Honestly, if I'd remembered he was home I would've just made a damn sandwich
January 22, 2008
"What are you eating?"
"Olives."
"Olives."
"Yes. Black olives. What?"
"You are eating olives out of a bowl. With a spoon."
"Well, eating them straight out of the can is too messy. Plus I could cut my hand."
"You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
"I've been working from home a long time, dude. I've picked up a few tricks."
"If I were the Internet I would swear you are pregnant right now."
"I am 100% not pregnant. And you don't even want to know what I ate when I was pregnant."
"You ate Indian food. And chicken nuggets."
"Yeah, IN PUBLIC. Then I would come home from work early and eat an entire package of sliced pepperoni."
"Ew."
"God, it was so good. Also those little snack sausage things. I would wrap them in Kraft Singles."
"I never bought you snack sausages and Kraft Singles."
"You also never really looked in the vegetable crisper."
"Wow. Today has been really enlightening."
"You know what these olives need? Some goddamn Triscuits."
Ahhhhhhhhhh sliced pepperoni... so GOOD!! 16-weeks into loving that myself... although I wrap mine in sliced provalone and generally like to add a pickle now and then...
From someone who has cut her hand on a can- the bowl is the only way to go!
Firstly, it's weird that our husbands somewhat look alike, and B, it is also weird that you have this same type of conversation.
I can haz more Noah pictures pleez?
Yes, they are very intrusive when they're home, aren't they? My husband is always cramping my style...and snagging all the good snacks.
My grandma used to put one olive on each of my fingers, which I could then enjoy while she made dinner.
Delicious Olive Puppets!
Embrace the messy!
Yum. I love olives. I eat the green ones sliced with cheese and wheat thins. I also love club crackers with the little cheese cubes and the sliced pepperoni. You don't even have to be pregnant to enjoy that. My pregnancy was less about cravings and more about becoming nauseous at the smell of most every food that I normally love. I hated that. I was always hungry and yet nothing appealed to me. That didn't keep me from gaining weight though because I had no aversions to sugary, fried, or cheesy.
I'm not the least bit pregnant right now, but I am still really craving some sliced pepperoni.
Oh yes! Love the olives! And triscuits with pepperoni slices and hard cheese and 20 sec in the microwave. Mmm. Add some pickles and it's down-right heaven!
Wait! We're not suppose to eat entire packages of sliced pepperoni in one sitting? I often have sliced pepporoni for breakfast.
I could eat olives all day long. Yum!
Dude... you are pregnant.
I do love black olives. However, my niece drinks the liquid from the can and that is just nasty.
Snack sausages wrapped in Kraft SingleS? Now that sounds delicious. Right now I am patiently awaiting my chili cheese fries which also sound delicious and smell oh so good!
Bahahaha, my favorite line is: "if I were the internet right now..." classic!
Okay - so I know that you said you weren't preggers....but are you pregnant? And before you say no...how sure are you. LOL
Kudos to you, classy lady, for choosing the bowl. I live on the edge and risk cutting myself. And even when I cut myself it does not deter from the goodness INSIDE the can.
Also, try Triscuits with aerosol Easy Cheese on top. And olives.
I was GOING to say that I once ate an entire jar of green olives and then drank the juice. But after reading all the comments, I don't feel so special.
I ate a LOAD of green olives while pregnant.
They just dont need to know what we eat, ever. Now I want a melted kraft single on a triscut. Thanks!
A friend of mine used to stuff black olives with cream cheese. She said they were yummy. Im not an olive lover myself but I support the right of anyone who wants to eat a whole bowl or can.
If you would like some jumbo green olives stuffed with feta cheese, I will send them to you STAT.
My husband found my sercret stash of mini Snickers last night and I almost CRIED. TEARS! Then I saunteered back into the living room with a FULLSIZE snickers and ate it in front of him.
I know for a fact that is the absolute correct way to eat black olives. I pinky swear it.
Why is saying "I am 100% not pregnant..." not enough for some people?
I personally like Cheez Whiz on fork.
Seriously. Not. Pregnant. Don't make me add a menstrual calendar widget to this site, people. Trust me on the math here.
