Drama, Thy Name is Toddler
February 11, 2008
Or Toddler, Thy Name is Drama. I don't really know. The point is: I am five minutes away from FedExing my child to China.
Noah has been, no lie and no exaggeration, throwing one solid tantrum since early yesterday, with only the occasional breathing break.
THINGS THAT HAVE MADE NOAH FALL TO THE FLOOR AND WEEP BIG FAT TEARS INCONSOLABLY IN THE PAST 24 HOURS:
1) Asking for more Cheerios, being reminded of the gigantic pile of Cheerios directly in front of him.
2) Asking for more milk, being reminded of the very full cup of milk directly in front of him.
3) Climbing out the back of a chair and getting stuck because he refuses to take the sippy cup out of his mouth.
4) The 30 seconds it takes to microwave his dinner.
5) Asking for a cookie, getting said cookie, discovering that he actually really wanted some cake.
6) Blue's Clues, because Steve is wasting precious seconds looking for a clue that is RIGHT FUCKING THERE IN FRONT OF HIM ZOMG.
7) His new Thomas the Tank Engine jammies, because they need to be ON HIS BODY instead of carried around like a blankie.
8) Deliberately hitting his head against the floor while tantrumming; suddenly realizing that deliberately hitting your head against the floor actually kind of hurts.
9) THE DOG IS LOOKING AT ME MAKE THE DOG STOP LOOKING AT ME AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
10) Touching the oven, getting caught touching the oven, STOP LOOKING AT ME TOUCHING THE OVEN AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
11) Asking to fingerpaint, HELP HELP THERE'S PAINT ON MY FINGERS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
12) The stroller, the carseat, being carried, walking on his own feet, not being allowed to roll around on the floor in Target.
13) Putting sidewalk chalk in mouth against all advice and reason, suddenly discovering that sidewalk chalk tastes like ass.
14) Being asked any sort of question whatsoever, including, in all seriousness, Noah, do you want some candy?
15) The three seconds of Little Bear opening credits our Tivo records at the end of Blue's Clues episodes, because even though he has never sat through an episode of Little Bear ever so we don't TiVo them, we should totally know that those three seconds of opening credits are the GREATEST THING EVER and he now wants to watch Little Bear more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD and WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT MAKE LITTLE BEAR MATERIALIZE RIGHT THIS SECOND I WILL DESTROOOOOOOY YOOOOOOOOOOOOU.
Shall I go on or do you have the general idea?
My god, I don't know who this kid is and what his problem(ssssss) is(arrrre). I thought maybe a short nap was to blame so I put him to bed early last night, only to have him wake up screaming this morning because...I don't know. Something about the Thomas jammies again, like because the shirt was on his body he couldn't LOOK at it, but then when I took it off he screamed AND KICKED ME IN THE STOMACH.
(I should also point out that in the past few days, I have become the Only Acceptable Parent, which is breaking Jason's heart and bugging the crap out of me, since he seems to demand my constant presence for the sole purpose of abusing it.)
I am...worn out. I have never, ever witnessed anything like this from him and have "If That OT Could See Me Now" (as sung by Kathie Lee Gifford) stuck in my head. Is he sick? Teething? Growth-spurting? Opening wormholes into some sort of evil Doppelgangerland from Planet Toddler?
I spent Friday afternoon in the maternity ward, holding someone else's mewling little newborn. That was very Suck, especially since after this past week several people I know have now successfully conceived, gestated and birthed children in less time than we've been trying for a second.
A very boring insurance kerfluffle sidetracked our plan to see the doctor last month and I have yet to pick up the phone and reschedule. Because apparently I have the same sort of "smash your own fool head against the floor and then complain about it" impulses as Noah.
This entry probably reads downright bizarre to a lot of you. Or like, all of you. Seriously? She's whining about not being pregnant two paragraphs after going on and on about her current child's hellacious never-ending tantrum of nerve-shattering asshole-ness? And did she just maybe call the current child whom she is goddamned lucky to have in the first place an asshole right there?
Yes. And yes. Irrational Little Snowflake, thy name is Blogger. Or maybe, Unconditional Love, thy name is Mother.
Yes. Hopefully it's that one.
if you figure out what it is, please post! i hate these tantrums too. for no reason he just goes off!!! i took my son swimming, then got a 4 hour nap in return. that made up for his tantrums.
