Mah Bucket of Solitude
One Dozen Long-Stemmed Years

Drama, Thy Name is Toddler

Or Toddler, Thy Name is Drama. I don't really know. The point is: I am five minutes away from FedExing my child to China.

Noah has been, no lie and no exaggeration, throwing one solid tantrum since early yesterday, with only the occasional breathing break.


1) Asking for more Cheerios, being reminded of the gigantic pile of Cheerios directly in front of him.

2) Asking for more milk, being reminded of the very full cup of milk directly in front of him.

3) Climbing out the back of a chair and getting stuck because he refuses to take the sippy cup out of his mouth.

4) The 30 seconds it takes to microwave his dinner.

5) Asking for a cookie, getting said cookie, discovering that he actually really wanted some cake.

6) Blue's Clues, because Steve is wasting precious seconds looking for a clue that is RIGHT FUCKING THERE IN FRONT OF HIM ZOMG.

7) His new Thomas the Tank Engine jammies, because they need to be ON HIS BODY instead of carried around like a blankie.

8) Deliberately hitting his head against the floor while tantrumming; suddenly realizing that deliberately hitting your head against the floor actually kind of hurts.


10) Touching the oven, getting caught touching the oven, STOP LOOKING AT ME TOUCHING THE OVEN AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


12) The stroller, the carseat, being carried, walking on his own feet, not being allowed to roll around on the floor in Target.

13) Putting sidewalk chalk in mouth against all advice and reason, suddenly discovering that sidewalk chalk tastes like ass.

14) Being asked any sort of question whatsoever, including, in all seriousness, Noah, do you want some candy?

15) The three seconds of Little Bear opening credits our Tivo records at the end of Blue's Clues episodes, because even though he has never sat through an episode of Little Bear ever so we don't TiVo them, we should totally know that those three seconds of opening credits are the GREATEST THING EVER and he now wants to watch Little Bear more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD and WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT MAKE LITTLE BEAR MATERIALIZE RIGHT THIS SECOND I WILL DESTROOOOOOOY YOOOOOOOOOOOOU.

Shall I go on or do you have the general idea?

My god, I don't know who this kid is and what his problem(ssssss) is(arrrre). I thought maybe a short nap was to blame so I put him to bed early last night, only to have him wake up screaming this morning because...I don't know. Something about the Thomas jammies again, like because the shirt was on his body he couldn't LOOK at it, but then when I took it off he screamed AND KICKED ME IN THE STOMACH.

(I should also point out that in the past few days, I have become the Only Acceptable Parent, which is breaking Jason's heart and bugging the crap out of me, since he seems to demand my constant presence for the sole purpose of abusing it.)

I am...worn out. I have never, ever witnessed anything like this from him and have "If That OT Could See Me Now" (as sung by Kathie Lee Gifford) stuck in my head. Is he sick? Teething? Growth-spurting? Opening wormholes into some sort of evil Doppelgangerland from Planet Toddler?

I spent Friday afternoon in the maternity ward, holding someone else's mewling little newborn. That was very Suck, especially since after this past week several people I know have now successfully conceived, gestated and birthed children in less time than we've been trying for a second.

A very boring insurance kerfluffle sidetracked our plan to see the doctor last month and I have yet to pick up the phone and reschedule. Because apparently I have the same sort of "smash your own fool head against the floor and then complain about it" impulses as Noah.

This entry probably reads downright bizarre to a lot of you. Or like, all of you. Seriously? She's whining about not being pregnant two paragraphs after going on and on about her current child's hellacious never-ending tantrum of nerve-shattering asshole-ness? And did she just maybe call the current child whom she is goddamned lucky to have in the first place an asshole right there?

Yes. And yes. Irrational Little Snowflake, thy name is Blogger. Or maybe, Unconditional Love, thy name is Mother.


Yes. Hopefully it's that one.



i vote teething.



