One Dozen Long-Stemmed Years
First Look

Knocked Up and Over

So. I take it y'all read the news?

Yeah. When I wrote Monday's post, I was already pregnant. When I preemptively snapped at anyone who DARED to make the puking = pregnant connection last week, I was already pregnant. I just didn't KNOW that I was already pregnant. Really! I would have told you, Internet. Honest. You know there's no secrets between us, baby. Shh. Don't be like that.

I really did take a test last week -- the very last test stick in the house, which somehow managed to survive last month's two-week rampage of peesticking and disappointment. I tested after our fall that nearly caused my nine-months-pregnant friend to spontaneously deliver on our sidewalk out of sheer terror, and after a lunch out with her where every smell in the place caused my stomach to flip and flop and bleh. It was negative, and possibly gave me the finger, because it was one of those fancy digital ones. NOT PREGNANT, it said. ALSO FUCK YOU! I enjoy paying extra for the attitude.

Then I went and threw up. And then threw up again. Then I felt better. Then I threw up again on Friday morning. Heartburn kept me up all night. I ran out of Tums.

"Do you think...maybe I should take another test?" I asked Jason over the weekend. He rolled his eyes.

"Noooo, come on," he said.

See, here's the thing: that blasted fertility monitor told me I didn't even ovulate this month. And I believed it. I've been falling into an every-other-month pattern for awhile now -- blocked tube? bum ovary? Who knows. Call the DOCTOR, ALREADY. We've been trying in earnest since Noah's first birthday, but this month we -- oh my God, the concept -- only had sex when we felt like it. I mean, come on. No chance. I convince myself I'm pregnant every damn month, and even I've had enough of being such an asshole.

I wrote Monday's post and hit the publish button, then bundled Noah up and went out in search of heartburn medication, lest I die of it right there. I picked up some Zantac and turned around to face the family planning section. My boobs...well, they did feel a little sore that day. I grabbed a three-pack of CVS-brand tests and called myself an asshole again.

I continued to berate myself the entire drive home, reminding myself of all the other reasons for the symptoms I was experiencing. Remnants of the stomach flu. Old age. PMS. Late stage alcoholism, I don't know.

We got home and I put Noah to bed and entered the bathroom.

The second line showed up within seconds. I started laughing out loud at the test. I ran around my bedroom yelling HA! HA! HA! over and over. For an old married woman who has been having carefully timed and orchestrated sex for over two years now, I just went and got myself knocked up.

And suddenly...I was pregnant. And I knew it, and I knew it without those other two tests and without a beta and I snapped a picture of the test and emailed it to Jason, with "Hey! Guess what?" as the subject line.

He emailed back:

what am I looking at here? is that second band actually filled in? That means it's positive right? Holy crap!

And then again, a few minutes later:

on my way home.

The other two tests confirmed what my nausea, heartburn, bloated round belly and painful tenderized boobs had been trying to tell me.

October 14th is my best guess at a due date since I don't know when I ovulated exactly. The negative test last week (on cycle day 28) suggests a longer cycle, maybe, so...mid-October-ish, right after Noah turns three. I'm a few days shy of six weeks along right now. Ish.

Since I've been bumped out of the Infertile File at my doctor's office, my first prenatal appointment isn't until MARCH, when I will be around nine or 10 weeks along. This would have wigged me the fuck out last time, but I'm strangely calm about it.

The nausea and heartburn have been incredibly manageable (to almost nonexistent) since Monday, when I (obviously) cut out coffee and red wine. Those turned out to be the biggest culprits. (Biology! It's like it knows shit, and stuff.) My boobs are killing me. Goddamn killing me for real and serious. Spicy food is not my friend. Indian food (which sustained both me and Noah for nine solid months) hurts me. Deep. Salt makes my stomach pooch out to five-months-along territory, although I will suffer the bloat in the Pursuit of Pickles. I want chocolate all the damn time and OH YEAH, maybe that's why I decided to randomly make an entire tray of brownies last weekend, taste them, declare them terrible and then proceed to eat every last one.

We obviously aren't talking to Noah about anything yet, other than asking him what he'd think of a baby brother or sister. You know, just as a general concept. He nodded enthusiastically, but later conversations suggest that he actually think he's getting a Wonderpet.