Oh my. Bizarre? Sadly, no. My only guy is 3, and while he hasn't held on a marathon like this yet, I have definately wanted to ship him to someone (anyone) else, all the while getting more and more upset about our inability to conceive another. For him, there's usually a deep seeded reason for his tantrums (tired, upset about something he can't put into words, feeling sick, etc.), but that's just our experience. Anyway, its not like having a reason for being a little shit makes it any easier to deal with. Oh well. As with Noah, he is so ridiculously cute and I love him so damn much that we'll get through it :)
Just tape Little Bear for him -- it's very soothing, that show. For mommies and kids alike.
You need another one to make you appreciate how calm the first one was AND YOU DIDN'T REALIZE. Ha! Ha!! That's a little joke, Amy.
Only at my house it was true. I never knew the Joys of Parenting until Kid 2 ended up in the ER four times in his first two years (???) for concussions. Now the front desk greets him by name when we walk in.
When people say "save the drama for your mama" i want to smack them upside the head cuz "NO your mama don't want your f*&^%ing drama"!
I have an 8 year old and a 4 (almost 5) year old - both girls. I swear, one of these days, one of them is going to put the back of her hand to her forehead and drop to the floor with the VAPORS!
What am I going to do when we're all hormonal and PMSing together? At least you won't have THAT to deal with, amalah!
it was a rough weekend indeed... "waaaahhh - no one understands me". This, from the 4 year old who wants to eat 50 packs of fruit snacks for lunch. oy vey
I have a two and a half year old that has days like that alot. Teething is a probabilty, but sometimes I think that he just dies it to see my head implode. hang in there,
Gah! I remember those days... Shecky is 7... and umm... we went through this a week or so ago... heh. Yeah... he was getting sick. Hang in there hon. Kiss him till he shuts it. :)
sick with the one
i think he needed to restore his tough toddler streed cred after finding out that you posted pictures of him with his head in a bucket.
There must be a major outbreak of Tantrumitus making its way up and down the east coast. My 21 mos. old son has started taking his abrupt/brief tantrums up a notch by adding in the attention grabbing head banging. Although, upon realization that this hurts his head, he now brings his head to floor e-v-e-r s-o s-l-o-w-l-y, and taps it and THERE!! HOWLIIIIINNGGGG!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I HIT MA HEAD?!!!! In the meantime, wanting to be the well-informed parent, I am reading The Late Talker and The Happiest Toddler on the Block. My son is almost 2 and I still have no idea what the fuck I am doing. But this is normal, right? :)
Every once in awhile my DD goes through a case of tantrumitis, where every.little.thing causes a meltdown. She's 2 years, 4 months.
Two things always seem to be the culprit... about to come down with a nasty sickness , or a big jump in development. Or, god forbid, both at the same time. The first time this happened on the scale you're describing, was right before she had a huge leap in talking, right before her 2nd bday. It doesn't last long...hang in there.
We are twins...only I have an eight year old who is going through a clingy, overly emotional, pissy stage. I am so fertile right now that my husband could probably get me pregnant from across the room, but he decided to soak in the hot tub and kill off as many sperm as possible, cause we've only been trying to get pregnant for forever, and what's one more cycle down the drain...but I digress
Two is evil!!! Will fluctuates between sweetest baby ever and devil child... Just wait until number 2 is almost here and you begin to panic about what you have done... Trust panic will truly sink in at that point... (And #2 will happen sometime)
I like the tantrumitis diagnosis, and I agree with Tam that it must have been an East Coast thing this weekend. My son Dylan was WHINE CENTRAL over the past couple of days, too, and I was so over it in the first, uh, five minutes (okay, less). But we made it through. At least, I think we did--this whole "could be a sign of a jump in development, or MAYBE a sign of impending illness of neverending suck" idea is scaring me.
Ha, a friend of mine called this weekend wanting to FedEx her 1 year old to me. I rebuffed this offer but told her I'd be happy to FedEx mine to her. They must have sent it out on the Toddler wire that this was the weekend to test the parents' patience.
Girl. I feel your pain.
I too vote for the terrible twos (and maybe a case of growth spurt, teething or about to be ill thrown in for good measure).
Think of it this way; you could an infant w/severe reflux spewing everywhere while he does all of this. That would add to the fun!
Also, you should leave janson and him alone for several hours. That will help w/the "I only want mommy stuff." We do that w/ours cause the older one especially pulls the "only mommy will do crap." We do a lot of; last time mommy colored w/you this time it's daddy's turn, or not at all. Otherwise mommy would be dead by now & she wouldn't know who daddy was at all. ;-)
Go have a glass of wine, it's noon somewhere.