But damn, now I want some Easy Cheese!
Mm, I just had some sliced pepperoni this afternoon. It was tasty in a salty, fattening way.
Thanks, Amy. I'm hungry now. And I'm on a diet. You suck!
P.S. Hormel turkey pepperoni rocks. It's nice and spicy.
re: "Don't make me add a menstrual calendar widget to this site, people."
Three thoughts:
1. Funny!
2. Eww!
3. I bet there's already somebody creating such a widget as we speak.
Oh, and if you use a fork you can't cut yourself on the can.
I love olives - the black ones. So much do I love olives that at 25 I still get a can in my stocking at Christmas from my parents - its a Christmas tradition.
I have a monster-sized package of sliced pepperoni at home that I am trying to pretend like I don't want to inhale, and this post IS NOT HELPING.
My husband ALSO eats black olives- except he doesn't bother to put them in a bowl like you do. He just scoops them straight out of the can with a spoon.
As for me, one of my favorite sandwiches as a child was peanut butter and cheese. I still eat one occasionally, and it's still yummy. :) (And now I also want some chicken nuggets...mmmm)
as someone who hates olives, i am amazed at your ability to eat them at all, nevermind out of a bowl.
however, i could eat marraschino cherries by the bowlful, i would.
Hee, a bowl is the classy way to go, my sister sticks them on the ends of her fingers to carry them to where ever she's headed. I craved McDonald's orange drink when I was pregnant, that and strawberries.
hahaha... That's totally me too. Yesterday with the husband home I had to consciously choose to eat something normal. But today it was back to MY "normal" which was a handful of Doritos, some diet soda, a baguette with cheese, and some M&Ms. Mmmm Mmmm GOOD! ;)
Black olives have been the staple of my 21 month old son's diet today. One day he loves everything, the next day... not so much. But hey, black olives, oyster crackers and blueberries? He's all, Now you're talkin' woman! :)
Okay, I don't find the bowl weird, but the spoon? Really, Amy? Relax a little and try some finger action. You'll like it.
(Uhhhh. Upon re-reading this, I would just like to assure you that I am not a pornbot. I swear.)
Know what else is good together? Spanish olives and beer. No shit! Black olives and triscuits sounds yummy; throw in some extra sharp cheddar cheese and that's a MEAL!
Speaking of chicken nuggets and kraft cheese.... wrap a nugget in cheese and add a slice of pickle. Omg, good.
I prefer green olives. Out of the jar. With a fork. And I haven't been pregnant in almost ten years.
Why did this post really make me want fried pickles with ranch dressing? You know the ones - made with the claussen crispy dill spears? Oh yeah - BECAUSE I'M ON A DIET AND I CAN'T EAT THEM. OR OLIVES. OR PEPPERONI.
Ok, I'm done yelling.
And it's a total foul for you to have used a spoon to eat them. Whole olives are meant to be put on the end of each finger and eaten one by one. No silverware involved.
DUDE....rosemary and olive oil triscuits....you will thank me! But i'd have to go with green olives! Just a personal preference:)
Seriously, the menfolks do not need to know the crazy eating habits. If mine saw the bizarre excuses for a meal that I indulged in over the course of my recent unemployment, he'd probably leave me.
But olives = delicious, the bowl = fancy, and Triscuits = I hope you're eating the cracked pepper and olive oil ones because seriously, you will never go back.
I will staunchly march into the house with a grocery bag that contains a jar of green olives, a can of black olives, a jar of whole kosher dills, a jar of baby sweet gherkins, and a load of cheese. I then DARE anyone to give me a sideways glance. They can have their chocolate cake, but never deny me my salty goodness. I will CUT a bitch.
And no, there is NO way I am pregnant.
after years of research, i find a tablespoon is the right way to eat the most (shovel into your mouth) olives with the least frustration. forks = not good, you can spear 2-3. a tablespoon holds 3-4 sometimes more if balanced right.
when eating more than one at a time be especially wary of pits.
broken molars = not good.
Triscuits. I would like some triscuits wrapped in cheese with a "z".