And then there are days where I think this is all a mistake. The tests were faulty and it's all in my head. Or the lack of nausea some days is an ominous sign (even though I didn't get sick until much farther along with Noah). I started having some light cramping yesterday afternoon and evening, but I'm fairly sure it was normal uterine-expanding/embryo-settling-in-and-trashing-the-joint cramping, exacerbated by some dehydration and possibly my c-section scar. Taking care of myself and the pregnancy is...uh...challenging, to say the least, since Noah does not care that macaroni and cheese is now the devil's handiwork and Mama needs to drink eight glasses of water a day and pee 127,834,209 fricking fucking times a day.

Aaaaaand...that's where we are. Sorry for the all-over-the-place kitchen-sinkness of this entry. I've had almost a week to collect my thoughts and my thoughts are still running very ZOMG PREGNATE SJDLIP HHJWEY GIMME OLIVES THX.

Oh, and one last thing, which I hope will be pretty cool -- ages and ages ago Isabel and I were talking about pregnancy and pregnancy blogging and I mentioned that second pregnancies tend to get the short end of the stick, journaling-wise, and how I hoped I'd be able to keep as detailed a record of my hypothetical second pregnancy as I did with my first. Her solution was to slap me with some deadlines and pay me to write one of those week-by-week pregnancy guides for the AlphaMom website. (Ha ha, little embryo! Mama done SOLD YOU OUT.)

We're scrambling to get everything set up right now since I finally was able to give it the official go sign on Tuesday, but just in case you find I don't yak on nearly enough about pregnancy over here (or if you are someone who commented yesterday with a remarkably similar due date), I'll be publishing weekly installments of everything pregnancy over there. But instead of reading about how oh, this week your baby is just the most preshusest little chickpea ever and now let's talk about toxoplasmosis and ectopic pregnancy and scare the ever-loving shit out of you, it will be...well, probably a lot less informative and possibly compare your embryo to a Viagra tablet.

Holy mother of God, people. I just might get myself another little baby out of this.



Hi, oh and congratulations! I wish you smooth sailing and all the health and happiness possible!


It is truly weird how happy I can be for this random girl in D.C. that I have never met (and her adorable husband and child). Truly weird. But I am ecstatic and looking forward to reading every word. Congrats.


I am preggo with number two too... so I can be your stalker/twin :) Though I am 16 weeks. You can be my stalker/twin! Congrats again :)


Congrats! And I knew it! I also got pregnant on the "Oh what the hell, let's just do it when we actually want to" plan. Ain't it a kick in the pants?


Delurking to say YAHOOOO!!!!!!


Jason's second e-mail was the sweetest thing I've read in a while.


Congratulations! I can just feel your excitment/nausea/emotions through your posts! I am going to be reading with rapt attention (and over at AlphaMom) because I am due Sept 30 with number 2! We were pregnant together last time as well (actually I found your blog after googling something like "I am so huge and pregnant and this can't be normal..." or something. Have been reading every since! Us and Angelina...always pregnant at the same time...



Ya know... after a very early miscarriage, we started trying again for #1. The second time around, I just knew I was pregnant. I was serenely calm. I asked for a beta anyway, to assure myself all was well. And what do you know... spontaneous twins!

That serenity you feel -- along with the rapid and somewhat SEVERE collection of symptoms -- could be twins! Maybe not, but they are truly awesome. (and 7 months old this weekend!)

Can't wait to read about every IPS/EPS you have, and will keep track of how you progress these next 8ish months.

Congratulations Mama!


What great news -- wishing you a happy, healthy & uneventful 9 months.


I am sooooo happy for you! Wishing you the best nine months!


I am just so thrilled for you! I went back to your blog several times yesterday just to reread your news, and it gave me such a happy feeling every time. Like all was right in the universe. I had trouble getting pregnant with my son (actively tried for two years and then just gave up for a year), so I totally get it. I am just so excited for you and your family. So excited. :-)


Congratulations!!! The vast difference in this pregnancy versus Noah's...hhmm...I see a little blond-haired GIRL in your future that Noah will love, love, love to be a big brother too!!! I am so happy for you and your family.


Yah...those fancy pregnancy tests, with the WORDS? They suck. Jackson is proof of that.

And with the second pregnancy? It's like your body KNOWS and REMEMBERS, and splam. You look five months preggo, and you're only two.

I, personally, am pumped about your blogging on the pregnancy. 'Cuz I'm done babymaking. And miss it so. Two boys is plenty for, I'm looking 40 down the throat.

Girl, this is gonna be FUNFUNFUN.


I am still so happy for you!