Crystal D

I hope I am wrong, but it sounds like Noah is either going to have a fever or be puking in the next 24 hours. All those things seem to add up to a pre-sickness melt down.
Oh but that cute little grin and those curls how could it not be unconditional love.


Oh. My.

Pictures of Noah make my ovaries hurt, he's that cute.

But this post here? Very effective antidote.



I love this entry - I often find myself telling friends how exhausted I am as I also tell them I have a nearly irresistable urge to have another. They look at me like I'm insane. They also don't have kids yet and don't understand the meaning of exhausted or the unconditional love you feel anyway :)


Oh honey. I totally vote teething. I think if I were in your shoes I would dose that kid a little baby Motrin and strap him into the carseat and drive around on the highway until he passes out. It wastes a lot of gas, but it totally works.
Or wine, wine works too. (For you, stick with the baby Motrin for him.) Although not usually a good mix with the highway.


sounds like the terrible 2's!


I LOVE that Noah is the same age as my youngest. It is so fucking awesome knowing that I am not alone in this 2nd circle of Toddler Tantrum Hell. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuu!

Carry on...

Lisa M

If it's any consolation, in hindsight I realized that most of the Incredible Weeks O' Tantrums preceded growth spurts or new growing 6 inches in one night, vocab explosion, walking, running, you name it. Or they came down with some gross illness that required them to puke and run fevers for 40 days and 40 nights. If you do FedEx him to China...make sure he has airholes in his crate, a full sippy cup, and lots of string cheese! He'll be killing the over there with those blond curls!

jive turkey

I'm scared of toddlers. They seem to act a lot like me at the end of a long day, but unfortunately cannot be plied with a cocktail.

Hope this marathon tantrum ends soon & that you are on the receiving end of a baby ASAP.


You probably don't want our long list of opinions....but when my oldest acted that way, it was my ONLY clue that he had an ear infection or sinus infection.


Sounds like two-year-olditis to me. My 2 1/2 year old - who is normally the most sunny and cheerful of children - spent two solid days this weekend repeatedly asking for access to his dad's Lego collection, just so he could cry big fat loud tears every time we said no.

This too shall pass.


My toddler has been doing that on and off for WEEKS! I really enjoy the off parts and hope blindly that each "off" is really done, but then it's NOT. Have you been bit yet? Mine has added biting mommy to the list of selective abuse. Only mommy is worthy of use of teeth!

And I would like to have a third!


We have been having one of those weeks around here as well. Everything sucks, I suck, his other mommy sucks, the food he just asked for and we just cooked sucks, he wants every train ever created for the Thomas Wooden Railroad NOW, Everything is the END of the damn WORLD for him this week.
But we have a good idea what his issue is. He misses school (we just moved) and wants to play with other kids and his schedule is all screwed up. He really needs a rigid schedule and needs to know what is happening or he gets this way.
Have you made a major change to Noah's schedule recently that would cause him anxiety (added something new, removed something familiar)?
For some kids, heavy pressure (big hug, pressing on him gently with a cushion) can help them organize and settle back down. I have some other calming strategies that our OT gave us for our son that I can e-mail you if you are interested. I don't know that any of it would help, it can really be hit or miss with our little guy, but it might make you feel like you are doing something which can help you (I know it helps me). ;-)


Ah, yes. My little C-monster made me call my mom and cry because she's been so. dang. hard. Mom's answer? It's a phase you have to love her through.

Thanks Mom. I'm going to go cut myself now.


It seems our kids (my twins included) have had their brains sucked out by aliens, and replaced with Folgers crystals. Damn if it isn't the terrible two's, or "developmentally appropriate and exciting", according to Max's speech therapist. Whatever.

I feel ya, and if you're in the area of CT, stop by for some wine and whining. I'd be happy to have you.


hang in there - toddlers' moods change faster than the weather. Before you know it he'll be winning you over with his amazing cuteness again.