Ever see that Sex in the City episode where all the girls are babysitting Miranda's baby for the first time, and the Kim Catrall character says, "Im sorry... but Im just going to come out and say it. That baby is an asshole." My husband and I died when we saw that, because its true! There have been many times we have put our three year old son to bed and just collapsed and said, "my god, he was just such an asshole today!" I thought I was the only brave enough to put that one "out there." As always, thanks for Keepin' it Real, Amy...
After briefly scanning the comments, I realized he is at the terrible 2's. And they are terrible. And I second the Motrin suggestions accompanied by a good dosing of wine. Oh, yes, a lovely combo. And if Noah actually is in pain not of his own causing he will feel better. If he is not in pain but falls asleep you will feel better. Is win-win.
I can completely relate, especially to the credits being shown at the end of a TV show. I have created a kid that thinks I can just make "Max and Ruby" magically appear on TV at any time during the day!!
Seems like everyone's toddlers have been giving them the blues lately. My 2 year old's favorite thing to do is ask for "this" while pointing at nothing and screaming when I can't figure out what the hell "this" is. Then minutes later he does something to make me laugh and totally forget why I was ready to drop him off at the nearest convent. I hope Noah is back to his wonderful self soon.
As my Mom likes to say, "Has he shit lately?" That was her first question to me and my brother regardless of whether our arm was dangling on by a vein or we had a splinter. But generally, she was right. Constipation makes you cranky as all get out!
Ah, Toddlerville. This too shall pass... And if it doesn't, I'd suggest DHL. They're cheaper. ;-)
I vote toddler. I doubt you or anyone will be able to figure it out before it's over, and it won't be the same reason next time anyway, so have a drink. Or four. I know what you mean though, E spent 3 solid days whining and screaming. It was awesome. Then this weekend he was angel baby. *sigh*
I think maybe your toddler is talking to my pre-teen. Somehow.
Because that child is also an asshole ready to be packed off to the circus right now. A very loved, cute, adorable preteen with some seriously asshole behavior right now. All from yesterday evening to this morning...I had strongly hoped sleeping overnight would have helped.
Good luck, dear!
Blame Michael and I. B/cc learly, this all started after I babysat fri. afternoon so you could hold the loveable newborn.
It's the age, hon. Really. Michael is so already there and Noah i just a few months behind him. I can't "No, don't talk to me, at least a million times a day."
Sounds just like my 2 year old. Who is getting teeth.
How do they survive this stage? Or why do we keep doing it, lol.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY AT ALL.
Neither are you a masochist. You deserve another child if you want one - and despite being human and maybe having, oh I don't know, AN END OF YOUR ROPE - no one will think you are a hypocrite for being honest about how friggin' difficult children can be. (I hope you keep posting. His teenage years will be THE BEST blog fodder!!)
It's called being 2. The PMS equivalent of toddlerdom. Some get it at 18 months, some wait until they're three (they're the devil's spawn as they lull their parents into a false bravado of 'look how great and easy going our kid is' while yours is spewing forth all manner of bileous volumous hatred from the floor because you looked at him the wrong way) and some hit it smack in the middle of two.
Welcome to my world.
Jasper is about two weeks behind Noah and at the moment we have a tantrum on waking up and a tantrum at dinner - those two are guaranteed. It's like dinner and a show.
The eleventy gagillion meltdowns in between can be due to the sun rising, the door not closing properly or the butter not being spread properly on his cruskit.
This is how the phrase 'it's a great day for daycare' came into circulation.
I'm voting for an ear infection.
Whenever my daughter turns into the devil incarnate she's nursing some infection or another.
Hope the tantrums are banished soon, and if you figure out a cure for the spurned parent problem I'd love to hear it, my leg is tired of lugging a 27lb toddler around all day.
I've got a 2 year 5 month old myself and she has been going through the exact same type of stuff! She pulled the ears of both dogs, making one yelp, then pulled her baby sister's ears (7 months old) and then while apologizing to said baby sister, she PULLED HER HAIR! How can this adorable, sweet precious child be such a monster. I've loved reading the comments and am considering a trip to the ped. to check for ear infection prior to measuring her for a FedEx box in which to ship to China. Perhaps we could get a discount if we ship them together?
The double chin he has? It kills me!
Ummm, can we just skip the 2's?
I'm sorry you are having a hard time.
Diagnosis: Toddler.
Next Tuesday he'll have mastered algebra. My kid is always cranky right before a major milestone leap.
Oh dear lord I know how you feeeeeel!!!! James has been doing this stuff too. Of course, for him it's probably payback from taking his "binky" away but I almost punted him like a football out the window the other day! (not that i ever would but still...LOL)
I distinctly remember my younger brother acting like this. It was damn annoying and frustrating (and lasted most of his toddler years, and I really, really hope it doesn't last that long for you and Noah), but hey... he's a pretty awesome teenager, uh I mean, 20-year-old now. So there's that.