My second pregnancy (after SIX YEARS of trying!) happened on a month when I just got tired of everything and gave up. I didn't even have any symptoms...I just woke up one day and realized that I hadn't had a period in a ridiculous amount of time and took a pregnancy test that happened to be in my bathroom. You know, because obviously that would make old Aunt Flo appear immediately. I nearly fell down in a dead faint when it was positive. LOL

Kate The Great

Oh my gosh! Yay baby! I am bawling for you right now (that could be because I'm almost 7 months along myself =)

Congratulations Amy, Jason and Noah! I'm so happy for you guys!

Jackie Joy

Oh my god! Congratulations!! Eee!


"... I don't yak on nearly enough about pregnancy over here " That's an amusing choice of words! Lol!

Congratulations!! I was so excited to see this entry. I wish you a very happy and healthy pregnancy. Can't wait to read your journal!


Well I would have commented yesterday, but I was speechless with delight and there were no words really for how exciting this news is! Congrats to the whole family.


how in the hell do you get 118 comments on a post? lol

but seriously, loved reading your post and have added you to my blog roll call

blog on!


When I read the post with "the news" I went running out into my living room hollering "AMY"S PREGGERS!" And my MIL (who is visiting) was all like, "Who is Amy?" And then I told her. And now she thinks I am crazy. But that's ok. Yay! I am so excited for you!

La Rêveuse

Brownies? I concur. A little girl. (Mine was Lucky Charms.)

Very happy for you, and excited to hear more about it.


That would be seriously awesome.


I hadn't read your blog in the last couple of days, so I'm just getting the good news! Congratulations! The second pregnancy doesn't tend to get as much attention. Also, not so many pictures of #2 either (as well as a decline in the number of pictures of #1). So I think that the Alpha Mom journal is a great idea.


I hadn't read your blog in the last couple of days, so I'm just getting the good news! Congratulations! The second pregnancy doesn't tend to get as much attention. Also, not so many pictures of #2 either (as well as a decline in the number of pictures of #1). So I think that the Alpha Mom journal is a great idea.




I am not even reading another word before I say congratulations. God Bless you all!


I'm still. so. frickin'. happy. for. you.


Lol, I can't believe that last entry got over 1000 comments!!

:D I'm a lurker, but can't help but saying Congrats again. :)

anon for now

Congrats! I just found out last week that we're pregnant, too, with our first. Because I'm pretty sure I know when I ovulated because of charting, I think I'm due Oct. 21 or so, therefore I'll be especially excited to hear your updates. :)


I'm so happy for you, Amy! That's wonderful news. :)


tears in my eyes and so thrilled for you. I will make a scrapbook for you!


Awesome. Awesome. Awesome! I'm so looking forward hearing more about everything to do with Baby#2! Congratulations!!


Me! My due date is near yours. I'm quite sure I'll enjoy some non-sappy week-by-week pregnancy talk.

And Viagra tablets? Really? We have diamond shaped embryos? This whole being-knocked-up business is cooler than I thought.

Papa Bradstein

Congratulations to all four of you!


Me and my late-stage alcoholism will be thinking of you and drinking for two.


I am so excited for you!!! Congrats!



Please write a post on this when you decide, nothing like planning ahead: repeat C-section or VBAC. (The data can go either way depending on who you ask.)

BTW: CBEFM lies!

the bee

Thrilled for you !!!!
Congrats to all of you.
Your big boy will make an awesome big brother. I have tears in my eyes. the bee


Congratulations, sweet lady! Hugs and kisses to all of you!


That is exactly how it happened for us with #2 also. 12 months of carefully calculated sex, charting, ovulation predictors (oy the $$ I wasted)= not knocked up. Finally we said "screw it we DON"T want to get pregnant this month, we have too much going on the next couple of months for me to be puking." We drank too much wine, had sex once. . . and wouldn't you know it. Knocked up. My boys are almost exactly 3 years apart, and at 3 1/2, and 6 months are really starting to dig each other. It is fun. Harder than a &&!#@*!&(*)!, but fun.



that's how it happened with both our kids. I got the whole "fuckit!" attitude since I was coming up negative, and then suddenly it was "holy shit! I'm pregnant!" :)

nice thing about preschool is that they helped Gavin prepare for a new sibling by asking him where his baby brother was ("right in HERE!" pointing at his belly) and the whole class would play with babydolls, rocking them and snuggling them. When I was about 7 months, they said that he kept a babydoll with him the entire day and refused to give it up, so they just let him cuddle this doll all day.
I did try to use phrases like, "oh, momma can't carry you up the stairs anymore Gavin because you are getting SOOO big and momma is getting SOOO old!" I didn't want him to think that I couldn't carry him because of the baby (or that I'd throw out my back by carrying 70 combined pounds of children, internal and external). I don't think we really brought up babies until the week of my 20-week sonogram...we brought him with to see the pictures of baby brudder in momma's belly. During the appointment, he pulled up his shirt apprehensively, possibly expecting to see a skeletor baby in his we explained only mommies and aunties have babies in their bellies. ;)
Hope the heartburn lessens a bit for you!