Burgh Baby's Mom

I'm so glad we were able to pass that mood on to you. Last week? She was a bitch. Not just the week, the Toddler, too. I think (*fingers crossed*) we are better now. Maybe. (*knocks on wood*)


They don't call it "the terrible twos" for nothing.


Yeah sounds like my niece. Some days she is beyond logic.


Only another parent can understand that odd dichotomy that is wanting a 2nd child while the 1st one is driving you to the point of pondering FedEx prices to China.......


With babies that cute, you have to keep making them. It's good for the gene pool...


"evil Doppelgangerland from Planet Toddler"

Oh, yes. This is my child as well. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. Have you been bitten, licked and/ or head butted recently? It's a wonderful experience. Hang in there. If we don't kill them it gets better. Promise.


I vote ear infection. Sure, tantrums are normal for 2-year- olds, but when my son tantrums himself into another another dimension, it usually means he's feeling crappy. I hope he' back to his usual preshus self soon!


Don't waste your money on FedEx... UPS Ground is much cheaper. Then maybe I can fit my 4 year old in the box with him.


Oh, yeah. That. I {unheart} that. I've never actually FedExed the 3 year old to China, only because I was concerned he'd be returned to sender with postage due.

Also - Little Bear is totally available On Demand. If you have that. (And possibly online at the Sprout website.)


Oh, you poor sweet young mother, you. You are wracking your brain to find a cause of Noah's Tantrumness when in fact, there is no logical explanation. He is a toddler. They act this way. No rhyme or reason. Seriously. That's it. One minute, poster child for All Things Beautiful...the next minute, acting like rats are gnawing their toes off.

My son was so sweet and wonderful and beautiful and good-natured until he hit 2 yrs and 9months. Then, we wanted to give him to gypsies to raise, except that we didn't know any gypsies and plus really wouldn't have wished him on the poor unsuspecting gypsies. He had about a four month span where he was SPAWNFROMHELL, then one day morphed back into my angelic bundle of adorableness. I hope this blip on Noah's behavior radar doesn't last that long for you. But it does pass.

Now with my second child? She has to hock up a lung during a tantrum for me to pay attention to it. (Please understand I am not trying to sound like a knowitall or condescending to you. It's just that after 12 yrs of mothering, my children are going to have to do more than be poophead-extraordinairres before I get too riled up. But it is exhausting and you will find yourself looking for his off button..or gypsies.)


No, you're making perfect sense. Just 'cause your existing kid is making you temporarily nuts doesn't mean you don't still want another.

FWIW. M's also been the tantrum child for a few days. Maybe it's a full moon?


Go ahead and FedEx Noah my way, and I'll trade you my 7 month old who is teething while trying to crawl while screaming because she's scared to crawl but screaming if you sit her up because she wants to crawl, but screming if you put her in a crawling position because she's scared, but screaming if you sit her.....sigh.


I can totally relate to you and after the week I have had with my 2 year old it is good to know he is not the only one that acts like that or that I am not the only mother that thinks like that! Good luck!


Also, also - Mercury is Retrograde.


Maybe he's starting on the 3yr old thing a bit early? My mind clung to the phrase "cranky jerk" when I read one of Ask Moxie's posts because that's exactly what my oldest turned into about 7 months ago. It was fast and without warning and suuucked. It's over now, gone as quickly as it came. I hope this isn't what's happening with Noah yet, but if it is, this helped me:

"The dirty little secret that most parents of kids 3 years apart (like, oh, say, me) won't tell you is that 3-year-olds can be amazing little creatures, but at a certain point they become cranky little jerks. And it's kind of a crapshoot where in the cycle you'll end up when you have your baby. So you could have a newborn and a sweet loving 3-year-old angel, but then later a 6-month-old and a 3 1/2-year-old cranky jerk. Or you could have a newborn and a cranky jerk, and then 6 months later a 6-month-old and an angel."

Assvice courtesy of me and Ask Moxie.


Two Year Molars? Maybe. Two Year Assholeness? Definitely. Unfortunately for you, and me, it doesn't end at two. Sorry for the bad news.

