win the lottery so we can remodel...

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