OhMyGod! This is so exciting! I've been reading since (oddly, I remember the first post I read - it's sick, I know) the making of Peanut Butter Cups and I am so very happy for you.

Also, just found out this week that I am *surprise* pregnant and due in October. There are a lot of us ladies reading you.


Congratulations!! I'm thrilled for you and Jason and Noah :)




This is just so exciting, I can't stand it!

J from Ireland

Congratulations. I am so happy for you, I cried. I don't even "know" you but this news has made my day!


I'm so ridiculously happy for you! I can't believe that finding out that someone I've never met is pregnant could actually make me cry, but there you are. Maybe it's my own pregnancy hormones at work. Or maybe it's the fact that your blog has gotten me through my own pregnancy with my daughter (now almost 2), her beginning toddlerhood (your Monday post could have been written by me, if I could write that well), and my trials getting pregnant the second time (now 5 months, yay!). I know I've never commented, I usually read you through google reader at work, where you're blocked (bad bosses!), but I had to tell you how thrilled I am for you, and I look forward to reading all about your progress!


AWESOME! I've had my fingers crossed for you for a while. I'm due in early June just before my son turns three in August. He is very pro baby right now, even wearing a new pink terrycloth baby towel to his sisters school on friday. Being pregnant with a toddler is CRAZY, plus I have a six year old girl who just announced her need for a teenage styled bathing suit.

Again, congratulations.


I am so happy for you! If Noah is anything like my oldest son, he will love his new sibling...until child #2 is old enough to want control of the TV remote when cartoons are on. Then it is every little man for himself.



SO happy for you!


Hi Amalah, I've lurked for years and love reading your journal. Now, we have a lot in common - I am pregnant too, I just found out 5 days ago, and am also due in mid-October. I look forward to reading the account of your pregnancy and thinking about my own. I already have a child - Lily who will be 4 this July.

Noah seems like such a sweet boy, I bet he is excited to become a big brother. We told Lily last night and she proceeded to kiss and hug the "tooney baby" in mommy's tummy.

This pregnancy snuck up on me as well. I'd been charting for a long time, but lost track this month when we went on vacation - so of course this is the month it would happen. I'd planned on trying to get pregnant this summer, but we weren't taking steps to avoid.

It's weird how you can not know a person, yet feel a connection with them anyway.

Good luck to us both!


this is going to be sooooooooooo fun b/c i'm due on 10/3 (unofficial date till i go see ob on 2/25). i can't wait to read your week by week!


Congratulations! My pregnancy tests were negative with my first AND second pregnancies. I had to go to the doctor each time because the test was negative and yet I mysteriously didn't have my period. Go figure.

spain dad

Congratulations y Felicidades!


Blowing past all the comments without reading them to recommend a very cute 'older sibling' book: Hello Baby.

My oldest learned how to say "umbiclical cord" from that book, which is an awesome party trick to pull out when people come over to visit the NEW! BABY! and you can point to the crusty stump and have the big kid tell everyone what it is.

Or, maybe we're just weird.

It's a good book either way!

Mariana Perri

Yiippiiieeee... another babelah on the way! Yiiipppiiieeee!!!!


Congrats again Amy! Ok, now my practical question - I also had an unscheduled devastating c-section with my first baby...will you be repeating the c-section or trying VBAC?


I am so thrilled for you guys!!! Congrats!!!!


Oh! I'm so excited and happy and just YAY! Such wonderful news. I can't wait to read your snarky week-by-week pregnancy stuff.


So happy for you and your family!! Thanks for giving me HOPE!!!!


Oh, I missed the Feb 14th post, but wanted to delurk to say I am so so happy for you. So happy.


Congratulations!!!!! Two is so amazing-hard to explain but adds such a rich dimension to your family. All the best.......


how exciting! :>


Oh, I'm so jealous. Will admitting I'm jealous make the feeling go away?

Anyway - so happy for you and your family. A new baby is an indescribable blessing.