Dylan is 3 next month and we go through the same thing on a fairly consistent basis. Yay for two's & three's!

Oh, and you KNOW you love your kids and are a good parent when you can live what you've been living for the past few days, and STILL love that child AND want another one. Desperately.


It will get better. As a nanny, I've seen a lot of kids through the twos, and now I'll admiit it's my favorite age. You'll figure out what's going on with Noah, whether it's simply that he's figuring out the limits both of your household and the world or because there's something else going on (the afore-mentioned teething, impending illness, etc.). And some days? Perhaps when you've had plenty of sleep and a little wine? You'll find those tantrums to be terribly funny.

I hope the journey through the frustration/exasperation part goes quickly for you. You're doing a great job.


Eamon is doing the all day, week long tantrum thing too. I suspect he is just finding LIFE to be frustrating and that mama can't fix every thing. Which is making our life hellish too. Sounds like you and Noah are in the same damn boat.
And new babies are heartbreaking when you are longing for your own. Be kind to your self.


I'd expect a cold or virus and then a developmental spurt after he feels better.

I literally cannot count the number of times I've been through a period like this with one of my kids.

They get all hellacious, and then right as I'm about to cram a plastic bag full of my stuff into my bicycle basket and pedal off into the sunset, a nose starts running. Then I smack myself in the forehead and go, "OH. YEAH. OF. COURSE."


I smiled all the way through your post, both because you've got an awesome way of putting the experience in words, and because I have soooo been there. Hang in, it gets better. Then worse, then better. Just when you're actually searching for the tape to seal up the FedEx box, they'll do something that totally melts you and you start all over again.

My mom used to say it's Wonderful Ones, Terrible Twos, Terrific Threes, Frustrating Fours, and Fabulous Fives. Then they go to school. I remember saying that I want the Fabulousness of Fives to start. On. Their. Birthday. Or that's it, they're outta here. Lol.

Hang in, you're doing great!!


When in doubt, dose them. I discovered that the mystery obnoxiousness that MAY be caused by teething, or ear infection or upcoming violent vomiting or even growth spurts can be at least temporarily relieved by a good healthy dose of motrin. It'll cure what ails you. Also, don't forget to dose Mommy with cocktail of choice.


Oh yeah, my kid has been working the drama since before her 2nd birthday in November. I'll totally go in on the shipping costs with you.


It's tough to be two years old. Life . . . just gets to be too much. And there is no alcohol to mitigate the pain.
Unless . . . you "accidentally" leave out some brandy, er, in his sippy cup, and knock him out. Take that, evil toddler child!


I am SO glad to know Im not the only mom that deals with unprovoked toddler rampages! I dont know what to blame it on other than that they sense weakness.
Im especially glad to know I dont have the only 2 y.o. that can melt down even when offered things like candy. Seriously, what is with that?! Hang in there!


Well, you can be rest assured that you are NOT the only mother to look at her 2 year old and say "Who the Hell ARE you, anyway???" I feel your pain.

Thank God he's so cute, or you'd have to, like, eat him or something...


Could be getting sick was my first thought, or it could be low blood sugar. A tip from a parenting mag that worked shockingly well is to give them a little fruit juice as soon as they wake up in the morning (while still in bed) to get their blood sugar going, worked miracles, absolute lifesaving miracles.


Thanks you. You made me laugh which I know was not the point but oh how I have been there.

I got the running into the parking lot (thankfully the College Park aviation museum is so not crowded) AND then a very confused three year old not getting why he cannot now have the plane he just got in the gift store.

Oh, and my Mom in the back trying to "help" me tell him how running in parking lots is not safe.

I also get the TIVO/DVR thing- if it is not on on demand or if we have not pre-recorded then we do not HAVE IT.

Hang in there. He has to sleep sometime today right?


don't worry, the post made perfect, hilarious sense. Hilarious to those who read it-not so funny to you and yours....this too shall pass.


