"What are you eating?"
"Yes. Black olives. What?"
"You are eating olives out of a bowl. With a spoon."
"Well, eating them straight out of the can is too messy. Plus I could cut my hand."
"You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
"I've been working from home a long time, dude. I've picked up a few tricks."
"If I were the Internet I would swear you are pregnant right now."
"I am 100% not pregnant. And you don't even want to know what I ate when I was pregnant."
"You ate Indian food. And chicken nuggets."
"Yeah, IN PUBLIC. Then I would come home from work early and eat an entire package of sliced pepperoni."
"God, it was so good. Also those little snack sausage things. I would wrap them in Kraft Singles."
"I never bought you snack sausages and Kraft Singles."
"You also never really looked in the vegetable crisper."
"Wow. Today has been really enlightening."
"You know what these olives need? Some goddamn Triscuits."