In Noah's defense, that Steve guy is sooooo sloww! I mean seriously, it's RIGHT FREAKING THERE!!
And in yours? Um, hello! Screaming toddler! Of COURSE you're wanting teeny tiny baby!
See, I always threaten to sell my kids on eBay (much cheaper than FedExing them off to China, especially if you have the buyer pay shipping). I've had many, many days like that.
As for wanting more...well, I personally have 2 theories: 1, you will always have one or two to spare in case you do decide to sell one on eBay/ship off to unknown destination, and 2- you can pick favorites! Haha! At any given time, one will ALWAYS be better behaved than the other. Except, maybe, for those times where they're all horrible. But think of the profit you'd make!
When one of my kids was going through the 2's and just being generally full of virus, 2, teeth and other probably-normal-but still-hard-to-describe-awfulness, I sat in the paediatrician's clinic one day checking (yet again) if there was anything brewing to explain the behaviour-from-hell.
After running through all possibilities, I sat there with an obviously quite perplexed look on my face until he asked: What's still bothering you?
And without missing a beat, I replied: How is it possible to be so ready to put your kid on the street for some homeless people to adopt, and yet love him so much your heart could break in two?
To which he just smiled and patted me on the shoulder.
Now my last is about to hit 2, and he is doing all the above that you describe. I put his dinner on the table: DON'T WANT SUPPER!!!! I take it off: WANT SUPPER!!!!
But, to echo Lisa M, I have found that usually as they are about to hit a growth spurt or a milestone they sort of fall apart for a week or two beforehand. Also, before they get sick, and also, when they teethe. And also, if they have worms. Add one (or all of the above) to being 2, and it makes for a frightening combination.
However, my eldest is now 18, and much to my surprise (and relief) she has turned out to be a perfectly lovely young lady, and we are the best of friends.
Have a glass of wine once the kid's gone to bed. It's Nature's Tranquilizer. :-)
Hugs to the little man/terror...
You mean that kind of behavior happens to other people's kids too? I'm so glad it isn't just me. My daughter is the queen of drama and high squeel tantrum screams. I totally feel you on this post. It will get better and sometimes it just takes putting them in another room till they calm down enough to breathe again.
My thoughts are with you :o)
Welcome to my two and a half year old's personality. Only, for your sake, I hope it's not a personality trait, I just hope it's some weird blip for you guys that will pass soon. My son has been acting that way since he was 18 months old. I finally am taking him to a specialist to see if there is anything I can do. Took me long enough. But I hear, ya, I hear ya!
Hmm. Must be something in the air. My 15-mo-old is acting the EXACT same way! Except, it's his daddy he wants to hold him all the time (yay me!).
the whole thing made perfect sense to me...
You know all this tantrumming means one of two things, right?
1) There's a breakthrough a-comin'! (As in, his brain is developing lots of words and integrating lots of sensory stuff and this will all be over soon and he will perform a miracle.)
2) Hide the wimminfolk.
(Um, welcome to Cowboy-Comment Monday. I am sorry it has been visited upon you. I don't know where it came from.)
You rock every single day. I am not allowed to have kids until I can read that post again without of wriggling out of my skin and looking at it like it was a pair of Thomas pajamas.
That is insane! I love this one:
5) Asking for a cookie, getting said cookie, discovering that he actually really wanted some cake.
That sounds like me now ...I also like the deliberately hitting of the head against the floor, so classic.
Six kids. Totally normal at the age of two. In fact, you are kinda lucky you haven't seen it before now. My daughters started this stuff at about 18 months. It ends before they turn 5. But I also agree it gets worse before a milestone breakthrough or illness. You'll survive!
I vote wormholey thing just 'cause it's so funny.
In the 80s when my brother was a toddler, they made underwear with pictures of Superman or Ninja Turtles or whatever printed on the butt. This was all well and good except for the fact that my brother *insisted* on wearing them backwards so he could see the picture. My mother just let him do it. The inevitable tantrum was just too much.
He might be getting ready to cross another milestone. My kids were all possessed of demons right before they started to roll over, crawl, walk, talk (intelligibly), etc.
Good luck, it sucks big time. Drink wine!
There were a couple of tantrums this weekend that I wanted to throw, but remembering my age, figured it wouldn't be as forgivable as it is when it comes from a toddler. It's too bad though, because there were several times people were watching me touch my stove that I could have just LET. LOOSE. ;)
Jules
House of Jules