I, too, have never been quite as exhausted as I have been over the past week. We don't have full-on tantrums yet, but we have Extensive Whining, and OH MY GOD, we have had this Extensive Whining for THREE SOLID MONTHS NOW and I am going to just DIE if this phase doesn't end soon. Or, worse, what if it ISN'T a phase, and I just have the most unhappy child who has ever been born?

Last week he woke up from a nap after one hour (he needed at least two to act human) and I just wept. WEPT.

In conclusion: I get it.


The other day my friend called me just so I could hear her sweet two and a half year olds screams. The cause...she was washing his Thomas pj's. He sobbed as he banged on the washing machine. Funny to me...but I am sure very hard for you all to see the hummor in just yet...good luck. I am sure it will get better!


i would guess that he's either sick with an ear infection or about to get that way.

i'd probably schedule him a drs appt. course, our insurance is really good.


i copy amym. the average age in this house is 2: noah's age. so we have a 3 year old who throws tantrums for reasons that you amusingly listed and a one year old who is a great mimic of the tantrums. how much for fedex?


Oh my God, I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I have an almost-three-year-old who in the past two days has been acting JUST LIKE THAT, and I have NO IDEA why. He doesn't seem to be sick, or teething, or growing. He just has a screeching fit over everything, even giving him what he asks for! What the hell is that about?

I wish I had some advice, but dammit, I need some myself!

Tina C.

if you figure out what it is, please post! i hate these tantrums too. for no reason he just goes off!!! i took my son swimming, then got a 4 hour nap in return. that made up for his tantrums.


Oh my. Bizarre? Sadly, no. My only guy is 3, and while he hasn't held on a marathon like this yet, I have definately wanted to ship him to someone (anyone) else, all the while getting more and more upset about our inability to conceive another. For him, there's usually a deep seeded reason for his tantrums (tired, upset about something he can't put into words, feeling sick, etc.), but that's just our experience. Anyway, its not like having a reason for being a little shit makes it any easier to deal with. Oh well. As with Noah, he is so ridiculously cute and I love him so damn much that we'll get through it :)

Wacky Mommy

Just tape Little Bear for him -- it's very soothing, that show. For mommies and kids alike.

You need another one to make you appreciate how calm the first one was AND YOU DIDN'T REALIZE. Ha! Ha!! That's a little joke, Amy.

Only at my house it was true. I never knew the Joys of Parenting until Kid 2 ended up in the ER four times in his first two years (???) for concussions. Now the front desk greets him by name when we walk in.


When people say "save the drama for your mama" i want to smack them upside the head cuz "NO your mama don't want your f*&^%ing drama"!

I have an 8 year old and a 4 (almost 5) year old - both girls. I swear, one of these days, one of them is going to put the back of her hand to her forehead and drop to the floor with the VAPORS!

What am I going to do when we're all hormonal and PMSing together? At least you won't have THAT to deal with, amalah!

it was a rough weekend indeed... "waaaahhh - no one understands me". This, from the 4 year old who wants to eat 50 packs of fruit snacks for lunch. oy vey


I have a two and a half year old that has days like that alot. Teething is a probabilty, but sometimes I think that he just dies it to see my head implode. hang in there,


Gah! I remember those days... Shecky is 7... and umm... we went through this a week or so ago... heh. Yeah... he was getting sick. Hang in there hon. Kiss him till he shuts it. :)


sick with the one


i think he needed to restore his tough toddler streed cred after finding out that you posted pictures of him with his head in a bucket.


There must be a major outbreak of Tantrumitus making its way up and down the east coast. My 21 mos. old son has started taking his abrupt/brief tantrums up a notch by adding in the attention grabbing head banging. Although, upon realization that this hurts his head, he now brings his head to floor e-v-e-r s-o s-l-o-w-l-y, and taps it and THERE!! HOWLIIIIINNGGGG!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I HIT MA HEAD?!!!! In the meantime, wanting to be the well-informed parent, I am reading The Late Talker and The Happiest Toddler on the Block. My son is almost 2 and I still have no idea what the fuck I am doing. But this is normal, right? :)


Every once in awhile my DD goes through a case of tantrumitis, where every.little.thing causes a meltdown. She's 2 years, 4 months.