Yay for you guys. And yay we get to be knocked up together.


Yay and congratulations :D I'm a little late to the game here, but I'm so thrilled for you. The second one is just as exciting, and far... err, maybe somewhat... less stressful than the first. Take care of yourself :D


Well, I'm a little late to the party....having just thrown a sleepover party for 8 little boys and my boys' 8th......but wow, congratulations. That's just very, very happy.


Congratulations! Being a second child myself, number 2 is easy, brillant, etc. :-)


Oh my word, Congratulations!!!! I'm so incredibly happy for you guys! I know you've been waiting for what seems like forever and holy crap...your wish came true! YAY!


Gah, I'm so late with this, but CONGRATS!! That is so wonderful! And, it's doubly cool because I'm due with my second on or about Noah's birthday (9/30) and now I get to puke and get bloaty right along with ya!


You realize you need to blog EVERYSINGLEDAY now so that we don't start freaking out that your lack of poating means something is wrong.

An also we need a belly shot in the maroon velour outfit!


posting, not poating...poating sounds like some kind of fart or noise that would come out of other parts of your body.


I'm wondering how you're going to fit this all into that teeny little section in the baby book that says "How we found out we were pregnant with you..."


Hips be damned -- the boobs don't lie.


Miss Britt

I love that he came home right away. How awesome is that?

And you know, a little sibling isn't THAT much different from a Wonderpet.

jozet at Halushki

Blessings upon blessing!

Congratulations, you!

Now go forth and vomit. ;-)


i'm so happy for you amy! i know you've gotten 14 gazillion of these "congratulations omg yay amyjasonnoah" comments but seriously - congrats. can't wait to read allll about it. & i hope noah's tantrums cease soon, so momma doesn't go batshit-preggo crazy. :]

Jamie AZ

Our second baby was conceived in the "we're not trying this month so we don't have a Christmas baby" cycle. And it was just "fun" sex on day EIGHT (8) of my cycle... certainly wasn't supposed to be ovulating that early! It was meant to be. At least my doctor agreed to induce on the 22nd, so we could be home in time for Christmas with his 2.5 year old brother. :)


You're sick really early! Is it possible that the Fuck You Monitor said you didn't ovulate last month because you didn't? Because you were already pregnant? September babies are also nice. :)


You're sick really early! Is it possible that the Fuck You Monitor said you didn't ovulate last month because you didn't? Because you were already pregnant? September babies are also nice. :)


You're sick really early! Is it possible that the Fuck You Monitor said you didn't ovulate last month because you didn't? Because you were already pregnant? September babies are also nice. :)


Crap. Sorry about that. I have no clue why it posted 3 times.


Wow! Congratulations - how exciting! What a wonderful blessing for your family.


Guh, I don't read for a few days and the big news breaks! CONGRATULATIONS!!! It's pathetic, but I've actually got tears of happiness going on!


Congratulations! When I read your post I was THRILLED for you - I struggled with secondary infertility too, and through the magic of IVF I had my second baby. Now she's 10 months old and she's taught me that my truest joy wasn't having a baby - it's watching my two babies interact. Here's to lots of joy and interaction for your little ones!

On a side note, your post also put a little nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You, too, feel a little pukey just like amalah - why don't you just take a test and get on with the mocking from the negative test stick?". Well, HOLY F*ING SH*TBALLS I'M PREGNANT! Yay for mysterious and supposedly impossible pregnancy after IVF! I'm still shaking, and I keep running into the bathroom to look stupidly at the stick with the + sign saying "WTF?" Big news all around, I guess. I'll look forward to following your pregnancy. Best wishes!

Aimee Greeblemonkey

Holy moly! What awesome news! Many many many congrats to you all!


I've never written here before but I read your blog all the time and have been rooting for you for a while now! I am so extremely excited for you!! congratulations!!

anne nahm

Congratulations! Way to rock the casbah :^).


HOORAY!!!!!!!!! So excited for you!!!!!


Heard it through The Bean Blog - your preggers - congratulations!


I am so incredibly happy for you!


First of all, Congratulation. Nothing can bet the feeling when your prayers has been answered. Take care of yourself. We all will be with you for the next 8 months or so..


First of all, Congratulation. Nothing can bet the feeling when your prayers has been answered. Take care of yourself. We all will be with you for the next 8 months or so..


Congratulations to you and your husband! Wishing you the best 8 months and lots of pink frilly things!


Congratulations! So excited for you!


I'm so very happy for you, Jason, and Noah!

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