(Also: the vegetable crisper is a perfect nefarious hideaway for many, many things)
"If I were the Internet right now"...DUDE! He IS the Internet! YOU are the Internet!, we all are the Internet. I think his statement broke my head. :D
I have visions of olives dancing in my head now.
One of my favorite sandwiches:
3 slices of toasted bread
6 Kraft® American Singles
Mustard
Mayo
Pimiento Filled Green Olives, rough chopped
Put mayo on one slice of bread, add three Singles, a layer of green olives. Put mustard on second toast and lay on top. Put mayo on flip side, add remaining cheese and olives. Spread mustard on third toast and lay on top to finish.
It is bit messy, but you won't be sorry. I slice mine in half to make handling easier.
Ick. You lost me at the olives and pepperoni. (If I ever start craving them, the first thing I will do is pee on a stick)
I'm 25 weeks along right now. It's amazing how pregnancy has opened the doors to so many foods I would have never tried before. Olives, VEGETABLES, fish...craziness.
I've been keeping my fingers crossed for you guys and round #2.
We call the crispier the rotter in my house, things go in and rarely come out - so it is mainly for storing beer. Another great snack in the olive-y finger picking jarred snacks category is pickled green beans - yum! Love anything pickled and salty, yet somehow olives? Not so much. Triscuits rank at the top of crackery goodness.
I also eat strange and wonderful things when my husband is not home. I hate when he takes off on one of my days off. Throws off my whole eating cycle for the day. Curses!
Saltine Crackers dipped in marinara sauce. Saltine crackers with pepperoni & cheese chunks on them - nuked for 30 seconds. Easy Cheese squirted on Chicken in a Bisquit crackers. Rainbow sherbert in a glass with diet sprite poured in for a healthy drink.... And the piece de resistance - cheap beef jerky (the kind from a can) paired with blue raspberry icee things.
You tell your husband there will be know disparaging the sliced pepperoni, says the woman who buys a 1/2 pound at the deli on Saturday and has it gone by Sunday, Monday tops.
I can not believe I forgot this.
Dill pickle, coated in cream cheese (or the fake stuff) wrapped in a piece of ham.
I'm getting hungry, if it wasn't physically impossible, I'd think I was cooking a bun in the oven. Must be residuals.
Ha, WendyB, and here I thought I had the only crisper full of beer. Wine goes on the shelf with the eggs and the freezer is for Goldschlager. Drinking problem? Only when the booze has run out. Why do you ask?
My husband gives me the weird eye when he sees me eating disassembled sandwiches. I put ham, cheese and bread separately on a plate and dip them in Ranch dressing. Weird because I love them separate, but don't really like ham sandwiches. I also like Ranch on my pizza. I have never eaten an olive, maybe they would be good covered in...Ranch dressing. Go teamRanch!
While cleaning our my fridge today, I found an unopened jar of sweet gherkins. After doing a happy dance, I cracked those suckers open! And they were so good!
But my husband is not home today...
I have been known to hide Jars of olives in the back of the pantry. I also stash candy bars and those little vienna sausages and blatant lies fall out of my mouth when my Mr Eight whines about not having any snacks heheh! I also eat Cheese from the can....directly from the can. Ahhhh confession is good for the soul lol!!!!
Bossy is underimpressed until you drop those olives into Orange Juice, and yes it's been done. With a spoon.
Jumbo green olives stuffed with garlic... YUUUUUUUM!
Ha! I just had cold leftover Kraft mac and cheese with real bacon bits mixed in, and a dash of fresh cracked pepper, for that classy touch.
My favorite weird thing to eat - a slice of pimento loaf and a slice of processed swiss cheese rolled up together, dipped in Durkee's Famous sandwich sauce. I think that's what we'll have for dinner.
I'm a green olive girl myself, but I eat them right out of the jar. No cutting risks.
I only recently discovered the wonder of olives and my absolute favorite are green olives stuffed with garlic cloves. One olive + one clove of garlic = nom nom nom.
So. Good.
Also - I'm really afraid of what my pregnancy cravings will be like as I already eat really really weird things.
My Better Half and I used to have conversations like this on a daily basis (he works from home). Now I just turn a blind eye to his odd eating habits. I suppose I am free to ignore him because I am certain he's not pregnant.