Two things always seem to be the culprit... about to come down with a nasty sickness , or a big jump in development. Or, god forbid, both at the same time. The first time this happened on the scale you're describing, was right before she had a huge leap in talking, right before her 2nd bday. It doesn't last long...hang in there.


We are twins...only I have an eight year old who is going through a clingy, overly emotional, pissy stage. I am so fertile right now that my husband could probably get me pregnant from across the room, but he decided to soak in the hot tub and kill off as many sperm as possible, cause we've only been trying to get pregnant for forever, and what's one more cycle down the drain...but I digress


Two is evil!!! Will fluctuates between sweetest baby ever and devil child... Just wait until number 2 is almost here and you begin to panic about what you have done... Trust panic will truly sink in at that point... (And #2 will happen sometime)


I like the tantrumitis diagnosis, and I agree with Tam that it must have been an East Coast thing this weekend. My son Dylan was WHINE CENTRAL over the past couple of days, too, and I was so over it in the first, uh, five minutes (okay, less). But we made it through. At least, I think we did--this whole "could be a sign of a jump in development, or MAYBE a sign of impending illness of neverending suck" idea is scaring me.


Ha, a friend of mine called this weekend wanting to FedEx her 1 year old to me. I rebuffed this offer but told her I'd be happy to FedEx mine to her. They must have sent it out on the Toddler wire that this was the weekend to test the parents' patience.

Jody Sholeen

Girl. I feel your pain.

mama speak

I too vote for the terrible twos (and maybe a case of growth spurt, teething or about to be ill thrown in for good measure).

Think of it this way; you could an infant w/severe reflux spewing everywhere while he does all of this. That would add to the fun!

Also, you should leave janson and him alone for several hours. That will help w/the "I only want mommy stuff." We do that w/ours cause the older one especially pulls the "only mommy will do crap." We do a lot of; last time mommy colored w/you this time it's daddy's turn, or not at all. Otherwise mommy would be dead by now & she wouldn't know who daddy was at all. ;-)
Go have a glass of wine, it's noon somewhere.


Ever see that Sex in the City episode where all the girls are babysitting Miranda's baby for the first time, and the Kim Catrall character says, "Im sorry... but Im just going to come out and say it. That baby is an asshole." My husband and I died when we saw that, because its true! There have been many times we have put our three year old son to bed and just collapsed and said, "my god, he was just such an asshole today!" I thought I was the only brave enough to put that one "out there." As always, thanks for Keepin' it Real, Amy...


After briefly scanning the comments, I realized he is at the terrible 2's. And they are terrible. And I second the Motrin suggestions accompanied by a good dosing of wine. Oh, yes, a lovely combo. And if Noah actually is in pain not of his own causing he will feel better. If he is not in pain but falls asleep you will feel better. Is win-win.

workout mommy

I can completely relate, especially to the credits being shown at the end of a TV show. I have created a kid that thinks I can just make "Max and Ruby" magically appear on TV at any time during the day!!


Seems like everyone's toddlers have been giving them the blues lately. My 2 year old's favorite thing to do is ask for "this" while pointing at nothing and screaming when I can't figure out what the hell "this" is. Then minutes later he does something to make me laugh and totally forget why I was ready to drop him off at the nearest convent. I hope Noah is back to his wonderful self soon.


As my Mom likes to say, "Has he shit lately?" That was her first question to me and my brother regardless of whether our arm was dangling on by a vein or we had a splinter. But generally, she was right. Constipation makes you cranky as all get out!


Ah, Toddlerville. This too shall pass... And if it doesn't, I'd suggest DHL. They're cheaper. ;-)


I vote toddler. I doubt you or anyone will be able to figure it out before it's over, and it won't be the same reason next time anyway, so have a drink. Or four. I know what you mean though, E spent 3 solid days whining and screaming. It was awesome. Then this weekend he was angel baby. *sigh*

Sugared Harpy

I think maybe your toddler is talking to my pre-teen. Somehow.

Because that child is also an asshole ready to be packed off to the circus right now. A very loved, cute, adorable preteen with some seriously asshole behavior right now. All from yesterday evening to this morning...I had strongly hoped sleeping overnight would have helped.

Good luck, dear!


Blame Michael and I. B/cc learly, this all started after I babysat fri. afternoon so you could hold the loveable newborn.

It's the age, hon. Really. Michael is so already there and Noah i just a few months behind him. I can't "No, don't talk to me, at least a million times a day."


Sounds just like my 2 year old. Who is getting teeth.

How do they survive this stage? Or why do we keep doing it, lol.



Neither are you a masochist. You deserve another child if you want one - and despite being human and maybe having, oh I don't know, AN END OF YOUR ROPE - no one will think you are a hypocrite for being honest about how friggin' difficult children can be. (I hope you keep posting. His teenage years will be THE BEST blog fodder!!)

kim at allconsuming

It's called being 2. The PMS equivalent of toddlerdom. Some get it at 18 months, some wait until they're three (they're the devil's spawn as they lull their parents into a false bravado of 'look how great and easy going our kid is' while yours is spewing forth all manner of bileous volumous hatred from the floor because you looked at him the wrong way) and some hit it smack in the middle of two.
Welcome to my world.
Jasper is about two weeks behind Noah and at the moment we have a tantrum on waking up and a tantrum at dinner - those two are guaranteed. It's like dinner and a show.
The eleventy gagillion meltdowns in between can be due to the sun rising, the door not closing properly or the butter not being spread properly on his cruskit.
This is how the phrase 'it's a great day for daycare' came into circulation.


I'm voting for an ear infection.
Whenever my daughter turns into the devil incarnate she's nursing some infection or another.
Hope the tantrums are banished soon, and if you figure out a cure for the spurned parent problem I'd love to hear it, my leg is tired of lugging a 27lb toddler around all day.


I've got a 2 year 5 month old myself and she has been going through the exact same type of stuff! She pulled the ears of both dogs, making one yelp, then pulled her baby sister's ears (7 months old) and then while apologizing to said baby sister, she PULLED HER HAIR! How can this adorable, sweet precious child be such a monster. I've loved reading the comments and am considering a trip to the ped. to check for ear infection prior to measuring her for a FedEx box in which to ship to China. Perhaps we could get a discount if we ship them together?


The double chin he has? It kills me!


Ummm, can we just skip the 2's?

I'm sorry you are having a hard time.


Diagnosis: Toddler.

Next Tuesday he'll have mastered algebra. My kid is always cranky right before a major milestone leap.

Dawn B

Oh dear lord I know how you feeeeeel!!!! James has been doing this stuff too. Of course, for him it's probably payback from taking his "binky" away but I almost punted him like a football out the window the other day! (not that i ever would but still...LOL)


I distinctly remember my younger brother acting like this. It was damn annoying and frustrating (and lasted most of his toddler years, and I really, really hope it doesn't last that long for you and Noah), but hey... he's a pretty awesome teenager, uh I mean, 20-year-old now. So there's that.

Miss Britt

In Noah's defense, that Steve guy is sooooo sloww! I mean seriously, it's RIGHT FREAKING THERE!!

And in yours? Um, hello! Screaming toddler! Of COURSE you're wanting teeny tiny baby!


See, I always threaten to sell my kids on eBay (much cheaper than FedExing them off to China, especially if you have the buyer pay shipping). I've had many, many days like that.

As for wanting more...well, I personally have 2 theories: 1, you will always have one or two to spare in case you do decide to sell one on eBay/ship off to unknown destination, and 2- you can pick favorites! Haha! At any given time, one will ALWAYS be better behaved than the other. Except, maybe, for those times where they're all horrible. But think of the profit you'd make!


When one of my kids was going through the 2's and just being generally full of virus, 2, teeth and other probably-normal-but still-hard-to-describe-awfulness, I sat in the paediatrician's clinic one day checking (yet again) if there was anything brewing to explain the behaviour-from-hell.

After running through all possibilities, I sat there with an obviously quite perplexed look on my face until he asked: What's still bothering you?

And without missing a beat, I replied: How is it possible to be so ready to put your kid on the street for some homeless people to adopt, and yet love him so much your heart could break in two?

To which he just smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

Now my last is about to hit 2, and he is doing all the above that you describe. I put his dinner on the table: DON'T WANT SUPPER!!!! I take it off: WANT SUPPER!!!!

But, to echo Lisa M, I have found that usually as they are about to hit a growth spurt or a milestone they sort of fall apart for a week or two beforehand. Also, before they get sick, and also, when they teethe. And also, if they have worms. Add one (or all of the above) to being 2, and it makes for a frightening combination.

However, my eldest is now 18, and much to my surprise (and relief) she has turned out to be a perfectly lovely young lady, and we are the best of friends.

Have a glass of wine once the kid's gone to bed. It's Nature's Tranquilizer. :-)

Hugs to the little man/terror...


You mean that kind of behavior happens to other people's kids too? I'm so glad it isn't just me. My daughter is the queen of drama and high squeel tantrum screams. I totally feel you on this post. It will get better and sometimes it just takes putting them in another room till they calm down enough to breathe again.
My thoughts are with you :o)


Welcome to my two and a half year old's personality. Only, for your sake, I hope it's not a personality trait, I just hope it's some weird blip for you guys that will pass soon. My son has been acting that way since he was 18 months old. I finally am taking him to a specialist to see if there is anything I can do. Took me long enough. But I hear, ya, I hear ya!


Hmm. Must be something in the air. My 15-mo-old is acting the EXACT same way! Except, it's his daddy he wants to hold him all the time (yay me!).


the whole thing made perfect sense to me...


You know all this tantrumming means one of two things, right?

1) There's a breakthrough a-comin'! (As in, his brain is developing lots of words and integrating lots of sensory stuff and this will all be over soon and he will perform a miracle.)

2) Hide the wimminfolk.

(Um, welcome to Cowboy-Comment Monday. I am sorry it has been visited upon you. I don't know where it came from.)

Elle Kasey

You rock every single day. I am not allowed to have kids until I can read that post again without of wriggling out of my skin and looking at it like it was a pair of Thomas pajamas.


That is insane! I love this one:
5) Asking for a cookie, getting said cookie, discovering that he actually really wanted some cake.

That sounds like me now ...I also like the deliberately hitting of the head against the floor, so classic.


Six kids. Totally normal at the age of two. In fact, you are kinda lucky you haven't seen it before now. My daughters started this stuff at about 18 months. It ends before they turn 5. But I also agree it gets worse before a milestone breakthrough or illness. You'll survive!


I vote wormholey thing just 'cause it's so funny.


In the 80s when my brother was a toddler, they made underwear with pictures of Superman or Ninja Turtles or whatever printed on the butt. This was all well and good except for the fact that my brother *insisted* on wearing them backwards so he could see the picture. My mother just let him do it. The inevitable tantrum was just too much.


He might be getting ready to cross another milestone. My kids were all possessed of demons right before they started to roll over, crawl, walk, talk (intelligibly), etc.

Good luck, it sucks big time. Drink wine!

There were a couple of tantrums this weekend that I wanted to throw, but remembering my age, figured it wouldn't be as forgivable as it is when it comes from a toddler. It's too bad though, because there were several times people were watching me touch my stove that I could have just LET. LOOSE. ;)
House of Jules

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